<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Two strangers and a bus stop by Slxtra</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25036618">Two strangers and a bus stop</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slxtra/pseuds/Slxtra'>Slxtra</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types, Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu, Hollstein - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Badass Carmilla, Broody Carmilla, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Canonical Character Death, Cutesy, Domestic Laura Hollis/Carmilla Karnstein, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Endgame Laura Hollis/Carmilla Karnstein, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Hollstein - Freeform, Human Carmilla Karnstein, Hurt/Comfort, LaFerry - Freeform, Laura Hollis - Freeform, Laura Hollis/Carmilla Karnstein Fluff, Mentions of drugs, Other, Protective Carmilla Karnstein, Protective Laura Hollis, References to Depression, Romantic Fluff, Slow Burn, Smut, Tiny Gay Laura Hollis, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Wilson Kirsch - Freeform, businesswoman carmilla, carmilla karnstein - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:01:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>89,562</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25036618</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slxtra/pseuds/Slxtra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Two strangers meet at a rundown bus stop in the middle of nowhere, what happens next can only be fate.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hollstein, LaFerry, LaFontaine/Lola Perry, Laura Hollis/Carmilla Karnstein, Wilson Kirsch &amp; Danny Lawrence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>264</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>300</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Two strangers and a bus stop</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>New story! Let me know what you think :) Posting a chapter every Monday.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I hate the rain, but what I hate more? Waiting two hours for a friggin’ bus! It was pouring it down as if the earth didn’t have enough water already, and what makes it worse? I’m cooped up in a shabby wooden bus stop with no service what’s so ever all on my own, waiting for a damn bus.</p><p>I’d happily class this as the middle of nowhere, just two small roads and a bus stop, surrounded by acres of land with no vacant homes to be seen for miles.</p><p>There was a sudden screeching of tires in the distance, maybe I could hold my thumb out and hope a serial killer doesn’t whisk me away to my appending doom, but after all of the numerous documentaries I’ve watched and <em>long</em> lectures from my dad, I think waiting a couple hours for a bus seems more putting.</p><p>Sure enough, an expensive black car raced past me, splashing water everywhere as though they owned the stupid road, well…they might do with <em>that </em>car. But I just huffed and ignored the driver who was probably <em>very </em>safe and <em>very</em> warm and continued my raging thoughts about how I had even gotten in this predicament.</p><p>I was staying at my dads for the week, it was his and mom’s twentieth anniversary a few days ago and ever since her passing ten years ago, he has always struggled to cope on the sentimental days. His car was cooped up in the garage, broken down with a busted engine, that doesn’t surprise me though, his car is older than me. So, I had to make my own way back to my crappy apartment.</p><p>My dad chose a taxi service and payed for the fee’s, but what the website failed to mention was how far they are willing to drive, and apparently, they reached the limit at this bus stop. Whether or not that’s the truth or the man driving the car didn’t like driving in the rain, I shall never know, but I doubt it’s the latter.</p><p>“Stupid phone.” I grumbled to myself, shoving it back in my pocket after my fifteenth time of trying to call a cab with zero internet.</p><p>I mean really, how hard is it to build a cell tower-</p><p>The sudden stomping of feet paused that thought immediately. Oh god, this is how it ends isn’t it? Well, I guess it’s a fun story, being killed whilst stranded in the middle of nowhere waiting for a bus, maybe they will make a series out of it and give my dad money.</p><p>I subtly glanced to my side and forced my jaw shut at the sight. The woman was drenched head to toe, her black hair now sticking to her neck and face as it dripped with rain. Underneath the brown mud stains and dirty rainwater, I could make out a rather smart suit, it looked too expensive for the state it’s in right now.</p><p>Well, at least my fate will end with a good last look.</p><p>I stepped to my side and practically wedged myself between the wooden support beam, the shabby hut was barely ideal for one person, never mind two.</p><p>The dishelmed stranger didn’t even bat an eye as she stepped into the bus stop, tracing a long finger down the old paper which displayed the bus times. I noted that her finger stopped at the same bus I was waiting for, and by the scowl on her face, she was just as excited as I am about waiting two hours.</p><p>But she didn’t pull out a phone, she actually had nothing on her whereas I was practically sitting on my packet suitcase. She just simply huffed and slid down the wood, sitting on the floor with her knees up to her chest. A jewel incrusted watch perched itself on her pale wrist and it was very clear she doesn’t get the bus very often.</p><p>Okay, so I guess she’s not going to kill me…yet. But her vibe was tense and angry, how her soaked clothes dripped with cold water and the subtle shivers down her spine showed she was clearly not prepared for this.</p><p>A low raspy voice broke the silence. Her words were slightly muffled as her face was dug beneath her arms on her kneecaps, and the heavy downpour of rain didn’t help.</p><p>“Sorry?” I cleared my throat after a sudden wave of shock coursed through my body.</p><p>The girl huffed and begrudgingly looked up at me, her face painted with aggravation, a look that could quite literally kill me.</p><p>“I said, how long have you been waiting?” Her voice was sharp, clipped with authority.</p><p>“Uh like, thirty minutes.” I answered rather intimidated.</p><p>A minute of awkward silence and no replies passed.</p><p>“Are you getting bus seven?” I asked, trying to make a little small talk seen as though we would probably be waiting together for a while.</p><p>She raised her head and clenched her jaw, making my heart drop from the piercing look she was giving me; but then she looked straight forward and through the rain, looking aimlessly into the distance of the long fields and trees.</p><p>“Wouldn’t you like to know.” She scoffed, but there was no amusement in her voice.</p><p>Right, I guess this is what the next few hours will be like.</p><p>If possible, the rain got heavier and added thunder and lightning just for the fun of it, because that’s all I needed right now. I subtly glanced at the stranger who was still sat on the floor, staring into oblivion. She looked distantly familiar, like I’ve seen her before somewhere, but not enough to put a name on it.</p><p>My legs were starting to ache after standing up for a while, but the floor was puddled and dirty and unlike the stranger, I didn’t want a wet butt. So, being the gracious lady I am, I completely missed my suitcase and with a yelp, crashed to the floor. Way to look collected, Laura.</p><p>I blew a strand of hair out of my face and settled for the floor; my butt was wet now so there’s no saving my clothes anymore. So, I sat there with a scowl, mirroring the strangers’ position as my back lent against the wooden planks behind me.</p><p>There was a low chuckle next to me and I immediately looked in surprise at the smiling girl. Well I’m glad <em>someone</em> finds my embarrassment amusing. It hasn’t even been ten minutes and I’ve already managed to make myself look like a fool.</p><p>But her smile faded, and her gaze was focused straight ahead of her, so I followed her trail of vision and tried to look at what it was that was so fascinating to her. Nothing, there was literally nothing to look at apart from rain. But she looked rather content with that. Where the hell did she even come from anyway? There was nothing around for miles and I didn’t see her on my way here.</p><p>A sudden ringing coming from a phone made me jump slightly. It wasn’t my phone, so it has to be hers. I glanced at her, but she didn’t move nor even look at who was calling. So, we both sat there, listening to her phone ring out before we were in silence again. And then it rang again, and again…and again.</p><p>“Are you not going to get that?” I gritted my teeth as I tried to keep my calm. I swear if I have to listen to that damn ring tone one more time, I will shove it-</p><p><em>Oh</em>, well I guess that fixes that problem. She had thrown her phone into yandere, probably down a small ditch with the loud splash it had made from the other side of the road.</p><p>“Is that better, <em>princess</em>?” She said sarcastically, tucking the phones sim card in her top blazer pocket.  </p><p>I couldn’t help but pull a gobsmacked face, she just threw her <em>very</em> expensive phone away as if it was nothing. It would take me half a year to save up for a phone like that, I guess that isn’t a problem for her.</p><p>She rolled her eyes and looked forward again, her hair starting to go wavy in consequence of the drying rain, but she still shivered slightly as much as she tried to hide it. She was attractive, and it annoys me that someone so rude can catch my attention like that.</p><p>But alas, my dad raised me to be polite and kind, and this stranger was on the verge of hypothermia.</p><p>“Would you like a jumper?” I asked, not looking at her even though her trail of sight was burning a hole in my head.</p><p>She didn’t reply so I took that as a hard no. But honestly, I expected nothing else from the cold woman, metaphorically and physically.</p><p>“Well?” She said out of nowhere.</p><p>I looked at her in confusion. She looked at me as if I was stupid, clearly expecting something as she held out a quivering hand. She huffed and pulled her hand back, shaking her head and looking into the distance again.</p><p>Her lips were turning a faint tinge of blue. She tried to hide her chattering teeth, but her mouth was shuddering with every clench of jaw. Why couldn’t she just accept my help? She clearly needs it.</p><p>I lent up and unzipped the top of my suitcase, pulling out the first item of clothing I could find. It was a pink hoody with a cupcake at the front of it. Not very ideal for her style, but she’s getting either this or a flu.</p><p>“Please just put it on.” I sighed, throwing it to her and it landed right on her bent knees.</p><p>She took one look at it and watched me in exasperation. I shrugged and zipped my suitcase back up.</p><p>She simply scoffed and, to my surprise, slipped it over her wet clothes and flipped the hood up, hiding her hands in the sleeves. Aside from my initial shock, a laugh bubbled in my throat at the sight of this mysterious business looking woman hiding in my cupcake hoody.</p><p>“What are you laughing at?” She glared at me and I immediately wiped off the smile on my face. “You don’t think this is my style?” She said with the faintest hint of a smirk on her face as she looked in front of her.</p><p>I pursed my lips together and tried my hardest to hold the smugness within. It was a small comment, but it was nice.</p><p>A small robin decided to take shelter with us. It perched itself on a small splinter of wood at my side, not bothered in the slightest by the two people sitting here. It made me smile, I love nature.</p><p>I looked back to the mysterious girl, she was looking at the robin too, but not in the same way I was. She looked so lost, and so helpless. I wonder where she came from, how did she get herself into this predicament?</p><p>She looked at her watch and huffed, trying to hide herself further into my hoody. Her lips weren’t blue anymore, and she wasn’t shivering so frequently, but she was still cold. First it was the stranger’s eyes that closed, and then her head hung low, a single droplet of rain dripping down her red nose.</p><p>There was a small hole above us, allowing a slow stream of water to cascade down and pool onto the ground we shared. It parted in the middle, a tiny trickle diverting paths to the two of us. It was weirdly relaxing, watching as it parted ways.</p><p>A car drove by and sprayed the contents of a puddle our way. It got me pretty good, but either the other girl chose to ignore it or didn’t realise what had happened. But my clothes were ruined anyway, so what’s a little more rain going to hurt?</p><p>I wiped at my face to brush off the dots of splashed rain, not amused by my finger now covered in mud which I now realise that it <em>wasn’t </em>water on my face, but straight up dirt. God, I probably look a mess, but it’s not like the girl really cares; after all, she has barely acknowledged me.</p><p>I studied her carefully, full of questions. Like why is she in a suit? Why is she out in the middle of nowhere? What’s her story? But she definitely doesn’t seem to want to open up to me, and why would she? She’s just a stranger.</p><p>She seemed content just sat here in silence, without her phone or anything.</p><p>The sound of a heavy machine caused us both to peer up. There was a rather full bus opening its doors wide, a flow of heat condensing in the cold air with a faint chuntering of laughter and talking coming from inside.</p><p>“Bus three?” The driver called out to us.</p><p>I shook my head whilst she just looked at the inside of the bus, not even acknowledging the question. The driver shrugged and closed the door, leaving us alone again, cold and quiet as he left with the warmth.</p><p>She didn’t shift her gaze, peering into the depth of nothingness as if the bus was still there.</p><p>“What are you looking at?” I finally asked.</p><p>“I don’t know.” She simply replied, a blank expression on her face.</p><p>I nodded, that’s probably the most I’ll get from her. But I’m a Hollis, and us Hollis’ don’t give up easily.</p><p>“So, if you’re not getting bus three, what bus <em>are</em> you getting?”</p><p>She sighed and looked at me, her eyes lazy, nose and cheeks rosy with trapped heat.</p><p>“Bus number seven.” She drawled, answering my question almost begrudgingly.</p><p>“Same.” I replied with a smile.</p><p>“Shocker.” She sighed like she couldn’t be bothered to even try.</p><p>Well, now that she’s talking, maybe she’s up for a little more.</p><p>“How come you’re-”</p><p>“-Please just,” She sighed. “Just don’t talk to me.”</p><p>Her head hung low again so she was hidden, caving in on herself.</p><p>Maybe it’s for the best we don’t talk, I don’t want any more unanswered questions.</p><p>***</p><p>“Finally, Hollis!” Danny called in despair as she was making three drinks at once behind the counter.</p><p>“Sorry!” I rushed as I whizzed by her and into the hidden away staff room, ripping my coat and helmet off and sliding into my staff apron.</p><p>The rain hadn’t stopped since yesterday, who knew biking through a storm would be so damn hard? Me, I know, because that’s what I just endured.</p><p>“I’m so sorry I’m late.” I said frantically, standing up to the till to serve the next customer.</p><p>The café was rather small, but amazingly warm and cosy. Our boss loves jazz to the point where we all had to love it seen as though he refused to play anything else on the speakers. But it does add to the ambience.</p><p>“Could I get a brownie and cappuccino to go, please?” The woman asked in front of me.</p><p>I smiled and nodded, opening the glass showcase and placing her brownie in a bag, grabbing her drink and adding her up on the till.</p><p>“Name?” I asked with a pen to the cardboard take away cup.</p><p>She said her name and I scribbled it down, hoping my brain was functioning today and that I spell it right. It’s embarrassing how many complaints we have gotten from my bad grammar.</p><p>“That will be eight dollars please.” I chirped, ignoring Danny’s stressful huffing and the rain still dripping from the ends of my hair.</p><p>The lady handed me the money and completely ignored the tip jar which was sitting comfortably with a large sum of three dollars.</p><p>“I said I’m sorry.” I sighed, joining Danny at the drink making section as I got to work on her cappuccino.</p><p>“I didn’t hear from you yesterday and today you’re almost an hour late! Do you know how many people had a go at me for being the only staff here as if I can help it?” She huffed, placing take away lids on steaming containers.</p><p>“I know I know, yesterday was just…eventful.” I shook my head, measuring milk and sugar as I waited for the machine to froth the drink.</p><p>“Eventful?” Danny called out a name. “Is your dad okay?” She asked worried and made a B-line for the toastie grill which had been beeping for about a minute now.</p><p>“Yes yes, he’s fine.” I said quickly, screwing the lid on the takeaway cup and calling out the customer’s name at the pickup section. “Have a nice day.” I smiled, quickly fading into a stressful frown as soon as I made my way back to the till.</p><p>I took another order and joined Danny back at the counter as she whipped a hot chocolate.</p><p>“I got dumped in the middle of nowhere and had wait nearly three hours for a friggin’ bus.” I grumbled.</p><p>She scoffed and dumped marshmallows into the steaming mug.</p><p>“Sounds fun, at least Kirsch didn’t nearly set fire to your apartment.” She rolled her eyes. “And my toothbrush has disappeared, so I have to go out in this shitty weather and buy a new one.” She mumbled angrily to herself.</p><p>I chuckled and placed a mug into the coffee holder, taking another order as I waited for the coffee to be made.</p><p>“Yeah? Well try being stuck in a rotting bus shelter with the rudest stranger you could <em>ever</em> meet.”</p><p>The bus journey was even worse, she sat right at the back whereas I sat at the front, ignoring the hole in the back of my head with her intense glare for the whole two hours. I didn’t even get my hoody back.</p><p>“Okay, maybe you had it worse.” She chuckled, placing a slice of chocolate cake on a plate.</p><p>
  <em>Oh she has no idea.</em>
</p><p>The line had shortened dramatically, the clock dinging the strike of five at the evening, and just like every day, a familiar face popped up in front of me.</p><p>“Hey Elsie. The usual?” I asked, already ringing her up on the till.</p><p>“Could you double the order today? Stressful day at the office.” She sighed.</p><p>I chuckled and doubled her order.</p><p>“That’s twenty dollars then please.”</p><p>She complied and handed me thirty.</p><p>“Keep the change.” She winked and I smiled, placing the extra money in the tip jar.</p><p>“Six espresso’s for Elsie.” I joined Danny as she wiped down the surface.</p><p>“Six?!” She gaped. “Who the hell can even drink undiluted brewed espresso?” She scoffed but started making them none the less.</p><p>“Apparently the same people who have been ordering it for the past couple of years. I’ll make three and you make three?”</p><p>“On it.” She threw the cloth back into the sink and we both started making the beverages we’ve been making daily for whoever it is that drinks them.</p><p>After a few minutes of brewing and stirring, I handed Elsie the two take away trays like usual.</p><p>“You guys are life savours, seriously.” She sighed with an appreciative smile, taking the cardboard trays.</p><p>“Well whoever it is that drinks these is clearly on the verge of death.” I snorted and she scoffed.</p><p>“Indeed, see you tomorrow.” She waved and I got back to work with Danny, cleaning and making small talk with strangers.</p><p>***</p><p>“So, tell me more about this <em>in the middle of nowhere</em> situation.” Danny smirked as we lifted chairs onto tables.</p><p>It was nine at night, pitch black outside already and still raining profusely.</p><p>“Well this taxi driver dropped me off at a shabby shed which apparently qualified as a bus stop in the middle of what seemed to be like a fucking hurricane.” I started and she scoffed. “And then to make things even better, I had to wait two hours with a stranger who was possibly the rudest person I have <em>ever</em> met in my life, and that’s saying something.”</p><p>“Damn, what were they doing there?” She asked, moving to the next table.</p><p>“I have no idea; she wouldn’t tell me.” I huffed, still aggravated by the lack of unanswered questions.</p><p>“Ooo, <em>she</em>? Do tell.” She raised an eyebrow at me, and I just rolled my eyes.</p><p>“It’s not like that.” I sighed and she chuckled. “Honestly, she looked a mess. She was wearing a very expensive suit which is probably ruined now. But she can clearly afford a new one.” I grumbled.</p><p>“What did she look like? If you got the same bus she’s probably from here.”</p><p>“I doubt you’d know her. Anyways, she probably looks <em>much</em> different without her makeup running and hair drenched.” I scoffed.</p><p>Then the door chimed and the sound of heels clicking against the wooden floor, despite the closing sign, caught both mine and Danny’s attention.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry, we’re closed.” Danny exclaimed rather confused as I just stood there in shock.</p><p>“This shouldn’t take long.” The stranger said.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Tip jars and barista's</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What was that little stunt you played yesterday then hm?” Mattie hissed as I walked into my office.</p><p>“Do we really have to talk about this?” I drawled, pulling out my leather chair and slouching into it, tapping the power button on my computer to check my long list of thirsty emails.</p><p>“Yes, we do.” Mattie stated firmly, leaning her palms against my oak desk. “You have a multi-million-dollar company in your arms and here you are galivanting and doing what knows with who knows.” She clenched her jaw. “You have responsibilities Carmilla and every single one of your callous decisions has an impact on everyone here in this damn building.” Her eyes were piercing, she was <em>mad</em> mad.</p><p>“Look, I’m sorry my problems are such an inconvenience to you. I shall make it up to everyone right now by doing my work like the good business lady I am.” I nodded firmly but made no effort to actually do anything.</p><p>“Joke all you want sis but when mother catches you slacking, you bet your sweet business lady ass you won’t be laughing anymore.” She narrowed her eyes at me and placed a large stack of papers in front of me. “This is the work you need to catch up on from yesterday, I need it all done today no matter what.” She ordered.</p><p>“On it.” I sighed, lazily reaching for the computer mouse.</p><p>“The company has a meeting in New York next week, so you need to select your candidates and create the spread sheet I asked you to do yesterday for all of the schedules and propositions. This is important, it’s with Vordenburg about expanding into new markets.”</p><p>I saluted her and sighed.</p><p>“I’m being serious Carmilla, if you fuck up in this, I can’t help you.” She said sincerely.</p><p>“I know Mattie, don’t worry about it.” I shrugged.</p><p>She leant forward and I looked at her rather intimidated. Apart from mother, Mattie is the only other person that actually threatens me. But for two different reasons entirely. I care about what Mattie thinks about me, I like to make her proud, I <em>want</em> to make her proud.</p><p>“I won’t tell mother about yesterday, but you <em>cannot</em> have people seeing you like that again, it was unprofessional and <em>extremely</em> bad for press. Imagine the bad prep the company would get if they saw the manager of the most powerful industry in most parts of the world looking like a stray cat.”</p><p>I nodded and sat up straight, sorting through the big stack of offers and payments in front of me.</p><p>“Atta’ girl, you know I love you.” She smirked and pinched my cheek.</p><p>I rolled my eyes and chuckled, pushing down the pain of stress and hurt in my stomach.</p><p>“Well, you know where to find me if you need anything.” She flattened her smart dress and fixed her posture, leaving out of the door and closing it behind her.</p><p>As soon as she left, I dug my face in my hands and collected myself. Mattie was right, what the hell was I thinking yesterday? And to make things worse, I was acting so vulnerable and ludicrous in front of that stranger. What if she recognised me and reported it to the press? God I can just imagine it now: <em>Karnstein industries going corrupt by the looks of things</em>.</p><p>The phone rang next to me and my head bolted up. What if mother had found out?</p><p>I answered it with a trembling hand and winced when I waited for the other line to pick up first.</p><p>It wasn’t mother thank God, just another <em>long</em> talk about finance crap.</p><p>***</p><p>“Elsie.” I caught her attention as she scheduled my meetings opposite me on the sofa at the other side of the large office.</p><p>She looked up immediately and saw the time.</p><p>“On it.” She nodded, forgetting about whatever she was doing before and headed for her coat and umbrella.</p><p>“Get me double.” I ordered and handed her money from my wallet.</p><p>She nodded like usual and started to leave.</p><p>“Wait.” I called and she stopped in her tracks and watched me with a gulp.</p><p>I took out forty dollars and held it to her.</p><p>“Here, get something for yourself for the extra work I’m having you do.”</p><p>She stood still and peered at the money. I waved the money and offered it to her again. She wearily took it and smiled.</p><p>“T-thank you, Ms Karnstein.” She stuttered and I held in an eye roll.</p><p><em>God,</em> it’s always so formal.</p><p>She almost sprinted away and closed the door shut, leaving me alone in my empty office again.</p><p>***</p><p>“Where is this from?” I studied the usual drink in my hands, grimacing at the after taste in my mouth.</p><p>“It’s from the normal place we get it from, why? Is it not right?” Elsie looked at it too in confusion.</p><p>“It’s disgusting.” I said flatly.</p><p>With all of the hours I have had to endure in this stupid stack of work, it makes me even more frustrated that my coffee is wrong. All I want it a hot espresso and I can’t even have <em>that</em>. I mean come on, how hard is it to make a fucking drink?</p><p>“I-I’m sorry, the same people made it, it shouldn’t taste different.” She said in fear at the consequence of getting my order wrong. Let’s just say I may not be the <em>kindest</em> boss to have. “I can go and get you another one-”</p><p>“-Don’t bother. I’ll go and make sure they get it right.” I huffed, snatching an umbrella from the rack.</p><p>“Are you sure it’s no prob-”</p><p>“-Answer my calls, I needed a break anyways.”</p><p>And then I left, studying the cardboard cup in my hand from what the café is called. <em>The anglerfish café</em>. I searched up google maps on my new phone and followed the direction, walking through the desolate streets as everyone was tucked safely away in the warmth of their homes, away from the pouring rain and bitter cold. <em>Maybe I should have put a coat on.</em></p><p>The café was clearly closed, the closed sign on the door told me so. But there was still light in the place and some movements. So, I walked in, grimacing at the sound of the bell behind me.</p><p>I was met with two shocked faces; it didn’t take me long to recognise one of them. God fucking damnit. Of course, just my luck. But maybe she wouldn’t recognise me, I looked much different yesterday. I shook my umbrella and closed it.</p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry but we’re closed.” A tall ginger said whilst the girl from yesterday just watched me rather stunned.</p><p>I snatched my eyes away from the smaller girl and clenched my jaw at the red head.</p><p>“This shouldn’t take long.” I said as powerfully as I could, hoping the other girl wouldn’t recognise me, but her gobsmacked face told me otherwise. “Who made this drink?” I asked.</p><p>“Uh, what’s the name on the cup?” The tall girl asked.</p><p>“Elsie.” I answered.</p><p>They both glanced at one and other and not so subtly gulped.</p><p>“W-which tray was it from?” The ginger asked again, a quiet strum of jazz music playing from a speaker somewhere.</p><p>I narrowed my eyes, how hard is it to just tell me who made the damn drink? “The second tray.” I answered rather bitterly.</p><p>“Oh, I made that drink then. Usually Laura makes them, but Elsie ordered double, so we made three each.” She answered with a strain.</p><p>My vision went straight to the smaller girl who was stood rather stiff. <em>Laura? </em></p><p>“Right, Laura?” The tall girl said through clenched teeth and nudged her shoulder.</p><p>“U-uh, y-yes.” Laura stuttered, looking straight into my eyes and then scanning my attire, settling at the new phone in my hands.</p><p>I shoved the phone into my blazers pocket and cleared my throat, catching both of their attention again.</p><p>“I need another tray of the same order.” I demanded.</p><p>“We just turned off and cleaned the machine.” The taller girl grimaced.</p><p>“I don’t care, I will pay you extra.” I replied back full of authority. Whatever Laura thought she had seen yesterday, I had to show her that that was not me. “I need them quick, so tonight would be convenient.”</p><p>I watched as they both nodded and awkwardly made their way behind the till and started making the drinks.</p><p>“No, I want who ever normally makes my drinks to do them.” I said, walking up to the till with my wallet in hand.</p><p>Laura glanced at me, studied me for a second, and turned the machine on whilst the red head just simply stood back and watched. I didn’t mean for it to be <em>this</em> awkward, I just wanted my espresso. Never in a million years did I think I would ever see this girl again.</p><p>But I couldn’t help but watch as she worked, her motions were stiff, and I could see the tension in her arms as she tried to make my order perfect. I flicked my blazer back and continued watching the girl work. She was oddly…captivating. This is the same girl who gave me her hoody and tried to talk to me, even though I was in a state. I wouldn’t have guessed she was a barista and I couldn’t help but wonder what her story was. Why was she out in the middle of nowhere yesterday? Why did she have a suitc-</p><p>“That’s ten dollars, for the tray of espresso.” A familiar voice caught me off guard.</p><p>I looked at her blankly for a second before remembering the image I was trying to represent.</p><p>They both watched as I pulled out money and held it out for them.</p><p>“That’s too much.” Laura said as the other girl looked at the money in shock.</p><p>“Just take it.” I held it out again.</p><p>Laura’s eyes flashed at my sentence and I quickly remembered why, that’s what she said to me. There’s no denying she knows who I am now, and I just hope she hasn’t told anyone. I can’t let a barista ruin my lifelong work of career.</p><p>The two of them took the money and Laura unlocked the till, placing the ten dollars inside quietly. I noticed the tip jar, three dollars and a nickel at the bottom.</p><p>I sauntered over and took the tray in one hand and went back to the till, Laura looked at me in confusion.</p><p>“Thank you.” I watched her and slipped in some money into the tip jar.</p><p>I didn’t wait to see their reaction as I walked out of the café, the jazz music slowly fading into the distance as the heavy rain cascaded down my umbrella. I can’t let her get to me, I just need to forget about her whole existence and move the hell on. But, how could I? This girl saw me at my worst, she could sell the story for thousands. Yet, she said nothing, she didn’t even say anything to me. But everyone is the same, people only care about themselves.</p><p>“You can go, it’s late.” I dismissed Elsie, hanging the umbrella on the rack.</p><p>“Are you sure? I can stay.” She said.</p><p>“No, I can manage, I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p>And with that, I stopped acknowledging her and sat on my leather chair, pretending to look busy as I sipped my normal espresso.</p><p>“Good night, Ms Karnstein.” She said before leaving, closing the door quietly behind her.</p><p>As soon as she left, I pinched the bridge of my nose and silently screamed to myself. God why was I such an idiot yesterday? What the hell was I thinking?! This place is making me crazy; I can’t stand it anymore. I don’t want to be here. I don’t know what I want.</p><p>“How’s it going sis?” Mattie strolled in and I quickly fixed my posture and filled my face full of confidence.</p><p>“Just the usual.” I shrugged, passing her the signed papers.</p><p>“Oh wow.” She shuffled through the paper. “Lots of contracts here.” She smirked and I gave her a half ass smile. “Look, Carmilla. I’m sorry for being rather harsh on you before. I know your opinions on this place and relationship with mother, but that’s life. <em>This is your life</em>.” She sighed apologetically.</p><p>This is my life.</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I gritted my teeth, my full attention on a blank email. “Like you said, this is my life.”</p><p>I could feel her presence, how she was looking at me so deeply I felt like I could melt. But I’m not weak, and it aggravates me that she caught me slipping.</p><p>“Is there something that you needed?” I met her gaze. She looked rather caught off guard at my sudden change of tone.</p><p>“Yes actually, you need to sign off some wages for the month, I also sent you an email about tomorrow’s meeting.” She handed me the forms, a whole new pile of papers in front of me.</p><p>I nodded and took them, reading through them and signing them off.</p><p>“I want you to go to New York next week and represent the company for me.” I announced.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>I looked up at her seriously.</p><p>“Next week you will go to New York and cooperate with Vordenburg, bring your usual charm, this could boost our performance rate.”</p><p>She looked at me stunned. I raised an eyebrow at her.</p><p>“Oh come now Carmilla, I know you’re not one hundred percent right now but don’t be ridiculous. Marketing isn’t in my department.” She scoffed as if I was being preposterous.</p><p>I flared my nostrils and gripped my pen. Not one hundred percent?</p><p>“It’s not up for debate Mattie, I’ll make a team of our strongest members and send them with you. I heard New York has plenty of bars, you will be in your element.” I said and she blinked at me.</p><p>I hate to use my power against the only family member I actually like, but if she wants to see my business face, then I will treat her as I would with anyone else. I’ll show her who’s <em>not one hundred percent</em>.</p><p>“I don’t know what’s getting into you sis, but I don’t like it.” She glared at me, but not maliciously. “Finish signing those wages and go home; I’ll speak to you tomorrow after you <em>really </em>think this through.”</p><p>And with that, she picked up her papers and left.</p><p>I don’t understand what she wants from me. If I act unprofessional, I’m wrong, if I act professional, I’m wrong. I just can’t do anything right. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t in my fathers will, after he died my name was on the contract for manager of Karnstein industries. If only I knew what this meant when I was thirteen and didn’t waste my freedom of childhood.</p><p>I’ll never be like my father; he was a great man. He truly knew how to run things properly and everyone loved him, he couldn’t do a single thing wrong. How did he do it? How could he sit here all day everyday and keep happy and motivated? Maybe it was because it was his passion, this is not my passion. I hate how I despise this place, sitting in the same chair my father once did, seeing the same people he saw every day, knowing they don’t look at me in the same way they looked at my father.</p><p>I didn’t have time to grieve, and maybe that’s why I hate this place, because everything here reminds me of him, and how disappointed he must be of me. As soon as he died mother wasted no time in sending me off to the best private school there was, then it was university where I got my bachelor’s degree and certificates in economics, management, finance and marketing. I don’t even know what I like outside of this job, I have no hobbies or an actual life.</p><p>I have nothing, but <em>this is my life</em>.</p><p>So I sipped my delicious espresso and worked past midnight. When I finally finished, I left to the private parking lot and got into my car, the first real thing I had ever bought with my own money.</p><p><em>Home</em>, it’s not a house. It’s a fucking mansion and it’s only me who lives in it. I only use three rooms and I honestly don’t think I’ve even seen all of the rooms after three years of living here.</p><p>When I opened the door, it was cold and dark, there was no one to get it warm for me, no one to come home to; but honestly, I don’t think I have the mental capacity to be in a relationship, it’s too stressful and always gets complicated. I’m fine by myself, always have been and always will be.</p><p>I trudged off my shoes and immediately clambered up the marble stairs and into my bed, not even bothering to take off my clothes. I’m exhausted, mentally and physically drained. But all those espresso’s I drank were taking a toll and I couldn’t sleep.</p><p>What are the odds that I meet that girl twice? Maybe that’s what I get for my reckless behaviour, maybe it’s my father teaching me a lesson. I scoffed at that thought, no, it’s my own fault for losing my shit and thinking I could just run away. But those three hours were the freest I have felt for more than a decade. Even though I didn’t show it, the girls’ presence was appreciated.</p><p>I looked to the corner of my room and saw the pink cupcake hoody sprawled out on the floor. She probably wants that back. I’ll give it to Elsie tomorrow to give to the girl-</p><p><em>Laura</em>, her name’s Laura. I didn’t want to know her name because then it feels real, and she’s a remembrance of my break down. She saw me at my weakest, my most vulnerable…yet she still helped me and didn’t bring a single thing up today.</p><p>But I won’t dwell on that, she is just another person, and is probably finding ways to make money from me right now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for all of your kind messages and kudos, I'm very exited to be posting this story :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. A hit of reality</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Holy shit.” Danny’s jaw dropped as soon as the stranger left. “Do you know who that was?” Danny suddenly looked at me.</p><p>“Uh-I…” I continued looking at the door, money in hand in utter shock. That was the girl at the bus stop. “No, who was it?” I asked quietly.</p><p>“That was Elsie’s scary ass boss, otherwise known as Carmilla Karnstein.” Danny scoffed in disbelief.</p><p>I immediately whipped my head around and looked at Danny in shock. <em>Carmilla Karnstein</em>.</p><p>“As in…”</p><p>“Yup, the owner of Karnstein industries. Who was just in our shop. Who just gave us fifty dollars for making her an espresso.”</p><p>I looked at the money in my hand, in utter shock about what had just occurred. She looked different, her vibe wasn’t lost, it was powerful, filled with authority, completely juxtaposed from the girl I met yesterday. I knew I recognised her, she’s on billboards and the news all the time.</p><p>So what the hell was that yesterday?</p><p>“Laura?” Danny nudged my shoulder.</p><p>“Uh, right.” I shook my head, opening the till to put away the money.</p><p>“What are you doing? That’s<em> your </em>money.” Danny stared at me wide eyed as if I was crazy.</p><p>“I don’t want her money.” I mumbled, locking the till again with the money inside.</p><p>It seemed like hush money in a weird way, like a persuasion to keep me quiet. I don’t think I was meant to see her in the state she was in yesterday.</p><p>“Suit yourself, but I have a new pair of trainers with my name on it.” Danny smirked and I laughed, rolling my eyes as we finished locking up the café.</p><p>“See you on Friday, Hollis.” Danny waved as she hopped in her car and drove home.</p><p>I sat on my bike and sucked in a deep breath, peddling away in the rain again. What a small world, how the hell does someone like Carmilla just suddenly show up in my life? I biked past an AD on a bus stop, a big KI logo on the front with addresses and numbers on the lower bottom. I’ve seen the building before, it was all glass windows, every single one of them blacked out with a huge pillar on the top of the towering tower.</p><p>This whole time for years I have been making the same espresso, not batting an eye for who it was actually going to. I knew Elsie worked for a big company with a harsh boss, never in a million years would I have thought it was for Carmilla Karnstein. And for her to just walk into the café and demand for me to make one for her again? Baffling. The way she just flaunted her money, like it just fixed everything, it made me rather angry that she thinks she could just bribe me with her money.</p><p>“Sorry!” I called out to a car who had to swerve to miss a pretty bad collision. I was so focused on the week’s events I completely forgot I was on a damn road.</p><p>The chances are of seeing her again are <em>very</em> low, I doubt my world is anything she wants to involve herself in with being a rich business company owner and all. She probably didn’t even recognise me for goodness sake.</p><p>***</p><p>“You can’t be serious, Carmilla.” Mattie scoffed in utter disbelief, arms flailed in the air and everything.</p><p>“My order still stands Mattie; you’re going to New York.” I said sternly as she stood behind my desk. “Here, that’s the team.” I passed her the sheet and she snatched it from me, reading over the list with an angry brow. “It’s a good team, just trust me.” I sighed, hating the formal atmosphere between us both.</p><p>Her angry brow slowly fell, and she looked at me with a rather soft expression.</p><p>“I know what you’re doing, trying to live up to expectations.” She started and I held my breath. “But don’t get blind sighted by the money.”</p><p>“Pfft, you know I don’t care about that.” I scoffed and fiddled with the pen in my hand.</p><p>“It was a metaphor, darling.”</p><p>I cleared my throat and shuffled around the mess of paper on my desk.</p><p>“This is the budget for the trip, you can choose your own hotel.” I passed her the paper and she read it, eyes going wide. “Don’t be surprised, you know I like to spoil you.” I sighed playfully and she chuckled.</p><p>“Sorry to interrupt, but your meeting is starting in a couple of minutes, Ms Karnstein.” Elsie spoke from the corner, cowering away as soon as Mattie strolled in, well, stormed is a better verb to describe her entrance.</p><p>“Very well, any time to spare for lunch with your favourite sister?” Mattie smirked.</p><p>“I’m your only sister.” I teased and she laughed. “Of course, I’ll call you when I’m free.” I chuckled.</p><p>“Don’t keep a lady waiting.” She said whilst walking out of the office.</p><p>I scoffed and let out a big sigh of relief that we were back to normal.</p><p>Mattie was taken in by my mother when I was fourteen, mother sent us both to the same university to study business etc. But because I was on my fathers will for the company name, it was me who had to study years for my master’s whereas Mattie settled for an associate degree, making her the supervisor and middle manager.</p><p>Mother wasn’t on the will for the company, she was envious and jealous that I got the company, but she still had her own industry in London; Corvea Inc. And she did just as well as me, but neither the less, she resented me from a far and she was just waiting for me to fuck up somehow seen as though if I had to stand down, she was next up for running.</p><p>It started with her wanting the best for me, she loved me dearly and I knew she did, I don’t know what happened but a couple of years after father’s death she slowly became cold and callous, she wanted nothing more than for me to mess up so she could take back what she believed to be hers. But I guess just like me, she gave herself no time to grieve because as soon as I graduated, she flew to London and started Corvea; reverting from Karnstein to Morgan with out a single bat of an eye.</p><p>Sure, I tried therapy, but the truth was I had no time. And there’s only so much one could take of talking to someone in a room filled with crystal dolphins. So that stopped as soon as it started, and I told Elsie to take that off my schedule straight away.</p><p>I’m fine on my own.</p><p>“Ms Karnstein, the meeting has started.” Elsie spoke up and brought me back down from staring at the framed master’s certificate on the wall.</p><p>“Right.” I sighed, standing up and looking in the glass window, sorting my suit out and fixing my posture.</p><p>Me and Elsie walked into the meeting room, everyone growing silent and waiting until I sat down at the end of the long table in my usual chair, Elsie next to me as she scribbled down notes.</p><p>It was all men, only me and Elsie women. They had all joined under my father’s employment and it wasn’t hard to see how they felt about working below a girl. But to be honest, I’m fucking great at my job and I think that’s what annoys them the most. Our stocks have gone up since my father passed away with me in charge, the company has exceled in profits and deals. We have a building in every country and most states in the US all with my name on it. It should make me feel proud for my accomplishments and achievements, but I don’t, because I don’t think anyone really cares.</p><p>Everyone was talking and debating, and it didn’t take long for me to zone out. Maybe I could go to lunch at the anglerfish café and see if Laura was there. Maybe I could catch her on her own and pay her to keep her mouth shut. It shouldn’t bother me so much, but if anything got out, I’d be done for; it would give mother great satisfaction to see my name on headlines for a bad reason. I still have her hoody too.</p><p>“Ms Karnstein.” A man cleared his throat. I coughed and sat up straight, game face on.</p><p>“Yes.” I blurted out and they all blinked at me, even Elsie stopped her note taking to look at me with furrowed eyebrows. “Could you repeat that?” I asked, not backing down though.</p><p>“A new market called ABC wants us to invest a twenty percent profit into their funding’s so they can buy a proportion of land to build on, and, have a partnership with us. They said they will give us ten percent of what ever earnings they make for the next two years if we agree. But our income will be less than the investment.” He said as if it was preposterous. And it was.</p><p>“Absolutely not.” I scoffed and they all glanced at one another at my sudden outburst. “Do they think we are in real estate? Tell them that’s a definite no and not to contact me unless they want real business.” They all seemed to approve of that, and Elsie smiled next to me.</p><p>It makes me feel good when I know I have excelled, only if mother was here to see it for herself, but then again; I want her nowhere near me.</p><p>***</p><p>We didn’t end up at the angler fish café, instead, we settled for a salad in a fancy restaurant. Not the most filling lunch but I didn’t expect anything else from Mattie.</p><p>I sipped my espresso and hummed at the taste of pure coffee, it tasted normal, and normal is what I like. As I worked and sipped my drink, I caught sight of a small inscription written below Elsie’s name, it was so small I don’t think I would have noticed it if I wasn’t paying attention.</p><p>As soon as I read it my heart skipped a beat.</p><p>‘<em>Come to the café at 10</em>.’ The small handwriting wrote.</p><p>I immediately glanced over at Elsie on the couch to see if she knew anything about it, but she seemed oblivious. Was this from Laura? It has to be, she is the one who makes my drinks. She must have figured out who I was somehow, maybe she is a journalist, luring me into her trap to be bombarded by the press taking pictures of me for my fall.</p><p>It had just gone seven at night, the low casting of blue coming from the rising moon illuminated my large office. I never made it cosy or added anything in it. Why make it nice if I hate it? Maybe that’s why I never decorate anything, because why try hard on something you just don’t care about?</p><p>The phone rang and Elsie answered it using the phone on a stand near her. She does have her own smaller office, but my work is hectic right now so there is no point in her being in her own office if I’m calling her in every second. She had set up a little office in the corner.</p><p>“It’s Will.” Elsie announced with a shallow breath.</p><p>“Oh fucking blow me, put him on the line.” I groaned. I pressed the speaker button and signed documents. “No.” I immediately said, and he whined.</p><p>“I’m stuck in LA; all I’m asking for is a couple hundred and I promise I will pay you back.” He practically pleaded, lots of noise in the background.</p><p>Will was my full brother and left the city as soon as he got his driving licence, mother practically disowned him on the spot. He left with one pair of clothes and his college funds; it didn’t take him long to blow out his bank though.</p><p>“I don’t care, I’m not giving you my <em>earned </em>money for you to gamble it all away.” I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me.</p><p>Some would say I’m jealous of Will, and they were right in a small way. I’m jealous of his carefree life, hopping motels and having a carefree life with no worries. But I’m definitely <em>not</em> jealous of the situations he gets himself in.</p><p>“Kitty, please. <em>I’m desperate.”</em> </p><p>I refrained on hanging up just from that stupid nickname he had given me after he pushed me into our childhood pool, and I walked out like a drenched cat. But he really did sound desperate.</p><p>“This is seriously the last time Will.” I sighed and began writing the cheque.</p><p>“Carmilla listen to me.” He suddenly spoke up rather hectic as the background noise turned into shouting, it even caught Elsie’s attention. “I hate asking you for money, I really do. One day I will pay you it all back. You know I love you, don’t you?”</p><p>I blinked at the phone and my pen stood still.</p><p>“Will, where are you?” I asked as I listened carefully to some of the shouts in the background, they weren’t happy shouts.</p><p>“I’m in a weird club place, I-I did something stupid.” He sighed and my teeth gritted. “But I’m proud of you, father would be proud too.” And with a curse and another angry yell, the line cut dead.</p><p>I sat there in confusion and shock, not knowing what to really do as I processed what predicament he is probably in. I looked over to Elsie who was just watching the phone, same expression as mine.</p><p>“You can go home, hand this into the bank on your way please.” I ripped off the cheque from the pad and held it out for her.</p><p>She nodded and took it, eyes wide as she looked down at the numbers written above my signature.</p><p>“Good night Ms Karnstein.” She said and slipped the cheque into her purse carefully.</p><p>I nodded and started to read through my emails, well, pretended to. How could I focus after that call? And to make matters worse, Laura wants me to meet her at the cafe in three hours.</p><p>As soon as I heard Elsie leave and turn off the lamp she was using, I was succumbed into darkness. God, what the hell is going on?</p><p>***</p><p>I’ve been sat in my car for the past ten minutes, trying to find the courage to walk in and face the girl who may possibly be the end of me. But what image would that be if I didn’t show up? It would be suspicious, like I was hiding something from her. Just get it over and done with, I can clean the air and not have to see her ever again in my life.</p><p>So with a quick check in my rear view mirror, I locked my car and took a deep breath, walking into the dimly lit café.</p><p>And there she was, brushing the floor with a low tune of jazz playing in the background. As soon as the bell rung signifying my appearance she looked up, shock written on her face as I just stood there, the door closing slowly behind me as I watched like an idiot.</p><p>Okay, no press. That’s a good sign, right?</p><p>“U-Uh, hey.” Laura looked at me in surprise.</p><p>What the hell is this?</p><p>I locked eyes with her and raised an eyebrow, asking silently for her to explain.</p><p>“I didn’t think you would actually come.” She admitted sheepishly.</p><p>Apart from the slow strum of a cello there wasn’t a single sound. I felt the need to fiddle with a pen or something like I usually do when I’m anxious or stressed, but I need to look collected so my pockets will do.</p><p>“I just, do you want to talk about what happened the other day?” She blurted out, holding the broom with a death grip.</p><p>Oh, well, I wasn’t expecting that.</p><p>“There is nothing to talk about.” I said, narrowing my eyes at her as I held an intense stare.</p><p>She blinked at me and held the stare to my surprise, usually a simple glance from me makes anyone look away immediately, but yet here she is, holding the eye contact. It actually made me slightly uncomfortable being met with the same look.</p><p>“So that wasn’t you the other day sat with me for almost three hours in my cupcake hoody?” She asked with a teasing brow.</p><p>Well that was unexpected. She’s annoyingly confident without even trying. It’s taken me my whole life to train for confidence, how can she make it look so fluid, so easy?</p><p>“What is this? Are you staging an intervention?” I took one step forward and she took one back, glancing around the room briefly.</p><p>There we go, <em>she </em>broke the eye contact, <em>not me</em>.</p><p>“N-no, I just, I just don’t want you feeling…weird.” She winced at her words and I just stood there, studying her.</p><p>She asked me to come here to check up on me? No, no one is that kind.</p><p>“What do you want?” I spat and she jumped. “How much money are you asking for, just say it and I’ll give it to you.” I fiddled with a strand of fabric inside of my pocket, waiting anxiously for her reply.</p><p>“Money?” She pulled a face. “I don’t want your money.” She exclaimed rather offended.</p><p>“Oh please.” I scoffed and took another step forward, but she stood her ground and didn’t back away this time. “Of course you do, or has someone offered you more for my story? I can assure you I will pay you more.” Another step forward.</p><p>It was clear to see she wasn’t an undercover journalist and I know she isn’t setting me up. But it’s rather…fun, having competition, pushing people to their limits. But does she have it in her to gain control?</p><p>“What story?” She shook her head in disbelief at the accusations.</p><p>“Don’t play coy with me, you know what I’m talking about.”</p><p>“I’m not…I don’t…” She stammered and I smirked in victory. Too easy.</p><p>But then she took a step forward, my smirk faltering as she neared me.</p><p>“Unlike you I don’t take hush money.” She glared; her jaw clenched in aggravation.</p><p>
  <em>Hmm, feisty.</em>
</p><p>“Is that so?” I looked down at her. “What did you buy with that little gift I gave you yesterday?” I asked and if possible, her glare intensified.</p><p>“I didn’t buy anything. I put it in the till, and if you want proof, I’ll gladly show you the fresh fifty-dollar bill sitting where I left it yesterday.” She exclaimed rather proud.</p><p>She didn’t take my money? She’s either stupid or as dumb as the apron she’s wearing.</p><p>“You should have, is that your rusting bike over there?” I pointed at the well over-used bike perched on a table.</p><p>“No, it’s my mothers.” She hissed, swallowing a thick gulp of pure anger.</p><p>“Well your mother has <em>very </em>bad taste.” I said, watching her carefully, proud of myself by her reaction.</p><p>Her eyes flashed for a second, the broom dropping with a loud clash on the wooden floor.</p><p>And the next thing I knew, my left cheek was stinging like mad, my eye throbbing suddenly.</p><p>“I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but I don’t <em>ever</em> want to see you again, get the hell out of here.” She spat and clenched her hand at her side.</p><p>She slapped me; this girl just slapped me.</p><p>I looked at her in utter disbelief, feeling the left side of my face heat up and an emotion I couldn’t explain bubbling away in my stomach. She pointed at the door, rage coursing through her whole body.</p><p>With out another word I kicked the broom on the floor and left the café, stomping back to my car. As soon as I sat down, I looked in the mirror. My face was bright red and I know for a damn fact my eye is beginning to bruise.</p><p>I couldn’t help but laugh, what the hell was that? I don’t think I’ve ever had that much fun in my life. It definitely wasn’t a pleasant experience, but she didn’t care that I have the best lawyer you can buy, a net worth of millions and people who could take her down in a second.</p><p>She was exciting, a complete opposite to the people in my life. It was thrilling, it was weirdly nice to be treated like a normal person. Well, as normal as it gets by slapping people, but still, it was filled with adrenaline…and I liked it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Unexpected guests</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You what?!” Danny shrieked, almost dropping the hot chocolate she was about to serve.</p><p>“I know it was so <em>so </em>stupid, but you weren’t there!” I defended myself, writing down an order angrily. “The way she was all ‘<em>oh I’m more superior to you because I wear a watch that costs more than your life is worth</em>’ and all of this staring contest crap.” I huffed.</p><p>The customer looked at me blankly and I gave them a cringing smile.</p><p>“Laura she could literally shut this place down, you do know we have CCTV in here, right?”</p><p>I glanced up at the camera’s and sighed. I shouldn’t have reacted like that; she doesn’t know about my mother’s death. She was just teasing me, trying to push me over my limits and I let her. But she was still being a straight up bitch, she deserved it in some messed up way.</p><p>The next customer came up in line and as usual, it was Elsie, Carmilla’s <em>assistant</em> or whatever.</p><p>“Hey Laura, I’ll need a double on the order again please, crazy day at the office.” She sighed, handing me the money.</p><p>Oh god, is it hectic because of what happened last night? Am I unintentionally ruining other people’s lives on behalf of Carmilla’s attitude?</p><p>“Oh really? How so?” I asked, pretending like I had no clue whilst I handed her the change, gritting my teeth as I tucked away what I assume to be Carmilla’s money in the till.</p><p>“It’s not even work related.” She huffed. Oh crap, it <em>is </em>because of me. “My boss is having some serious family issues; I’ve never seen it this bad and I’ve been here since the first day they took over.” She replied vaguely, Elsie doesn’t know me and Danny figured out who she works for.</p><p>“Family issues?” I squeaked, ignoring Danny subtly trying to show me the long que that was forming in consequence of our talking.</p><p>“I can’t say much, but it’s sad to know what they are really dealing with. I see and hear a lot of things what goes on and behind their stiff domineer, they’re hurting and stuff yano?”</p><p>“Oh.” Was all I could muster out.</p><p>Elsie nodded and sighed, walking to the pick-up section as I started making Carmilla’s usual drinks. She’s dealing with family stuff and here I am literally slapping even more problems her direction. Scratch that, she didn’t deserve what I did at all. I was being reckless, falling into her trap.</p><p>“Oh, I didn’t order a cupcake?” Elsie said in confusion.</p><p>“Give it to your boss, they uh…seem like they are having a bad day.” I rammed the paper bag in her arms so she had but no choice to take it to Carmilla.</p><p>“Okay um, thank you.” Elsie nodded slowly and left with the drinks and cupcake.</p><p>“Smooth.” Danny mocked next to me.</p><p>“Maybe it will make her feel better?” I winced.</p><p>“I’m sure her black eye will heal instantly.” Danny teased.</p><p>Crap, did I give her a black eye?</p><p>***</p><p>“Oh wow, who battled you last night?” Mattie laughed as she touched my face.</p><p>“No one.” I huffed, swatting her hand away whilst we sat and ate lunch in the building’s canteen.</p><p>Well, Laura had definitely left her mark…on my eye. It wasn’t a black eye per say, just a faint red with a small bruise forming under it. It was located at an awkward angle, so makeup was just a hard no.</p><p>“What did you do?” She smirked, nudging my shoulder which caused my sandwich to drop depressingly on my plate.</p><p>“I didn’t <em>do</em> anything.” I mumbled, pouting at my now mess of a lunch.</p><p>“Did you stumble into that girls’ bed again and let her-”</p><p>“-Could you be anymore obnoxious?!” I hissed, looking around for eavesdroppers. Luckily no one was paying us no mind.</p><p>“Oh come on that was <em>hilarious</em>, you walked into that room with a face full of confidence and left with a look as if someone had stuck you in a room with starving lions.” She laughed in remembrance. Yeah, college was a weird time.</p><p>“You promised you wouldn’t mention that again.” I grumbled, trying to put my sandwich back together.</p><p>“Hm.” She scoffed. “So tell me, what’s with the eye?” She pushed again.</p><p>“I walked into a door.” I deadpanned and she rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Fine, be like that.” She sighed. “I better get back to work, Vordenburg wants our monthly income spreadsheet to see if he deems us worthy.” She got up and chuckled at my eye.</p><p>“Don’t let my attraction keep you waiting now.” I smirked and she shook her head playfully before walking away with her rubbish.</p><p>“Never.” She called over her shoulder and I laughed.</p><p>God Mattie would think I’m pathetic if she actually knew what had happened last night. Getting slapped by a barista for getting too cocky. But I really didn’t expect that reaction, honestly, I thought she was playing along. What did I say that pissed her off so much?</p><p>Something about her bike. She must love that bi-…oh, it wasn’t <em>her</em> bike, it was her <em>mother’s</em>. I made fun of her mother’s bike and she slapped me. Out of all the things I accused her of and said, <em>that’s</em> what had pushed her limits? Over a worthless piece of scrap metal? Ridiculous, she was literally crazy; yet I couldn’t get over her, I’ve never met anyone like her before.</p><p>“Ms Karnstein?” A voice in my ear said, making me jump. Stupid earpiece, I’ve never trusted these things, but alas, it’s mildly convenient. “Mrs Miller is on call.” Elsie said again and I sighed, throwing away my ruined sandwich and switching back to work mode. </p><p>***</p><p>“What’s this?” I asked Elsie in confusion as I studied the cupcake.</p><p>“The girl at the café insisted I give you it.” Elsie answered.</p><p>“I see.” I hummed, a small smirk painting my face. “What was her name?”</p><p>She looked up at me in surprise.</p><p>“Um, Laura.” She nodded and glanced around as if I was kidding. She knows I don’t care about names.</p><p>I laughed to myself and studied my takeaway espresso and the paper bag the treat came in; nothing. Maybe this was her way of an apology for last night? And what is it with this girl and cupcakes?</p><p>“Is there something wrong with your order again?” Elsie suddenly sprouted.</p><p>“No no, it’s fine.” I brushed her off, taking a bite of the cupcake. It was nice. “Do you see Laura often?” I asked again and her eyes widened.</p><p>“Yes, she works night shifts.”</p><p>“Everyday?” Another bite and hum of approval.</p><p>“No, I don’t think she works on a Monday and the Sunday.” She answered, eyebrows furrowed.</p><p>“I see.” I licked my fingers clean which probably wasn’t the most professional thing to do. “Tell me, what is she like?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Elsie’s face was the picture of shock and confusion now.</p><p>I rolled my eyes and slouched on my chair slightly, tapping my pen on the wooden desk.</p><p>“How does she act when you see her?” I tried again and she thought for a moment.</p><p>“She’s uh…kind?” She winced and I frowned. <em>That’s not what I meant</em>. “One time she actually held up the whole que so she could help an old man stir his coffee and cut up his sandwich.” She shrugged and caught my attention.</p><p>“Why would she do that?” I scoffed and Elsie looked at me rather disapprovingly.</p><p>“Because she likes to help people.” She replied and not so subtly glanced at the wrapping of the cupcake.</p><p>That’s true, she does like to help people. But why? They are just strangers she will never see again. She isn’t gaining anything from it, so why do it? It doesn’t benefit her in any way, yet she still helps people. Like I said; crazy.  </p><p>“Why?” She asked rather baffled.</p><p>“No reason.” I shrugged.</p><p>But come to think of it, why<em> did</em> I care? In reality, I should be furious at her, she slapped me for Christ sake, but I don’t, I’m not mad at her. I’m oddly intrigued.</p><p>***</p><p>“We’re closed!” I called behind me as I wiped down the surface. Seriously, do people not read signs these days or do they just not care? After a couple of seconds of wiping, I soon realised that the bell didn’t ring again and that the person who had entered was still very much here. “I said we’re clos-”</p><p>My mouth soon shut as I turned around and was met with Carmilla, standing there as if she owned the place. I immediately scanned her eye and saw a small bruise just at the corner. Oh crap, I <em>did</em> hurt her. Was she here to hit me back? Call the cops to arrest me? Honestly, I deserved whatever she was here to do.</p><p>“What are you doing?” She asked as I showed my side profile at her, ready for the blow.</p><p>“You don’t want to hit me?” I couldn’t help but squeak.</p><p>She scoffed and shook her head, slowly walking around and touching things.</p><p>“Depends.” She watched me from a distance. “Are you going to slap me again?” She faced me fully, leaning back on a table I had just cleaned.</p><p>“No, I’m not. And I’m so <em>so</em> sorry for what happened last night.” I apologised, sliding my dumb apron off as my hand got caught in it after the frenzied movements I was making.</p><p>She looked rather…disappointed, at my apology.</p><p>“Look.” I slowly made my way over to her, pulling my hair out of its lazy ponytail and tying the hairband around my wrist. “Yesterday was <em>way</em> out of character for me, I promise I’m not usually like that and whatever you’re going to have done to me I totally deserve it.”</p><p>She no longer looked disappointed, she looked stunned, looking at me like a dear caught in headlights.</p><p>“Carmilla?” I asked and her eyebrows shot up.</p><p>“Mhm.” She nodded and stood tall, fixing her collar. “I think you deserve what is about to come your way.” She said seriously, peering down at me.</p><p>My heart dropped; I’m going to prison. I hung my head low and accepted my fate. If prison is anything like it was in orange is the new black, I’ll be dead in no time. But then my heart stopped for an entirely different reason, she was laughing, <em>laughing</em>. I bunched up my nose and huffed, she thinks this is funny?</p><p>“I’m joking.” She let out a last laugh for good measures and leaned back on the table rather amused. “And I’m not going to hit you, unless you want me to?” She even had the decency to smirk at me.</p><p>Well, it would make us even, but I don’t really want to be smacked.</p><p>“So, if you’re not here to arrest me, why are you?” I asked, the jazz music in the back suddenly much quieter than I remember it being, or maybe it’s because of the loud pounding coming from my chest.</p><p>“I was just wondering if you wanted your hoody back.” She shrugged, but her eyes were piercing, bearing into mine.</p><p>“M-my what?” I stuttered, at a complete loss of what was even going on anymore.</p><p>She chuckled and tapped her fingers on the table behind her.</p><p>“The hoody that you gave me, would you like it back?” She asked again and it finally clicked, <em>she was talking about the bus stop</em>. It was vague and simple, but she does remember me, remember what happened.</p><p>“Oh, I uh…yes?” I winced, trying to get over the initial shock about what was actually happening, after everything that has happened my hoody was the least of my problems, I actually completely forgot about it.</p><p>“Was that a question or an answer?” She bit her bottom lip in amusement and it took me a second to register what she had just said. Why did she have to bite her lip like that for goodness sake?!</p><p>I am <em>not </em>meant to find her attractive. There is nothing attractive about how selfish and smug she is, nothing attractive about a powerful woman in a suit nope nope <em>nope</em>. Not at all.</p><p>“It was an answer, I want my hoody back.” I nodded firmly and her bottom lip turned into a large grin.</p><p>She pushed herself off of the table and looked me up and down.</p><p>“I’ll be sure to bring your beloved cupcake hoody tomorrow at the same place same time.” She said rather sarcastically, but by the look on her face, she was serious.</p><p>“How do you know I’ll be here?” I challenged back, two can play that game.</p><p>She laughed again and watched me.</p><p>“Will you be here tomorrow?” She asked as if she already knew my answer. Two can play this game, but one of us is better and it definitely isn’t me.</p><p>“Maybe.” I shrugged and crossed my arms.</p><p>“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She shook her head amused and went for the door, car keys in hand. But just before she left, she looked at me over her shoulder and said, “Thanks for the cupcake, cupcake,” and left. Just like that.</p><p>I watched with a blank face as she sauntered powerfully past the large window outside, my eyes widening as an expensive black car zoomed by the café just a moment later, no doubt Carmilla. And then it hit me, that was the same car that raced by at the bus stop.</p><p>But then something else hit me, she’s coming back tomorrow. I’m going to see her again.</p><p>***</p><p>Holy shit, that was <em>not</em> meant to happen. I was meant to walk in all big and mighty and show her who was in charge of this whole situation. But as soon as she took her hair out and her apron off, I just couldn’t help but be caught off guard. And when she said my name? <em>Goner</em>.</p><p>Shit, was that a red light?</p><p>She’s just so…different. I’ve never in my life met someone like her before and it makes me want to know more. It shouldn’t and it’s stupid. We are completely different people…yet, she never fails to surprise me. At first, I was rather disappointed at her initial apology, and I thought maybe it sunk in who I was, and she was just like the normal people, but then she did what happened last night. She tested me, stood her ground with no mind to what I could do.</p><p>I was never meant to offer her the jumper back, because in all honesty, I wanted that to be our last interaction, the ending where she knows her place and not to mess with me. But after meeting someone like Laura? I couldn’t have that be our last interaction. I <em>want</em> to push her; I <em>want</em> to get a rise out of her.</p><p>I pulled the car into the garage and walked into my mansion, some of the lights were on as my staff cleaned and polished. Even though they are here, it’s still lonely. I don’t even know any of their names. Barely any of the rooms are used yet they still clean the whole house, maybe they wipe the dust away.</p><p>I ignored them and headed to the kitchen where a couple of cleaners were working. Paying them no mind, I opened a cupboard and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a glass. It’s always silent whenever I’m in their presence. Sometimes I hear them in other rooms from upstairs talking and laughing, but as soon as I’m there It’s blank faces and silence. I shouldn’t feel awkward in my own home, but I do.</p><p>There’s a whole room dedicated to expensive wine and liqueurs, yet I still stick to my three rooms, well, three and a half technically. Bedroom with a large on suit and the bar. Those three rooms are forbidden to be entered by anyone but me and the guy who makes my drinks at the bar sometimes.</p><p>Maybe I should actually acknowledge them.</p><p>“Good night.” I said into the silence and they all blinked at me.</p><p>And that’s exactly why I don’t try. I huffed and left with my glass and bottle of strong alcohol, making my way up the stairs to my room.</p><p>This mansion was once my father’s so some of his belongings were still here. There was a long line of portraits and family pictures hung along the corridor which I had to walk through to get to my room. I never looked at them, I only focused on the heels of my shoes clicking on the marble floor beneath me, echoing down the dark hall. Some of the frames had a white sheet covering them, most of them my mother’s doing with any picture which had Will’s face on them. I never interfered with them, if mother wanted them covered, they will stay that way.</p><p>Speaking of Will, I haven’t heard from him since our last phone call. He might be dead; I don’t know with that boy. I haven’t seen him since he left all those years ago. He was my younger brother and I couldn’t help but feel a slight responsibility with him. But he is reckless, and reckless means trouble, and I have no time for recklessness.</p><p>With a long sigh, I trudged my shoes off and headed to the large bathroom connected to my bedroom, turning on the bath which could class as a swimming pool. Whilst I waited for that to fill and heat up, I got rid of my clothes and locked the door, pouring a glass full of whiskey for myself.</p><p>When my bath was ready, I submerged myself into the steaming water, one arm hanging out to keep my glass safe. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live a normal life, like Laura and Will, wait, that was a bad comparison. <em>Like Laura</em>.</p><p>She has a normal life, a normal job, rides around on a crappy bike. She probably lives in an apartment somewhere, maybe she worries about paying rent and other problems outsiders have to deal with. I wish I could just slap someone because they annoy me. But I think if that was the deal every single person I have ever met would have a broken nose.</p><p>I couldn’t help but chuckle at the memory of Laura slapping me, I’ve never been slapped before, well, not in that way. We don’t mention what happened when I shaved Will’s eyebrows off that day we found father’s beard shaving kit.</p><p>I guess when father died, that’s when it all went downhill. No one knew what to do, he was the backbone of the family. There was a funeral, but it wasn’t a normal one, there were colleagues and stuff, it was all too perfect, too professional. And as soon as mother found out who the company was going to, she turned cold and everything went to shit. I don’t think I’ll ever get my mother back.</p><p>She used to be amazing, she acted like a mother would. Baking for my schools cooking competitions, taking me and Will to the park almost every day, bathed us, clothed us, kissed us good night and told us every second how much she loved her two kids. But now, we’re literally hundreds of miles apart, dreading when we have to hear from each other. She left me the day after the funeral, hired staff for the mansion. She left me, <em>alone</em>. I wish I could go back to the simple times, the times where everything was easy…free.</p><p>I was father’s favourite; I was a daddy’s girl. I admired him, wanted to be just like him. I’d fall asleep in his arms whilst I joined his company in his office, he would send away anyone who tried to disturb me and would carry me home and into bed. Maybe that’s why mother resented me, because I was his favourite.</p><p>Sometimes I have a tinge of anger towards him, he left me, he left me with all of this shit. I don’t want this; I don’t want the stupid compa-</p><p>“Shit.” I mumbled, wiping at my eyes angrily.</p><p>Why the hell am I crying? Get a fucking grip Carmilla, this isn’t like you.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you creampuffs for all of your support, suffering from a writers block rn on chapter 20 but your lovely support and messages are helping me get in the swing of things again. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Fast and Carmilla</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh wow, someone made an effort today.” Mattie smirked as she strolled into my office.</p><p>I held a finger up and made it obvious I was on call. She scoffed and stood there.</p><p>“Twenty percent is too much for what your offer is, either raise the income or find another company to compromise with, good day Mr Miller.” And with that I hung up. “Who does this guy think he is? He’s fucking desperate.” I huffed, sending an email out to my colleagues to not make any deals with his company.</p><p>Mattie chuckled and placed work on my desk.</p><p>“Looks like you actually made an effort today.” Mattie wiggled her eyebrows.</p><p>“And I don’t usually?” I said, not really thinking about it as I got to work signing bills and contracts.</p><p>“Not to this extent.” She pondered for a second. “Do you have a date?” Her lips curved.</p><p>I looked up and watched in a little shock, noticing Elsie not so subtly listening in.</p><p>“Don’t be stupid, I definitely do <em>not</em> have a date.” I scoffed.</p><p>Laura isn’t a date; I’m just simply giving her her hoody back…and it just so happens I wanted to look nice today.</p><p>“Maybe you should look into one, get back into the dating world.” Mattie shrugged and I just blinked at her.</p><p>“Is that a joke?” I asked bewildered, lowering my voice as we were very much not alone right now.</p><p>“No, I think it would do you good.” She replied, serious.</p><p>“Pfft, do me good.” I scoffed. “I’m good thanks.” I rolled my eyes, focusing back onto my paperwork. I don’t need the stress of a relationship right now.</p><p>“Oh of course, because who would be good enough for you?” Mattie teased and I held my pen in frustration, trying my hardest not to fling it Elsie’s way to stop her from laughing to herself.</p><p>“I think you have a trip to be getting ready for, no?” I clenched my jaw, watching her with narrowed eyes.</p><p>“Goodness me sis, whoever punched you the other day must have knocked your sense of humour out of your head.” Mattie groaned with a playful glint in her eye.</p><p>I just scoffed and tried not to think about that night, I <em>don’t</em> need to be thinking of Laura right now.</p><p>“Very well, I’ll leave you be.” Mattie winked, waving her fingers sarcastically to me as she left.</p><p>Elsie was still giggling to herself and I couldn’t bare the embarrassment Mattie had just left me with.</p><p>“What’s so funny, hm? Is me going on a date all that amusing to you?” I asked whilst going through Mattie’s work.</p><p>“N-no, not at all Ms Karnstein.” Elsie immediately stopped laughing.</p><p>“Do I have any meetings or calls planned today?” I asked again.</p><p>“Not today, no.” She cleared her throat, avoiding my gaze.</p><p>“Great, go help Mattie for the day.” I rose up and sorted out my suit, ignoring her dropped jaw.</p><p>“You’re leaving?” She squeaked.</p><p>“I have a date, right?” I answered sarcastically, grabbing my keys and phone.</p><p>She nodded silently and gathered her things as I waited by the door. After Elsie scurried away, I locked the door and made my way to the parking lot.</p><p>***</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yes Hollis. For the twentieth time, you look fine.” Danny drawled, brushing my hair behind my shoulder which I had asked her to do more than once in the last two minutes. “I still can’t believe this is hap-”</p><p>The door opened and the chime rung around the empty café.</p><p>Me and Danny both spun around in unison, clearly caught off guard by the sight.</p><p>Carmilla wasn’t wearing an expensive suit, instead, she was wearing black ripped jeans and a matching top, her eyeliner done up and hair perfect. <em>Holy Hufflepuff. </em></p><p>“I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” She said from the door, sight flickering from me to Danny who has yet to close her mouth.</p><p>“N-no! Not at all.” I smiled sheepishly, nudging Danny to bring her back down to earth.</p><p>“Right!” Danny turned to me, wiping her hands on her thighs. “I’ll uh, see you Monday, Hollis.” She nodded and awkwardly stepped by Carmilla to leave.</p><p>I stood there and glanced around the dim room, not really knowing what the hell to do.</p><p>It was going as fine as things could be until a “You look normal” blurted out of my mouth.</p><p>She furrowed her eyebrows at me, and I suddenly felt the need to slap <em>myself </em>this time.</p><p>“Not that you don’t usually look normal or weird, wait no, I didn’t mean to say weird. You’re not weird and hey! Is that my hoody?”</p><p>Way to be smooth Hollis.</p><p>But to my surprise, her mouth curled into an amused smirk and she sauntered over to me, pink cupcake hoody in hand.</p><p>“It is.” She said, a little closer to me now but was making no effort in actually handing me the clothing back. “Are those brownies still up for sale?” She asked, nodding over to the display counter.</p><p>“I uh, would you like one?” I responded, my voice an octave higher for some stupid reason.</p><p>“If you wouldn’t mind, I didn’t get chance to eat at the office today.” She said, tucking the hoody under her arm.</p><p>“No no, of course.” I nodded, making my way behind the counter to unlock a hidden section of the display case, pulling out a fresh brownie. I could feel her gaze on me the full time I was getting her the brownie, it actually made me rather nervous and a little flustered.</p><p>“How much?” She asked, taking the plate with one hand and pulling out her wallet with the other.</p><p>“You don’t have to pay, take it as a thank you gift for retrieving me of my hoody.”</p><p>She smirked and walked over to the counter, checking the price tag next to the brownie and slipped the funds into the tip jar. I wish she wouldn’t do that; I really don’t want her money.</p><p>“Do you wanna sit?” I asked, watching her stand and eat.</p><p>She looked around rather sarcastically at the chairs on top of the tables. I refrained from a huff and nodded to a booth, she followed my sight and nodded, immediately leading the way to slide into the cushioned bench, back to the large window.</p><p>“Are you just going to stand there and watch me?” Her voice cut through the quiet jazz playlist.</p><p>Come on Laura, what are you doing?</p><p>I joined her and slid into the booth opposite, sitting rather awkwardly.</p><p>“This is good.” She hummed with her mouth full.</p><p>“My friend makes them and sometimes brings them over every couple of months.” I smiled, happy at the acknowledgment.</p><p>Okay, this is good, she’s making conversation…kinda.</p><p>“What did you do today?” I asked, fiddling with my fingers on the table. She was silent and I realised how dumb of a question that was. “Never mind, that was a stupid question.” I shook my head.</p><p>“Why was it stupid?”</p><p>I looked up and immediately felt the effect of her intense vision.</p><p>“I mean, what else is there to do than answer calls and emails?” I laughed rather too forced, regretting ever opening my mouth in the first place.</p><p>“What did you do today? Clean up other people’s dirty cutlery and wash dishes?” She asked, eating her last bite of food.</p><p>I blinked at her, that was deserved.</p><p>“Well?” She raised an eyebrow, using the napkin I placed on her plate to wipe her mouth and hands.</p><p>“Oh, right. I uh, I guess so.” I mumbled, a beam from a car flashing her features suddenly. She looks so much different without her business attire on.</p><p>“Really? That’s <em>all </em>you did today?” She asked again, a teasing tone in her voice. Is she trying to get a rise out of me? <em>God</em>, I just don’t understand her notions and it’s rather infuriating.</p><p>“No, actually, I do other things than clean up other people’s dirty cutlery.” I said rather harshly, staring directly at her.</p><p>“As do I.” She leaned back, licking her front row of teeth, rather pleased with my answer. Seriously, does she <em>want</em> me to slap her again?</p><p>“You clean other people’s mess up?” I teased.</p><p>“You could say that.” She smirked, never looking away from my eyes.</p><p>Maybe she’s trying to scare me, show who’s in charge here. But I don’t back down that easily, so I reciprocated the intense eye contact, only blinking when she dared to.</p><p>“How was your espresso today? Any complaints?”</p><p>She let out a small scoff and chewed at her bottom lip, spinning the plate around on the freshly cleaned table. <em>She better not scratch the wood</em>.</p><p>“Yes, actually.”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>“There was no hidden message on the cup today.” She said, and immediately after studied me. I pursed my lips and held in a smile.</p><p>“I’m sorry about that, if it’s that big of a problem you could always speak to my manager.” I played along, leaning back too.</p><p>“Hm, I couldn’t risk having you fired, who would make my espresso?”</p><p>I couldn’t help but laugh at that, her face suddenly shifted and lightened up, no longer a smug look but a rather…<em>happy,</em> expression. It was nice to see rather than that smug smirk she usually has going on.</p><p>“I guess I wouldn’t want to be fired either.” I chuckled.</p><p>She snickered and I watched her finger that was spinning the plate. The girl in front of me was a completely different person to what I have seen before, she still hasn’t told me about the day at the bus stop and what happened that day. It just makes me want to know her more.</p><p>“Anyways.” She cleared her throat. “Here’s your hoody.” She said, offering her hand out.</p><p>I took it and smiled at her rather sheepish face. A rumble of thunder and a sudden harsh downpour of rain started to cascade down, hitting the glass window viciously.</p><p>“Are you biking home?” She asked, her voice cutting through the rain and quiet strum of a cello.</p><p>“Yup.” I clicked my tongue, not looking forward to the twenty-minute bike ride through what seems to be like a tremendous storm.</p><p>“You think your rust machine can handle that?” She smirked, nodding out of the window.</p><p>I nodded, even though I’m sure the dread in my eyes showed nothing like confidence.</p><p>“I can give you a lift, if you want.” She offered, spinning her plate more intensely.</p><p>She wants to give <em>me</em> a lift? She raised an eyebrow at me as I just blinked at her.</p><p>“I uh…don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine.” I brushed it off, standing up and taking her plate to the sink, viciously cleaning it despite being watched.</p><p>After everything that’s happened, I couldn’t possibly receive her help.</p><p>“Not that I don’t believe you couldn’t defeat what looks to be the uprising of a hurricane, but I think you should take up my offer, cupcake.” She more or less demanded than offered at this point.</p><p>I dried the plate and hung it on the rack, staring directly at the timetable list in front of me. She isn’t wrong, it would be downright dangerous to bike home in this weather.</p><p>“I mean, if it’s not an inconvenience to you…” I trailed off, slipping the hoody on.</p><p>I immediately paused in my tracks, it smelled just like her. She took the time to wash it? She really didn’t have to do that, but she did, and now all I can smell is Carmilla.</p><p>“Not at all.” She shrugged, standing up and stretching as she began to near the door.</p><p>“What about my bike?” I grimaced.</p><p>“My car has this thing called a boot.” She smirked and I rolled my eyes, quickly running to the staff room to switch off the music and grab the keys.</p><p>“Look, you really don’t have to-”</p><p>“-Laura, just bring your bike and get into the car.” She cut me off, opening the door for emphasis.</p><p>“Right.” I nodded, flipping my hood up and wheeling my bike past her as she took it from me.</p><p>After turning the lights out and locking the door, I followed her rather quickly in the rain as she led me to her car. She unlocked the door and held it open for me to get in. I smiled sheepishly and clambered in, letting out a heavy breath as soon as she closed it and started shoving my bike in the boot of her car.</p><p>The car was absolutely beautiful, fully leathered interior with top of the range machinery and parts fitted into the dashboard. It smelled so clean and fresh, almost as if it has never been used before, but the slight fading on the wheel and pedals showed it was used fairly often. I feel as though I don’t really deserve to be sat in such a ludicrously expensive vehicle, one of these costs more than my whole apartment block.</p><p>The door to the driver’s seat opened and in sat Carmilla, dripping with rain. She wasted no time in starting the engine and turning the heating on.</p><p>“What’s your address?” She asked, watching me sincerely as a droplet of rain dripped from her sharp jawline and down her chest. <em>Christ.</em></p><p>I told her my address and she nodded, beginning the drive. It was quite embarrassing having her see where I live, I’m sure it’s nothing like what her home looks like. Yet, it’s my little place, my first time living away from my father, my first time buying it myself with my own money.</p><p>It took me about five minutes to realise how fast she was driving down the wet roads, but then again, she could pay for the tickets, and it isn’t my place to tell her how to drive.</p><p>“What are your plans for the night?” I asked. Really, Laura? Small talk?</p><p>She chuckled next to me and changed gear, preparing to stop as the light turned from green to orange, but instead of slowing, we were going faster, she was racing the traffic lights. Oh fuck, this is how I’m going to die, not by her murdering me, but by playing a game of fast and furious.</p><p>“I don’t know yet, what about you?” She replied casually, but the narrowing of her eyes and the subtle grip on the steering wheel showed she was completely going through with this.</p><p>“I-I uh.” I darted my vison from the changing lights to the oncoming traffic, back to Carmilla who applied more pressure on the gas pedal. Out of instinct, I held a death grip on the dashboard and watched in horror to where my face would be colliding with in a matter of seconds.</p><p>But then I relaxed, gulping down a quick surge of anger as we made it in one piece, no collisions or running through of red lights.</p><p>“Wanna see how fast she can <em>really</em> go?” She smirked, revving the engine slightly.</p><p>“No no! I’m good, thanks.” I squealed, shaking my head frantically.</p><p>“Thought so.” She chuckled to herself. I whipped my head and glared at her.</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” I spat.</p><p>“Nothing.” She shrugged.</p><p>“No, tell me.” I demanded and she grinned.</p><p>It’s a shame I used that slap card earlier because right now that grin needs wiping off of her smug face.</p><p>She stayed silent and it was killing me.</p><p>“Fine, show me how fast <em>she</em> can go.” I said, instantly regretting my words as soon as they came out of my mouth.</p><p>Wait, I fell into her trap, <em>again</em>. She pushed my patience and got her own way…so manipulative yet so, clever.</p><p>“Buckle up creampuff.”</p><p>And with that her hand flexed on the gear stick, wheels starting to skid on slippery tar as the car forced its way through the downpour. It was late, so the road was practically empty.</p><p>“Shit.” The car quickly slowed down which caused me to lurch forward. The car was ringing, Elsie’s name on the screen at the centre of the car. “Hello?” She answered the call, her whole demeanour suddenly shifting.</p><p>Well that went from 100 to 0 pretty quick.</p><p>“Hello, Ms Karnstein, I’m sorry to disturb your night but an email just came through. Mr Miller is wanting to come in tomorrow and pitch his proposition.” Elsie’s voice said through the car’s speakers.</p><p>I watched as Carmilla’s jaw flexed, her brows creased, and her body suddenly sat tall. It’s like she was in business mode, even with drenched hair and casual clothes, I can see why Elsie’s voice was rather shaky. Carmilla can be rather intimidating.</p><p>“Are you kidding me?” Her voice was strained, annoyed. “I told him I don’t want to negotiate with his team.” And for once during this whole car journey, she paused at a red light.</p><p>“I know, but he said his team are willing to raise your income.”</p><p>“How much?”</p><p>“From ten percent to twenty-five for two years, they are still asking for a twenty percent profit though.”</p><p>I don’t know much about deals and all of that money crap, but that sounded like a lot.</p><p>“Is that all he will push to?” Carmilla asked, watching focused on the road as we started to move again.</p><p>“I don’t know, Ms Karnstein. Should I accept his pitch and add him to your timetable?” Elsie asked.</p><p>“Tell him I want a thirty two percent profit for a year and a half, if he’s willing to budge, I will see what he has to offer tomorrow.” She ordered and I heard typing coming from the other end of the call. “Add Mattie into the meeting too, I want her to be there.”</p><p>And with that she ended the call with a huff.</p><p>The speed of the car was normal now, Carmilla was…<em>normal</em>. Reserved and provocative like usual. Maybe today was just a glimpse of her, maybe I wasn’t meant to see her rather vulnerable and free.</p><p>She cut the engine and offered me a small smile before leaving the car and opening the boot, in the storm in front of my apartment. I watched in the rear-view mirror as she pulled my bike out, a lost look to her features.</p><p>“Thanks.” I said as she held the door open for me.</p><p>I ran into the small archway which sheltered the apartment building, watching as she walked rather slowly, wheeling my bike to me as if the rain wasn’t pouring down.</p><p>“Thank you, for the lift.” I smiled, taking my bike from her as she stood there.</p><p>It reminded me of the state she was in when she strolled into the bus stop.</p><p>“Any time.” She nodded, shoving her hands in her soaked denim pockets.</p><p>Why is she just stood in the rain like that?</p><p>“Do you want to like…come in?” I winced as a crack of thunder crashed above us, a bitter wind in the air.</p><p>She chuckled and looked at her feet.</p><p>“I’m okay, thanks. I need to go home and do some work.”</p><p>“O-oh, yeah of course.” I laughed rather too forced. “Okay well uh, thanks for the hoody.”</p><p>“Anytime, cupcake.”</p><p>I watched as she jumped into her car, drenched from head to toe and sped down the road, out of my sight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. detours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>What’s worse than a meeting full of self-entitled businessmen with cigars hanging out of their pockets? <em>Nothing</em>, there is literally<em> nothing</em> worse than having to endure in this hell.</p><p>“Good morning, Mr Miller, pleased to meet you.” I smiled as best as I could, walking into the meeting as everyone rose from their seats.</p><p>“Good morning, Ms Karnstein, I’m pleased to finally meet you too, thank you very much for hearing our pitch.” He greeted me, shaking my hand for a little too long.</p><p>I forced a smile and sat at the head of the desk, everyone in sight as Mattie and Elsie sat at my side. His full team were here, power point set up and everything.</p><p>“May I just say what a beautiful building you have, what an amazing view.” He smiled, teeth shown and jaw strut.</p><p>What an ass sucker, it took a lot in me not to roll my eyes at Mattie who was actually paying close attention.</p><p>“Yes, I never get tired of the view, it’s one of the advantages of working on the fiftieth floor.” I played along.</p><p>“Well thank you for agreeing to meet us today.” He nodded, obviously trying to sweeten me up for an easy route. But it takes much more than a compliment and a forced smile to get through to me that easily.</p><p>“You’re welcome.” I said, straightening my blazer and sitting up straight, legs crossed with my arms folded on the table. “I read the email you sent to my assistant last night, it seems as though you would like to pursue our negotiating terms? Please, tell me a bit more about your company.”</p><p>“ABC is a British estate company, founded in 2010 by my mother, passed down to me in heritage.” He started, clicking to the page on his PowerPoint as the other guests nudged each other confidently. “Our head-office is in London and we have a second sales office in north of England.”</p><p>“So, you have two offices, how many employees do you have in total?” I asked and he looked blank for a second.</p><p>“I um.” He cleared his throat and fixed his perfect tie. “I believe we have one hundred and forty-one employees across both offices, and we expect that to grow to one hundred and sixty before the end of the year.” He answered in a quick breath.</p><p>I nodded and listened to Elsie’s scribbling of notes and Mattie’s controlled breathing. I want Mattie here to show her never to back down, she is a strong woman which I admire her for, but when it comes to women in charge, some people like to try and take advantage of that.</p><p>“It sounds like you are growing very quickly, Mr Miller. What positions are you recruiting for?”</p><p>“Those new positions are in sales, IT development and tech support, Ms Karnstein.” He answered, flicking to the next slide on his rather poorly executed PowerPoint.</p><p>“Tell me briefly about your company’s products.” I shot back just as quick.</p><p>“Of course.” One of the other members of his team slid a file across the table which I caught and opened, pretending to scan over it as he carried on talking as if the whole world should stop and listen to him. “We develop and sell accounting software to small businesses. The product tracks expenses, sends invoices, manages income, generates balance and income statements and other reports. Much handier than an assistant.” He chuffed at the end and everyone apart from the three of us laughed, in fact, Elsie shifted rather uncomfortably.</p><p>“And how can Karnstein industry help? You seem as though you have it all figured out on your own.” I asked, leaning into my fist as I watched him very carefully.</p><p>“Yes well, we would like Karnstein industry to sell our system in the USA and help us invest in more land to open more ABC buildings. We understand that you already sell networking products and what not, but we believe your clients would be much more interested in <em>our</em> products.” He nodded firmly, winking at his friend as if he had won me over with his rather passive aggressive reply.</p><p>“Well I see you have done your research Mr Miller.” I smiled and he looked very pleased with himself. “But tell me, what makes your company any different to who I already have connections with?” I asked again, narrowing my eyes at him as he glanced around, wondering to himself if he really had to explain why <em>he</em> was the best.</p><p>“Because my family started from nothing and I have done nothing but for fill my mother’s legacy, in fact our stocks are the highest they have been in a decade under my control.”</p><p>“Hmm.” I hummed, sitting back in my chair as all eyes were on me. “Everyone starts from nothing, Mr Miller. What were your earnings last year?”</p><p>He glanced around, soon growing rather shy. <em>Gotcha</em>.</p><p>“Here at Karnstein industries we strive for nothing but the best, we are <em>very</em> serious about who we negotiate with Mr Miller. If your prices aren’t higher than a million a year, I will have to decline your offer and have my wonderful assistant lead you out.” I raised an eyebrow at him as Elsie smiled and hid her face from view, Mattie looking impressed as the others looked completely stunned.</p><p>“W-well that’s why we are asking for your help, Ms Karnstein. If you take us in, we could double the yearly income and make more sails-”</p><p>“-That wasn’t the deal or reason for this meeting.” I cut him short, standing up and straightening my attire, confidently walking to the front to meet him face to face. “I’m sorry, Mr Miller, but I will have to politely decline your offer. Karnstein industries doesn’t have the time to fund your company as we have bigger things to take care of at the moment.” I smiled, holding out a hand for him.</p><p>He looked down at the offering hand and shook it weekly, his team’s jaw dropped and absolutely bewildered by the denial.</p><p>“Please, let my <em>assistant</em> show you out.” I said rather smug, holding the door open for them.</p><p>“O-of course, thank you Ms Karnstein.” He gritted his teeth, packing away his belongings.</p><p>I watched them as they all scurried out, waiting until they left until I made my way back to my office with Mattie.</p><p>“I’m impressed sis, but why did I need to be there?” Mattie asked, closing the door behind us and I sat down on my leather chair behind the desk.</p><p>“Because I wanted to show you how to stand your ground when it comes to persuasions. New York will be above your usual level and I want you to be prepared because they will try and take advantage of you.” I explained and she stood in front of me, a small smile on her face.</p><p>“Why don’t you go? You could win the old man over in a second.” She sighed.</p><p>“Because I want <em>you</em> to have this. Like you said, I could easily do it, so what’s the point when I could send you for a big pitch which will do very good on your ratings?”</p><p>“Well consider me touched.” She chuckled and I scoffed. “Thank you, Carmilla. I knew there was a heart in there somewhere.” She winked.</p><p>“Yeah yeah.” I rolled my eyes playfully and Elsie walked in.</p><p>“Do you still need these notes?” Elsie asked, walking to my desk.</p><p>“No that’s okay thank you.” I answered.</p><p>She nodded and threw them in the bin.</p><p>“I’ll see you later, and I want info on that date of yours.” Mattie teased.</p><p>“There’s really nothing to tell.” I shook my head, giving her an amused flash before she up and left.</p><p>“I’m going to get drinks, would you like some food, Ms Karnstein?” Elsie pondered whilst grabbing her coat.</p><p>“I’m fine thanks.” I answered, turning on my computer. Elsie was just about to leave until a sudden surge of…kindness washed over me. “Are you uh, okay, after the meeting?” I practically mumbled.</p><p>Her rather shocked face didn’t surprise me.</p><p>“Oh, um yes, yes I’m okay thank you.” She smiled timidly.</p><p>I nodded and flashed her a quick smile before turning to my computer, ending the conversation. Maybe I understand why Laura likes being nice, it feels kind of good.</p><p><em>Laura</em>. I haven’t heard from her since Friday. But why would I? It’s not like we need to see each other. And I definitely didn’t wallow in the loss of her cupcake hoody all weekend nope.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>“Thanks.” I said, taking the tray of energy from Elsie’s hand.</p><p>I waited until I was alone, then checked the three take away cups. I couldn’t help but smile like an idiot at the handwritten note on one of the steaming cups.</p><p>
  <em>‘Brownies are extra delicious today.’ </em>
</p><p>Was that an invitation? I think it was.</p><p>-</p><p>“Sounds like you’ve had quite the day.” I said, absolutely amused by the speed of this girl’s voice.</p><p>“You have no idea.” She sighed, sipping her hot chocolate and slouching in the booth we were sat at. Then her eyes flashed, and she suddenly sat straight. “And then, a group of snobby British men walked in and were all ‘oh we are too good for your gross American tea, but I guess that’s what we will have.’” She scoffed in her best British accent.</p><p>I watched her go, spiralling off into one thing to the next. The way her hands moved frantically with her pace, her facial expressions, the way her voice changed with different emotions. I’ve never actually wanted to listen to someone before, until now. It was very cute and entertaining.</p><p>“What about you? How was your day?” She asked.</p><p>“Well, I think I’m the reason for your bad interaction with those British men.” I said, eating the last bite of my delicious brownie.</p><p>“Oh, how come?”</p><p>“Well remember that call in the car the other day?” She nodded and watched me. “It was a company from England who was begging me the whole week to show me their pitch. I knew straight away I wasn’t going to negotiate with them, but I accepted their request to prepare my sister for a big trip next week in NYC. The reason they were all huffy probably has to do with the fact I declined them.” I scoffed at the end.</p><p>I looked up when it was silent to find Laura just…looking at me, her eyes soft and lips curled into the smallest of smiles.</p><p>“Laura?” I furrowed my eyebrows at her in confusion.</p><p>“Right!” She snapped back, shaking her head. “I can see why you declined them, not the friendliest of men.” She chuckled as did I.</p><p>“Not boyfriend material?” I smirked and she laughed just at the statement.</p><p>“I mean <em>boys</em> aren’t really my material so…” She trailed off and my eyebrows shot up, she must have noticed as she immediately flushed red and started rambling. “I hope that doesn’t make you feel weird. I-I’m sorry it was-”</p><p>“-Cupcake.” I cut her off and she watched me blankly. “Men aren’t my thing either.” I Nodded slowly and she blinked at me.</p><p>“Oh?” She furrowed her eyebrows at me.</p><p>I just smirked and sipped my tap water contently.</p><p>“Oh.” She said to herself, hiding her smile behind her mug of cocoa.</p><p>“Mhm.” I hummed.</p><p>She flashed me a rather bashful smile which made my stomach churn slightly.</p><p>“So, any girlfriends?” She asked, not looking at me as she just glugged her drink down as if she never asked that question.</p><p>“As in plural?” I teased and she rolled her eyes. “No, I do not have any girlfriends.” I chuckled and she nodded timidly. “How about you?” I decided to ask…just out of curiosity of course.</p><p>“Same as you.” She replied and this time I was hiding my smile.</p><p>“What about the tall ginger you work with?” I asked again, unconsciously fiddling with a button on my blazer.</p><p>She let out a loud laugh and looked at me as if I wasn’t serious.</p><p>“Danny isn’t my girlfriend; she actually has a boyfriend.” She calmed down, now just an amused smile on her face as I tried my hardest not to blush. “He’s actually a graphic designer.” She shrugged, sipping her drink contently.</p><p>Christ, when did all of this stuff become so difficult for me?</p><p>“Well, you were right.” I sighed and she raised an eyebrow at me curiously. “The brownies were extra delicious today.” I smirked as did she.</p><p>“I thought you’d like them.” She said and I had to hide the broad smile that was threatening to escape my lips. “N-not that I was thinking about you all day, obviously.” She quickly stammered.</p><p>“<em>Obviously</em>.” I teased and she ducked her head with a sheepish smile.</p><p>We sat in a comfortable silence for a while until she broke it.</p><p>“So…” She cleared her throat. “What did you do this weekend?” She asked.</p><p>“The usual, work.” I replied rather flatly. “What did yo-”</p><p>“-Why don’t we do something this weekend? If you’re not busy of course.” She quickly shut her voice and I couldn’t help the initial shock that flitted through my body. She wants to do something with me?</p><p>“I’ll uh, I’ll check my schedule and see if I’m free.” I coughed rather awkwardly.</p><p>She nodded and her form deflated slightly.</p><p>“Why don’t I give you my number, then I can let you know?” I went for the long shot, watching her rather intensely as I waited for her answer.  </p><p>“Oh yeah, sure!” She smiled, probably as surprised as me at the question.</p><p>We exchanged numbers and talked for a little while longer before the time turned late. Laura turned all off and locked the door, rusted bike in hand as I made my way to my car.</p><p>I watched as she hopped on her bike, the rather bitter wind blowing her hair all over the place. Her foot slipped the first time she tried to peddle away, but with another huff and try, she was biking away. But I didn’t want her to go away, I didn’t want to leave her just yet.</p><p>So, I got in my car and drove, slowing down when I passed the bike lane. She swerved slightly and looked to her side in confusion. I rolled down my window and continued driving at her speed.</p><p>“Carm! What are you doing?!” She shouted so I could hear her.</p><p>
  <em>Carm?</em>
</p><p>“Let me drive you home, it’s late.” I called back.</p><p>She continued watching the road and I still followed slowly, anticipating for her answer.</p><p>“I…O-okay.” She replied rather confused, a loud screech coming from her brakes as she stopped at the path.</p><p>I smiled in victory to myself and put my indicators on, pulling over a little in front of her. I walked out and met her at my boot, chuckling to myself as she awkwardly passed me with her rusting bike to place into the car.</p><p>“You know you really don’t have to do this.” She sighed, hopping into the car as I held the door open for her.</p><p>“Well seen as though you refused to let me pay for the brownie.” I huffed as I jumped into the driver’s seat. “Consider this my token of appreciation.” I shot her a quick smile and started down the road again, remembering the journey from Friday.</p><p>She scoffed and fixed her seatbelt next to me, sitting contently.</p><p>“Where about’s do you live?” She asked. “Seen as though you know where I live.” She added on to justify her question.</p><p>“Not too far away from here.” I replied and she nodded, and I knew her question wasn’t fulfilled.</p><p>“Like ten minutes not too far or…” She itched to ask, and I smirked.</p><p>“Maybe twelve minutes.” I replied and she scoffed next to me. “Do you want me to drive by it on a little detour?” I asked, already feeling her body buzz with excitement.</p><p>“If it’s not an inconvenience to you and you wouldn’t mind.” She shrugged.</p><p>I chuckled and turned left instead of the usual right, holding the wheel a little too tightly. What was I thinking? Why the hell am I showing her where I live? No one apart from my relatives know where I live, not even my damn assistant knows where I live for Christ sake. If this all goes wrong and for some absurd reason she decides to leak my address, then I am utterly screwed.</p><p>“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” She said, probably realising the sudden tense atmosphere.</p><p>“Pft.” I scoffed. “I offered, didn’t I?” I shrugged it off, quickly pressing the radio button.</p><p>The sudden blasting of heavy metal made us both jump and I scrambled to turn it off.</p><p>“Sorry I uh,” I cleared my throat. “I don’t know who left that on.” I mumbled, realising how much of a spaz I was being.</p><p>“Well, can’t say I expected that one.” Laura smirked next to me and I just smiled sheepishly.</p><p>I slowed down as we reached the large metal gate which covered a long driveway, only the upper floors of the mansion in sight as it was dark and rather hidden away.</p><p>“Holy shit.” Laura gawked as she pressed a button to roll down the window. “You live in that?” She asked in shock.</p><p>“Yup, me and my loathsome self.” I sighed and she turned around to look at me with a rather sad smile. “Which I don’t mind, of course.” I quickly said, fixing my posture to not look at all vulnerable.</p><p>“You know,” She began, placing a hand on top of mine on the gear stick, catching me off guard as I gulped. “You can always call me if you need some company.” She beamed and I just nodded.</p><p>She’s so kind, <em>too </em>kind.</p><p>“It’s massive, I don’t know what I’d do with all of that space.” She chuckled, rubbing her thumb over my knuckles before retracting completely.</p><p>“Maybe I’ll show you how I fill in the space one day.” I looked straight ahead of me and felt her gaze on me.</p><p>“I think I’d like that very much.” She pursed her lips and I smiled to myself, starting the engine up again and making our way back to her apartment.</p><p>“So, I’ll uh…” Laura stood at the door to the building, bike in hand. “I’ll text you.” She smiled rather shyly, and my stomach churned at the sight.</p><p>“Can’t wait cupcake, good night.” I waved and hopped back in the car, smiling at her as I left.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>quick question, I'm all up to date with my chapters so I can post twice a week. if I did I'd probs do Monday and Thursday, just wondering if that would ruin the build up for posting on Monday and it would be too overwhelming or if you would be happy with me posting twice a week? Let me know! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Bike rides and bruises</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey dad, you okay?” I asked on the phone, eating a slice of pizza from my lap.</p><p>“Yeah.” He sighed, but I wasn’t fully convinced.</p><p>“Daaad.” I warned and he chuckled into the phone.</p><p>“I’m just a little lonely, I was looking through the photo album today and I saw a beautiful picture of you and her.” He laughed sadly and I put the pizza away.</p><p>“I know dad, I miss her too. But she wouldn’t want you to wallow over her.”</p><p>“When did you get so wise?” He sighed light-heartedly and I laughed too.</p><p>“Maybe after numerous conversations about bear spray and my no-go areas.” I scoffed.</p><p>“Bear spray is much more powerful than a taser you know.”</p><p>I rolled my eyes and snickered.</p><p>“I gotta get to work dad, call me later.” I said, brushing crumbs from my top and grabbing my bike and keys.</p><p>“Will do, be safe honey.” He hung up and I smiled to myself.</p><p>Mom’s death caught us both off guard. I was fourteen when she died so I was old enough to understand. My dad didn’t handle it well at all and started spiralling down, that’s why it took me a while to move out and leave him. But I can’t let what happened to my dad happen to me, so I took those years and grieved, helping my dad as much as I could. It’s still a sensitive topic, but death will always be sensitive.</p><p>So whilst I biked my daily route to work, I thought about all the change in my life, and all of the new changes…like Carmilla. The millionaire that just happens to drive me home and show me her mansion, and it feels so right. It’s rather refreshing having someone new in your life.</p><p>“Hey.” I rushed into the café, whizzing past Danny to the staff room to dump my bike there and put my work attire on.</p><p>“How have you not been fired for being late every shift?” Danny scoffed.</p><p>“Honestly I have no idea.” I huffed and stood at the counter.</p><p>It was quiet today, no line and only the odd couple sat at booths and tables.</p><p>“Probably because our boss has a thing for you.” Danny winked and I pulled a face of disgust.</p><p>“No he doesn’t.” I rolled my eyes, leaning back on the counter, watching the clock unconsciously for five.</p><p>“So, what’s it like dating Carmilla Karnstein?” Danny wiggled her eyebrows.</p><p>“Pft.” I scoffed. “We are <em>not </em>dating.”</p><p>“Is she still mad you slapped her?” She teased and I blushed.</p><p>“She wasn’t mad, surprisingly.”</p><p>“Hm, maybe she likes a little pain.” Danny smirked.</p><p>“Oh get a grip.” I laughed as did she.</p><p>“I just can’t believe you’re seeing her.”</p><p>“Neither can I to be honest, but it’s nice. I enjoy her company.”</p><p>“I’m flattered, cupcake.” A familiar voice said.</p><p>Danny’s jaw dropped and eyes widened, and I quickly spun around, almost tripping over myself. Because there she was, standing there in her smart work clothes with a small grin on her face, hands in her suite’s pockets.</p><p>“Y-you’re not Elsie.” Stammered out of my mouth and I mentally punched my face.</p><p>“No, I am not.” She cocked her head at me. “My meeting got cancelled, so, I thought I’d come and see what’s so amazing about coffee round.” She shrugged and all I could do was nod like an idiot.</p><p>There were a few people in the café who seemed to recognise her, watching her in surprise and some taking a sneaky picture. Carmilla seemed to notice as she fixed her posture, clearing her throat and dropping her smirk to a reserved face.</p><p>“Any time today would be nice.” Carmilla said, looking at her wrist to check the time.</p><p>I snapped back to earth and put the usual order in the till, placing her money away and getting her drinks done. Danny was wiping down the same spot, making no eye contact with the woman behind us as I focused on making her drinks perfect.</p><p>“So, you’re here.” I turned around, waiting for her drinks to heat up in the machine.</p><p>“That I am.” She teased, trying to control her involuntary smirk.</p><p>“I see, so seeing me is more important than work?” I couldn’t help but tease back and the sudden gleam in her eye made it worth it.</p><p>“It would look that way, wouldn’t it?” The corner of her mouth curled, hiding her signature smirk.</p><p>I couldn’t help but laugh, and neither could she, smiling away. I actually got kind of lost as I watched her truly smile, it’s a wonderful sight.</p><p>“Ahem.” A sudden clearing of throat caught us both off guard by a customer waiting behind Carmilla.</p><p>Carmilla cleared her throat and stood aside at the waiting area and I took the customer’s order rather sheepishly. Danny tapped my shoulder and nodded to her right where Carmilla was stood, taking over serving. I shot her a quick smile of appreciation and got on with her two trays of espresso. </p><p>“How do you even drink two trays of this stuff?” I grimaced as I passed them to her.</p><p>“I don’t drink both trays.” She chuckled. “One tray for me and the other one for my sister.” She explained further.</p><p>“Still, It’s pretty gross.” I teased and she scoffed.</p><p>“Well, when you work all day every day, you need some fuel.” She replied.</p><p>“I’m sure there are better ways to help you relax.” I shrugged and her eyebrows flew up. It suddenly dawned on me what I had just said. “N-not like that.” I quickly tried to brush it off but the obvious redness on my cheeks was making that hard to believe.</p><p>She chuckled and I couldn’t help but just…watch her again. The way her pearly white teeth showed slightly, the adorable hint of small dimples in her cheeks, the way her chiselled jaw flexed without her knowing. She is beautiful, you’d have to be blind not to appreciate it.</p><p>“Well as much as I love being stared at, work calls.” She chuckled and I just blinked at her.</p><p>“Y-yeah! Of course! You…get to work!” I forced a laugh, but I don’t think anyone believed it, even the customer next to Carmilla looked rather mortified for me.</p><p>“Will do, cupcake.” She smiled and started making her way out of the café, but I couldn’t have her leave on that note.</p><p>“Wait!” I called after and she turned to look at me rather surprised, as did many other people. I ushered her over frantically and she shook her head in amusement, strolling back over. “Meet me here, tonight?” I asked and she looked rather caught off guard.</p><p>“I’ll check my schedule.” She smirked fully now. “Anything else?”</p><p>“Do you own a bike?” I asked again and her smirk fell to a confused expression.</p><p>“I’m sure I have one somewhere?” She furrowed her eyebrows. “…why?”</p><p>“Bring it tonight.” This time I smirked.</p><p>She nodded slowly and made her way out again, shaking her head on her way.</p><p>“That was just painful, Hollis.”</p><p>***</p><p>“Elsie.” I called as soon as I walked into my office.</p><p>“Y-yes?” She immediately stood up.</p><p>“I need you to come with me to the bike store, cancel all of my calls and meetings.” I said firmly, placing the tray of espresso down on my large desk.</p><p>“The bike store?” Elsie asked confused. I turned around and shot her a warning look and she quickly shut up and started cancelling my plans.</p><p>As soon as she finished, I grabbed my keys and locked my office door, both of us walking to the car.</p><p>“Not to be intrusive, Ms Karnstein, but why are we going to the bike store?” She asked whilst buckling up her seat belt as I started the car.</p><p>“Because I need one.” I replied flatly and she just nodded quietly. “You sometimes ride a bike to work, right?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“I need your help in picking one, I need it today.” I said, picking up the speed to get to the bike store before it closes.</p><p>“O-okay.” She gripped her seatbelt for dear life, the simple action made me think of Laura and I couldn’t help but smile at the thought. But what is even happening, am I really going on a bike ride with her? I’ve never been on a bike ride before, in fact, I don’t know if I remember<em> how</em> to ride a bike.</p><p>“What type of bike are you looking for?” Elsie asked, her voice wavering as we pulled into a parking space.</p><p>I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt and jumped out, Elsie following in tow.</p><p>“I have no idea.” I replied, walking into the shop which closes in ten minutes.</p><p>It was apparent on the workers faces they weren’t expecting customers in ten minutes before they were about to close. But quite frankly I couldn’t care less, I need this bike.</p><p>“Good evening, ladies, what can I do for you?” A woman in sports attire asked as me and Elsie stood there rather cluelessly.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, I’m looking for a bike.” I answered and she looked at me as though I hadn’t finished.</p><p>“I see, well we have many here.” She joked and Elsie laughed awkwardly next to me. “What kind of bike are you looking for?” She asked again and I looked at her blankly.</p><p>“I don’t know, just a…bike.” I am way out of place here.</p><p>“And your price range?”</p><p>“That doesn’t matter, I just need one to buy on the spot.”</p><p>She thought for a moment and then led the way to a display area.</p><p>“These are the bikes we have in stock ranging from high to low prices. What will you be using your bike for?”</p><p>Was that a serious question?<em> ‘What will you be using your bike for?’ </em>To ride it?</p><p>“I honestly don’t know, I don’t want to race it or anything, just a normal bike.”</p><p>She nodded and stood next to a black simple bike.</p><p>“How about this?” She asked.</p><p>I studied the bike and glanced to Elsie who was drooling over another in the corner. Great help she is.</p><p>“Perfect, I’ll take it.” I nodded firmly.</p><p>The lady looked rather surprised at my quick decision but walked me over to the paying area none the less. Elsie scurried to my side and waited whilst I paid, and the lady watched me for a little too long whilst I waited for my card to be accepted.</p><p>“Thanks.” I smiled briefly, taking the bike from a man who brought it out for me.</p><p>“Have, a nice day.” The woman called after us.</p><p>The two of us walked out and Elsie took the bike, carefully shoving it into the cars boot as I pulled out my phone.</p><p>
  <em>Carmilla: It’s your lucky day cupcake, schedules free.</em>
</p><p>“You know, that bike is beautiful.” Elsie said as we jumped into the car.</p><p>“Oh yeah?” I mumbled, staring at my screen as the bubbles lit up the bottom corner of the screen; Laura’s typing back.</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Woah, I feel so privileged.</em>
</p><p>I smiled and tucked it away in my pocket, humming and agreeing to whatever the hell Elsie was on about now. </p><p>***</p><p>“Oh wow, it’s uh…” Laura tilted her head at me and the bike. “It’s very you.” She nodded and I just looked at her rather lost.</p><p>“What’s that meant to mean?” I winced, looking at myself and then to the bike.</p><p>“Well…it’s expensive and very…dark?” She answered with a grimace.</p><p>“And yours is rusted and decaying, your point is?”</p><p>She blinked at me, her mouth pursing.</p><p>“Fair enough.” She shrugged, hopping onto her bike.</p><p>I followed her moves and jumped onto mine, thanking my past self for quickly going home to change before coming here, let’s just say my pant suit wouldn’t be as flexible as jeans.</p><p>“You ready?” She beamed and I nodded, setting off rather wobbly.</p><p>I watched as she biked off a rather high curb and onto the road. Oh fuck, okay Carmilla, you can ride a bike, you used to do it all the time when you were small. I held my breath and peddled off the curb, my butt crashing down onto the stale seat below me. Laura turned around and threw me a bashful smile, holding her thumb up at me.</p><p>I nodded to the road in front of her and when she turned back around, I smiled to myself, letting this moment sink in. Just riding a bike with Laura, completely carefree in the dark of the night, following her. Following someone instead of holding the rope.</p><p>She stopped and I quickly held my brakes, coming to a rather wobbly holt.</p><p>“You do know how to ride a bike, right?” Laura chuckled as we waited for the green light on the rather desolate road.</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous, of course I know how to ride a bike.” I spat back and she nudged me, causing my foot to slip off the pedal and I almost lost my balance. “What the hell was that for?” I hissed, trying to find my footing again.</p><p>“<em>You’re </em>ridiculous.” She teased and I looked up, not realising how close we really were on the narrow bike lane. “There’s a price tag on your wheel.” Laura pointed down and my eyes snapped, widening as she was right.</p><p>“Yeah, I uh, used to collect them…so I keep the labels on.” I nodded firmly, glancing at her to see if she believed me.</p><p>“Oh really?” She smirked.</p><p>“What? Yes, really.” I replied confidently and she just watched me amused. “Stop looking at me like that!” I huffed, her face lighting green from the traffic light.</p><p>“I’m not even looking at you!” She called behind her as she sped away down the long empty road.</p><p>“Laura wai- damnit.” I scowled to myself, wobbling all over the place as I tried to catch up with her.</p><p>“Wanna see how fast she goes?” Laura grinned as I cycled at her pace.</p><p>“Har har, so funny.” I rolled my eyes all whilst trying to keep my balance as I nearly toppled over.</p><p>Laura’s hand immediately flew to mine, holding it firmly.</p><p>“You need to move your hand up the handlebar.” She explained loudly over the howling wind.</p><p>I gulped and flickered my gaze from the road to Laura’s hand on top of mine, sliding it up the bar carefully and patting it sweetly before retracting to her own bike again.</p><p>“I knew that.” I huffed and she scoffed next to me, taking both of her hands off the bars completely. “What the hell are you doing!?” I practically shrieked, watching the road and Laura.</p><p>“Try it!” She laughed, head dropped back, and arms raised high.</p><p>The wind blew her hair behind her, bitter colliding with warmth as the apple of her cheeks glowed pink, the tips of her nose peachy and smooth and the shells of her ears pierced with a lighter shade. She laughed brightly and it made me laugh too. She turned and watched me too, the two of us just laughing over nothing really.</p><p>It feels so free to laugh with someone.</p><p>“Shit.” Laura mumbled, wiping her face free from rain drops. A crack of thunder in the distance made Laura’s hands fly to the handlebars again.</p><p>“Scared of a little thunder?” I smirked sarcastically and her smile faded slightly. “Are you?” I asked in slight shock.</p><p>“Shut up.” She mumbled, the rain starting to fall rather quickly now.</p><p>I looked around, not really knowing where we were seeing as though my concentration was…elsewhere.</p><p>“Follow me.” She called over the rain and wind, holding my handlebar to turn us sharply to a hidden path.</p><p>I tried to holt her before- “Wait Lau-” That happens.</p><p>“Oh shit.” Laura quickly hopped off her bike and slid on the floor with me. “I’m so sorry I didn’t see the curb and I-”</p><p>“-Cupcake, don’t worsen my headache.” I groaned, rubbing the back of my head with a wince from where I collided with the ground. “I’m fine.” I sighed, my vision a tad blurry.</p><p>“You might be having a concussion; I need to take you to the hospital-”</p><p>“-Laura! Just shut up for a second.” I held my hand out, silencing her with my one finger as I caught my bearings.</p><p>There’s no way in hell I am going to a hospital, I can’t have mother finding out about my reckless behaviour. What am I even doing? Biking around with a prissy girl in the rain. It isn’t professional, but it’s wrong how right it feels.</p><p>“I’m going home.” I said firmly, plucking up all my strength to stand on my own, swatting away Laura’s hand as she tried to help me up.</p><p>“Carm, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”</p><p>“-It’s not your fault.” I sighed, picking my bike back up, getting more frustrated by the second as the rain drenched my clothes.</p><p>“You don’t even know where we are, Carmilla. Just come to my apartment until the rain stops.” Laura placed a calming hand on my shoulder, obviously sensing my tension.</p><p>Go to her apartment? No, no way. I can’t let this go any further.</p><p>“I said I’m fine!” I shouted over the rain.</p><p>She looked taken back, taking a step backward slightly as I gripped the stupid handlebar. But then something trickled down my face, too thick to be rain. I wiped at it and caught sight of the red liquid dripping from my fingers. Well that isn’t good. God, I fucking hate blood, just the sight of it makes me cloud with nausea and fatigue.</p><p>“Carm, we’re five minutes from my apartment.” She took a step forward, watching the small stream of blood drip from my chin to the wet ground. “Please, just come with me?” She asked.</p><p>Well, I’m in no state to find my way home and I think I could faint any second.</p><p>I sighed and nodded. She smiled and picked her bike up, one hand on my handlebar and the other on hers. Laura began to walk with both bikes, looking behind her shoulder at me to signify to follow her. And I did, my feet having a mind of their own as they followed <em>very</em> closely to her.</p><p>***</p><p>“You really don’t have to do this.” I mumbled in embarrassment, swatting at her hand for the tenth time.</p><p>Her nostrils flared and she glared at me, sucking in a frustrated breath.  </p><p>“Okay, do it yourself.” She huffed, throwing the damp cloth in my hand, about to stomp off her sofa until I caught her sleeve and tugged her back.</p><p>I looked at her sheepishly and offered the cloth back to her. She pursed her lips rather smugly and dabbed my forehead with the cloth, soothing the wound gently. I haven’t had someone to look after me for…well…too long. I didn’t realise how touch starved I was, just having someone taking care of me with no ulterior motives.</p><p>“I can’t believe I’m wearing this hoody again.” I scoffed peacefully, eyes closed in comfort as Laura’s hands cradled my face to position me, wiping my face and sweeping away my hair.</p><p>“It still suites you.” She chuckled, her breath warm and hot on my face.</p><p>My clothes were drenched, literally soaked, so, I had to borrow a pair of black leggings and her pink cupcake hoody again. Laura changed too which is fine, apart from the fact she decided to change into a pair of comfy shorts and a lose tank top. Yup, fine by me, nothing at all sexy or flattering about that, nope.</p><p>The problem was that the rain was not going to stop tonight, and it’s just the inevitable that I’d have to stay at Laura’s as I’m in no state to bike anywhere…and Laura refuses to let me get in a taxi this late in my current vulnerable ‘<em>state</em>’. I don’t know what I’m going to do about work, I can’t show up looking like this.</p><p>“Ow.” I mumbled under my breath, no energy to actually move in discomfort.</p><p>“Sorry.” Laura whispered softly.</p><p>I opened my eyes and watched her, she looked down and smiled sweetly at me, her warm fingers dancing delicately on my forearm to prop herself up, her other hand softly cleaning my bloody face.</p><p>No one has ever taken care of me like this before. The only time I can remember being this pampered was when I was seven and fell off my scooter, father had rushed to me, cradling me in his large loving arms, holding me to his chest as he kissed the bruise.</p><p>He was warm, he was home, <em>my</em> home…and I’ve been homesick for years.</p><p>Laura’s warmth on my side reminded me of home.</p><p>“There yah go.” She patted my shoulder, fixing my damp hair.</p><p>I looked up and focused on her smile, the gleam in her eye and the warmth she was accumulating at my side.</p><p>“You okay?” She asked.</p><p>“Yes, thank you.” I cleared my throat, fiddling with my fingers below me as my leg bobbed up and down.</p><p>“You can sleep in my bed; I’ll take the couch.” She yawned, about to stand up to get a blanket, but I stopped her.</p><p>“Don’t be stupid, cupcake. I’ll sleep here, you sleep in your bed.” I stated firmly and she was about to protest. “No but’s, It’s <em>not </em>up for debate.” I ordered and her mouth closed, a very subtle blush pinking her cheeks.</p><p>“O-okay.” She squeaked, nodding her head and I couldn’t help but smirk in amusement.</p><p>She scrambled off the couch and left for a quick second, arriving back with a fluffy blanket and a soft looking yellow pillow, a shy smile on her face which made my heart melt slightly.</p><p>“Here, it can get pretty cold at night.” She started, fluffing the pillow on the arm rest for me. “So, if you do get too cold, you are welcome to come into the warm bed.” She offered, passing me the blanket.</p><p>“Thanks.” I practically whispered.</p><p>“Night.” She smiled before turning the main light off, her bare feet padding against the wooden floor until the door creaked shut to her bedroom, not closed fully, however.</p><p>I sighed and lay down on the sofa, nuzzling into the pillow and wrapping myself up in the blanket. How do these things even happen? How the hell did I even get myself into this situation? My head thumped from my fall still, but the softness of the pillow wallowed out the pain slightly, the ghost of Laura’s calming fingers dancing around the open wound, healing me.</p><p>I scoffed to myself, ridiculous. She was just helping me, because she is nice, and that’s what nice people do. I could have been a stranger and she most probably would have done the exact same thing. I’m no one special, no exception.</p><p>Laura was right though, it does get cold, <em>very </em>cold. I was practically a burrito in the covers now, curling in on myself to trap in the little heat there was. And then I remembered how warm Laura had been against me, how wonderful and relaxing it had felt. Body heat is an entirely different thing than artificial heat. It’s safer…nicer; and once you get a sample, you can’t help but want to dive back for more.</p><p>It’s just every time I want to dive in, water turns to concrete, and I’m on the edge again where there is no warmth, there’s just…well, there’s nothing.</p><p>So I just laid there and let my body shiver, letting the hint of Laura from the pillow and blanket lull me to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Posting schedule: Monday &amp; Friday :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Mind games</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I bolted awake as soon as I heard the scream coming from my small living rom, confusion written all over my face. What the…<em>Carmilla</em>. The sleepiness immediately left my body as I sprinted out of bed, rushing to the commotion.</p><p>“Carm? What’s wro-”</p><p>But what I was seeing right now was not what I was expecting. Carmilla was clutching my blanket to her chest, her knees pressed into her chest as she glared at the offending creature.</p><p>I held in a snicker as Norris flicked her tail at the other end of the sofa, her head tilted in confusion as she studied Carmilla.</p><p>“What the fuck is that?” Carm squealed, glaring at the animal.</p><p>“That’s a cat.” I teased, leaning over the sofa to plop Norris down on the floor.</p><p>“Yes I know it’s a fucking cat Laura.” Carmilla hissed. “What the hell is it doing here?” She asked, her features stern yet tired, her bed hair dropping low on her shoulders which was entirely too adorable.</p><p>“<em>Norris</em>, is waiting for breakfast.” I said, heading to the small kitchen area and pulling out a fresh can of cat food.</p><p>“You have a cat called Norris?” Carmilla groaned, mid yawn.</p><p>“Kinda, she’s a stray but I’ve been feeding her for about two years. And, she looks like Norris from Harry Potter.” I smiled down at Norris, scraping her food into her usual bowl.</p><p>“Well <em>she</em> scared the crap outta me, and she doesn’t really.” Carmilla huffed, I could hear the scowl on her face even though I couldn’t see her.</p><p>“Well…they are the same colour so close enough.” I practically mumbled, stroking Norris’ head and placing the bowl down for her.</p><p>“What if she gave me flees, Laura.” Carmilla dead panned, her head popping up from the back of the sofa all cute and grumpy. Huh, who knew Carmilla could be so cute?</p><p>“She doesn’t have flees.” I rolled my eyes, subtly looking down at the feeding cat. “I don’t think.” I mumbled and Carmilla bolted up, checking herself. “I’m kidding, she doesn’t have flees, and neither do you!” I shook my head, turning on the old coffee machine I was able to keep from work.</p><p>She grumbled something incoherent under her breath and did a full body stretch. It was very nostalgic seeing her in that jumper again. I watched as she lazily dug into the hoodies deep pocket, reaching out her expensive phone which probably hasn’t even come out to the world yet.</p><p>“Fuck.” She grumbled, tapping her phone and then holding it up to her ear. “Hey, I need a lift home ASAP.” She sighed and the pull in my stomach surprised me. “I’m at uh.” She glanced outside the window. “I’m at the park.” She said and my shoulders slumped. “Thanks.” Were her final words and she groaned, tucking her phone away after ending the call.</p><p>The park? Is she…is she embarrassed of me?</p><p>I pretended that I wasn’t listening, adding milk and sugar into my coffee as Carmilla scrounged around for her clothes.</p><p>“The bathrooms next to the bedroom if you want to change.” I offered, not looking at her.</p><p>She mumbled a thanks and sauntered away, closing the door behind her. I looked around, it being obvious why she would be embarrassed of me. I didn’t have lots of money, I didn’t live in a mansion and I most certainly did not have the friends and family she had. Whoever was on the other end of the call was clearly not meant to know about me.</p><p>“Hey.” Carmilla smiled, my leggings and hoody in her arms as she strolled out of the bathroom in her wet clothes, her breath minty from what must be my mouth wash.</p><p>I nodded and stirred my cup, rather embarrassed by myself. Carmilla must have sensed the sudden change in atmosphere as she took a step back, placing my clothes on the counter next to me.</p><p>“I have to go to work.” She said quietly and I flashed her a quick smile. “I uh, thank you, for letting me stay last night.” She cleared her throat.</p><p>“It’s fine.” I cut through blatantly.</p><p>Her eyebrows furrowed for a second before a rather still feature painted her face.</p><p>Without another word, she nodded and walked out of the door quietly, closing it behind her. As soon as I was alone, I huffed and scowled to myself. Of course she didn’t want to be associated with me, why would someone like <em>her </em>ever want anything to do with <em>me</em>.</p><p>“You better not have fleas; I don’t have the money to pay for her treatment.” I mumbled, passing Norris with my coffee and got ready for work later.</p><p>***</p><p>“What’s up with you?” Danny asked as I stood at the till, hands in palms, sulk face intensified.</p><p>“Nothing.” I grumbled, spinning the rather empty tip jar around idly.</p><p>“I know that face Hollis, what happened?” Danny nudged my shoulder, bumping into me as we looked out of the café into the rather empty street. “Is it Carmilla?” She asked after no reply.</p><p>“No.” I tried to scoff, she looked at me unbelievably. “Maybe.” I sighed, narrowing my eyes at the clock which was about to strike the fifth hour.</p><p>“So you <em>are</em> seeing her.” She teased. “My best friend is seeing the multimillion air Carmilla Karnstein.” She sang, bumping my shoulder.</p><p>“I’m not seeing her, trust me.” I huffed, narrowing my eyes at Elsie as she strolled in. A tiny part of me was hoping it would be Carmilla walking in, just like the tiny part of me last night hoping for the dip in my bed. But neither of them happened.</p><p>“Hey guys.” Elsie greeted us.</p><p>“Hey.” Me and Danny both said in unison, mine drawled and less enthusiastic.</p><p>Just as I turned to make her usual order, Danny started talking.</p><p>“How’s your boss?” She asked and I accidently crushed the cup in my hand, reciting all the ways I’m going to kill Danny later.</p><p>“Weird, like…really weird.” Elsie winced and I couldn’t help but listen in.</p><p>“How come?” Danny asked again.</p><p>“I honestly don’t know, yesterday they hauled me in their car to help them buy a bike. I don’t think they have <em>ever</em> ridden a bike before.” She chuckled and I couldn’t help but smile to myself. “I think they’re seeing someone.” She added on and my breathing stopped for a split second, Danny letting out a victorious ‘Ah’.</p><p>“Here yah go.” I quickly forced both trays into Elsie’s stumbling arms. “On the house.” I nodded a little too forced.</p><p>She looked at me, absolutely baffled.</p><p>“I uh, thanks?” She winced and I smiled. “Um see you tomorrow.” She smiled awkwardly and left.</p><p>“Not seeing her huh?” Danny teased.</p><p>“No. I am not seeing nor am I dating Carmilla. That wasn’t me Elsie was talking about, clearly it was someone else, Danny. Drop it.” I huffed, wiping down the coffee machine viciously.</p><p>“Sheesh, sorry.” Danny whistled lowly, making herself busy next to me.</p><p>So Carmilla might be dating someone, that’s fine. We aren’t together, she has no obligations to me, we’re just…friends, I think. She said the other day she was single, but a lot can change in a short amount of time, <em>trust me</em>.</p><p>“Look.” Danny sighed next to me. “I’m sorry it’s just, I just want you to be happy. I haven’t seen you like <em>that</em> for a long time.”</p><p>“That?” I grimaced.</p><p>“Yeah.” She smiled, leaning on the counter. “Talking to girlssss, blushing.” She wiggled her brows and I couldn’t help but laugh at her. “I wouldn’t think too much about what Elsie said, Carmilla doesn’t seem like the messing around type.”</p><p>I thought about that for a brief second, she’s right, Carmilla doesn’t seem like that kind of person at all. In fact, she seems like the complete opposite, reserved, <em>lonely</em>. She lives in that huge house by herself, prides her car as if it’s the only thing she favours, and from what I’ve picked up from Elsie, her family go deep, and she has little to no one.</p><p>“I mean, I wouldn’t know, maybe.” I shrugged.</p><p>“You wouldn’t know.” Danny scoffed. “Oh please Hollis, you don’t think I know about your little meetups and nicknames?” She smirked and I glared.</p><p>“There are no nicknames.” I grumbled and she laughed.</p><p>“Carm…cupcake…” She said in a high voice, puckering her lips.</p><p>I shoved her away and shook my head.</p><p>“They mean nothing, I’m sure she calls everyone cupcake. And Carm is just an easier way of saying Carmilla.” I justified confidently.</p><p>“She’s never called me cupcake.” Danny added to her argument. “And I’m pretty sure if I called her Carm I wouldn’t have a mouth to talk with anymore.”</p><p>I chuckled at that, that’s probably true.</p><p>“So, what’s up?” She asked.</p><p>“Well, she slept over at my apartment last night.” Her eyebrows shot up and I quickly blushed. “N-not like that.” I quickly said and she nodded. “And I think she was…embarrassed, by me. She got a lift home and lied about where she was and…I don’t know, it made me feel really shitty.” I shrugged, frowning unconsciously.</p><p>Danny watched me for a long second, thinking.</p><p>“Okay, tonight, we’re gonna do some research on her.” She nodded confidently.</p><p>“What? No. I’m not stalking Carmilla.” I scoffed at the idea.</p><p>***</p><p>“Holy shit.” My jaw dropped, as did Danny’s in unison.</p><p>“Her company’s net worth is three hundred <em>million</em>, Laura.” She gaped. “She’s fucking loaded.” She turned to me, her cup of coffee cold in her hands. “You have to bang her I mean come on-”</p><p>“-Danny!” I shrieked, swatting her arm and scrolling down the computer in the staff room. “Oh my god, look at this.” My eyes widened, literally popping out of their skull at what I was reading.</p><p>“No fucking way.” Danny’s voice was full of shock, we both looked at the image in joined disbelief.</p><p>There, on the computer screen, was Carmilla Karnstein…a full written article and picture on no other than Forbes’s website. Danny’s hand moved quicker than mine, clicking on the website linked.</p><p>Carmilla looked stunning, so professional in her dark suit and tie, smouldering into the camera. It set something off inside me, she was beautiful, a literal badass woman. The image of the first time I saw her popped into mind, how distraught and lost she had looked. She looked like an entirely different person to who I was seeing now on this screen. And last night…she was so small and vulnerable.</p><p>“This is crazy Laura, like…insane.” Danny practically whispered, reading the article next to the dazzling photo.</p><p>“Wait, what does that sa-”</p><p>“-Hello?” A raspy voice said in front of us.</p><p>The biscuit in my hand dropped and Danny stopped breathing all together as we looked up from the computer, Carmilla standing all tall and powerful in the doorway. Luckily, she can’t see the computer from here.</p><p>“Carm!” I suddenly blurted, eyes wide like a dear caught in headlights as I scrambled at the keyboard, exciting all of our tabs in a hurry. “You’re here!” I smiled enthusiastically.</p><p>She raised a perfect eyebrow and glanced to Danny who immediately got the message.</p><p>“I uh, Kirsch will be worried.” She shot up, grabbing her car keys and bag. “I’m just gonna…” She trailed off, tripping over every object she looked at as she slid by Carmilla.</p><p>Oh god, I’m alone with Carmilla.</p><p>“You weren’t answering your texts.” She said in a tone that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on edge.</p><p>“Oh, sorry, I haven’t checked it.” I looked around, not daring to look into her eyes.</p><p>“There was no message on my cup today.” Her eyes narrowed, pulling my gaze to her.</p><p>It took a beat to realise what she was saying, the fact that after the way I acted with her this morning she still wanted to see me was hard enough to understand, but the banter? That totally threw me off my game. And I can’t be off my game, not near Carmilla because I know she loves it when she overpowers me.</p><p>“There wasn’t? Sorry, must have mixed up the cups.” I shrugged, watching as her eyes gleamed suddenly, her lips trying not to curve into her signature smirk.</p><p>“You mean there are other people who drink pure coffee?” She clipped back, taking a slow step forward to the desk I was sitting at.</p><p>“You’d be surprised.”</p><p>Her eyes narrowed and her tongue ran over her top set of teeth under her lips.</p><p>“Looks like you’re not the only one around here who’s power hungry.” I shrugged, clearly hitting a nerve as her tongue paused its rather sensual movements, the faint sound of a pen clicking coming from the inside of her blazers pocket where her hand hid.</p><p>She treats me like a peasant? I’ll treat her like the royalty she must think she is.</p><p>“Your comebacks are rusty, like the pile of junk you ride around.” She said, kicking a scrunched-up receipt on the floor with her pointed heels, flicking her blazer back to rest her hands on her hips, looking down her sharp nose at me.</p><p>She’s looking for a reaction, testing me.</p><p>“That pile of junk is more stable than you.” I bit back, narrowing my eyes at her. The tiniest of smiles flashed her face and I had to refrain from smiling too.</p><p>But then she neared me, slowly, and leaned forward, her hands resting on the chairs arm rests right next to me, her hair curtaining her face. <em>Jesus. Christ.</em></p><p>“I could touch that bike and turn its profits from one dollar to one million.” She smirked fully, looking down at me as I tried not to melt into the chair under her gaze.</p><p>How did the awkwardness turn into a weird…sexual game with stares and comebacks in less than a damn minute? It’s crazy what she does to me, baffling even. She could throw me off my game with just one look and I hate it.</p><p>“You must think you’re sooo clever.” I glared at her, her smirk fading as she listened carefully now. “Parading around as if you own the place, looking at me as though I’m just a mayfly.” I sat up and she followed my eyes, the same level as my sight now. “But I’ve seen you at your lowest, and you aren’t fooling me with any of your crap.”</p><p>Her jaw clenched, fingers tapping the arm rests dangerously and I worried that I had taken it too far by the drop of her face.</p><p>“Because you’re so withered and wise and adjacent to the world, right, Laura? You know what it’s like having to pretend your whole life, don’t you?” Her voice was low, testing.</p><p>I gulped and looked up at her burning irises, guilt flooding my system. But I was trapped between Carmilla’s body, her arms pinning me down and her hair was flowing down my chest. The musky smell of her perfume intoxicating my system.</p><p>“Go on then, since you’re so clever, tell me what’s wrong with me.” She dared, voice firm and demanding. My body reacted by flipping my stomach, a chill running down my spine from her authority and the position she had me in. <em>Not the time Laura</em>!</p><p>“What? Carm, there’s nothing wrong with you.” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Is that what she was getting from all of this? I think I took the game too far. “That’s not what I’m getting at.” I sighed, ending whatever the hell was going on before. I really wish she would move though, her chest right in front of me is making it rather difficult to concentrate.  </p><p>“You’re just…” Her head cocked and eyes bore into mine. “Sometimes you…” My teeth gritted in frustration. Why was she looking at me like that? Is she purposefully trying to make me uncomfortable? “For fuck sake, I don’t know what I’m trying to say!” I yelled in utter frustration at the blip in my system.</p><p>I was surprised by the huff of hot hair in my face, blowing my hair back slightly. Carmilla was chuckling lightly to herself, her eyes half lidded and cheeks crinkling.</p><p>“I’m confused, what’s happening?” I said in utter annoyance and confusion. This girl is just a damn whirlwind and I’m getting sucked into it every time her deep eyes bat at me.</p><p>“You’re ridiculous cupcake.” She smiled to herself, looking longingly into my eyes. Her thumb then brushing my knuckle and I audibly gulped. “I love it when you get fiery, you’re a good competition.” She grinned, her sculptured jaw flexing and thumb pressing down on the back of my hand, a long nail digging into my skin. It felt scandalous, <em>heated</em>.</p><p>I watched her thumb from the corner of my eye, how my skin underneath was turning a subtle red, the half-moon imprinted on my flushed skin from her long black nail.</p><p>“Let me pay you back for your good hospitality yesterday, drinks?” She asked with a teasing tone.</p><p>“What?” I said in utter disbelief. What the hell is happening?</p><p>“Drinks, cupcake, at mine.” She reiterated, speaking slowly, mocking me.</p><p>Wait, at hers? She wants me, to go to hers, for a drink?</p><p>“I don’t know Carmilla, it’s late and I don’t want to have to cycle home drunk.” I sighed and her body finally got off me, however, I missed it now.</p><p>“Suite yourself, cupcake.” She shrugged and twirled her car keys around her long finger, her body swaying as she left.</p><p>I scoffed to myself, she’s unbelievable.</p><p>“Fine, I’ll go.” I gave in, but I think she knew all along I was going to end up at hers.</p><p>She stopped and her head dropped for a second, her shoulders shaking, and she was clearly laughing in victory.</p><p>“Don’t think this means you won whatever the hell that was.” I held a finger up, pushing past her and walking backwards to where my bike was.</p><p>She raised her hands in fake surrender and I shot her a warning glare, stumbling into my bike behind me.</p><p>***</p><p>After a rather silent ride, I watched in awe as large metal gates opened, a long thick driveway leading the car into a completely separate part of the building. Yet again, large doors opened, and strobes of light beamed down from angled perspectives. She drove into the garage which could pass as an actual museum lined up with all sorts of luxurious cars, ranging from the literal top of the tier to…well…definitely not the bottom. </p><p>The room was pure white, floored and topped off with tall marble with pillars holding the structure, an array of black cars all lined up perfectly, most of them looking like they have never even been used before. She pulled into what seems to be a reserved place designated for this specific car, faint tile marks on the marbled floor from the countless times she had driven back and forth.</p><p>Without a word she turned off the engine, silently telling me to follow her. I walked at her ankles, a large man opening a big door which showed off what looks to be a large, spacious hallway. This place could be a maze if it wanted to be, so many doors and corners.</p><p>“Hello, Ms Karnstein.” A man greeted us in smart attire.</p><p>Carmilla just nodded his presence.</p><p>“Would you like to be served at the bar?” He asked.</p><p>“No, that’s okay thank you.” Carmilla replied rather flatly, not stopping to hear his reply.</p><p>I smiled at the man and he looked rather surprised at the simple action.</p><p>“You have a bar?” I asked after what seems like hours of silence.</p><p>“That I do.” She answered simply.</p><p>I continued following her, looking around in awe at this place. It’s beautiful, large pillars holding the place up, exquisite paintings hung on walls in golden frames. Carmilla was in some of them, along with other people who I don’t recognise at all. But there was one woman in some of them who had the same dark hair, sharp nose and chiselled jaw as Carmilla did.</p><p>I almost knocked into her as we came to an abrupt stop. She opened the large door and immediately ushered me in, locking it behind us.</p><p>“Holy shit.” I couldn’t help but muster out.</p><p>The room was huge, it looked like a very fancy night club, velvet walls and flooring, a long bar at the back with an array of expensive alcohol stacked in lines behind it. There was a grand piano in the corner which looked polished and kept, but rather untouched; or maybe it was just so clean it looked that way.</p><p>“Can you play?” I asked, pointing at the piano.</p><p>“Yes, but I don’t play to anyone.” She answered firmly, going behind the bar and studying bottles. “What do you want to drink?” She asked this time.</p><p>“Um, I’ll have what you’re having.” I said and she smirked.</p><p>“I don’t think you could handle that cupcake.” She chuckled and I pulled a face.</p><p>“Try me.” I narrowed my eyes at her and that strange gleam in her eye appeared again.</p><p>I walked over to the bar and sat on one of the stools in front her, watching as she poured a liquid into a small glass. She held it out to me, and I took it confidently.</p><p>“Sip it.” She advised and I just rolled my eyes. I’m not a child, I can take my alcohol.</p><p>I took a rather generous swig and instantly regretted that, holding in a strain as the liquid scorched down my throat, setting fire to my stomach and bubbling up to my chest.</p><p>“You know what, I think I’m in the mood for wine.” I grimaced, holding back the tears in my eyes and the burning sensation in my chest.</p><p>She chuckled to herself and took the glass off me, exaggeratingly staking a sip of the liquid and I rolled my eyes.</p><p>“Here you go.” She passed me a ludicrously expensive bottle of red wine with a tall wine glass to match it.</p><p>I hesitated for a moment, this stuff is expensive…and strong.</p><p>“This is expensive.” I acknowledged and she nodded.</p><p>She must have known I might deny her offer because she took the bottle from my hand and poured it into my glass herself, nodding at it for me to take. So I did and took a precautious sip; it was strong, but a nice strong, not like whatever the hell she was drinking.</p><p>We sat and drank in silence, but I don’t like silence, and there is lot’s I want to know about this walking mystery of a woman.</p><p>“So.” I cleared my throat after not speaking for a while. “Is this place yours?” I asked and she finally looked at me as if I wasn’t serious.</p><p>“Yes, this place is mine, hence why I live and sleep here.” She replied as if I was mentally challenged.</p><p>“That’s not what I meant.” I huffed, getting frustrated at this snarky side of the girl who I know can be lovely.</p><p>“What did you mean, then?” She teased, taking a sip of her drink whilst watching me carefully.</p><p>I narrowed my eyes at her and held in my frustrations.</p><p>“Why do you act like that?” I asked rather rhetorically, and her face shifted from amused to rather confused.</p><p>“Gonna have to be more specific cupcake.” She drawled, swirling her glass in her hand and the liquid formed into a mini tornado.</p><p>“Like you’re better than everyone.” I answered firmly and her face was still, as was her hand.</p><p>I waited for a reply, a simple change of face; but I got nothing. She just blinked at me, sullen in her still movements, and I felt as though she was trying to make me look wrong, stupid.</p><p>“You know what, forget it. I’m going home.” I shook my head in disbelief, placing my glass down and sliding off the stool, full intentions to never speak to her again.</p><p>But as soon as my hand went for the key in the door, a small ‘don’t go’ came from behind me. I turned around rather surprised at the small voice, wondering if I had just heard it in my imagination, but the longing sight of Carmilla’s eyes told me it was in fact her, who had said it.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I’m bad at this.” She motioned the distance between us with a pale hand, the glass in her other. “I don’t want to make you feel bad.” She sighed and my heart actually ached for this version of Carmilla, so vulnerable. She glanced at the seat I had just left, and a small smile offered her lips.</p><p>Maybe it would teach her a lesson not to push the limits, not to use her money and higher status to protect herself. But how could I leave her like that? I just couldn’t. So, I sat back down and held my glass, not missing the relived sigh that exhaled from her.</p><p>“I don’t have people around often, well, never, actually.” She said into the quiet air, staring directly into her glass.</p><p>“Why not?” I decided to push, she seems in the mood to talk.</p><p>“Well, if you couldn’t tell already cupcake, I’m not the most likeable person.” She scoffed rather sadly.</p><p>“You <em>can </em>be likable, I like you half of the time.” I took a teasing sip of wine and she looked at me for a second, chuckling to herself and following my motions in taking a sip too.</p><p>“I think that’s the most anyone has ever liked me.” She sighed. And then she turned to me rather suddenly and my eyes couldn’t help but dilate at her full profile. “And I know that’s on me, I’ve just never done the whole…friends thing.” She sighed, searching me for an answer. But I don’t have an answer for her, she needs to find it in her to try and find it herself.</p><p>“Well, consider me your first.” I said, hiding my nerves behind the wine as I took a rather large gulp of alcohol, my head going slightly fuzzy in consequence.</p><p>“Really?” She said in surprise, her voice quiet yet hopeful.</p><p>“Yeah, look, we’re already hanging out.” I looked around for emphasis and she hummed.</p><p>But then she turned serious, sullen, looking into my depth and it made my breath catch, my heart rate pick up for an entirely different reason than the wine.</p><p>“I want to tell you things, Laura.” She took a deep breath, her voice nearly cracking over my name. “I’m just not very good at it.” She practically whispered at the end, silently hoping for my understanding.</p><p>I reached over and grabbed her cold hand, tracing my thumb over her knuckles.</p><p>“It’s okay, Carm. There’s no rush.” I smiled and she smiled too, her eyes crinkling and the small dips in her cheeks shading a subtle pink.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. A random act of kindness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I still think you should come, sis.” Mattie sighed at the other end of my desk.</p><p>“Mattie, for the last time <em>you</em> will be pitching, you need this.” I replied for what seems to be the tenth time today. She huffed and actually stayed quiet. “I’ve seen you pitch before with no trouble, he’s a silly old man just let him talk and push for the deal.” I shrugged and my phone buzzed next to me.</p><p>“You know it’s not that easy Carmilla.” She rolled her eyes and my phone buzzed again.</p><p>“We practically studied the same thing our whole lives, you’re just as experienced as me.” I pointed out and she hummed.</p><p>“But this is a serious pi-” The buzzing of my phone halted her. “Are you going to answer that?” She asked with gritted teeth.</p><p>With an irritated huff myself, I picked up my phone and checked my notifications. The initial thought of frustration left straight away as soon as I saw the three texts with Laura’s name on the top.</p><p>“Well, who is it?” Mattie asked rather impatiently.</p><p>“No one.” I cleared my throat, placing my phone face down on the desk next to me.</p><p>“No one?” Mattie smirked and crossed her legs elegantly on the chair opposite me. “You’ve been acting different recently.” She studied me and I glanced around innocently. “You’re seeing someone, aren’t you?” Her tone was teasing.</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous Mattie, I have no time for that.” I scoffed, ignoring the itching feeling to pick up my phone and reply.</p><p>“Is this the girl you went on a date with the other day?”</p><p>“It wasn’t a date.” I grumbled.</p><p>“So you <em>are </em>seeing someone.” She said smugly and I groaned at my choice of words.</p><p>“No, she’s just my…friend.” I shrugged and she laughed.</p><p>“A friend.” She deadpanned.</p><p>“Mhm.” I hummed.</p><p>The door opened and I have never been happier to see Elsie in my life.</p><p>“Sorry to intrude, Ms Karnstein, but there has been a slight…problem.” Elsie winced and both me and Mattie nodded for her to continue. “There has been an uproar in the graphic design department, I think you should come and see.”</p><p>We followed Elsie to the problem and was met with shouting and curses. As soon as the group saw us, they immediately stopped and looked at me with a mix of frustration and fear. People never usually see me around, some people have never even seen me before, so for me to be called down for a disruption is very nerve wrecking.</p><p>“What’s happened?” I asked, looking around confused.</p><p>They all started talking at once, I opened my mouth to calm them down, but Mattie beat me to it.</p><p>“You.” She pointed at a red-faced woman. “Tell us what all of this is about.” She ordered and everyone glanced around sheepishly.</p><p>“The old company logo was found being used in a small company’s campaign, but Josh forgot to copywrite the design they used, so they are free to use it.” She huffed.</p><p>“Who is the manager of this department?” I asked.</p><p>The girl pointed to a buff man I have seen a few times. Ironically, his name tag has the name Josh Piers written on it.</p><p>“Why wasn’t it copywrited?” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.</p><p>“I didn’t think we would ever need it again after we introduced the new logo.” He said frantically and everyone groaned.</p><p>“So, let me get this straight, <em>you</em>, the manager of <em>my </em>graphic design team, didn’t think to take ten minutes of your day to copywrite the logo?” I asked pointedly, God I really don’t have the patience for this.</p><p>“I uh.” He rubbed the back of his head. “It’s really not that big of a deal, we can take the funds from my department and pay for it back.” He shrugged.</p><p>I looked at him blankly.</p><p>“How much?” I asked, clenching my jaw at the mishap; I can’t have mother seeing any signs of my company falling, even if it’s minor.</p><p>“However much they ask for.” He answered and Mattie scoffed next to me.</p><p>“And what if they see their opportunity and ask for a couple hundred thousand, hm?”</p><p>He blinked at me, lost for words.</p><p>“And you manage this department?” I asked in disbelief. I can’t remember hiring this fool.</p><p>“I do.” He grimaced.</p><p>“Not anymore, you’re fired.” I stated firmly and everyone’s jaw dropped. “I can’t have anyone making silly mistakes like this.” I looked at everyone. “Little things like this cost the company I have been working my life on thousands.” I said in the silence and everyone watched me nervously. “Pack your stuff and do what you must. Elsie will bring you to my office in an hour where we will go over your payments and all the procedures.” I demanded and his bottom jaw was hung ajar.</p><p>I looked at him firmly and he stared back in shock.</p><p>“Elsie.” I faced her and she nodded. “Stay with Mr Piers and make sure he doesn’t log onto his computer or take anything that is the company’s property. Don’t be hesitant to call security.” I demanded and she complied.</p><p>With a final stern glance around, I swivelled and started walking back to my office.</p><p>“Damn, sis, that was brutal.” Mattie smirked as I slumped in my chair.</p><p>“Don’t.” I huffed, pulling out all of the forms necessary under my desk. “I’ll have to skip lunch today, so don’t wait for me.” I said, flipping through all the documents and report cards.</p><p>“Very well, can’t say I’m not disappointed to see it all go down though.” She sighed.</p><p>“You can be here; I need a witness.” I shrugged and her eyes lit up immediately.</p><p>“Have your lunch and come by in an hour, I need to do some run ups and payments for this fool.”</p><p>She smiled excitedly and left with a wink. As soon as the door closed my hand grabbed my phone, opening my messages frantically.</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Some Halloween stock came in today, this reminded me of you </em>
</p><p>Just below the message was an image of a cookie, the shape of a cat and black icing to smother the treat. I laughed to myself, remembering Laura’s cat.</p><p>
  <em>Me: You better be saving me one, I’m in need of something sweet to cheer me up</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: I’m waiting for five don’t worry, you can dip it in your disgusting beverage </em>
</p><p>I chuckled to myself and chewed on my bottom lip, swivelling around on my chair.</p><p>
  <em>Me: The cookie might not be enough, what are you doing later?</em>
</p><p>Before I could regret the bold message, Laura replied almost instantly.</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Hopefully something with you…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me: So you want to do me? ;)</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Carm omg, that’s not what I meant. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me: I can feel you blushing from here, cupcake</em>
</p><p>I waited for a reply and after a few minutes I didn’t think I was getting a reply, that was until my phone buzzed and an image of Laura was on my screen. My breath actually stopped for a second as I looked at the picture in my hands.</p><p>Her hair was in a messy bun with wavy strands falling over her face, she was outside what seems to be the café with scissors in her top apron pocket, some tape on the fabric and boxes in the background. And of course, her cheeks were a shade of red, her golden eyes squinted as she glared sarcastically into the lens. She looked stunning.</p><p>
  <em>Me: Looks like you’re having more fun than me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: I doubt that, duct tape is stickier than one imagined</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: It’s everywhere, how do you remove it from skin?</em>
</p><p>I laughed and sank further in my chair.</p><p>
  <em>Me: Think of it as a fun waxing session</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: On my arms? No thanks</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: How come your day is crap?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me: I just fired someone and have no idea how to resolve the mess he made</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Oh, that is worse than my day. What did he do?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me: He didn’t copywrite the old company logo and money blah blah blah</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Blah blah blah? How professional of you.</em>
</p><p>I scoffed.</p><p>
  <em>Me: That’s how I act all the time around here, very professional indeed</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: I know for a fact that isn’t true</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me: No?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: No, you’re a big scary boss woman</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me: You got me, cupcake</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Me: I’m only scary when people get my drinks wrong though</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Oh of course, I completely agree with you </em>
</p><p>The ticking of the clock caused me to glance up and check, I have been talking with Laura for the past half hour and haven’t even started the paperwork yet.</p><p>
  <em>Me: I gotta go and ruin a man’s life, I’ll meet you at the café later?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Of course, don’t be too mean Carm, he probably has a family</em>
</p><p>I reread her last message for a while, I never thought of that. He will have a family and maybe issues outside of work. But he’s caused a big problem which I have to resolve before the press can find out.</p><p>***</p><p>“So let me get this straight, you, did an act of kindness on your own accord?” Laura asked in disbelief.</p><p>“Don’t be so surprised.” I rolled my eyes.</p><p>After what happened today, I was in need of something stronger than a hot chocolate and brownie. Laura was more than happy to keep me company in my mansions bar.</p><p>“I’m not.” She immediately replied back sternly, and I just smirked at her. “I’m proud.” She said simply and my smirk fell instantaneously.</p><p>She’s proud of me, I have only been told that once by my father all those years ago, hearing it again feels so…refreshing.  </p><p>“I feel like you don’t hear that enough.” She smiled timidly, sipping her red wine contently.</p><p>I was at a loss for words, all I could do was stand there and watch her rather blankly, my bottle of whisky in mid-air.</p><p>“Well, I um.” I stammered, caught off guard. “How was your day?” I changed the subject, clearing my throat as I poured the heavy liquid into my glass.</p><p>She raised her eyebrows and chuckled to herself, shaking her head slowly.</p><p>“My day was good.” She answered, watching me timidly.</p><p>I nodded and sipped my drink, glancing around and completely thrown off my game. But that’s what intrigues me about Laura, no one has ever thrown me off my game never mind playing the same smart act I do.</p><p>“So, what did you say to him?” Laura asked and I joined her on the stool at the bar.</p><p>“Long story short, I told him to get his shit together and that he has one more chance.” I shrugged.</p><p>“Well, that was a short story.” Laura teased.</p><p>“I need to look through my graphic designer team to see who is capable of being manager with him, I don’t want to be dependent on him right now.” I sighed.</p><p>“Are you hiring people for that place?” She asked and I raised a brow at her.</p><p>“You want to work for me…in graphic design management?”</p><p>“No.” She scoffed. “My friend, Kirsch, he just got his HND in graphic design, he’s also looking for a job.” She explained, taking a precautious sip of her drink. “He’s really good at drawing and all of that IT jazz.”</p><p>“Are you trying to hook me up with him or pitch him a job, cupcake?” I smirked and she blushed, shaking her head profusely.</p><p>“I was just saying that if you’re having trouble finding someone, he’s really talented at that…stuff.” She shrugged.</p><p>“<em>That stuff</em>.” I smirked and she swatted my arm playfully.</p><p>“Shut up.” She chuckled and I found myself laughing too.</p><p>“I’ll see, no offence but I only hire professionals.” I said, feeling her sudden glare burn holes into the side of my head.</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” She narrowed her eyes at me, getting all riled up which gives me great satisfaction.</p><p>“Nothing.” I shrugged, taking a teasing sip from my glass.</p><p>“No, tell me.” She demanded and a hot rush rippled through my body.</p><p>“Well, if he’s from your...<em>friend,</em> group, then maybe he’s not the right…fit, for my company per say.”</p><p>“Oh really? And what is wrong with my friend group?” She asked bitterly.</p><p>“There is nothing wrong with your friend group, it’s just my expectations deem higher professionalism, is all.”</p><p>“You see, this is your problem.” She spat and I tried my best to hide my libido. “You always have to be bigger…” She stood up, placing her cup down rather viciously. “…Better…” Another step and a flip to my stomach. “…Stronger…” She loomed over me, looking deep into my eyes and I gulped. “…Then everyone around you.” She huffed, her hot breath blowing my hair back. “It’s unattractive.”</p><p><em>Oh. </em>I was not expecting that one.</p><p>“Who says I’m trying to attract you?” I glared at her this time and she looked monumentally perplexed for a second, but then she held a smug smile.</p><p>“I win.” She smirked but didn’t move away.</p><p>“What?” I said, irritated and confused.</p><p>“I won your little game.” She grinned, her lips curving maliciously which heated my body.</p><p>And then it clicked, she remembered about the night at the café, how I told her I loved it when she gets riled up and fiery, she sussed out my game.</p><p>“What’s my prize?” She practically whispered; her cleavage pressed together visibly beneath her loose top right in front of my eyes.</p><p>“Whatever you want.” I breathed coolly, licking my lips as she neared me ever so slightly.</p><p>I could smell the expensive wine on her parted lips, the scent of a fruity lip-gloss under it all and feel her body heat, breathe in her sweet perfume.</p><p>She looked directly into my eyes, so close to me and said: “Play me a song on the piano.”</p><p>Any other thought flew out of my brain in an instance and all I could do was stare blankly at her. But she still loomed over me like I did the other night, her face determined and her stance strong.</p><p>“I don’t play.” I simply said.</p><p>“Why not?” She asked smoothly.</p><p>“Because I say so.” I sat up, suddenly feeling vulnerable and open. No matter how hard she can try, I will never back down to anyone, I have trained my whole life how to keep myself guarded and professional.</p><p>She seemed to understand the change in mood as I sat straight, eyes firm and body confident, slightly higher than her as I sat tall and serious. I don’t want to be like this with Laura; the whole reason why I enjoy her company is because I can be myself and forget about my hectic life. But with that comes boundaries, with <em>Laura</em> there are boundaries.</p><p>“That’s not a reason.” She said and met my intense gaze.</p><p>“There doesn’t have to be a reason, the fact is that I don’t play that piano for anyone, not even myself. Don’t push that.” I stated firmly.</p><p>We watched each other and I just hoped that she would drop it.</p><p>“Fine then.” She shrugged and I let out a breath of relief. “Interview Kirsch then.”</p><p>
  <em>This damn girl.</em>
</p><p>“Fine! I’ll give your friend a fucking interview!” I snapped and she jumped slightly, but she soon recovered with a broad smile.</p><p>“You know, you’re not that hard to persuade.” She grinned and I just sat in slight shock at what has just occurred.</p><p>The fact that Laura had actually made me speechless is beyond me, no one has made me speechless before, and that’s saying something.</p><p>She seemed very proud of herself when she sat back down on the stool, smirking through the glass as she took a sip. I can’t lie, I’m impressed.</p><p>After a few minutes of quiet drinking, her leg started to bob up and down.</p><p>“You okay?” I asked and she smiled at me rather sheepishly.</p><p>“Alcohol makes me pee.” She replied rather slurred, definitely intoxicated.</p><p>I chuckled to myself as the sight of her and the way she’s talking.</p><p>“Nice.” I shrugged and took a teasing sip of my drink, waiting for her to combust.</p><p>“Where’s the bathroom?” She asked with gritted teeth.</p><p>“Come on.” I sighed sarcastically, walking to the door exaggeratingly slowly which she huffed at behind me.</p><p>I <em>could</em> take her to the floor bathrooms downstairs, but I have never used those toilets…and maybe I want to tease Laura about being in my bedroom.</p><p>So, I led her to my bedroom, smiling to myself at all of the ‘oo’s’ and ‘ah’s’ she made on our way there.</p><p>“This is your bedroom?” She squeaked as we walked in.</p><p>“That it is.” I replied, closing the door behind us and pointing to the on suite.</p><p>She followed my finger and rather wobbly walked into the private bathroom, closing the door behind her. I sat on the large bed and waited for her to finish, scanning around the room. It was rather messy, pant suites scattered around the floor and empty glasses once filled with alcohol, placed in random areas.</p><p>“You know.” Laura said as she walked out, rubbing her wet hands on her thighs rather than the towels for some reason. “I thought your room would be immaculate like the rest of the place.” She placed her hands on her hips and grimaced at a pair of discarded underwear near her feet.</p><p>“Well, no one is allowed in here.” I shrugged, finding a fresh half-filled glass on the bed side table from last night. I took a sip and she shook her head disapprovingly at me.</p><p>“Good job you have servants to clean after you then.” She scoffed.</p><p>“They aren’t my servants.” I mumbled, feeling the same buzz she was in consequence of the strong alcohol.</p><p>“No? What are they then?” She teased, sitting next to me on the edge of my bed carefully.</p><p>The room is very dark, only the moonlight allowing a small seed of light to illuminate the cold room. I should have turned on the light.</p><p>“I don’t know, cupcake.” I sighed, taking a rather generous gulp of my drink, feeling the scorching liquid burn my chest and throat.</p><p>“Why do you call me cupcake?” She asked.</p><p>“I don’t know, I just associate you with cupcakes I guess.”</p><p>“Because I’m sweet?” She nudged my shoulder playfully and a laugh bubbled from my mouth.</p><p>“Exactly.” I smiled into the glass.</p><p>“I have another question.” She proposed and I hummed my acknowledgment. “Why were you out that day? At the bus stop?” She pondered.</p><p>I don’t know if it was because of the alcohol or because Laura had somehow managed to gain a small proportion of my trust, but I felt almost obliged to answer her.</p><p>“I was on my way back from a meeting and got into an argument with one of my colleagues, so I made my driver stop, and I just walked away.” I answered blatantly.</p><p>She was silent, her eyebrows furrowed, an obvious thinking face.</p><p>“Is that the truth?” She asked again.</p><p>I looked into her eyes and wondered how she could tell I wasn’t being completely honest, how she was genuinely making me want to tell her things, things I don’t even want to think about myself.</p><p>“The second part was true, the first part…” I sighed to myself, knowing she had already won me over. “I hate my job, no, I despise my job, and I thought...” My voice cracked suddenly. “I thought if I just didn’t go back, then it would all go away.”</p><p>She smiled timidly and scooted over to me, carefully placing a hand on my lower back.</p><p>“You don’t have to tell me, Carm.” She whispered in the dark next to me and I unconsciously leant into her touch, clasping the glass with my head hung.</p><p>“I want to tell you; I haven’t had anyone to talk to my whole life.” My voice wavered.</p><p>She nodded and let me take my time. I want to tell Laura; I <em>want </em>to open up to her.</p><p>“When my father passed away, everything just went so…bad. It just all went so wrong and I can’t even remember the last time I was happy. I just…I <em>hate</em> my father for leaving me, and I hate myself for having so much resentment towards him.”</p><p>I breathed into the silence.</p><p>“He was the light of my family’s life, of <em>my</em> life. And he’s gone, so is everyone else.”</p><p>I shook my head, running my shaking fingers through my hair and my tears finally spilled over. I thought I was done with tears after my father’s death. I thought I didn’t have any more tears to shed. But as they cascaded down my cheeks, I knew I’d always be able to cry over Laura Hollis.</p><p>“I’m sorry that happened to you, Carm.” She cooed, rubbing small circles on my back.</p><p>“You’re sorry.” I scoffed and wiped my face. The last thing I want is her pity.</p><p>“That was a bad reply, when my mom died, I used to hate it when people said sorry.” She smiled apologetically as I finally looked at her.</p><p>Her mother died.</p><p>“Fuck.” I mumbled, remembering how I made fun of her mom’s bike. “I had no idea that was your mothers’ bike, Laur.” I sighed, not giving the nickname another thought.</p><p>“Don’t be an idiot, Carm, I never told you.” She chuckled, tracing idle circles on my clothed skin.</p><p>“Still. I’m just such a shitty person, no wonder people hate me so much.” I scoffed sadly.</p><p>“They don’t hate you.” She cooed in the gentlest voice I have ever heard. “<em>I don’t hate you</em>.”</p><p>We traded shy smiles, and I realised soon I don’t want her to leave.</p><p>“Do you want to stay over tonight? It’s late and you’re drunk so-”</p><p>“-There doesn’t have to be a reason...” She cut me off calmly. “…Other than the fact that I want to.” She finished quietly and sprawled her hand on my heated skin behind me.</p><p>After sliding into my bed with Laura, I realised that I never want to sleep on my own, and how comforting it is to finally be warm in my own home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The start of an end</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“There’s the autumn fair on Saturday, why don’t we all go?” Danny proposed as we all sat in the café having our lunch break, Kirsch had come for his favourite BLT and to see Danny.</p><p>“Will there be rides and stuff?” Kirsch asked with his mouth full, arm wrapped around Danny’s shoulder.</p><p>“Yes, Kirsch, there will be rides.” Danny sighed and I chuckled.</p><p>But then I remembered I told Carmilla we would do something at the weekend.</p><p>“Crap, I completely forgot I made plans for the weekend.”</p><p>They both looked at me rather perplexed, they were my only friends in Silas so it’s hard to believe I had plans. Danny suddenly smirked and I already knew what was coming.</p><p>“<em>Plans</em>? Is that what we are calling her now?” She grinned and I shook my head.</p><p>“Who? Does Laura have a girl?” Kirsch slowed his chewing and anticipated for a reply.</p><p>“No, I don’t have a <em>girl</em>.” I rolled my eyes, glaring at Danny who looked rather proud of herself. “I have a friend, and I already made plans to spend the day with her.” I replied simply and they both gave me a knowing look.</p><p>“Invite her dude, it will be fun, <em>and</em>, you won’t be third wheeling me and D-bear.” He shovelled half the sandwich in his mouth and Danny pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.</p><p>“Laura’s friend, is the same person who will be interviewing you.” Danny sipped her iced tea.</p><p>“You mean Carmilla Karnstein?!” He almost chocked.</p><p>“Thanks, Danny.” I huffed and bit angrily into my brownie.</p><p>“Wait, did you book me the interview?” She asked rather dumbfounded.</p><p>“Yes.” I answered.</p><p>“So you’re like…<em>friends</em>, with her?”</p><p>“Yes.” I answered again rather over all of this crap.</p><p>“You think she’d be down to go?” Danny questioned.</p><p>“I don’t know, probably.” I grimaced; I think it would take a lot more persuasion than the last time. “But if she does, you guys better not be weird.” I warned the couple with a pointed finger.</p><p>“Us? Weird?” Danny acted hurt sarcastically whereas kirsch still looked in shock. “Never.” She exasperated, flicking Kirsch’s ear lobe and made a scene with him.</p><p>“Of course not.” I mumbled but couldn’t help laughing at the playfighting in front of me.</p><p>It made me think of a couple of days ago when I was sleeping in Carm’s bed, woken in the middle of the night with a warm arm wrapped around my waist. She had been busy the last few days, so I haven’t seen her since, but all the texting and notes on cups kept progressing to the point where it was basically a routine. I’d love it for Carm to come with us to the fair on Saturday, but I know it’s not that easy for her to be in public, she’s also very reserved with is an entirely different story.</p><p>“I’ll see you at home, babe.” Kirsch kissed the top of Danny’s head and she smiled. “See yah Laura.” He waved and left the café whilst me and Danny headed back to work for the day.</p><p>***</p><p>It took a lot of convincing, and I mean a hell of a lot. But, after nagging her for days, Carmilla finally gave in and agreed to go to the fair with me Danny and Kirsch if it would make me shut up. And it did, for about ten minutes, but by the amused look on her face, I don’t think she really cared for my excessive rambling.</p><p>A familiar black sports car rolled up and parked itself next to Danny’s car where we were all waiting. Kirsch gasped at the car and Danny scoffed, mumbling something about money, but I wasn’t paying attention to them, instead, my heart actually stopped for a brief second when Carmilla stepped out of the car and smiled at me. Her smile faltered when she glanced around the rather full car park.</p><p>“Hey.” I beamed when she neared me, noticeably closer to me than anyone else.</p><p>“Hey.” She almost whispered, shoving her hands in her jumpers’ pockets and fiddling with her fingers underneath the black fabric. Seeing Carmilla in her casual clothing never fails to make me feel rather giddy and excited, like it’s a privilege to be seeing her like this.</p><p>“Um, hey!” Kirsch practically pushed me aside and held his large hand out in front of Carmilla. “I’m Wilson Kirsch, you’re gonna interview me next week.” He beamed with his hand waiting to be shook.</p><p>“Right.” Carm glanced around and focused on his hand. “Nice to meet you, Wilson.” She shook his hand confidently, and in that moment I kinda wish Kirsch wasn’t so upfront. I want Carm to relax and not think about anything work related.</p><p>“Wilson?” Kirsch frowned slightly and I quickly wormed my way through the giant man and back to a rather confused looking Carmilla.</p><p>“You ready?” I smiled a little too forced, trying to ignore Danny hushing Kirsch behind us.</p><p>She looked behind me and then back to me, her eyes crinkling with a small smile.</p><p>“I don’t have a choice, do I?” She complained sarcastically, nudging my shoulder as we all started walking into the fair.</p><p>We handed our tickets to the security at the entrance and began walking around, looking around the stalls and eyeing the rides. Carmilla was basically glued to my side for some reason, flinching when someone came too close for her liking and trying her hardest to ignore the not so obvious flashes coming from a few phones.</p><p>Kirsch and Danny were having a blast though, seeing who could throw a piece of popcorn the highest and catch it in their mouths. Danny was winning so far. Carmilla denied every food stall and was the only one out of us all who wasn’t eating, and I was beginning to think bringing Carmilla along was a bad idea, that I was pushing her too far. Bug then her head perked up and she was tugging on my sleeve.</p><p>“That looks fun.” She nodded at a stall.</p><p>“Hook a duck?” I asked, following her gaze.</p><p>“Yeah, you win a fish.” She said, already making her way to the stall. She only stopped to look behind her shoulder and make sure I was following her.</p><p>“Three goes, if you don’t win you have to pay to continue.” I bored woman drawled and passed Carmilla the rod with the hook at the end.</p><p>To add to my initial surprise, Carmilla handed me the rod and smiled.</p><p>“Good luck, cupcake.” She smirked and stood back, watching me as I stood there rather dumbfounded.</p><p>Well, I guess I’m playing hook a duck now. It was meant for kids, but the barrier was rather high and I’m rather small, and the water was making the ducks move rather rapidly.</p><p>I missed all three attempts.</p><p>Carmilla laughed and the woman took the rod off me, looking at me in a little disbelief at my disastrous attempts.</p><p>“Why would you do that to me?” I hissed as me and Carm walked away.</p><p>“I mean, I wasn’t expecting you to be <em>that</em> bad.” She teased and I rolled my eyes, pushing her away playfully.</p><p>She bounced back and nudged my shoulder with hers.</p><p>“I’m kidding, cupcake. It was funny.” She winked at me and I just huffed, my eyes lighting up at the dodger carts.</p><p>“Hm, and you think you could have done better?”</p><p>“First try.” She smirked and I saw Danny and Kirsch walking to us.</p><p>“Let’s make a bet.” I offered, facing Carmilla who was waiting for a proposition. “If I beat you, you have to ride one of those donkeys, and I get to take a picture.”</p><p>“And when I win?”</p><p>I scoffed and she grinned. “Up to you.”</p><p>She thought for a second, but then an invisible light bulb popped out of her head.</p><p>“You ride that with me.” She pointed behind me and I looked at the huge cliff hanger ride, my heart stopping as I watched people drop from an insane height at what could only be a killing speed. I gulped and hid my terror with a confident smile.</p><p>“Deal.” I shrugged, holding my hand out for her to shake.</p><p>She shook my hand rather strong, her hand lingering in mine and she winked at me.</p><p>***</p><p>I lost the fucking bet. Only because Kirsch kept launching me directly into Carmilla who then crashed into my cart, sending me flying into the curb with a victory shout. So here I am, praying to the heavens that I survive this death trap.</p><p>Carmilla was very happy next to me, which kind of lessened my worry as I finally managed to make her happy today which was my aim. A young teenage boy checked our harnesses and secured the belts, no matter how tight I was strapped down, I still felt extremely unsafe.</p><p>“Carm.” My voice wavered and my eyes shut so tightly it hurt, the sound of clanking metal and machinery buzzing around me.</p><p>“We can get off if you want.” Carmilla said calmly next to me.</p><p>“No no, I just.” I swallowed, taking a deep breath. “If I die on this stupid ride.” My voice went an octave higher as my feet levitated off the platform. I turned my head and peeled my eyes open, being met with hers. “I just want you to know-”</p><p>And then in a matter of seconds we were shot up in the air, my whole body turning inside out horrifically and the only thing that managed to come out of my mouth was a scream and a piercing “Fuck you!”</p><p>My stomach flipped at the sudden velocity and pressure, the piercing bitter wind burning my face and ears.</p><p>“Laura, open your eyes.” Carmilla called out over the wind.</p><p>“Not a fucking chance!” I called back and held a death grip on the rubber harness, my eyes burning with the intensity of the pressure.</p><p>But then a very strong hand pried mine away and clasped it firmly, causing my eyes to involuntary open, and straight down.</p><p>“Don’t look down you idiot.” Carmilla scoffed, and I realised we were halfway to the top, slowed down to the point where we were barely moving. “Oh, and fuck you too.” She had the audacity to smirk at me.</p><p>I was about to retort, but the ride dipped for a second and the two of us just dangled in the air, the ride halted and clanked behind us. It’s rather ironic come to think of it, every time I feel on the verge of death, Carmilla is always involved.  </p><p>“Relax, cupcake.” She squeezed my hand and my body did actually relax…slightly.</p><p>“How are you not scared about plummeting to your death?” I squeaked, not daring to look anywhere else other than Carmilla’s eyes.</p><p>“Well.” She looked around calmly. “It’s a good way to go.” She shrugged, still holding my hand. “Look at the view.”</p><p>I discarded her comment and followed her eyesight rather begrudgingly, but when I looked at the landscape in front of us, it was beautiful. The sun was setting beautifully, the sky a mix of violet and amber with fluffy clouds slowly disappearing into the dark, glistening stars in the background. But then it dawned on me and I realised how high we were, and just on cue, we zoomed up to the top.</p><p>I chanted curse words and held a death grip on Carmilla’s hand, but my ears couldn’t help but focus on the laughter coming from next to me. We dipped and raised over and over again to the point where I lost count of the screams my lungs produced and all I could focus on, was the beautiful noises next to me, and the warm palm laced around my hand.</p><p>“It wasn’t <em>that</em> bad cupcake.” Carmilla chuckled when I wobbled off the ride, holding her shoulder for support.</p><p>“Shut up.” I hissed, pushing her off me and walking away to a bench where Danny and Kirsch were eating at.</p><p>“Jeez Hollis, I think everyone in the world heard you.” Danny teased and I sat down angrily, trying to adjust my body back down to earth.</p><p>“Try being next to her.” Carmilla scoffed and slumped down next to me, her side pressing against mine despite the generous amount of space she had. But it was hard to stay pissed at her as I acknowledged she had lightened up; she was even acknowledging Danny.</p><p>“I don’t like heights.” I mumbled, stealing a fry from Kirsch’s small box of fries.</p><p>“Well maybe if you didn’t suck at the dodge carts, you wouldn’t have had to get on it in the first place, and, you could have gone home with a picture of me on a donkey.”</p><p>“Now<em> that</em> I want to see.” Danny scoffed and Carmilla snorted.</p><p>I was about to defend myself, but Carmilla’s phone rang and she dismissed herself from the table, walking away with her phone to her ear.</p><p>“You two are adorable!” Kirsch squealed and I just glared at him, stealing another fry.</p><p>“Agreed.” Danny smirked.</p><p>“Whatever.” I mumbled, trying not to smile at the warmth my hand was still accumulating from Carmilla’s hold.</p><p>“I have to go.” Carmilla made me jump from behind me.</p><p>I turned around and faced her rather confused. Her face had gone pale, and her body was rigid.</p><p>“Are you okay? I was only kidding; I’m not really mad.” I furrowed my eyebrows and studied how she gulped; her eyes slightly glossy like she was about to cry.</p><p>“I’m fine, work stuff.” She shoved her hands in her pockets, turning around to leave without another word.</p><p>I didn’t even realise I was chasing after her until I reached her car.</p><p>“Carm, wait.” I huffed, catching my breath. “What happened?” I asked.</p><p>She looked up at the sky for a moment and took a deep breath, collecting herself before looking at me painfully. She then opened her car door to get in, but I quickly slammed it shut and shielded it with my body.</p><p>“No, don’t leave like this.” I practically pleaded. <em>Things were going so well</em>.</p><p>“I need to go, Laura.” She gripped the door handle, trying to pry it open, but I wasn’t letting her leave like this. “Fuck off, Laura!” She shouted, pushing me out of the way and ripping the door open and slamming it shut.</p><p>I sat on the ground and watched in bewilderment as her car screeched and literally raced away, leaving me in a cloud of dirt and confusion. But one thing I was sure about, was that <em>that</em> was not related to work.</p><p>“Where did she go, are you okay?” Danny rushed over, helping me up.</p><p>I looked down at the skid marks she had left behind and then at the dirt covering my jeans.</p><p>“Peachy.” I sighed, brushing the dust away and looking into the distance where she had left.</p><p>***</p><p>“Carmilla! Open the door!” A familiar voice shouted on the other side of my bedroom, rattling the door handle.</p><p>I sat on my bed in the dark and couldn’t even bring myself to shout at her to go away. There were a few footsteps on the other side and then the sounds of a key rattling in the lock, and then the door opened, and a powerful beam of light blinded me.</p><p>“Come here.” She said and joined me on the edge of my bed, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me into her shoulder. “I know sis, I know.” Mattie cooed and all I could do was cry.</p><p>I felt that familiar depth churn in my stomach, the wallowing in my head and the ache in my heart. The guilt, the sadness, the despair, they were all rising again, and I already felt myself shutting down.</p><p>“You silly girl, sending me off to New York at a time like this.” Mattie laughed sadly with her chin rested on the top of my head, her own voice wavering.</p><p>I managed a weak smile, which then burst into sobs.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Was all I could muster out on a weak breath.</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous, you have no reason to apologise.” She leaned back and gently cradled my face, making me watch her with blurred vision. “Nothing about this is your fault and don’t you dare make yourself feel guilty.” She wiped my eyes and brushed my hair back, a stray tear dropping down her cheek too.</p><p>“But if I stopped him from leaving all those years ago then he wouldn’t be-”</p><p>“-You aren’t his mother, Carmilla. <em>He</em> chose to leave, <em>h</em>e chose the decisions he made, not <em>you</em>.” She cut me off sternly and I nodded weakly, even though I don’t believe her.</p><p>If I just tried that little bit harder and pushed him to say, he would still be here, safe and warm.</p><p>“Does mother know?” I asked.</p><p>“Yes, she was still his emergency contact, so she was the first to know, then she told me over the phone.” Mattie explained and it made me furious that out of everyone <em>mother </em>was the first one to know about my brother’s death.</p><p>“How did he die?” I whispered, bracing myself for the answer.</p><p>“The same way your father did, he had a heart attack because of his HCM, but…the heart attack was triggered by an entirely different reason than your fathers.”</p><p>And then it hit me, I was giving him money. Lots of money. I thought I was helping him, I knew the things he got up to, but it never crossed my mind what my money was being used for.</p><p>“I’m sorry, sis.” She ushered into my ear and held me tightly again. “I have to go, my plane is in a couple of hours.” She sighed after a long silent moment.</p><p>“Okay.” I sniffed, latching myself off my sister and drying my eyes with my sleeve. Now I feel even more guilty that I had forced Mattie into going to NYC, especially at a time like this.</p><p>When father died, it was us three against the world, and it was wonderful whilst it lasted. But everything crumbles in time, and everything hit me like a bullet all at once.</p><p>“Please, don’t distance yourself.” She smiled sadly at me. I nodded and tried to must out a smile, but it didn’t quite reach my lips. “I’ll see you in a couple weeks.” She kissed my cheeks and brushed a lose strand of hair behind my ear, then she walked out of my room and closed the door quietly.</p><p>And I was alone, <em>really</em> alone.</p><p>I stripped out of my clothes and slithered into my lonely bed, my <em>cold</em> bed, and remembered the heat of Laura, the whole day, how amazing it had all been. But it had ended as soon as it had started.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Hair cuts and broken arms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been four days since I had heard from Carmilla. Elsie hadn’t come in for her regular order, and my phone didn’t ding once. I was worried, but I have no idea what to do. I don’t know if it’s my place to go over to her house and see for myself what had happened, with our last interaction I doubt she wants to see me at all.</p><p>It just all went so wrong so fast. From smiling and bantering to frowning and shouting in the matter of minutes.</p><p>“Have you seen the newspaper?” Danny asked quietly as I focused on a specific mark on the table.</p><p>“No.” I huffed.</p><p>“I think you should read this.” She placed the paper next to me and I threw my cloth down.</p><p>“Danny, I said I-” My words were quickly shut off as I read the front page, my heart dropping horrifically at what I was reading.</p><p>‘<em>William Karnstein over dosed to death, what does this mean for Karnstein industries?</em>’</p><p>I quickly flipped to the designated page and read the article with fury; there were pictures of Carmilla and her family, quotes from doctors and friends. My initial thought was anger towards the journalists and how they were trying to jeopardise Carmilla’s company, slating her for apparently funding his drugs. But then I soon grew concerned about Carm and how she has been muted this whole time, probably alone, and most definitely wallowing.</p><p>Screw it, I’m going to see her.</p><p>I pedalled home in record time, deserting Danny at the café and leaving her to lock the place up herself. My priorities were focused on Carm. As fast as I could I took a shower and got changed into my normal clothes, rushing to the door.</p><p>But nothing prepared me for the moment when I opened my door and Carmilla was already stood there, her head raising slowly. Her eyes were puffy, and her nose was red, her hair brushed up in a disastrous bun. She looked a total mess.</p><p>Out of reflex I reached out a hand and she immediately stammered back.</p><p>“Don’t touch me.” She ordered weakly, her voice breaking and hands shaking in front of her.</p><p>Her legs trembled and she looked like she was about to just collapse into a heap on the floor.</p><p>“No no, don’t sit down.” I quickly stepped forward to help, but I retracted my hands at the fear of scaring her again. “Come in.” I stepped back and hoped she would cooperate.</p><p>And she did, slowly.</p><p>I guided her to my rather small sofa, brushing Norris away in remembrance of her dislike of cats. She sat down stiffly, her legs pressed tightly together, arms folded and head hanging low. She looked awful, her cheek bones sunk into her face, her jaw no longer chiselled but protruding awfully. I’ve never seen anyone in a state like this before, but it reminded me strongly of my dad all those years ago.</p><p>“Are you hungry?” I asked, stood next to her rather awkwardly.</p><p>She shook her head weakly.</p><p>“Thirsty?”</p><p>Another head shake.</p><p>But I wasn’t believing that for a second, the paleness and shaking of her body told me otherwise. So, I headed over to my tiny kitchen which was connected to the living room and searched the fridge. There were three slices of left-over pizza wrapped in tinfoil from the other day. Who doesn’t love pizza?</p><p>I warmed it up in the microwave for a few seconds and placed them on a plate, filling a glass with coke to raise her blood sugar levels.</p><p>“Please, Carm.” I sat next to her and held the glass and plate next to her. “Just eat this, for me?” I asked quietly and she wiped her eyes, blinking slowly from me to the offering beverage and lousy meal.</p><p>“I don’t think I can.” She whimpered and my heart ached for the girl. I can’t believe I left her alone all this time.</p><p>“Hold on.”</p><p>I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed a knife, fork, and straw, sitting back down next to her in a matter of seconds. She watched me rather curiously as I cut the pizza slices into small squares for her, plopping the straw into the glass for easier access.</p><p>With a weak hand, she took the plate from me and took small bites of her cut up pizza, pulling my wrist when she needed a drink. It dawned on me pretty fast that she needs a bath or a shower and a change of clothes, she’s still wearing the same jumper I had last seen her in. But if she won’t let me touch her, I don’t know how I’m going to help her, she could barely sit on the couch on her own, never mind clean herself.</p><p>After she had cleaned the plate and sipped her drink, I decided to bring it up in hope she would accept my help.</p><p>“You need to have a bath, Carm.” I stated and tears welled up in her eyes again. I think half of the reason why she is so devastated right now is the fact she had come here in need of my help. She nodded and I smiled timidly, taking the plate and glass from her and dumping them into the sink with no thought of the mess.</p><p>I then ran her a nice hot bath, adding my favourite bubble bath into the water which relaxes my muscles after cycling to and from work; it smells beautiful too. I then found a pair of oversized pyjamas which would fit her and placed them on the closed toilet seat lid. I had also left out a spare toothbrush and clean hair comb.</p><p>“I ran you a bath.” I said from the doorway and winced at the bumps protruding from her back as she crouched.</p><p>Luckily, she accepted my offer and walked into the bathroom on shaky legs.</p><p>“I can help if you wa-”</p><p>The door was closed in my face before I could offer my assistance.</p><p>***</p><p>I sat on the couch and waited for Carm to finish in the bathroom. I tried my hardest to ignore sudden thumps and the crashes of bottles, but I don’t want to push her limits, so I just sat in tension, trying to focus on the Tv.</p><p>The door creaked open and in walked Carmilla, her hair damp and my PJ’s sticking to her body. She looked much better though.</p><p>“Hey, feeling better?” I asked and she nodded timidly, joining me on the sofa and focusing on the Tv in silence.</p><p>An hour had passed, and it had just reached midnight; both of our eyes were drooping and I couldn’t allow her to go home or sleep on the sofa tonight.</p><p>“Do you want to go to bed?” I suggested and she blinked at me. “You take the bed, and I’ll sleep on the sofa.” I said firmly.</p><p>“Okay.” She replied quietly.</p><p>It took me by surprise a little at her willingness and lack of procrastination, but I was thankful that she wasn’t making this difficult for the both of us. So I turned the Tv off and walked her to the bedroom.</p><p>It was small, not even half the size of hers. My wardrobe wouldn’t even fit in the room, so I had to make my own dresser which was placed under the window. At least the bed was kind of big.</p><p>I made sure the radiator was on and was satisfied with the heat accumulating from it, definitely positive Carmilla would be warm all night. After grabbing the spare duvet and pillows, I set up my makeshift bed on the sofa and peered into the doorway. Carmilla was sliding into the bed and I couldn’t help but think how cute she was all tucked in and warm.</p><p>“If you need anything, I’ll just be through here.” I whispered.</p><p>“Okay, thank you.” She mumbled sleepily and I quietly closed the door.</p><p>Norris doesn’t usually sleep inside, but the nights were getting dark and cold as winter approached. Even cats need warmth, so it looks like we will both have a hot water bottle tonight; <em>she really better not have flees</em>.</p><p>***</p><p>Carmilla was still fast asleep when I woke up, even the smell of bacon and coffee didn’t wake her. So I left her a note saying that there was breakfast in the fridge for her and to bang on the coffee machine three times if she wanted one.</p><p>“So she’s at your place, right now?” Danny asked whilst we made orders. It has been quiet recently, no one dare venture out in the bitter autumn breeze. But the cat cookies were a catch.</p><p>“I think so, I don’t think she’s in the state to take herself home right now.” I sighed, smiling to a customer and handing them their takeout.</p><p>“Damn, that bad?”</p><p>“Oh yeah, she could barely bathe herself.” I winced.</p><p>“Did you…did you clean her?” Danny asked rather cautiously.</p><p>“No no!” I quickly interjected. “Well, I offered to, but you should have seen her Danny.” I justified and she nodded.</p><p>“I can imagine.” She said whilst placing a panini in the heater. “She doesn’t have anyone to help her?”</p><p>“Not that I can think of no.”</p><p>And that’s the truth, apart from a few pictures I have never heard nor seen anyone with her, never mind anyone who could help her. She has talked about a sister, but clearly her sister had better things to do than help Carm.</p><p>“And she can just not go to work?”</p><p>“Well, maybe that’s the benefit of being self-employed.” I shrugged.</p><p>But then I started to get worried, I haven’t heard from her all day and she’s all alone again.</p><p>“You know what, maybe I should text her. She might be scared and…oh god, Norris.” I started to ramble, pulling my phone out of my pocket.</p><p>“Laura.” Danny held my wrist firmly. “Just give her some time to adjust, I know you, don’t bombard her.”</p><p>I sighed and shoved my phone back in my pocket. I just can’t help but worry about Carm, she’s opened up to me briefly and when she did, she was a mess. I <em>want</em> to be that person she comes to, <em>talks</em> to…<em>trusts</em>.</p><p>“She came to you, she wants to be there, I doubt she has left.” She shrugged and took the panini out of the toaster and served it to a customer.</p><p>“True.” I agreed, but the bubbling fear of Carmilla on her own still clouded my system.</p><p>Danny looked at my pouting face and rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Go. I’ve got it.” She sighed and I perked up.</p><p>“Really?” I squeaked.</p><p>“Yeah, we’re quiet today and there’s only an hour left until closing.” She shrugged.</p><p>“Thank you, I owe you!” I called from the staff room as I ripped my apron off and wheeled out my bike.</p><p>“Your words not mine!” She called back whilst I left, hopping on my bike and zooming home.  </p><p>I practically barged through the door, my heart sinking at the empty apartment. Nothing had been touched or moved, the lights were still turned off and everything was still intact. But what was I really expecting? Carmilla didn’t say she needed my help, she barely accepted it.</p><p>With a huff, I lent my bike on the wall and turned on the lights, making my way to the bedroom to change. As soon as the bedroom door opened, my heart stopped. Carmilla was still fast asleep in my bed, it doesn’t look like she had moved and inch and the room was boiling. Okay, this is good. She’s still here. But she’s been sleeping for more than 12 hours which is not good.</p><p>“Carm?” I whispered from the door frame.</p><p>No response.</p><p>“Carm.” I said louder, creeping closer.</p><p>Still no response.</p><p>“Carmilla.” I shook her shoulder and her eyebrows creased. “You need to wake up.”</p><p>And she did, but very slowly.</p><p>“No.” She grumbled, pulling the duvet up and covering half her face.</p><p>“Yes.” I chuckled, pulling the covers down slightly. “You have to eat.”</p><p>She mumbled something incoherent.</p><p>“I got cookies?” I suggested and her eyes opened. “But you can only get them if you get up.”</p><p>“Can I not eat them in bed?” She pouted and my heart thumped in adoration. I love this side of her.</p><p>“Nope, I don’t want crumbs in the bed.” I replied and she huffed, stretching for a moment and then kicking the duvet off her body.</p><p>“Fine.” She moaned, rubbing her eyes and yawning. “Well?” She raised a tired eyebrow, holding out her hands expectantly.</p><p>“Not in here dummy.” I laughed and held her hand, pulling her out of the room.</p><p>It only occurred to me that I was holding her hand when I dropped it to rummage through my bag for the cookie.</p><p>There was a small table and two wooden chairs pushed up against the wall underneath the window, I barely ever use it but now I actually have company, it would be nice to sit and eat there. So we sat opposite each other and ate our cookies. She did look a little better, but her eyes were still red and puffy, her skin pale and bones protruding. This quiet and small side of her was as nice as it could get, but I find myself missing the sarcastic confident Carmilla I had grown to take a liking to.</p><p>“I should have asked this sooner.” She spoke quietly and I looked up at her. “But is it okay for me to be here?” She asked rather worried.</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous, of course it’s fine.” I scoffed in disbelief at her doubts and carried on eating, but when her silence and pained expression on her face shone, I realised she was not convinced. “Carm.” I took her hand. “You can stay here for as long as you need to, I don’t mind at all.” I smiled sincerely and she seemed to relax, squeezing my hand weakly before letting go and eating her cookie again.</p><p>“Do you know what happened?” She asked quietly and I swallowed my cookie, realising that after a long period of silence she was ready to talk.</p><p>“Yes, I um…I read about it on the paper.” I grimaced and her expression was blank.</p><p>“Well, there you go.” She sighed, her eyes turning glossy.</p><p>“But that obviously isn’t the full truth, maybe you could tell me what actually happened?”</p><p>She watched me cautiously and I could see her debating.</p><p>“Well.” She cleared her throat and shifted on her chair in my pyjamas. “He <em>did</em> die from drugs, but it’s deeper than that.” She looked down and fiddled with her fingers on the table. And just when I thought she was done talking, she started speaking again. “I was giving him the money for the drugs, unconsciously. I knew he spent some of my money on those things, but I didn’t know how bad it was; I thought he was…I don’t know? Having fun? I’m just such a fucking dumbass.” She laughed sadly, pinching the bridge of her nose.</p><p>“Hey, no you’re not.” I interjected and she scoffed.</p><p>“I am. And you know what’s ironic?” She looked up at me and I sat stock still. “The last conversation we had was him thanking me for the money, and when the line cut dead, so did he. I knew something had happened and yet there I go, doing fuck all.” She chewed on her bottom lip, her nose turning bright red and her long hair drooping around her face.</p><p>“There is nothing you could have done, Carm. You’re not his-”</p><p>“-Mother, I know I’m not. But I was his big sister and he needed me. He needed me and I didn’t do a damn thing.”</p><p>I sat in silence, not too sure as of what to say or how to react. She’s so sensitive, so tender. I don’t want to pry or bruise her any more than she already is. She is finally talking to me, and I don’t want to ruin this.</p><p>“When I…when he called me.” She gulped and gripped her thumbs. “I thought…” She looked up at me with hurt eyes. “Ever since my father died, it feels like anything can happen. I wish I could go back to believing there were things that weren’t possible.”</p><p>There was a lump to my throat, and a dark empty feeling in the pits of my stomach.</p><p>“I miss them so much I want to throw up.” Her voice cracked, her body practically convulsing as she let out sobs of pure distraught, and all I could do was watch in bewilderment about how hurt a human could be, and that the woman in front of me, was dejected.</p><p>“Well.” My voice cracked and I had to take a deep breath for a moment. “Maybe you can tell him all of this at the funeral?” I suggested and she let out a heart-breaking laugh.</p><p>“There will be no funeral or ceremony. He’s gone, and that’s the way it is.” She said simply and I furrowed my eyebrows.</p><p>“What about your family? Will they not have a funeral for him…or anything?” I asked.</p><p>“No. The only family I have is my sister, and she is in no position to plan a funeral for Will, and my mother is a selfish woman who disowned my brother a decade ago.”</p><p>I opened my mouth to speak but she quickly cut me off.</p><p>“And I am <em>not</em> planning a funeral.”</p><p>“Okay.” I whispered, looking down at the table and feeling Carmilla’s leg bounce up and down. “I know this probably means nothing, but I am here, for you.” I said, noticing how her leg stopped bouncing and she was watching me deeply.</p><p>“It means more than you could ever know.” She replied and the way she said it was filled with truth and meaning. And that meant a lot to me. “Would you…” She paused for a second and narrowed her eyes at me. “Would you cut my hair, for me?” She asked shyly.</p><p>At first, I thought she was joking, but the sincerity on her face told me she was being dead serious.</p><p>“You’d trust me to cut your hair?” I winced and she nodded. “I mean, I know we are…you know,” I flailed my arms around and motioned the space between us. “But we only met a couple weeks ago and…” I trailed off, grimacing at her and hoping she’d know what I was trying to say.</p><p>“That’s…kind of why.” She said, playing with the tips of her locks. “Everyone I know has been making me crazy. Being around someone who doesn’t…who isn’t.” She sucked in a breath. “It’s so refreshing being around you, you’re different, <em>warm</em>. It just feels so right.”</p><p>“O-okay.” I blinked at her. “I’ll cut your hair.” I smiled timidly and she smiled too.</p><p>“Have you ever cut hair before?” She asked with a raised brow.</p><p>“Never.”</p><p>***</p><p>Carmilla had agreed to let me cut her hair in the bath so she could keep her hair wet. She said she’s too worried to go out in case of paparazzi and the press, apparently, they were swarmed outside of her companies building and she wasn’t ready to be bombarded about the sensitive topic just yet.</p><p>So here I am, kneeling on the floor whilst I cut Carmilla’s long hair with kitchen scissors. And she was naked…very naked. But it wasn’t weird, it was safe, and it feels so natural.</p><p>I noticed a big scar running down her arm with what looked to be faded stitch marks pressed into the tender skin.</p><p>“What happened to your arm?” I asked. She scoffed and looked at her arm, pulling it out of the water to study it in nostalgia.</p><p>“There was this tree in my old front yard, and I used to climb it all the time. I liked climbing it at night. It was nicer and it made the leaves and branches look all shiny.</p><p>I smiled and she glanced at me in the small mirror she was holding, looking back at the scissors I was using to cut her hair.</p><p>“One time…I think I was about six. I climbed all the way to the top. I didn’t know how to get down, it was <em>so</em>high. I just kind of held on and panicked…but then I saw my father through the leaves, standing right by the trunk.”</p><p>“Did he get you down?” I asked with my tongue stuck out in concentration.</p><p>“No.” She answered, and I looked at her in the mirror, but she didn’t look hurt or phased, she was actually still smiling in remembrance. “I just jumped.” But then she looked down at her arm buried under the water, and her smile faulted slightly. “I thought…I thought he would catch me, that he would just <em>know </em>I was…”</p><p>Her eyes flickered and I let her take her time, like she was thinking about something deeper than the story she was telling.</p><p>“But of course he didn’t catch me, I hadn’t even called out to him; I just jumped. I fell right next to him and broke my arm.”</p><p>“That’s horrible.” I said and she chuckled.</p><p>“It wasn’t that bad; I got a cool cast.”</p><p>“No, not that.” I shook my head and she peered at me through the glass. “That he didn’t catch you.”</p><p>“I-I didn’t think of it like that.”</p><p>The atmosphere had changed, and her knees were pressed against her chest, arms wrapped around them tightly and I feel as though I had said the wrong thing entirely.</p><p>“How short do you want it?” I asked in the silence and she looked at her hair in the small mirror.</p><p>“A little below my shoulders.” She answered.</p><p>“You remember our promise?”</p><p>“Yes, not to kill you if I hate it.” She laughed and I smiled warmly at the noise.</p><p>I looked down at the floor and grimaced at the large pile of cut hair on the rug.</p><p>“Your hair is like…really short.” I winced.</p><p>“That’s the aim, cupcake.” She smirked weakly and my heart throbbed at the nickname, god, I’ve missed this…her.</p><p>After finishing with her hair at the back, I asked her to swivel around and face me so I could cut her front hair. It was…<em>tempting</em>, to take a sneaky glance at her chest, but I refrained.</p><p>“You can look at my boobs if you want.” She teased, chuffing from her nose and blew my face with cool air as her face levelled with mine.</p><p>“What?” I squeaked and she chuckled. “Just shut up and let me cut your hair.” I huffed and her smirk only intensified.</p><p>“Have I told you how much I love it when you get riled up like that?” She asked with a relaxed face, eyes closed as I cut her fringe and held her face in place carefully.</p><p>“You have, maybe you have a weird fetish or something.” I teased back and her lips curled up, her eyes opening slowly, enough for my tummy to flip.</p><p>“Maybe I do.” She said.</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>.” My face flushed with heat and I pried my eyes away from Carm’s and focused on cutting her hair again.</p><p>“I think it’s because I’m always in charge all the time, I like it when people take the ropes.” She implied rather suggestively, and for a moment I thought I was about to accidently chop her nose off.</p><p>“How do you want your fringe?” I changed the subject and she chuckled, folding her arms over the bathtub.</p><p>“The same length as the rest of my hair.” She answered and seemed to melt into my touch as I carried on holding her face.</p><p>I can’t lie, throughout the duration of this new profound hair aspiration I have acquired, it’s been difficult not to admire Carmilla. She is beautiful, smart and misguided, laying all of her trust in the palm of my hands and all I wanted to do was keep her and hold her forever.</p><p>“Done.” I said, parting her hair and seeing her face fully for the first time in a while.</p><p>I sat back and looked at her, she looked stunning. Her hair was gorgeous and suited her so strikingly it put a lump to my throat.</p><p>“By the look on your face I’m assuming you have done a good job.” She smirked.</p><p>“Look for yourself.” I said, standing up and handing her a towel, turning around and waiting until she was decent.</p><p>I walked her to the full-length mirror in the bedroom and anticipated her reaction as she stood there and looked at herself. She stood there silently for a while and dread soon began to course through my veins. And then, to my surprise, she started to cry.</p><p>“Oh fuck.” I said under my breath. “I-I fucked it up, didn’t I?” I pinched the bridge of my nose. I knew it was a dumb idea-</p><p>“It’s beautiful, I love it.” She sighed with a shy smile, watching me in the mirror with full admiration. “I’ve always wanted my hair short like this, but I was never allowed.” She felt her damp hair and tucked it behind her ear.</p><p>“It suites you.” I admitted quietly and she turned to look at me.</p><p>“You’ve done great, and you have looked after me so well.”</p><p>My stomach flipped as she tucked a fallen strand of hair behind my ear and cradled my jaw, smiling brightly at me. But then is dawned on me, was she saying goodbye, was she leaving? She was still pale and barely able to walk on her own.</p><p>“I don’t mind helping you, you can stay here for as long as you need to.” I offered and her thumb traced my jaw.</p><p>“I don’t want to go back.” She sighed and her hand dropped to her sides.</p><p>“You don’t have to, Carm. Take as long as you need.” I whispered and she nodded, and I could tell she was growing tired again, and that she might be shutting down from the way her shoulders slumped and how she started to pull at the fabric on the towel. “You should go to sleep.” I proposed and she nodded.</p><p>I walked to the dresser and pulled out a fresh set of pyjamas for myself and Carmilla.</p><p>“Do you need help?” I asked as she took the clothing from me.</p><p>“No, I’m okay thank you.” She replied.</p><p>“Good.” I slowly walked to the door and stood in the frame. “If you need anything I’ll be right here, okay?”</p><p>“Yes, okay.” She smiled light-heartedly.</p><p>“Well, goodnight.”</p><p>“Good night, cupcake.”</p><p>_</p><p>I didn’t know what time it was when I was woken up by the tugging of my blanket. At first, I thought it was Norris, but as soon as I heard a voice, I quickly realised that my cat cannot speak, and in fact it was Carmilla waking me up.</p><p>“Carm? You okay?” I mumbled, still practically asleep and cocooned in my blanket from the coldness of the room.</p><p>“I’m fine, I just…” She grew quiet and I finally opened my eyes and looked at her crouching next to the sofa. “It’s cold in here and I feel bad that you’re not in your own bed and I…” She stopped talking and just looked at me whilst I blinked at her tiredly. “Can you come and sleep in the bed with me?” She finally asked, so quietly and fragile that I wasn’t sure if I heard her correctly. But from the longing on her face, it occurred to me that I had in fact heard her correctly.</p><p>“Oh, sure.” I smiled and her eyes glistened.</p><p>I yawned and grabbed the pillow and cover, dragging them with me whilst I made my way to the bed, still drowning in sleep and unsure of what was really going on.</p><p>But all I knew was when I lay in bed with Carmilla, it felt so right.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Going home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s been difficult adjusting to my new surroundings. Laura’s place is <em>very</em> small, but needless to say I love it; It’s all that I imagined it would be. Five days cohabitating with Laura and I have never felt so at home in my life, she has been wonderful, helping me gradually get back on my feet. I’m not there yet, but with the continues support from the cupcake I’ll be back in no time.</p><p>But maybe not now…because I have a headache.</p><p>“Carm!” Laura shouted from behind me in the shower as I sat on the couch and watched Tv. “It’s been six hours! You can have two more tablets!” She called out.</p><p>I stretched and padded over to the kitchen, grabbing the headache tablets and a glass of water.</p><p>“Don’t you dare.” I mumbled at Laura’s cat who was eyeing the glass in my hand. I had learned pretty soon Norris isn’t a fan of fragile objects…especially glass.</p><p>I narrowed my eyes at the feline and downed my tablets quickly, washing the glass and placing it back in the cupboard. For a small apartment, it was highly organised.</p><p>As soon as I collapsed back down on the sofa, my phone rang from somewhere underneath me. I shuffled around and glanced at the Caller ID: Mattie.</p><p>“Hey sis.” Mattie sang on the other side of the phone call.</p><p>“Hey Mattie.” I sniffed, Laura walking out with her work attire on.</p><p>“Don’t sound too excited to see me.” She scoffed and I could hear her smirk. “How are you holding up?” She asked, suddenly serious and concerned.</p><p>“I’m okay, I have a headache though.” I grumbled, watching Laura make herself a coffee.</p><p>“Are you at the office?”</p><p>“No, I haven’t been to work since you left.” I replied, fiddling with the corner of a blanket.</p><p>“What?!” Mattie snapped. “Have you put the company on standby?”</p><p>“No, the company is still running, but I’m not there.” I answered rather worried for Mattie’s reply.</p><p>“Okay.” She took a calming breath and I sighed in relief at her controlled tone. “Is Elsie taking your calls and paperwork?”</p><p>“Yes, she is. It’s fine don’t worry.”</p><p>Laura sat at the other side of the sofa at my feet, sipping her coffee and watching whatever the hell was playing on the Tv, something about a food competition, I think.</p><p>“How’s it going with Vordenburg?” I asked, rolling my head on the arm of the couch behind me.</p><p>“Well…” She sighed and my eyebrows furrowed.</p><p>“What?” I sat up, ignoring the throbbing of my head and the confused glance from Laura. “You didn’t get it?” My heart sank.</p><p>Mattie didn’t reply and the silence was killing me.</p><p>“Mattie-”</p><p>“-Yes! He accepted our pitch and agreed to compensate with us!” She squealed and I laughed in happiness.</p><p>“I knew you could do it!” I beamed and Laura smiled next to me. “God, this is amazing Mattie, the press will eat this up.” I sighed in relief and flopped back down on my back.</p><p>“I’ll be back in a couple days, and you best believe we’re celebrating.”</p><p>But then my chest fell heavy. <em>Celebrate</em>? I don’t want to celebrate right now, not yet.</p><p>“Carmilla?” Mattie called through the screen. “I know things are…weird, right now. But you can’t let it get to you, sis. You deserve to be happy; we have just sold our biggest pitch ever. You have worked so hard, too hard to let yourself go now.”</p><p>My eyes teared up and I wiped at them frustratingly. How am I still crying? I hate crying.</p><p>“I haven’t let myself go. I’m fine.” I said sternly and Laura just sipped her coffee, looking anywhere but my eyes. “And I didn’t do anything, this is all on you. <em>You</em> sold the pitch, not me.” My head was starting to pound through the novelty from the tablets.</p><p>“Oh don’t be so modest, you know this is on you.” I could feel her eye roll from all the way over here. “Are you alone?” She asked.</p><p>“No. I’m not alone.” I replied and glanced at Laura who was not to subtly listening in.</p><p>“Oh, who are you with?”</p><p>“Just…” I gritted my teeth and held my knees to my chest. “That doesn’t matter.” I sighed. “But I’m okay.”</p><p>“If you’re lying to me and I find you in your bed I-”</p><p>“-Mattie, I promise I’m not alone.” I chuckled and heard her let out a breathy laugh.</p><p>“I gotta go, I’ll see you in a couple days with money and alcohol.” She teased and I scoffed.</p><p>“Can’t wait.” I snickered, hanging up the call.</p><p>“Was that your sister?” Laura asked, an edge in her voice which I couldn’t decipher why.</p><p>“Yeah, she’s coming back in a couple days.” I replied and she nodded.</p><p>Her shift starts in an hour and she’s being quiet, secluded. It doesn’t suit her.</p><p>“You know.” I spoke into the thick air, cracking an eye open to see her focus on the Tv in front of us. “Ironically, you know lots about me, but I don’t know much about you.” I said and she finally looked at me rather cluelessly.</p><p>“What would you like to know?” She asked and I thought for a second.</p><p>“Tell me about your favourite memory.”</p><p>“My favourite memory?” She scoffed.</p><p>I shrugged and knocked her forearm with my socked foot, almost tipping her mug over.</p><p>“Okay…uh.” She furrowed her eyebrows in thought, placing her mug down on the small coffee table. “I don’t know.” She grimaced.</p><p>“Come on cupcake. There has to be <em>something</em>.”  </p><p>She looked blankly at the Tv, and then a small smile plastered her lips and I awaited eagerly to learn more about Laura.</p><p>“When I was about nine, my dad sat me high in an apple tree. It was like falling up into a storybook, yummy and red and leafy, and the branch not shaking a bit.” She recalled and I smiled at here focus. “Bees bumbled through the air, so stuffed with apple they couldn’t be bothered to sting me despite all of my mother’s perfume I squirted all over myself.” Laura chuckled in memory, sinking back in the sofa, nearing me slightly. “The sun warmed my hair, and a wind pushed my mom into my dad’s arms, and all the apple-picking parents and children smiled for a good long minute.”</p><p>It was amazing to see Laura so lost in memory that she was unconsciously smiling widely. Her eyes crinkling and cheeks dipping beautifully. But then it hit me, she had the same memory as me, but there was a vast difference.</p><p>Her father would have caught Laura in a heartbeat. Why wouldn’t mine? Maybe my father was not the man I always thought he was.</p><p>“I don’t know.” Laura sighed, laying a hand on my leg which I don’t think she even knew she was doing. “That’s the only memory I can remember. It’s weird isn’t it? You have so many memories and stories trapped into your brain but the second you want to remember them, you can’t.”</p><p>I blinked at her, the unexpected analysis hitting my chest deeply. But I realised soon I could listen to her speak all day and crave that smile of hers.</p><p>“What about you?” She asked and I hummed in confusion. “What’s your favourite memory?”</p><p>“When you cut my hair for me.” I answered in a heartbeat.</p><p>“Oh come on, tell meeee.” She poked my knees and I tilted my head at her.</p><p>“I’m serious, that’s my favourite memory.” I shrugged.</p><p>“That’s pretty sad.” She smirked and I chuckled. “Well, I gotta get to work.” She sighed, popping her back and using my leg to propel herself off the sofa.</p><p>“Can I drive you there?” I asked.</p><p>“Are you sure you can drive?” Her eyebrows furrowed whilst she looked at me concerned.</p><p>“Yeah, I need to get out for a bit.” I replied, but she still didn’t look convinced. “Cupcake, it’s a ten-minute drive.” I deadpanned.</p><p>“I know, but you’re…” She flailed her arms around for emphasis. “And the tablets are making you dizzy.” She reasoned and I rolled my eyes.</p><p>“Fine, I’ll just wallow away and turn into a potato on the couch.”</p><p>We had a small stare off, it didn’t take long for Laura to back down.</p><p>***</p><p>“You have a car, yet you chose to ride a bike?” I scoffed whilst driving.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s run down in my dad’s garage.” She replied, watching my speed like a hawk.</p><p>“When did you learn to drive?” I asked.</p><p>“Well my parents actually met at a vintage car sale, so they always shared the passion, wanted me to share it too but I never really understood the fascination with cars.”</p><p>“Cars are sexy.” I shrugged and she snickered.</p><p>“My mom actually taught me how to drive. I must’ve been…god, twelve, maybe? I was driving my dad’s old truck in this bumpy field by our house…it was <em>so</em> hard trying to shift and steer over rocks and holes.” She chuckled in memory and I smiled at her nostalgia. “And then a few years later she got a beautiful car, it was so shiny and new it looked like it came from space.”</p><p>“You got to drive it?”</p><p>“Not at first. But we took our first road trip in it. I was so nervous that I would scratch it, break something…and within the first hour I spilled my hot chocolate <em>everywhere</em>.”</p><p>“No way.” I laughed; it doesn’t surprise me Laura would do that. Remind me not to let her drink in my car.</p><p>“Yeah, you can still see the stain. I thought I was gonna get in so much trouble.”</p><p>“Did you?”</p><p>“Nope. She started laughing. Told me then and there that the car was to be mine someday, stains and all.” She sighed in happiness and looked out of the passenger window. “It’s strange driving it without her. If I’m not thinking I still go to the passenger side.”</p><p>I glanced at her and saw her face pulled in memory.</p><p>“So, I ride her bike instead.” She said rather flatly.</p><p>“You’ll have to show me the car one day. I love cars.” I focused on the road ahead.</p><p>I saw her head turn in my peripheral vision and the small smile plastering her lips.</p><p>“Yeah, I will.” She nodded, looking out of the window again.</p><p>The drive was silent and easy.</p><p>“Go straight home.” She ordered, head poking out of the window.</p><p>
  <em>Home?</em>
</p><p>“N-not your home.” She quickly backtracked, sensing my confliction. “My home, apartment…place of living.” She rambled and cringed to herself.</p><p>“I’ll be sure to drive back to your place of living.” I nodded amused and she rolled her eyes.</p><p>“If I don’t hear from you before my shift ends, I’ll assume you have fallen asleep, so don’t worry about picking me up, Danny can just drop me off.”</p><p>“Relax, cupcake. I’ll pick you up.”</p><p>She looked at me questionably and I huffed. “Fine, whatever, get a lift from Danny.”</p><p>“Okay.” She practically whispered and my chest tightened.</p><p>Without a last look I drove off and away from Laura. Of course she would get a lift from Danny, the great friendly <em>Danny</em>. The Danny who didn’t need someone to cut her food up like a fucking child.</p><p>I decided to take a small detour, passing by Karnstein industries. I feel ridiculous that I’m hiding from my own damn company, and to be honest, I don’t know how much longer I can keep hiding. Elsie is probably sat in her office right now head tall in stacks of payments and bills, telling people after people that she is unable to help them at the moment.</p><p>It didn’t take long to see the couple of vans parked outside the building, their big logos on the sides and a camera crew just waiting for me to fall into their ambush. There were four security officers at the large glass door, stopping anyone from entering unless they have an ID. One of them noticed me, recognised me and my car, and then looked away.</p><p>I don’t know if I’m happy or sad about not being payed attention to.</p><p>Some idiot behind me beeped their horn, snapping me back to reality and making me drive back. I was at the junction, left, or right? Left for my home, and right for Laura’s.</p><p>Fuck it, I’m going home.</p><p>***</p><p>The room was cold and dark when I woke up, you’d think I’d be used to waking up in coldness by now, yet after a few nights of warmth, it’s hard to go back to the cold.</p><p>A scratting noise at the door had woken me up, and then a dip in the bed made my eyes open lazily, trying to see through the darkness.</p><p>“No, off.” I mumbled, swatting behind me aimlessly. </p><p>God, I have a killer headache.</p><p>“Norris.” A voice whispered from the foot of the bed. “Come on.” The voice pleaded.</p><p>I grumbled and sat up, adjusting to the bright beam of light cracking through the door.</p><p>“Hey, sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” Laura said quietly, reaching over and scooping the cat up in her arms. “I’m gonna turn the heating on for you, go back to sleep.” She whispered and did what she said she was going to do; turning on the radiator and heating up the room in her presence.</p><p>She then took a spare blanket and pillow, multitasking in holding Norris and the comforters. She wasn’t sleeping with me in the bed tonight.</p><p>I curled back up in the bed and pretended to sleep as she left, closing the door behind her softly. The digital clock said it had just past ten at night, she must have just gotten back from work. She was probably tired and unable to sleep in her own damn bed because I had been an idiot earlier. How is that fair?</p><p>Just as I was about to get up and force her into the bed and take her place on the sofa, her voice caught my attention from the other side of the thin door.</p><p>“Dad, your car will be fine.” She sighed. “They won’t steal and sell your car. No, dad listen to- I’m not going all the way over there just to watch your car being fixed.”</p><p>There was shuffling coming from her side and footsteps nearing my door. I quickly shut my eyes like a child and ignored her head popping through the door. After a few tense seconds she closed the door again and padded back to what I assume to be the sofa.</p><p>She was checking to see if the room had heated up for me.</p><p>“I was just around literally a couple weeks ago.” Her voice was strained. “I can’t, dad. I have a life of my own.”</p><p>Am I holding her life up? Being an inconvenience for her? Of course I am, why would anyone willingly take someone in? Laura would. I gulped and clenched the duvet.</p><p>“Please, don’t play that card. I’m sorry but I can’t go with you just to make sure no one steals your stupid car-”</p><p>“-I’ll go and fix his car.” I said, standing in the door frame.</p><p>“What? No. You can’t drive two hours to go and do something my dad’s car company is capable of doing.” She protested and a deep voice was talking on the other end.</p><p>“Yes, I can. Tell him I’ll be there tomorrow.” I stood my ground.</p><p>She looked from me to her phone, gritting her teeth.</p><p>“Dad, I-I have a friend who can fix your car if you want.” She sighed and I held in a breath of relief. “No, it’s not Danny or Kirsch.”</p><p>I also had to refrain from an eye roll.</p><p>“She’s called Carmilla, yes, she is safe. No, dad, she isn’t my girlfriend.” She huffed and I chuckled at her flushed cheeks. “Yeah, I’ll come too, but we’re not staying.”</p><p>The next ten minutes consisted of Laura stressing to her father about how we will get there and back safely and how to avoid driving in the dark. It was rather entertaining listening to the two of them talking.</p><p>“You <em>really </em>didn’t have to do that.” She sighed, running her hands through her hair and collapsing onto the sofa.</p><p>“I didn’t, but I wanted to.” I shrugged, getting a glass of water from the small kitchen.</p><p>“Fine, but I’m driving.” She pointed at me sternly from the couch.</p><p>“Who said I’m letting you drive my car?” I teased, taking a sip of water.</p><p>“Well, either I drive us there or we don’t go at all.” She said matter of fact.</p><p>“Touché.” I scoffed and she smiled in victory.</p><p>“Can you even fix a car?” She furrowed her eyebrows.</p><p>“Don’t sound so surprised. My brother crashed his cars all the time and was too scared to tell my parents, so we learnt how to do it ourselves.”</p><p>“That’s a handy skill to have.” She nodded impressed.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess I’m good at handy stuff.” I smirked into the glass and she scoffed.</p><p>“My dad’s really pretentious by the way.” She said whilst pulling her hair out of her messy bun, catching my breath for a second. Her hair looks so soft…so touchable.</p><p>I unintentionally felt my now-short-hair, trying to remember how it felt to lose my fingers in thick long locks. It feels much better like this, so light and free.  </p><p>“Carm?” Laura stopped and looked at me as if waiting for a reply.</p><p>“Uh, yeah.” I cleared my throat. “I’m almost certain I have dealt with much worse than your father, cupcake.”</p><p>“You know.” She stepped forward and into my personal space. “You don’t owe me anything.” She smiled timidly, scanning my new hair and then my eyes.</p><p>“I know.” I replied quietly, the smell of ground coffee and sugar filling my nostrils. “Is it hard for you to believe that I want to help you for no ulterior motive?”</p><p>She shook her head and bit her lower lip.</p><p>“No, it’s not at all.” Laura chuckled. “Maybe a couple weeks ago.” She said playfully. My own lips couldn’t help but curl into a smile.</p><p>“True.” I snickered, ignoring my thumping headache.</p><p>“I’m sorry I woke you up, you should go back to bed, the room will be warm now.” She yawned herself, scratching the back of her head before turning around.</p><p>My hand moved itself, grabbing her wrist and pulling her so close to me that we were breathing the same air. She looked stunned at the action, and I was rather shocked at my impulse too.</p><p>“Why aren’t you sleeping in your bed?” My lips moved but I couldn’t hear what I was saying, only the thumping of my heart and the feeling of Laura’s skin in my grasp.</p><p>“Because you were mad at me.” She swallowed thickly, barely blinking as we watched each other at such close proximity.</p><p>“Laura…” I let go of her wrist and couldn’t fight the urge to tuck a loose strand of golden hair behind her blushing ear. “I could <em>never</em>, be mad at you.” With a stroke to her jaw, I pointed her chin up to meet my gaze properly. “Okay?” I asked.</p><p>She nodded slowly and I felt her jaw clenching under my hold.</p><p>Without another word I walked away, placing the glass in the sink and sliding back into bed, just hoping for Laura to join me.</p><p>After ten minutes of torture, the door opened, and in walked Laura, changing into her sleepwear behind me. I smiled to myself as she pulled the duvet over herself next to me. She was so warm, practically pressed against my back to fit into the rather small bed.</p><p>I wish I could feel her closer.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ooooooo, papa Hollis meeting Carm???? I wonder how that’s gonna play out hmm. (Also this was posted using my phone my laptop is BROKE FFS so sorry if there are any mistakes)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Unexpected visits</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“This is a 60mph road.” Carmilla drawled.</p><p>“I am well aware.” I forced a smile, watching the road carefully.</p><p>“So why are you going half the fucking limi-”</p><p>“-Because I’m trying to keep you and your car safe.” I gritted my teeth; driving with Carmilla is like driving with a child.</p><p>Another car overtook us, and the driver flipped me off. Carmilla laughed next to me and I gripped the wheel tighter. This is one hell of a car and I know for a fact if I press down any harder on the pedal, we would be zooming down the road at the speed of light. That’s actually what happened when I first started driving, Carm thought it was very amusing.</p><p>“Well, I didn’t think I’d be back here so soon.” I sighed.</p><p>“How come you were here in the first place?” She asked, fiddling with the radio and changing stations.</p><p>“It was my parents’ anniversary and my dad didn’t want to spend it alone.” I answered.</p><p>“Cute.” Carmilla snickered, reaching over and ruffling my hair.</p><p>“Carm!” I squealed, swatting at her hand and accidentally swerving the car. “You are insufferable.” I hissed, glaring at her whilst she laughed to herself.</p><p>My glare soon faded, and a smile took over, watching Carmilla laughing and her short hair bobbing up and down so happily.</p><p>“Hey, look.” Carmilla pointed to my side.</p><p>I looked over and watched as we drove past the famous bus stop we had met in, reminding me of how much we have faced together.</p><p>“Seems like only yesterday you were stuffing me in a cupcake hoody.” She chuckled.</p><p>“Or when you were getting hypothermia.” I scoffed.</p><p>“I was fine.” She rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Your lips were blue.” I deadpanned.</p><p>“Didn’t know you were playing such close attention to my lips, cupcake.” She teased.</p><p>“Oh please.” I shook my head, trying to keep my libido as she snickered next to me.</p><p>“So, why did you move to Silas?” She asked, rolling down her window and sticking her arm out. It was rather warm today.</p><p>“As cliché as it sounds, for a fresh start.”</p><p>“A fresh start from what?”</p><p>“From my dad.” I replied simply. “I spent my whole teen years practically being his carer when my mom died, I even dropped out of college on my first year to stay at home and help him.”</p><p>“What was you studying?”</p><p>“Journalism and English lit.”</p><p>She scoffed and I looked at her.</p><p>“Why is that funny?”</p><p>“No reason, cupcake.” She sighed humorously, throwing me a gleaming smile, <em>my heart melted a bit. </em>“How did you uh…” Her smile faded and she fiddled with her fingers beneath her. “How did you cope with your mother’s death, if you don’t mind me asking?”</p><p>I smiled timidly at her, finding it rather adorable how she fiddles when she get’s nervous or awkward.</p><p>“The best I could.” I shrugged. “I loved my mom, but she wouldn’t want me to fall into a pit of despair, so, I took my time and grieved, helping my dad through his own grief. We couldn’t both be a mess.” I justified.</p><p>Carmilla watched me rather aloof.</p><p>“What?” I asked.</p><p>“I don’t know how you do it.” Her eyes glistened and I flickered my gaze from the road to Carm. “You are just…perfect.”</p><p>“Pfft, I am <em>not</em>.” I scoffed. “Far from perfect Carm.” I chuckled, but she was serious.</p><p>“I wish I could just grieve like you…like a normal person.” She laughed sadly to herself.</p><p>“Hey.” I reached over and held her hand. “Everyone handles death differently, maybe you’re not ready yet. And that’s perfectly normal.”  I squeezed her hand reassuringly and turned down the road to my dad’s.</p><p> </p><p>“Is this the street you grew up in?” Carmilla asked as she peered out of the window like a puppy catching wind.</p><p>“Yup.” I clicked my tongue, my childhood home coming into view.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s so nice, normal, with lampposts and everything.” She gawked.</p><p>“That is what a street usually looks like.” I scoffed, pulling up outside my dad’s house. “Well, here we are.” I sighed, cutting the engine and passing Carmilla the keys.</p><p>Carmilla just peered at the house with a smile, practically leaning over me to get a better look. And then it hit me, she hasn’t been around basic houses and streets, only mansions and private land. This was probably a whole new experience for her entirely.</p><p>“Come on.” I pushed her off me and chuckled as she scrambled out of the car.</p><p>“There she is!” My dad walked to us with his arms spread wide, engulfing me in a strong bear hug.</p><p>“Oof! Dad, I kind of need my ribs.” I groaned, stumbling backwards as he plopped me down.</p><p>“Nice to see yah again kiddo.” He patted my shoulder. “And you must be Carmilla.” He turned to Carm with a hand out.</p><p>“Nice to meet you, Mr Hollis.” She fixed her posture, shaking his hand confidently.</p><p>Dad looked at me rather impressed and I couldn’t help but smile at the interaction.</p><p>“Right, let me show you the car.” He said whilst leading us to the driveway where the car was already propped up and set for Carm.</p><p>“Mr Hollis?” I snickered, pushing her playfully.</p><p>“First impressions are very important.” She justified with a hidden smirk.</p><p>“So, the engine is clogged up and the spark plugs have disconnected completely.” He explained whilst Carm looked around the car; it all went over my head.</p><p>Carmilla pulled something and inspected it.</p><p>“You have no fuel in your car.” She deadpanned and he looked rather embarrassed.</p><p>“Ah, yes. T-that is also another reason why my car won’t run.”</p><p>“It’s fine, I’ll top it up again, do you have any spare oil?” She asked, wiping a black liquid on her white shirt she was borrowing from me. I cringed at the huge stain and realised I’ll probably never save it.</p><p>“Yup, everything you will need is just in the garage. Don’t forget that the door is a push, my little Laura has walked into it too many times to count.” He chuffed and Carm snickered at me.</p><p>“You’re back early.” A familiar voice spoke from the gate before I could die from embarrassment.</p><p>I left Carm and dad talking and walked up to the voice.</p><p>“And you brought what looks to be a model with you.”</p><p>“Pft.” I scoffed, looking at Carm leaning over the open bonnet, and I have to admit, she does look <em>very </em>good.</p><p>“She’s just fixing my dad’s car, where’s Perry?” I changed the subject.</p><p>“Inside making cookies.” They answered like it was obvious.</p><p>“You better bring me some when they’re ready.” I held a finger up at them and they laughed.</p><p>“Will do.” They chuckled, looking back at Carm. “Did you find her at a photo shoot?” They nodded to Carmilla who was now carrying a toolbox.</p><p>“Nope, at a bus stop actually.” I leant back on the fence, holding in my drool as she got to work. She looks to be in her element.</p><p>“She looks familiar, and is that her car?” They pointed to the expensive vehicle.</p><p>“Yes, that is her car.” I answered, not bothering to look at the car as I was entirely fixated on Carmilla, wiping the sweat off her forehead with the bottom of her shirt, displaying her slim figure.</p><p>I am a lesbian with eyes after all.</p><p>“Right.” They nodded slowly.</p><p>Carmilla glanced up and caught me shamelessly checking her out, smirking and wiggling her fingers at me. I waved back rather sheepishly. </p><p>“I’ll bring the cookies over when they’re ready.” They patted my shoulder and I mumbled a bye, already making my way to Carm.</p><p>“So, how’s it going?” I asked, hands behind my back whilst I leant on the car’s side.</p><p>“His car is totally fucked.” She scoffed.</p><p>“Crap, can you fix it?” I winced.</p><p>“Yeah, but I doubt I’ll finish it all in just one day.” She sighed, huffing whilst she ripped out a part of the car.</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>.”</p><p>“It’s a beautiful car though, outdated, but sexy.” She admired the car.</p><p>“Calm down, I don’t think you can have sex with a car.” I scoffed.</p><p>“I’ve actually watched a video that says otherwise.” She winked at me and got back to work.</p><p>***</p><p>I was sat on the front lawn, scrolling through my phone, well, trying to, but Carmilla’s top was taken off about an hour ago, and the only clothes she was wearing were her black jeans and her matching sports bra, using the muddy shirt as a rag to wipe her face and hands.</p><p>I’m not blind, she’s hot as hell, and a few neighbours seemed to agree with me. If I was to tell the past Laura all those weeks ago that the same girl you slapped was the same girl who would fix your dad’s car, well, I would have probably slapped myself.</p><p>“Cupcake!” Carmilla called and I scrambled up. “Can you ask your dad for the oil please?” She asked, head hidden under the bonnet.</p><p>“On it.” I nodded firmly and tried my best to ignore the way her shoulder blade and arm flexed as she dug around the machinery.</p><p>“Dad!” I called as I walked into the house. “Carmilla’s ready for the…oil.” I trailed off looking at the huge buffet covering the dining table. “Are we having a family of truckers over or something? Dad what is all of this for?” I furrowed my eyebrows and scanned over all of the food.</p><p>“I thought we could all have dinner tonight, you can invite LaFontaine and Perry.” He smiled, placing a plate of hot dogs on the little space left.</p><p>“Me and Carm aren’t staying, I told you last night.” I whined.</p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous, sweetie. I’m not letting either of you drive home in the dark, and there is no way that car will be finished today.” He chuckled in humour.</p><p>“Oh for god’s sake.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. How I’m so easily manipulated is beyond me at this point. “Fine, whatever.” I sighed. “Carmilla needs oil.” With a final huff, I glared at him and stole a handful of carrot sticks, stomping back to Carm.</p><p>“Carrot sticks?” She snickered, taking one from my hand and ate it exaggerated.</p><p>“Oh that’s nothing, my dad has a whole buffet going on in there.” I mumbled, taking an angry bite of veg.</p><p>“So I take it we are staying tonight.” Carmilla smirked, screwing a bolt with a huge plier.</p><p>“Yup.” I mumbled. “Will you be okay?” I asked and she smiled at me.</p><p>“I’ll be fine, cutie.” She said and looked back down.</p><p><em>Cutie</em>? Well that’s a new one.</p><p>“Here yah go.” Dad huffed and struggled to place the large tank of oil down at Carmilla’s feet.</p><p>“Thank you, sir. I’ve fixed one of the spark plugs.” She wiped her hands on the ruined shirt, a bead of sweat dripping down her collar bone and disappearing into the fabric covering her chest.</p><p>She had to of known what she’s doing to me, because the way she looked directly at me and wiped her front, smearing a little oil over herself and around her cleavage, was all too seductive and obvious.</p><p>“Glad to hear it kid.” He beamed at his car, patting the roof for good measures and walking back inside.</p><p>“Why don’t you go sit back down and enjoy your view, hm?” Carm hauled the tank of oil up and started pouring the liquid into a nuzzle, her arms flexing and hands strong as she gripped the plastic. “Or why don’t you join the audience.” Her voice strained as she held the heavy container still.</p><p>“What?” I pulled a face, looking at the gate to see Perry and LaF opening the gate and making their way in.</p><p>“Laura! Lovely to see you again.” Perry smiled, a box in her hand.</p><p>The three of us all grew up together, same school and college, we even did the paper round together when we were kids. After a couple of years living with Perry’s parents, the two of them decided to buy the house opposite my father’s just across the road and check up on him to make sure he’s all okay. I owe a lot to them.</p><p>“Yeah, unexpected visit.” I sighed, ogling the fresh warm cookies in her hands.</p><p>“Hey, you two want to join us for dinner?” Dad bounded over.</p><p>“Of course, oh! We even have cookies.” Perry smiled excitedly, and I watched in pain as the tasty treats were passed over my head and into my father’s arms.</p><p>“Guess I’ll just stick to my carrots then.” I mumbled, eating the sticks begrudgingly.</p><p>“I see we have stepped from a top to no top.” LaF nodded at Carm who was keeping herself busy with the car.</p><p>“Oh my, she’s going to get sunburn.” Perry said wide eyed, about to sprint over.</p><p>“Don’t.” I quickly caught Perry’s wrist and pulled her back. “She’s uh…she’s a little shy.” I winced, letting go of Perry’s hand.</p><p>“That’s Carmilla Karnstein.” LaF deadpanned and I looked at them in shock. “And you’re trying to tell me she is shy, whilst she is parading around in her bra?” They quirked an eyebrow and I was a little lost for words.</p><p>“Okay, you know who she is, just please, don’t mention anything to her.” I begged quietly.</p><p>The two of them glanced at Carm and back to me rather sceptically.</p><p>“We won’t.” Perry smiled, nudging LaF who was watching Carm intensively.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, right…not a word.” They nodded, and I just hoped they meant it.</p><p>***</p><p>We were all sat at the dining table, eating and talking away. Well, everyone apart from Carmilla who was practically sat on my chair more than her own, the only words coming from her mouth was ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’  But it was all going smoothly, Perry and LaF haven’t said a word to Carm apart from the brief introduction they had beforehand. If they could just keep it up for another hour or so, we should be fi-</p><p>“So, Carmilla.” Dad swallowed his food, and sure enough, all attention was fixated on Carmilla. “Are you from Silas?” He asked.</p><p>Just as I was about to cut in, Carmilla started speaking.</p><p>“I was actually born in Styria, Austria, but moved to Silas when I was a child.” She answered politely and I tried to hide my initial shock by shovelling my mouth with food.</p><p>“Wow, that’s certainly a distance.” Dad chuckled and Carmilla flashed him a smile, cutting her food below her. “How come you moved?” He pried and LaF and Perry seemed intrigued too.</p><p>“Uh, dad, that’s a little personal.” I shot him a warning glare.</p><p>“It’s fine, cupcake.” Carmilla dismissed me and LaF scoffed at the nickname opposite me, I slumped down in my chair and mushed a potato with my fork. “My father had to move for work.” She replied, sipping her drink contently.</p><p>“He sounds quite the businessman.” He smiled light heartedly and began eating again, my heart sinking at the very thought of Carmilla thinking about her father.</p><p>“He was indeed.” She smiled timidly, taking small bites from her plate.</p><p>Everyone glanced around and I just begged for my dad not to apologise or say anything insensitive.</p><p>“So, are you a businesswoman-”</p><p>“-Dad!” I blurted out, catching his attention. “This is a really good dinner.” I smiled all too forced.</p><p>“I’m glad you think so pumpkin.” He chuffed in gratitude and I could feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment at the nickname.</p><p>I glanced to Carm who sighed in relief at the change in subject, flashing me a reassuring smile.</p><p>After that, dinner was a breeze, no one asked Carmilla anymore questions. She was being a great sport, smiling and nodding along with everyone. It’s like she has a million different sides of her, and I see a new one every day. But the one that sticks with me the most, is when her guard is down, and she is laughing and smiling so whole heartedly it makes my chest ache with joy.</p><p>“I’m gonna go work on the car for a bit.” Carmilla said as she passed me on the sofa to leave.</p><p>“Now?” I grimaced, looking at the clock. “It’s ten at night.” I furrowed my eyebrows at her.</p><p>“I just need some time alone for a while.” She explained and I immediately understood.</p><p>“Okay.” I smiled at her and she ducked her head. “What about sleeping arrangements?” I asked.</p><p>“I’ll just crash on the couch, but I kinda need a shower.”</p><p>“There’s a bathroom in my bedroom, or there’s the bathroom in the hallway.” I offered.</p><p>“Do you have any spare clothes?” She pointed to the muddy white top and held an innocent face which was entirely too cute.</p><p>“Yes, in my room.” I chuckled as her face beamed at the thought of clean clothes.</p><p>“But I don’t want to wake you.” She pouted.</p><p>“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” I scoffed.</p><p>She watched me for a second and threw me a bashful smile, one that made my stomach flip and body heat.</p><p>“Good night, Laur.” She neared me slowly, pausing briefly before holding the back of my head, and bringing my forehead to her lips where she kissed me softly. Her hand lingered behind me, and the grove of her neck and jaw was pressed in front of me. “Don’t wait up for me.” She whispered in my ear, I don’t know if she was meaning to be that seductive or not.</p><p>Because she was…<em>extremely</em>.</p><p>I nodded and mustered out a pathetic ‘good night’, watching her with lidded eyes as she sauntered out of the front door.</p><p>***</p><p>Carm told me not to wait up for her, but that’s hard not to when I can hear every single noise she is making from outside. I could also see her shadow on my wall from the car lights beaming directly through my window, her figure projecting right in front of my eyes.</p><p>There was a sudden crash and I couldn’t help but to jump out of bed and peep through my window to inspect the damage.</p><p>“Damnit!” I heard her hiss to herself.</p><p>She then proceeded to kick the spilt oil container on the floor viciously, sending it flying along with the contents inside, splashing black liquid all over her and the garage wall. Her face was full of hurt, why is she so angry over a little spilt oil? But then I could see her face drop, and she just slumped to the floor, resting herself on the car, picking up a screwdriver and throwing it aimlessly in front of her.</p><p>And I soon realised her frustration was not projectile towards the car, but it was towards everything else she was suffering through. I knew she shouldn’t have come here, too much too soon. All I want to do is wrap her in a safety blanket and hold her forever, show her how appreciated she is, to me. But Carmilla…she, she is a loose cannon, I never know what to expect from her, and I don’t know if she would appreciate my help.</p><p>But it put a lump to my throat and tears in my eyes watching Carmilla so hurt, alone. I wonder how she would be coping if I wasn’t here, who would she go to?</p><p>I watched her whilst she angrily wiped her face, muttering incoherent words under her breath, picking up the oil container and grabbing the garden hose to wash down the wall. Her breath created fog in the cold air, but after all the work she had been doing she had picked up a sweat; so her top was discarded once again, scrunched up in her hand, a tight fist.</p><p>She dropped the hose and shut the car down, stomping out of sight. I heard the front door open and close downstairs and footsteps trudging up the stairs. As quick as I could, I jumped into bed and lay stock still, closing my eyes and resembling sleep.</p><p>The door opened ever so slowly, and in crept Carmilla, pacing gently to the wardrobe and fishing out clothes to sleep in. It did feel very childish pretending to slumber to hide from Carm, she’d probably make fun of me forever if she found out how petty I was acting.</p><p>Just as I thought she was about to leave, I cracked an eye open slightly and watched as she disappeared into my bathroom, the door not closed fully and fog seeping through, surrounding my room with heat from the shower.</p><p>I glanced to the clock on my wall and saw it was past midnight, I <em>should </em>be sleeping as I’m driving a two-and-a-half-hour journey later, but I can’t sleep with Carmilla naked six feet away from me. It’s ridiculous, it really is. We are both adults and completely in control of our hormones; but a woman like Carmilla and the show she was giving me earlier? <em>Goner.</em></p><p>God, even her voice is sexy. <em>Everything</em> about her is sexy.</p><p>I must have been staring at the crack in the door for what seems like forever, because the speed of how quickly my eyes shut caught me off guard when the door opened and in walked Carm in shorts and a top too small for her. Completely too small for her damnit.</p><p>I could feel her there, just stood there, watching me. I stopped breathing entirely and gripped the bed sheet under the duvet. Even with my eyes closed, I still feel the burning of her gaze through a blank screen. What is she doing? Maybe she’s debating where to sleep, my bed, or the couch.  </p><p>“What are you doing to me, cupcake?” She sighed and my heart dropped with the sudden sound of her low voice.</p><p>But what surprised me the most, was when she closed the door and slowly slithered into the bed next to me, pulling slightly on the cover to share it with me. Such a simple act yet my chest was heating and ears burning.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Copy cat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Well I never!” Dad chuffed in absolute glee, riding around the driveway. “Old Betty is up and going better than ever!” He yelled from the window as me and Carmilla watched in happiness.</p><p>“That she is sir!” She called back, laughing at his priceless reaction next to me.</p><p>I laughed too, at the two of their reactions. Carmilla was truly smiling, proud of herself for fixing my dad’s old rust bucket and I couldn’t be any happier at the outcome. I haven’t seen him this happy for years.</p><p>“What do yah think, cutie?” Carmilla asked me.</p><p>“I think you have truly out done yourself, Carm.” I replied sweetly and she chuckled, nudging my shoulder with her own.</p><p>“Shit.” She mumbled, digging through her pockets to find her ringing phone. “Give me a sec.”</p><p>I watched rather nervously as she stepped back into the house. Who was calling her? Was her little break away from life over now? Was I now washed up and of no use to her anymore?</p><p>“I gotta say.” Dad stepped out of the car and hit the bonnet. “Your friend there is quite the mechanic.”</p><p>“Pft, sure, dad.” I scoffed.</p><p>“How did you two meet?” He asked, eyeing his beloved car with heart eyes.</p><p>“She just uh…she came to the café one day and…yeah.” I shrugged.</p><p>“Is she a mechanic?” He asked again and I rolled my eyes to myself.</p><p>“No.” I sighed, wishing Carm would hurry up so we could head back to Silas.</p><p>“Ah, what is she then?”</p><p>“I don’t know, something to do with business.” I huffed at the sudden interrogation.</p><p>“And you are sure you’re not dating, <em>cupcake</em>?” He teased and I felt my face heat up.</p><p>“Nope, we are not dating, and don’t ever call me that again.”</p><p>He chuckled light-heartedly and wrapped a big arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side as he looked proudly at the car.</p><p>“That’s the car me and your mother bou-”</p><p>“-Bought, I know.” I cut him off, I’ve heard the story so many times it’s literally embodied into my brain.</p><p>“Why are you being a grump?” He pouted, shaking my shoulder.</p><p>“I’m not.” I huffed. He looked at me unbelievably. “Carm is going through some stuff and I just…I don’t think she should have come, is all.” I answered, kicking the floor.</p><p>“She is the one who offered. “He reminded me, and I shook my head. “And it looks like she was in her element.” He beamed at the car again.</p><p>“Well Danny had to cover my shift for me to come here so I won’t get paid my full wage.”</p><p>“Oh! That reminds me!” He suddenly sprouted, pulling out his wallet just as Carmilla walked back out. “Here you go.” He held a wad of money out to Carm who just looked at it blankly.</p><p>“You don’t have to do that, Mr Hollis.” She held her hands up and looked at me for help.</p><p>“Come on Carm, we have to go.” I said, taking her hand unconsciously to lead us out.</p><p>“Really, it’s the least I could do.” He shook the money in his hand and Carmilla looked very uncomfortable, her hand tightening in mine.</p><p>“I didn’t fix your car for money, sir. I had no intentions of being paid, it was all out of good faith.” She smiled politely and lowered his hand with her free one. The simple movement so small yet so powerful. I don’t think she even needs to try to be intimidating, it just comes natural to her.</p><p>“Well, if you say so.” He sighed, turning around to me and handing me the money. “Please pumpkin, take this in return for the time I took from you.”</p><p>Oh for Christ sake, what is it with people giving me money?!</p><p>“I-”</p><p>He intensified his puppy eyes, guilt tripping me.</p><p>“Fine, thank you.” I took it begrudgingly and he smiled in slight victory.</p><p>“Call me as soon as you get home and stick to the roads.” He kissed my forehead, but his tone was serious.</p><p>“Yes, dad.” I grumbled, feeling like a child even though I’m 26, literally half his age.</p><p>“And thank you, Carmilla, you have made my year!” He beamed and Carmilla nodded her welcome.</p><p>I tugged on Carm’s hand and the two of us hopped in the car, waving to my dad who was sending us off in the driveway.</p><p>“Your father is nice.” Carmilla said, turning the aircon on to heat up the chilly car.</p><p>“Yup.” I clicked my tongue, focusing on the road ahead.</p><p>“What? You don’t agree?” Carm asked rather baffled.</p><p>“I never said that.”</p><p>“You didn’t have to.” Carmilla shrugged and I huffed.</p><p>“It’s just…I don’t know.” I sighed.</p><p>“Tell me.” Carmilla said sincere.</p><p>“He’s starting to rely on me again, I can’t go one week without having him freak out on me.” I stressed, gripping the wheel and ignoring his cash in my pocket.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>I looked to Carm who’s head was hung.</p><p>“Sorry? Sorry for what?”</p><p>“Because you have your own problems and here you are, babying me.” She scoffed sadly and I shook my head.</p><p>“Carm.” I reached over and held her wrist. “You have nothing to do with my daddy issues.” I teased and she looked up with a small smile. “You don’t have to feel bad or guilty for asking me for help, seriously.” I looked at her for the brief time I could. “You really don’t.” I stroked my thumb across her skin, and she nodded, slipping her hand into mine and squeezing it.</p><p>“I uh, I’m really bad at this stuff.” She mumbled, letting go of my hand to fiddle with her top’s hem. “But thank you, for everything.” She glanced to me, flashing me a shy smile.</p><p>I chuckled at her awkwardness and watched the road in front, feeling rather fuzzy inside.</p><p>“You don’t need to thank me.”</p><p>“Can you just accept my thank you, cupcake?” She sighed.</p><p>“Okay, thank you for your thank you.” I teased.</p><p>“And I’m the insufferable one?” She scoffed next to me, the atmosphere light and kind.</p><p>I laughed and watched the road blissfully, Carmilla chuckling along with me.</p><p>“Are you hungry?” I asked, seeing a pull in for a diner.</p><p>“I guess I’ve worked up an appetite after all of that hard-labour last night.” She drawled sarcastically and I rolled my eyes, turning on the indicators and pulling into the diner car park.</p><p>It took a while to cut off the engine, Carmilla’s car has a lot of buttons and fancy parts. It was all very amusing to her.</p><p>“Afternoon ladies! Can I get you anything to drink?” The waiter chirped and handed us the menus.</p><p>I glanced to Carm who was watching the table as if it was about to grow legs and move. It’s rather intriguing to watch her in different situations. She’s all mighty and powerful when working, vulnerable and soft with me, and shy and nervous in public.</p><p>“An espresso and fresh apple juice, please.” I smiled brightly to the waiter and he nodded, leaving our table.</p><p>I glanced to Carm who hadn’t looked up yet.</p><p>“So.” I cleared my throat. “What do you fancy?” I asked whilst picking up the menu.</p><p>“I don’t really know.” She mumbled, picking up her own menu and hiding her face with it.</p><p>We both studied the menu in silence.</p><p>“I might get pancakes.” She said.</p><p>“Same.” I hummed and she looked up with a smirk. “What?” I furrowed my brows.</p><p>“Nothing nothing.” She shrugged and I narrowed my eyes. “What would you have said if I was getting scrambled eggs?” She placed her menu down and rested her chin on her hands.</p><p>“I would have said good for you, I don’t like eggs.” I replied with a stifled grin.</p><p>She nodded slowly with a charming smile.</p><p>“You know, I studied psychology as a major.”</p><p>The waiter came over with our drinks.</p><p>“That’s nice.” I pondered and thanked the waiter who took our orders.</p><p>She snorted and hid her grin behind her mug of coffee. I followed her actions and sipped from my glass too. She then studied me and placed her mug down at the same time as me. We sat in content silence until the waiter delivered our food.</p><p>“Have you ever heard of copycat syndrome?” She asked whilst cutting her pancakes.</p><p>“I don’t think so?” I narrowed my eyes at her and cut my pancakes too.</p><p>She hummed and sat back, watching me eat and I grew rather suspicious. She then wiped her mouth with a napkin and I immediately felt self-cautious. Worried that I had something on my mouth, I wiped my lips with my napkin too.</p><p>Carmilla laughed and I gripped my fork.</p><p>“What are you doing?” I hissed, knowing something was up.</p><p>“You are a very interesting person, cupcake. I feel like I need to dedicate a journal to you.” She leant forward.</p><p>“I am?” I grimaced, mouth full of syrup and sweetness. “Wait wait.” I backtracked. “Why did you bring up copycat syndrome?” I asked and she chuckled, washing down her food with coffee.</p><p>“Because you were doing it and it was very <em>amusing</em>.” She answered.</p><p>“I wasn’t doing anything.”</p><p>“<em>You</em> weren’t doing anything; <em>I</em> was doing things though.” She said and I’m growing tired of the games right now. “When someone copies you, it’s a form of flattery, so…I’m flattered.” She smirked and I almost chocked on my food.</p><p>“I was not copying you.” I glared at her.</p><p>We both lent back at the same time and she raised an eyebrow at me.</p><p>“That was a coincidence.” I rolled my eyes and she snorted.</p><p>Am I copying Carmilla? Am I trying to flatter her unconsciously?</p><p>“How are your pancakes?” She asked.</p><p>I took a deep breath.</p><p>“They are-”</p><p>“-Obviously you find them delicious, because I for one do.” She cut me off blatantly and I huffed, slouching in my seat and realising I won’t win this game. “Relax, cupcake.” She kicked my leg under the table. “I’m only messing with you.” She chuckled.</p><p>“Very funny.” I grumbled.</p><p>There was a movement under the table, it wasn’t a kick, no, much softer and gentle. It was her foot rubbing the side of my leg carefully. I bit the inside of my cheek and stared down at the plate, not daring to look up to a gaze I knew was being held.</p><p>“How is your food?” A voice suddenly piped.</p><p>“It’s lovely, thank you.” I squeaked, feeling my cheeks heat up.</p><p>Carmilla’s foot dropped and she chuckled lowly as soon as the waiter left. As if from heaven itself, my phone rang in my pocket, saving me from my fluster.</p><p>“Hello?” I asked into the phone whilst Carmilla paid me no mind, eating her lunch contently.</p><p>“Hey Hollis.” Danny said rather frantically. “Betty can’t come in today so I really can’t cover for you. Can you definitely come in?” She asked.</p><p>“Yes yes, I’ll try to be there at five.” I answered and she sighed.</p><p>“<em>Try</em>?” She groaned.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m kinda on my way back from my dad’s.”</p><p>“Again? You were only there last week, and what about Carmilla? Isn’t she staying with you?” She asked all at once and I glanced up at Carm who was sipping her coffee idlily.</p><p>“Yes, she’s with me. We went to my dad’s for the night.” I said rather hushed.</p><p>“Damn, even<em> I</em> haven’t met your dad yet.” She scoffed and I rolled my eyes. “I’m counting on you Hollis.”</p><p>“I won’t let you down, see you later.” I said my farewell and hung up, slouching on the leather seat and eating my food rather sloppily.</p><p>“I’m sorry, cupcake, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.” Carmilla smiled apologetically.</p><p>I looked up at her and saw the soft expression she was holding, all frustrations leaving me instantly.</p><p>“It’s fine.” I rolled my eyes playfully and she snickered. “We need to start moving again, I have to be at work for five.” I sighed, glugging down my juice.</p><p>Carmilla nodded and waved to a waiter who came over with our bill. I paid for our food with the money dad had given us, despite Carmilla offering to pay. The two of us headed to the car and began our journey again; it was a comforting silence with the slow hum of the radio buzzing around.</p><p>“Wait!” Carmilla called out, making me jump and almost caused me to swerve us into the curb. “Pull over.” She ordered.</p><p>“There’s nowhere to pull over, what’s wrong?” I said rather frantically as I checked the rear-view mirrors. We were driving down the road in the middle of nowhere, halfway home.</p><p>“Pull over in that hideaway.” She demanded and pointed.</p><p>I obliged and pulled over, cutting the engine. She immediately got out of the car and I followed her.</p><p>“Carm! What are you doing?!” I called from behind her, locking the car and running after her.</p><p>I furrowed my brows when I saw what we were nearing. There was a car with its blinking headlights parked up on the curb, a family huddled around it with a woman frantically pacing around with a phone to her ear. What the…</p><p>“Hey, you need help?” Carmilla said to the woman.</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>The woman paused her call and looked at me and Carm sceptically.</p><p>“We ran out of oil and there’s no reception here.” She explained and the family in the car watched us from the back window, three kids and a man.</p><p>“I have a spare oil tank; I can fill it for you if you want?” Carmilla offered and I watched her rather shocked.</p><p>“Really? That would be amazing, we’re running late for my brothers wedding.” She exasperated and I took in what she was wearing, a slim fit dress.</p><p>“Of course, hold on.” Carm said and grabbed her keys from my hand, rushing back over to her car.</p><p>The door to the car opened as I stood there awkwardly.</p><p>“Mom, I hate this stupid dress!” A young girl hopped out of the car and frowned.</p><p>“Get back in the car honey, it’s not safe on the road.” The older woman sighed, clearly fed up. But then out flooded another young boy in an oversized suit and a small toddler pulling on his hair. “Get the kids back in.” She clenched her teeth, holding her phone up for any trace of internet.</p><p>The man stumbled out and tried to pry his kids away from their mother, but they ran around the car and sent him on a wild chase. I laughed to myself at the scene.</p><p>“Could you open the bonnet?” Carmilla asked as she carried the spare oil.</p><p>“Of course.” The woman rushed, pressing a button in the car and the bonnet opened automatically. “How long do you think you will be?” She questioned, clearly on edge.</p><p>“Shouldn’t be longer than ten minutes.” Carmilla answered with a reassuring smile.</p><p>The woman nodded, looking somewhat calmer than before.</p><p>“Tyler needs to pee.” The man grimaced and the woman’s nostrils flared. Carm snickered next to me and I smiled too.</p><p>“Take him behind a tree, I swear if I see a single mark on that tux.” She warned and he nodded, holding his small son’s hand and leading him away.</p><p>I watched as Carm got to work, the young girl standing at Carmilla’s feet and standing on her tip toes, peering into the car as much as she could.</p><p>“What are you doing?” The young girl asked Carm.</p><p>I studied the scene, wondering how Carm will act with kids.</p><p>“I’m fixing your car.” Carmilla answered vaguely and the girl nodded.</p><p>Well, I don’t think she’s a kid person.</p><p>“That’s really cool, I want to do that too.” She squealed, her skin shining with what I presume to be highlight. Her hair was beautifully braded, she looked adorable.</p><p>“I don’t think your mother would be very happy if we got your dress dirty.” Carm chuckled as she worked.</p><p>“She wouldn’t care, she isn’t even looking, Eva just threw up.” The young girl said and Carmilla grinned, glancing upwards to check if her mother really was preoccupied.</p><p>The next scene took me completely off guard, Carmilla had picked up the girl with ease, making sure her dress went nowhere near the car and worked with her spare hand. I watched the scene, my heart warming at the sight for some reason.</p><p>Not only had Carmilla helped these people, but she was also being really kind to this stranger’s child. She never fails to surprise me.</p><p>“Do you think I’ll be able to do this when I’m old too?” The little girl asked as she peered down at the car.</p><p>I snickered and Carm’s cheeks genuinely flushed.</p><p>“You can do whatever you want when you grow up.” Carmilla answered and the little girl beamed.</p><p>The girl suddenly turned around and peered around to me. I waved and smiled, and she did the same.</p><p>“Is that your best friend?” She asked Carmilla, Carm glanced to me and chuckled.</p><p>“Sure.” She shook her head amused and I laughed.</p><p>“My daddy can’t fix cars, can your husbands?” She asked again and I held in a squeal of laughter at Carm’s sudden interrogation.</p><p>“I don’t have a husband.” Carmilla cleared her throat, checking around her surroundings wearily. “Do you want to screw the cap on?” Carmilla offered, changing the subject quickly.</p><p>“Yes!” The girl squealed and kicked her legs under Carm’s arms.</p><p>Carmilla held her hand and leaned over, helping the girl screw the lid back on. I couldn’t help but watch the scene warmly, Carm just has such an…ease, with whatever she does.</p><p>“Tyler!” The girl ran to her brother and dad as soon as Carm placed her down. “I just fixed the car!” She beamed.</p><p>“No you didn’t.” The young boy scowled and the two of them started arguing back and forth.</p><p>“Six hour car journeys just don’t sit well with kids.” The man came over and scratched the back of his head.</p><p>Me and Carm chuckled.</p><p>“Right, everyone get in.” The woman ordered and everyone obliged rather sheepishly.</p><p>“Bye!” The young girl ran up to Carm and hugged her legs. Carmilla smiled down at her and patted the top of her head, careful not to mess up her hair.</p><p>“I can’t thankyou enough for your help.” The woman sighed thankfully.</p><p>“It’s no trouble.” Carmilla said, closing the bonnet and grabbing the empty oil container.</p><p>“How much?” The woman asked, pulling out her purse.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it.” Carmilla insisted and the woman smiled.</p><p>“Okay, again, thank you. You really saved me here.” The woman said whilst backing into her car.</p><p>“No problem.” Carmilla pursed her lips and waited until the car’s engine revved.</p><p>“Bye!” The girl popped her head out of the car and waved frantically whilst the car sped off.</p><p>The two of us stood there and watched the car speed off into the distance. Carm looked at me and I smirked.</p><p>“Don’t give me that look.” She rolled her eyes and pushed my shoulder, walking away. I scoffed and ran up to catch her.</p><p>“Who would have thought my <em>best friend</em> had such a way with kids?” I teased and she shook her head.</p><p>“I don’t.” She said whilst opening her car boot, placing the empty container in and closing the expensive door. “And I’m not your best friend.” She leant on the car.</p><p>“What are we then?” I snickered.</p><p>But then I stopped snickering, realising what I had said. She studied me, obviously caught off guard with my question just as much as I was. She flickered her gaze to my lips and for a hot second I genuinely thought she was going to lean in and kiss me.</p><p>“Laura, you know I can’t…” She trailed off and I really hated where this was going. “I can’t be in a relationship right now. It…it wouldn’t be fair for the two of us.” She said rather quietly, and my chest throbbed.</p><p>“I know.” I nodded, acting as though daggers weren’t slicing my body. “I never expected for us to be.” I shrugged and her face was sullen.</p><p>
  <em>God, why did I say that?</em>
</p><p>We watched each other in silence.</p><p>“We should uh.” Carm cleared her throat, sliding the keys across the bonnet and into my hand. “We should go back; I need to get prepared for work tomorrow.” She said whilst walking away and into the car.</p><p>I stood there and gripped the keys, taking a deep breath before joining her in the car.</p><p>The journey back was silent.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>IV been too kind to you all, let the angst commence!!!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Back to business</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I ran my hands through my hair and closed my eyes, hating the feeling of the familiar leather rubbing my back through my blazer.</p><p>“I didn’t even recognise you at first glance.” Mattie strolled in, all confidence and pride.</p><p>Get a grip, Carmilla.</p><p>“Nice to see you too.” I smirked and she sat on the chair opposite me.</p><p>“How was your holiday?” She teased and I rolled my eyes.</p><p>“Trust me, it was anything but a holiday.” I sighed, leaning back on my chair and scanning the office.</p><p>“I don’t know sis; you look to have a tan.” She studied me and I scoffed.</p><p>“How have you been here? Sorry I left you and Elsie with all my work.”</p><p>“Don’t apologise, you needed the time off.” She smiled reassuringly and I huffed. “It was fine, but I’m happy you’re back, I don’t understand how you can go through all that work in just a day.” She shook her head and I chuckled.</p><p>“You become accustomed.” I threaded a hand through my hair and closed my eyes for a brief second.</p><p>“I must say, you really suit short hair.” She said and I opened my eyes with a sheepish smile. “Mother would be furious if she saw it.” She scoffed.</p><p>Ah, there we go. Not even an hour in and I’m being reminded of the wretched woman.</p><p>“Yeah well mother isn’t here, she can’t tell me what to do with myself.” I replied rather bitterly, and she nodded.</p><p>“I hate to be the barer of bad news, but you have a meeting with the team about Vordenburg, the old man isn’t wasting any time.” She sighed.</p><p>“Right.” I groaned, wanting to be anywhere but a draining meeting right now.</p><p>She looked at me expectantly.</p><p>“Now?” I asked and she nodded sympathetically. “Better not keep them waiting then.” I mumbled, stretching and standing up.</p><p>It seemed oddly empty in my office as I glanced around.</p><p>“Where’s Elsie?” I pondered.</p><p>“She hasn’t come in yet; poor girl has barely slept I don’t think.” Mattie answered, standing up too.</p><p>“Oh.” I said, pushing down the guilt.</p><p>“Come on, don’t want to be late on your first day back.” She teased, opening the door for me as we made our way to the conference room.</p><p>“Ms Karnstein, I’m glad you’re here.” A member of the team shook my hand I smiled rather awkwardly. I’ve been so distant with the whole NYC case; it feels almost rude of me to actually be here.</p><p>I took a seat at the end of the table and Mattie sat on the row next to me, her professionalism radiating from her so easily. As soon as the slide show begun and numbers and digits started flooding out of mouths, I pulled out my phone and checked emails, but that didn’t last long at all.</p><p>I scrolled through the messages on my phone, my gaze resting on the last one; a picture Laura has sent me last week. She was on her break, showing me a half bitten pumpkin cookie and a blissful smile on her face. I was thrilled to have another picture of Laura, and I’ve been staring at it more times than I’d like to admit.</p><p>Then I remembered where I was, in a meeting with my team. Smiling at my phone wasn’t exactly professional. I put on a serious face again and looked up for a moment, but I didn’t read a thing on the slide currently displayed on a large screen in front of me. I was already thinking about Laura again.</p><p>I scrolled through our messages again, re-reading things Laura had sent me; things about her day, things about her family and what time she would be coming back home. I had replied almost immediately to every single one of them. But then the picture of Laura smiling broadly caught my attention…it made my chest ache, it made me feel so damn lonely without her being by my side.</p><p>God, why did I say that yesterday? And her reply was even worse.</p><p>
  <em>“I never expected for us to be.”</em>
  
</p><p>Of course she didn’t. Who would want to be with such a messed-up person like me? The person who practically lives in their office, the person who cries at everything. She really doesn’t deserve me, so why does it hurt so much?</p><p>“Nice work team, get prepared for next week.” Mattie snapped me back into reality with a kick to my leg under the table.</p><p>“Uh yeah.” I cleared my throat. “Well done.” I nodded and they all smiled proudly.</p><p>I stood and opened the door, shaking everyone’s hand as they passed me.</p><p>“You have no idea what’s happening next week, do you?” Mattie sighed, still sat down.</p><p>“Not a clue.” I huffed, closing the door and flopping down on the chair I was previously sat in.</p><p>“I saw you ogling over a girl the whole time.” She smirked and I smiled sheepishly. “Is this the same girl from before?” She asked and I looked down to my lap.</p><p>“Yes.” I blatantly said, there’s no point in beating around the bush now.</p><p>“Oh.” Mattie pursed her lips. “Are you dating?” She asked genuinely intrigued.</p><p>“No, we are not dating.” I shook my head and she huffed.</p><p>“Let me guess.” She sat back. “You pushed her away because of work?”</p><p>I scoffed and fiddled with my fingers below me.</p><p>“Knew it.” She sighed. “Honestly sis, you’re bringing this on yourself.” She folded her arms.</p><p>“You don’t understand, she’s from a completely different world to me.”</p><p>“I don’t think you will find anyone in your world.” She said and I looked up at her, she raised an eyebrow at me.</p><p>She’s right, I won’t. And I don’t want anyone like me, that’s why Laura has had such an impact on me. She isn’t like anyone else in the universe, she is her own amazing individual. I want her in my life, I want her.</p><p>
  <em>I need her.</em>
</p><p>“I’ll do coffee round later.” I took a deep breath and she narrowed her eyes at me.</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>I flashed her a quick smile and rushed back to my office, running a hand through my hair as I thought of a plan. I need to fix what happened yesterday.</p><p>***</p><p>I walked into the café and stood in line, hands in pockets as I recited the words I’m going to say to Laura. The line shortened and soon enough I was up, but I wasn’t met with Laura, it was Danny.</p><p>We both looked at each other rather awkwardly.</p><p>“Uh, just the usual, please.” I cleared my throat handing her the money, slipping a few extra in the tip jar.</p><p>I chewed on the bottom of my lip and glanced around.</p><p>“Laura doesn’t work on a Monday.” Danny said as she tapped the counter ledge.</p><p>“Oh.” I simply said and she nodded.</p><p>How could I forget she doesn’t work on a Monday damnit?</p><p>Someone behind me cleared their throat and I quickly snapped back to reality, walking over to the pickup section and waited. Well, so much for fixing things. <em>Damn it.</em></p><p>“She’s um, probably at home.” Danny said whilst passing me the two trays.</p><p>“Thanks.” I grabbed the takeaway coffee, throwing in an awkward smile and rushing out.</p><p><em>God fucking damnit</em>. I can’t wait until tomorrow to see her; I need to see her…I need to make things right. Without even thinking about it, I was on my way to the apartment, my fingers twitching on the wheel and foot pressing down the pedal.</p><p>It didn’t take long to get there, and it took less time to reach her door. I stood in front of the door and braced myself, flitting my hair back and smoothing a crease in my blazer.</p><p>And then I knocked.</p><p>One…</p><p>
  <em>“What are we then?”</em>
  
</p><p>Two…</p><p>
  <em>“I can’t be in a relationship right now.”</em>
</p><p>Three…</p><p>
  <em>“I never expected for us to be.”</em>
</p><p>The door opened in front of me and I looked down, being met with surprised eyes.</p><p>“Oh, Carm. You okay?” She furrowed her brows and I gulped.</p><p>“Yes, I was just…” I glanced around, all words and thoughts leaving my mind as soon as they came. “I haven’t heard from you today, so I was just making sure you were…okay.” I forced a smile and tugged at a loose thread inside my pocket. She looked down at my hidden hand and then back to my face.</p><p>“I’m fine, but my boiler isn’t.” She sighed and leant on the door frame. “I’ve had no hot water or heat in my apartment all night and day, my landlord said it will be fixed at some point in the week.” She huffed, a cool air coming from the open apartment.</p><p>Now’s my chance.</p><p>“Do you want to stay at mine until your boiler is fixed?” I asked and clenched my jaw as her face showed surprise.</p><p>“Oh.” She blinked and I gnawed at my bottom lip in anticipation. “I…Are you sure?” She winced.</p><p>“Cupcake, I think I owe you this.” I chuckled and she smiled beautifully.</p><p>“Okay, let me pack first?”</p><p>“Of course.” I pursed my lips and she chewed on the inside of her cheek. “I’ll try and get my work done quickly; I’ll be here around about ten?” I offered.</p><p>“Sound’s good.” She nodded and I held back a grin.</p><p>“Okay.” I tucked my hands deep in my pockets and began walking backwards slowly. “I’ll see you tonight.” I said and she laughed, closing her door just as slow.</p><p>As soon as her face was completely gone, I let out a big sigh of relief, completely in my own world. I was so gone in fact, that I accidently knocked into someone, causing her bike to crash into the wall.</p><p>“Shit, sorry.” I apologised, helping the blonde up.</p><p>“No worries, I wasn’t paying attention.” She smiled, her pearly teeth glistening as she pulled her bike up.</p><p>I nodded and apologised again, walking away rather sheepishly. But something was telling me to turn around and see the girl again; so, I did, I hid behind a corner and peered at the rather tall girl who was wheeling a bike.</p><p>My heart dropped when she knocked at the door I had just knocked at. Of course. Of fucking course. I watched begrudgingly as Laura answered, the two of them hugging, they even kissed each other’s cheek.</p><p>I sighed and slumped on the wall, hearing laughter before the door closed. I wish I could make Laura laugh like that.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>“Woah, this is so good.” Laura said with her mouth full across from me.</p><p>I decided to have my chef cook a meal for us and actually sit in the dining room that hasn’t been touched for years. I was sat where my father used to sit, Laura was sitting where I used to sit, as close as I could get to my father.</p><p>“You okay?” She paused her eating, fork pressed against her lips.</p><p>“Of course I am.” I scoffed, catching a butler’s attention. “Could I get a bottle of Daniel’s please.” I ordered rather than asked. He nodded and made his way to the bar.</p><p>Laura watched me sceptically, I ignored her weary and nibbled at my food; I’m not hungry. The man came over with a full bottle and poured the heavy liquid into a specialised glass, ice cubes clanking together as the glass filled.</p><p>“How was your first day back?” Laura asked rather quietly as I sipped my drink, wondering about what happened when I left Laura’s apartment.</p><p>“It was good.” I hummed, swirling the liquid around.</p><p>“Just good?” Laura chuckled.</p><p>“Yeah, I had a boring meeting though.” I replied sullenly.</p><p>She nodded and took smile bites from her plate.</p><p>“Um, thank you, for letting me stay until my boilers fixed.” She cut through the silence.</p><p>“It’s no trouble, there’s seven spare rooms for you to choose from.”</p><p>“Oh, uh, yeah of course.” She smiled politely and I clenched my jaw, pulling my phone out of my pocket and scrolling through my emails.</p><p>“I have to do a bit of work, so I’ll be in my study, I’ll have someone show you the rooms.” I cleared my throat, picking up the bottle as I stood up to leave.</p><p>“Okay.” She forced a smile.</p><p>“You probably won’t see me until late tomorrow night, so help yourself to the kitchen.” I said, not daring to look at her.</p><p>She didn’t reply, so before I say or do something I regret, I made my way up the grand staircase and into my study, shutting and locking the door behind me. If only I stayed at Laura’s for one minute longer, I would have seen the girl and never invited Laura here. But I didn’t, so now I have to see Laura everyday knowing I messed everything up, and all I will ever be to her, is that girl from the bus stop.</p><p>I was about to just get up and hide for a while, but my phone dinged in my hand. I opened my emails and saw the top message. It was Vordenburg.</p><p>***</p><p>After trudging myself out of bed, I started my normal routine: Shower, dressed, food. It’s simple, but affective.  As I made my way down to the large kitchen, the sound of a familiar laughter and the cluttering of pans filled the empty halls.</p><p>I poked my head around the wall and watched the scene. Laura was in the kitchen with a few of my staff, laughing and talking with them as they all cooked together.</p><p>“Ms Karnstein is <em>very</em> firm with her morning routine; I hope she won’t fire us for this.” One of the staff said and the others all hummed in agreement.</p><p>I watched with tired eyes, embarrassed that they were telling Laura this. But, it’s the truth, so why do I feel guilty about it?</p><p>“Carm won’t fire you, she’s just grumpy sometimes.” Laura chuckled, flipping what looks to be a pancake over the stove. “She’s actually a very nice person, but I don’t think she shows that side to anyone.” She sighed and my chest hurt.</p><p>“How do you know Ms Karnstein? In my whole five years of serving her I have only ever seen her bring two people here who aren’t her family.” A woman who I actually know the name of asked.</p><p>I silently begged for her not to tell them the story of how me met.</p><p>“She gave me a lift home from work when it was raining outside.” Laura simply said and I let out a breath of relief.</p><p>Everyone in the room laughed.</p><p>“What’s funny?” Laura questioned as she began cutting fruit up.</p><p>“She let you sit in her car? Goodness dear, you must be special.” A man chuckled and Laura scowled.</p><p>“You know, maybe if you actually talked to her, you’d change your perspective pretty quick. She’s an amazing person, even though she’s been off with me lately.” Laura sighed at the end and I just watched her in utter disbelief at what she was saying right now.</p><p>“She’s off with everyone, I wouldn’t get disheartened.” The same woman scoffed, and I truly wonder now the things they say about me behind my back.</p><p>“No, me and Carm are…” She paused for thought. “Special.” She smiled fondly and started setting things out on the counter. I quickly whipped my head around the wall and out of sight. “I don’t know what’s going on with her right now but I’m glad I’m here…even if she’s not.” I heard her say rather pained.</p><p>I <em>am</em> happy she’s here, but I just can’t get the thought of Laura with someone else out of my head. It’s ridiculous, we aren’t even together and I’m jealous.</p><p>“Actually, my friend came over because she needed her chain fixing on her way to work and bumped into Carm, she said she helped her up.”</p><p>“Fuck.” I whispered to myself, knocking my head behind me on the wall. The girl <em>did</em> have a bike yesterday.</p><p>“Once she bumped into me and shouted at me for spilling wine on the floor.” A man chuffed and I face planted in shame.</p><p>“I’ve been serving the Karnsteins for over twenty years and I swear that girl is just like her mother. She was a lovely girl growing up, I guess money really takes over some people.”</p><p>I stared in front of me at a large portrait of my parents, cigars, fur and all things wealth. They aren’t wrong, I am like my mother. I am the thing I hate the most.</p><p>“She’s never had someone to show her anything besides wealth.” Laura said sternly.</p><p>This girl is really defending my name, even though she thinks I’m not here? After the way I’ve been acting with her? She really is the kindest person.</p><p>I took a deep breath and shoved my hands in my pockets, walking into the kitchen as if I didn’t hear a word.</p><p>“Hey!” Laura beamed whilst everyone else looked down, lips shut and silent.</p><p>“Morning, didn’t expect for you to be up so early.” I said, a plain façade on my face as I walked over the counter, peering at what Laura was up to.</p><p>“Well…” She placed a plate of pancakes and fruit on the island next to me. “I thought I’d make you breakfast.” She bit her bottom lip in anticipation.</p><p>I looked down at the food and back to Laura who was just bubbling for a reaction.</p><p>“Look’s good, cupcake, I’m starving.” I lied; I’ve never been a morning person.</p><p>She squealed and handed me cutlery, sitting down on the stool next to me. There was clanking behind us from the staff cleaning.</p><p>“Could you just give me and Laura some time alone for a while?” I asked them all. They all nodded and left silently.</p><p>“So…what do you think?” She asked eagerly.</p><p>“Let me try them first.” I chuckled, taking a bite of fluffy pancakes. “They’re really good.” I hummed, no trace of a lie as I happily sat and enjoyed the food.</p><p>“I’m glad you think so, my mom used to be a baker, she taught me the recipe.” Laura gleamed as she watched me eat.</p><p>“She must have been great then, because these are the best I have ever had.” I said with my mouth full. I cut up a small piece and held my fork out. “Want to try?” I asked and she looked stunned for a moment.</p><p>“Okay.” She whispered, opening her mouth for me. I fed her the bite of pancake and she hummed. “I think I exceled.” She smiled rather smug and I scoffed.</p><p>“You did.”</p><p>She chuffed next to me and just watched me eat, I need to fix things properly.</p><p>“Can I take you out tonight, when we both finish work?” I asked, not daring to look at her.</p><p>She was silent for a split second and this time I was waiting eagerly.</p><p>“O-of course.” She spluttered, the grin on my face forcing its way through thin lines.</p><p>I looked at her and we both smiled rather sheepishly, her cheeks red and mine hot.</p><p>Yeah, I can fix this.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It’s hard to keep the angst going when they are so in lo-....;))</p><p>(The story is finished, I’ll post how many chapters will be coming on Friday, just wanting to know if people are wanting an epilogue?)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. A fresh start</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, it’s a date?” Danny asked.</p><p>“Pft, no.” I scoffed, wiping down the surface of a table.</p><p>“She asked you to go out…as <em>friends</em>?” Danny raised her brows at me, and I huffed.</p><p>“I don’t know.” I threw the cloth behind me and lent on the wood. “Just a couple of days ago she was like ‘<em>You know I can’t be in a relationship right now; it wouldn’t be fair cupcake’ </em>blah blah blah. But this morning she was all like <em>‘I’m gonna feed you and act all kind and lovable and cute and-’” </em>I took a deep breath and shook my head. “I don’t know, maybe it is a date.” I shrugged.</p><p>“I mean, would it be fair if you were in a relationship?” Danny asked and I looked up at her. “She practically lives at work; I doubt she has much free time…for you.” She winced and I sighed.</p><p>She <em>is </em>right, Carmilla is a <em>very </em>busy woman.</p><p>“Ugh, why can’t she just be a teacher or something.” I slumped down, rubbing my eyes in frustration.</p><p>“Well, if she <em>was</em> your girlfriend, you would never have to work again.” Danny pondered and I glared at her. “Kidding.” She chuckled and sat down next to me. “If you really like her, go for it. I’m sure she would make time for you.” Danny knocked my shoulder.</p><p>“But I don’t <em>want</em> her to <em>have </em>to make time for me.” I sighed.</p><p>“What do you want?”</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>“Well I can’t help you if I don’t know what you need help with.” Danny said and I closed my eyes.</p><p>“I know this sounds bad, but I wish she could just kiss me, so I’d know she wants me too.” I grimaced and Danny snorted.</p><p>“So you <em>do</em> want her.”</p><p>“I didn’t-” I glared at her, but then realised she was right. Of course I want Carmilla. “Why does this have to be so difficult?” I groaned.</p><p>“Well hey, she looks like she’d be pretty freaky in bed, so at least you have that to look forward to.” Danny teased and I punched her shoulder playfully. “Oh please, I know you’ve thought about it before, I see you daydreaming all the time.” She grinned.</p><p>“Sure.” I rolled my eyes playfully. She isn’t wrong. “Crap.” I groaned, looking up at the time. “I have to go get ready.”</p><p>But just as I stood up, the bell rang, signifying someone had walked through the door. And in walked Carmilla, all power and stride in her black suit.</p><p>“You ready, cupcake?” She asked, fixing her expensive watch and completely dismissing Danny’s presence.</p><p>“Now?” I squeaked and she smirked.</p><p>“Well, I thought we could go straight there so we can get there before it gets too busy.” She shrugged, walking over towards me.</p><p>“But I’m not dressed appropriately.” I grimaced, looking down at my top and jeans hidden behind my apron.</p><p>She chuckled and entered my personal space.</p><p>“You look great.” She purred and I inhaled the smell of her expensive perfume, clouding my mind. “Why don’t you get your bike and we can start our night?” She proposed and I nodded, smiling sheepishly and running to the staff room.</p><p>“Jeez, she’s intense.” Danny chuffed, grabbing her coat and bag behind me.</p><p>“Do I really look okay?” I ignored her comment and held my bike.</p><p>“You look good, Hollis.” She shook her head amused and twirled the café’s keys between her fingers.  </p><p>“Okay.” I took a confident breath.</p><p>
  <em>You’ve got this Hollis.</em>
</p><p>I walked out with my bike, trying my best to seem unphased and blasé. That lasted a hot second because as soon as Carmilla looked at me I caught my ankle on the pedal, almost face planting into a table.</p><p>“It would be better if you got there in one piece.” Carmilla teased, holding my arm to stable me.</p><p>“Thanks for the advice.” I mocked sarcastically and ignored the burning coming from my ankle.</p><p>She chuckled and took my bike off me. I followed her outside to where her car was parked, waiting for Danny to lock the door as Carm shoved my bike in her boot.</p><p>“Well good luck and don’t forget to wear protection.” Danny said whilst locking up.</p><p>“I can assure you none of that will be happening tonight.” I scoffed.</p><p>Danny looked at me sceptically and my stomach flipped. It won’t…right?</p><p>“Sure.” She winked at me. “We shall discuss this tomorrow.” She patted my shoulder and began her walk back home.</p><p>“You getting in, cupcake?” Carmilla asked behind me as I swivelled around. She was holding the car door open for me, waiting.</p><p>“Yes, of course I am.” I smiled broadly and she looked at me rather worried.</p><p>I forced a conceiving grin and ducked under her arm, sitting down on the leather chair. She nodded slowly and closed the door, walking across the bonnet and sitting in the driver’s seat.</p><p>“What do you think about Italian?” She asked whilst turning the engine on, checking her mirrors before setting off down the road.</p><p>“Sounds expensive.” I scoffed and she chuckled.</p><p>“Well, you don’t need to worry about that seen as though <em>I’m</em> the one taking <em>you</em> out.” She said and my brows furrowed.</p><p>Wait…<em>she’s taking me out</em>? Is this actually a date?</p><p>“Uh, yeah. I…I love bread.” I nodded firmly and she raised a perfect brow at me. <em>Way to be smooth, Laura.</em></p><p>“That’s always a good start.” She mused next to me and I flushed in embarrassment.</p><p>
  <em>Fucking bread.</em>
</p><p>“So, where is this place?” I asked, changing subjects.</p><p>“It’s just outside of town, twenty minutes tops.” She answered and her hand flexed on the gear stick as she revved the engine. Should she be driving again, so soon? “How was your day?” She asked this time and I peeled my eyes from her long, dainty fingers and back to the road.</p><p>“It was nice, not very busy which is always good.” I nodded and she hummed. “How about you?”</p><p>“Fine, but I wasn’t really paying attention much.” She shrugged.</p><p>“Oh, why?”</p><p>“Because I was looking forward to tonight.” She smirked and I pursed my lips together.</p><p>“Have you ever been to this place before?”</p><p>“Yup, my father actually helped fund the place, there’s a picture of him on the wall.” She replied rather blankly, the car suddenly speeding down the empty road.</p><p>“That’s nice.” I glanced around, watching as her hands tensed on the wheel. “I’m really hungry.” I said, placing a hand on her forearm calmly, watching as her hands stopped tensing and we slowed down.</p><p>“Yeah, same.” She sighed, looking from my hand to my eyes and smiling softly.</p><p>I smiled back and dropped my hand back to my lap.</p><p>It didn’t take long to get there, and when we did, I soon became extremely self-conscious. We were at the expensive part of town, people passing by with diamond necklaces and high heels.</p><p>“I really wish you gave me heads up.” I shrank into the seat and watched elegant couples walking by.</p><p>“Come on cupcake, you look fine.” She chuckled, switching the engine off and reaching a hand over to mine. She interlaced our hands and beamed.</p><p>I inhaled deeply and nodded, trying to think about being here with Carmilla instead of the clothes I was wearing.</p><p>“Okay?” She asked, pulling her hand from mine to tuck my hair behind my ear as my messy bun was rather…well…messy.</p><p>“Okay.” I sighed, smiling shyly.</p><p>She got out of the car and opened my door for me. I walked out rather sheepishly and allowed her to take my hand again as she led me into the extravagant restaurant.</p><p>“Ah, Ms Karnstein, lovely to see you again!” A man greeted us with a thick accent.</p><p>“It’s great to be back, Mr Rossi.” Carmilla smiled politely and shook his hand whilst her other still held my sweaty one.</p><p>“Table for two?” He asked, wiggling his brows to Carmilla when he peered down at our interlaced hands.</p><p>“Please.” She nodded kindly.</p><p>“Right this way.” He led us over to a table near the window, the sound of a live piano playing from somewhere. It was rather busy, but a nice busy, the chuntering of strangers creating a warm atmosphere. “I’ll have someone to serve you soon.” He bowed and left us as we sat down on the chairs.</p><p>Carmilla stood up for a second to take off her blazer and tucked it behind her chair, sitting back down in her tucked in white blouse. She looks amazing. I realised pretty soon I was staring, so I fiddled with my hair and pulled it out of the bun, running my hand through my hair to try and tame is slightly.</p><p>But when I looked up, it seems that Carmilla was staring at <em>me </em>this time. We both smiled rather sheepishly at one another, neither of us knowing what to really say.</p><p>“What are you thinking about getting, cupcake?” She asked, picking up the drink menu and I followed in tow.</p><p>“Uh.” I bit my bottom lip in thought, pretending to understand the words in front of me.</p><p>“Why don’t I order drinks?” Carmilla smirked and I let out a breath of relief.</p><p>Just as we placed the menu down, a man came over and served us.</p><p>“Could we get a bottle of Bogetta Prosecco, please?” She ordered and I looked at her rather sceptically. The man nodded and handed us our food menu’s.</p><p>“Um, obviously I can’t tell you what to do, but you’re driving, and I don’t think you can get away with drunk driving and-”</p><p>“-Cupcake.” She cut me off rather amused. “It’s none-alcoholic.” She raised a brow and I blushed in embarrassment.</p><p>“Oh.” I pursed my lips and she nodded slowly. “That’s…that’s good.” I hid myself behind my menu and cursed myself. <em>Of course</em> she wouldn’t drink and drive.</p><p>I shuffled around and accidently knocked her crossed knee under the table.</p><p>“Sorry.” I smiled sheepishly and she cleared her throat.</p><p>“No problem, cutie.” She shuffled herself and played with the corner of her menu.</p><p>“Ready to order?” The same man asked as if he came out of nowhere.</p><p>The two of us ordered and he took the menu’s, placing a bottle of none-alcoholic wine in front of us in a bucket of ice along with two wine glasses, filling it for us. We both thanked him and took a sip of liquid.</p><p>“Wow, are you sure this is none-alcoholic?” I said rather surprised at how real the drink tasted.</p><p>“Definitely sure, cupcake.” She answered and placed her glass back down on the clothed table. I smiled at the nickname; it was awful when she called me Laura last night.</p><p>We fell into a silence, neither one of us knowing what to do or say.</p><p>“I um.” She cleared her throat, fixing her posture and leaning her arms on the table. I looked up to her and saw the red tint to her structured cheeks. She paused for a second, as if she was calculating what she was going to say. “I’m sorry, for what I said the other day. I honestly don’t know why I said it.” She chewed her bottom lip and gazed into my eyes.</p><p>Well I wasn’t expecting that. I just watched her rather speechless, letting her continue.</p><p>“The whole dating scene <em>really</em> isn’t up my ally.” She grimaced and I waited for her next words. “I..” She bit her lip and found my hand on the table, running her thumb over my knuckles. “I want to…try again, with you.” She looked at me, worried, anxious for my reply.</p><p>I had to force my jaw to stop from hitting the floor.</p><p>“Oh.” My eyes widened and heart set ablaze. She winced and clenched her jaw, about to let go of my hand but I quickly caught it again, mentally slapping myself at my reaction. “I mean, I’d <em>really</em>, like that. But are you sure, Carm? Would you be…” I glanced around, looking for my next words. “Would you be ready, for the commitment?” I asked, locking my eyes on her.</p><p>She took a deep breath and nodded.</p><p>“Yes, I am. For the first time in…well…my whole life, you are the only person I have ever found worth keeping. I really want us to work, Laura.” She replied sincerely and I swear my heart was in my mouth. “Do you want that too?” She asked rather vulnerable.</p><p>My mind convulsed for a second and my knuckles scorched with every brush coming from her fingers. Do I want to go through with this? Of course I do.</p><p>“I think I’d like that very much.” I smiled shyly and her face immediately softened and blushed.</p><p>“Okay…that’s, that’s great.” She sighed blissfully and I chuckled at her newfound shyness.</p><p>The waiter came over with our food and a basket of fresh bread, placing it on the table.</p><p>“Enjoy your meal.” He said politely and we thanked him, smiling as we ate.</p><p>I took a slice of bread and bit into it, humming in approval.</p><p>“Is the bread up to your standards?” She smirked and I nodded.</p><p>“Very much so.” I replied with my mouth full. “How is yours?” I asked, swallowing the delicious bread.</p><p>“It’s good.” She hummed and continued eating politely.</p><p>“My dad won’t stop texting me about his car.” I sparked up a conversation, still feeling butterflies in my stomach.</p><p>“Oh yeah?” She chuckled whilst grabbing her own slice of bread.</p><p>“Mhm, you’re like the daughter he never had.” I chuffed and she scoffed. “Maybe if I had an interest in cars, he’d see me more as a grown up than he does a child.” I rolled my eyes and took a sip of cold wine. It took me a few seconds to realise Carm had paused her eating to study me. “I’m kidding, obviously.” I brushed it off in hopes I didn’t ruin the blissful mood.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t think of it that way.” She grimaced and I waved my hand in dismissal.</p><p>“Don’t be, he’s just happy he has someone to talk about cars with.” I continued eating.</p><p>“Maybe I’ll just have to teach you a few things.” She offered and my neck quickly flushed. “About cars, of course.” She smirked and sipped her wine rather sensually.</p><p>“It’ll probably go straight over my head.” I sipped my drink too.</p><p>“I’m sure you’ll take it just fine.” She shrugged and swirled her glass around.</p><p>I almost choked on my beverage but managed to keep it down.</p><p>“I’m sure I will.” I played back and that familiar gleam in her eye caught my attention.</p><p>And just like that, conversation flowed easily, and the mix of her voice and the live piano ran melodies around my mind.</p><p>***</p><p>“This is like…a whole library.” I gaped as she took me on a tour of the mansion.</p><p>“That is the whole point.” She teased and I rolled my eyes.</p><p>“No, I mean like, this could be a building on its own.” I reiterated.</p><p>“Most of these books have been passed down for generations.” She said from behind me as she ran her finger over dusty shelves. “Looks like they end here, seen as though there’s no one to continue the Karnstein heritage.” She scoffed.</p><p>“How so?” I asked, walking next to her slowly as I watched my feet in time with her long strides.</p><p>“Well Will can’t have kids; Mattie is repulsed by babies and I’m gay so…no one to pass down the generation.” She shrugged.</p><p>“You can have children, you know.” I practically whispered whilst staring down at the floor. She stopped walking and I did too.</p><p>“Do you? Want kids?” She asked rather stunned and I looked up at her wide eyed.</p><p>“I mean…” I glanced around. “I think it would be cute having a little me running around, and I’d love to bake cookies for their school fundraisers. Baby clothes are so cute too, like the little buttons and colours and-” I quickly caught my baby tangent and closed my mouth.</p><p>“Sounds like a yes then.” Carm snickered and I blushed. “Would you adopt?” She asked and started walking again. I stood still for a moment but then quickly caught up to her.</p><p>“I don’t think so, I’ve always wanted to experience what pregnancy would be like.” I answered, unsure of how we were on the subject of kids. “What about you? Do you want kids?” I asked quietly.</p><p>She looked to be thinking for a second.</p><p>“I’ve never thought about it before, but I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea.” She answered and the smile forming on my lips couldn’t help but plaster my face. “Don’t be getting any ideas cupcake.” She nudged my shoulders and continued walking.</p><p>“Pft, I’m not.” I scoffed, but in reality, I was. I couldn’t help but think of a future with Carmilla, coming home from a real job and having her greet me with a kiss, having kids running around and laughing with one another. It sounds wonderful.</p><p>She led me out of the room, and we walked down the long hallways. It was always dark, there was a sad atmosphere all around, no matter where you were, it followed you. It trailed behind you like a ghost bared in chains. It must be awful to live here alone, so big yet so empty.</p><p>“How come most of the pictures are covered?” Slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them.</p><p>She paused and looked at a covered frame in front of us.</p><p>“Because mother says so.” She replied and a member of her staff passed us silently, her souls tapping on the floor beneath and rippling across the desolate walls, bouncing into deep tension.</p><p>I neared her carefully and stood next to her, looking at the same covered picture she was. We were quietly watching the fabric, and I could tell her hand was just longing to reach up and rip away the cloth. So, I did it for her, and she peered at the painting emotionless.</p><p>It was a portrait of a woman and a young boy. I don’t know who they are but looking at the same chiselled jaw and sharp nose, black hair and deep eyes, it was clear to see they were relatives of the girl next to me.</p><p>Her expression was blank, but her eyes were full of depth…dark and crisp.</p><p>She cleared her throat and teared her gaze away from the painting and carried on walking. <em>Really</em>? She isn’t going to say anything? I chased after her again and pulled her hand, turning her to face me.</p><p>“Why do you do that?” I asked and she raised a brow at me. “You don’t have to bottle up your emotions, Carm.” I squeezed her hand tightly and she inhaled deeply. “You know I listen to you, so don’t pretend I wouldn’t.” I said firmly, and her face was still.</p><p>She reached around me and grasped at my lower back, flushing our bodies together. And for a split moment I thought she was going to lean in and kiss me, but she said something worth more than a gesture.</p><p>“I trust you.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>26 chapters...no wonder it took me all year to write this lol. Also, thank you guys so so much for all of your feedback and to the ones who comment regularly, it probably means much more to me than you think it does. :) &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Feeling you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Carmilla: Absolutely not.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Carm please! Dig deep in your heart and really think about this</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Carmilla: I dug deep and guess what, my mind has not changed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: …</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Carmilla: What does … mean in this scenario?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: I really thought you were gonna say yes and change your mind</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Carmilla: Don’t tell me what I think you are about to say</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: She’s rlly good and trained, you won’t even realise she’s here!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Carmilla: My house is not an animal shelter, and I hate cat hair.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: You shed more hair than she does!!!!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Carmilla: If I find a single cat hair in my bed, I’m kicking you both out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: I promise you won’t, ty ty ty ty ty!!!!</em>
</p><p>I looked up from my screen and tried to listen to whatever the hell it was this man-child was blabbering on about. He’s been at it for about 20 minutes none stop, apparently Danny and he are trying to be vegans.</p><p>
  <em>Carmilla: Do all of your friends have a problem with keeping their mouth shut?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Are you texting me during an interview?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Carmilla: It’s more of a life story than an interview.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Well at least he’s enthusiastic?</em>
</p><p>I glanced up at him again and nodded, having no clue what the hell he was on about now.</p><p>
  <em>Laura: You owe me this, remember?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Carmilla: I think the deal was that I give him an interview, not a job</em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Oh come on, same thing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Carmilla: The only reason I’m giving him this is because he’s genuinely good at graphic design, not because I like him</em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Sureeee</em>
</p><p>“Well, Mr Kirsch-”</p><p>“-Pft, Mr Kirsch? Just call me Kirsch.” He waved his hand.</p><p>My eye twitched and I bit back a retort.</p><p>“Well, <em>Kirsch</em>, your qualifications are acceptable, and you clearly have a…passion, for this certain job.” I started and he clapped his hands in excitement. “I see no problem with you being assistant manager of my graphic design team.” I said rather begrudgingly, and he jumped up squealing.</p><p>“Dude! Little nerd was right, you are kind!” He beamed at me.</p><p>“Little nerd?” I grimaced in my chair.</p><p>“Yeah! Laura! I didn’t believe her at first after the whole fair thing but after this I totally believe her, she also said you were hot which I agree with too, it’s fine because Danny said you were hot as well. When do I start?”</p><p>I blinked at him, utterly speechless and unsure as of what to say or how to reply.</p><p>“Um, you can start next week.” I cleared my throat.</p><p>“Ah this is going to be so cool; we can go on double dates and gossip about other people here. There was this woman who gave me an odd look and she looked really powerful and bossy, like, what’s her deal?” He snickered and lent a hand on my desk.</p><p>“My professional life and outside life are two completely different things which I don’t indulge in together, we aren’t friends, I am your boss.” I said firmly, hoping I’d get through to him.</p><p>“Oh sure, <em>boss</em>.” He winked and I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Dude this is going to be so cool.” He sighed happily.</p><p>“Sign these papers.” I huffed, sliding them over with a pen.</p><p>“Woah, so professional.” He laughed to himself and I just watched in awe at this man. “Done!” He stated proudly and I took them off him, eyeing the smiley face next to his signature.</p><p>“Welcome to the team, Kirsch.” I held my hand out to him and nearly fell off my chair with the intensity of his shake.</p><p>“See you next week, <em>boss</em>.” He winked at me at the end, strolling out of my office all joyous and brimmed to the top with happiness.</p><p>I sat back in my chair and ran a hand through my hair.</p><p>“Don’t tell me you just hired that boy?” Mattie drawled as she walked in.</p><p>I looked at her in a deadpan way and she rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Goodness, whoever this girl is she’s really turning you soft.” She teased, placing papers down on my desk.</p><p>“No, she’s not.” I scoffed, looking through the paperwork.</p><p>“Aha!” Mattie pointed at me and I cursed to myself. “Who is it? Do I know her?” She asked and plopped herself down on the chair opposite me.</p><p>“No, you don’t know her…I don’t think.”</p><p>Has Mattie ever met Laura before? I don’t think Mattie has ever been to the café before.</p><p>“Oh come on sis, enlighten me.” She smirked, folding her hands over her crossed legs.</p><p>I rolled my eyes and chuckled to myself.</p><p>“At least show me what she looks like.” She drawled.</p><p>Well, what will it hurt? And I’m sure if things go well between me and the cupcake Mattie will end up seeing her some way or another. I pulled out my phone and found the picture of Laura with powder on her nose.</p><p>I passed my phone over to Mattie and she peered down at it.</p><p>“Oh wow, she’s cute.” She pursed her lips, peering down at the photo.</p><p>“Mhm.” I hummed, holding in a smile.</p><p>“How did you meet?” She asked, passing me back my phone.</p><p>I smiled down at the photo and shoved my phone back in my pocket.</p><p>“It’s uh…it’s a long story.” I nodded slowly and she raised a brow. “I’m not telling you anything else.” I folded my arms, crossing my legs too.</p><p>“Oh you and your mystery girls.” She teased and I scoffed. “Show me again, I think I recognise her from somewhere.” She held her hand out expectantly and I begrudgingly handed my phone out to her again.</p><p>Just as she peered down at the screen, a dinging noise came from her hand. Crap, that’s from Laura.</p><p>Mattie furrowed her brow and scrolled down, reading the message before I could take it off her.</p><p>“Wait, is she living with you?” She asked in shock.</p><p>“For the week, her boiler broke down.” I cleared my throat, hands itching to rip it away from her before she reads anything else.</p><p>“The café…” She talked to herself and I gulped. She looked back up to the picture and clearly put two and two together. “I’ve seen her before, she makes our drinks, doesn’t she?” She smirked up at me.</p><p>“I- uh.” I glanced around, unsure as of what to say.</p><p>“Better keep her out of the light, the press will eat her up.” Mattie advised, passing me my phone back.</p><p>“I know.” I sighed, looking at the new message.</p><p>
  <em>Laura: It’s a 40min bike ride from yours to the café…might not make it in one piece</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Carmilla: I’ll give you a lift back after work?</em>
</p><p>“Well would you look at that sis, getting back into the scene.” She wiggled her brows and I rolled my eyes playfully.</p><p>
  <em>Laura: Sounds good, I’ll bring cookies :)</em>
</p><p>“Yeah yeah.” I shook my head in amusement and unconsciously bit my bottom lip, excited to spend time with Laura.</p><p>“You should invite her to the company party I’m hosting next week, for the NYC win with Vordenburg.” She offered and I raised a curious eyebrow.</p><p>“Party?” I grimaced.</p><p>Is it not too…soon, to be <em>celebrating </em>anything right now?</p><p>“Sis.” Mattie placed and soothing hand on mine. “I know it’s hard right now, but we need to carry on.” She smiled apathetically and I nodded.</p><p>She’s right, I can’t dwell forever, I know the consequences of dwelling for too long.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll ask her if she wants to come.” I cleared my throat and smiled back.</p><p>“Great, I’ll be looking forward to be meeting your lover.” She winked and I scoffed.</p><p>“We’re not love-”</p><p>I stopped myself and looked down. Are we…<em>lovers</em>? I didn’t exactly make it clear what I wanted from Laura. But I’m pretty sure Laura has a grasp on the obvious.</p><p>“Of course.” Mattie chuckled as she stood up and smoothed the creases in her dress. “I’ll see you later, Elsie should be coming back tomorrow too.” She said whilst heading to the door.</p><p>I hummed my acknowledgment and checked my phone for any new messages. There were none; she’s probably working and what not. I slumped down on my chair with a smile and started signing papers and files, listening to voicemails. God, I really need Elsie back.</p><p>***</p><p>I swivelled my car keys around my fingers and made my way to the café door, about to walk in until something caught my eye. Laura was wiping down a table and a rather creepy old man was leaning on the counter, gazing at her. I glanced around but saw no sign of Danny or anyone else other than the two of them. Just as the man lowered his gaze on Laura’s body and looked to be beginning to move closer, I quickly opened the door and coughed rather abruptly.</p><p>The man looked at me stunned, whereas Laura beamed at me, probably unaware of the situation.</p><p>“Excuse me, we are closed.” The man glared at me. I ignored him and paced to Laura, wrapping a protective arm around her waist and pulling her into my arm.</p><p>“Just came to bring my girlfriend home, sir. Shouldn’t be long.” I forced a smile and practically dragged her to the staff room, closing the door behind her.</p><p>“Um, hello to you too?” She raised a brow and folded her arms expectantly.</p><p>“Not the time to be stubborn, cupcake.” I said whilst ushering her to get ready.</p><p>She narrowed her eyes but collected her coat and bag whilst I got her bike. I held out a hand and begged with my eyes for her to take it. With confusion, she took my hand as I walked us out of the staff room.</p><p>“Ma’am.” The man cleared his throat just as I thought we were in the clear.</p><p>I turned my head and looked at him over my shoulder.</p><p>“Customers or partners aren’t allowed in the café after closing times.” He said and it took a lot in me not to scoff and roll my eyes. “I’ve never seen you before, what’s your name?” He asked and Laura watched in confusion.</p><p>“That’s none of your concern, sir, good night.” I forced a smile and carried on to the door, opening it for Laura who walked out rather sheepishly.</p><p>I quickly closed the door and threw Laura’s bike in the back, the two of us getting in the car and speeding away.</p><p>“What was that?” Laura finally asked and I sighed.</p><p>“He was just…I got bad vibes.” I winced and she narrowed her eyes at me. “Where uh.” I cleared my throat. “Where was Danny?” I inquired and she looked rather taken aback.</p><p>“She clocked out early to pick Kirsch up from your office.” She answered.</p><p>“So, she left you alone with him?” I almost spat, sudden anger coursing through my veins. What would have happened if I wasn’t there? I don’t even want to know.</p><p>“Carm, it’s no big deal. He’s my boss, I’ve known him for years.” She rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Laura.” I sighed and found her hand. “Not everyone is as nice as you.” I said and she looked at me.</p><p>“What do you mean?” She asked.</p><p>I glanced to her hand and back to the road, stroking her knuckle with my thumb.</p><p>“You’re very attractive, some people might have bad intentions.” I answered and she studied me for a long second.</p><p>“Ohhh, I see.” She hummed and smirked in front of her.</p><p>“What?” I furrowed my brows.</p><p>“You were jealous.” She pressed her lips together.</p><p>“That’s what you go from that?” I rolled my eyes playfully and tried to keep my serious façade.</p><p>“Mhm, <em>girlfriend</em>.” She teased and my cheeks immediately flushed.</p><p>“Oh I- I’m sorry, I just…he was…I-”</p><p>“-Carm.” Laura cut me off and I looked at her rather embarrassed. “Did you mean it? The girlfriend thing?” She asked with a grin.</p><p>“I mean, of course I did.” I practically whispered and chewed the inside of my cheek, fully aware of my now-sweating palms that were holding hers.</p><p>She grinned and leaned forward, raising her brows teasingly at me.</p><p>“You are unbelievable, cupcake.” I chuckled and she motioned for me to carry on. “Will you be my girlfriend?” I sucked in a breath, surprised at how easily the words slipped off my tongue.</p><p>“Ask me properly.” She pushed as I rolled my eyes playfully.</p><p>“Will you, Laura Hollis, do me the pleasure of being my girlfriend?” I turned to look at her as we pulled into my garage.</p><p>“I’d love too.” She chuckled and I smiled, squeezing her hand in mine. “But I come with Norris, so if you have me, you have her too.” She pointed a finger at me.</p><p>“Fine, but only you get to sleep in my bed.” I warned her playfully and she snickered, leaning in slowly as her hand held mine tighter.</p><p>“Deal.” She whispered softly, closing her eyes and nearing me.</p><p>I smiled and closed my eyes too and leant in, but just as our lips were about to meet, my elbow accidently leant on the wheel and beeped, <em>very</em> loudly. Laura jumped back and I winced sheepishly.</p><p>She rolled her eyes and laughed, reaching over and clasping my jaw, <em>finally</em> pulling me in for a prolonged kiss. It was wonderful, so warm and gentle. Soon enough I couldn’t help but smile and Laura followed in tow, breaking the kiss perfectly as we knocked our foreheads together.</p><p>“So, I can just kiss you whenever now?” She smirked and played with my hair behind me.</p><p>“Pretty much.” I chuckled, loving the feeling of safety she was absorbing me with.</p><p>“Nice to know.” She beamed.</p><p>“Do you want to just sit in the car and kiss, or do you want to give me those cookies now?” I teased and she rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Why don’t we go down to the bar and I’ll give you your cookies?” She implied, nearing closer to my face.</p><p>“Sounds perfect.” I mumbled into the kiss. <em>More than perfect.</em></p><p>***</p><p>“So uh.” I started whilst filling Laura’s wine glass. “My sister, Mattie, has invited us to her celebration party.” I said whilst sitting down with my own glass of wine, cookie on the bar counter.</p><p>“Celebration?” Laura furrowed her brows whilst taking a sip.</p><p>“Yeah, for the deal she got in NYC.” I reiterated and she hummed. “Would you um, would you want to go? With me.” I forced my gaze on the bar.</p><p>“The whole…business thing isn’t really my thing.” She winced and I looked up at her.</p><p>“To be honest cupcake, it’s not really my thing either.” I smirked and she chuckled. “Come on, it’ll be fun.” I nudged her shoulder and she chuckled.</p><p>“When is it?” She asked.</p><p>“Some point next week, I’ll ask her tomorrow.” I answered.</p><p>“Okay-” She was cut off by her phone ringing. “Hold on.” She groaned, fishing her phone out and rolling her eyes at the screen. “Hey dad, you okay?”</p><p>There was the faint voice of rambling coming from the other side of the screen.</p><p>“Well, first of all I can’t drive because I’ve been drinking, and secondly I saw you literally last week.” She huffed and sipped her wine whilst I sat there quietly, eating my cat cookie contently.</p><p>Another long seconds of muffled talking.</p><p>“My boiler is broke; it’s getting repaired tomorrow. And, I don’t want to drive for three hours.” She said and I wondered what they were talking about.</p><p>She listened and rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Okay okay, I’ll come on Saturday.” She sighed. “Yep, see you then, love you, bye.” She hung up and groaned.</p><p>“You okay there?” I raised a brow and she slumped on the bar stool.</p><p>“My dad’s doing a big Halloween dinner and wants me to join.” She explained and I nodded, sipping my own drink. “If you come to his dinner, I’ll go to your party.” She grinned and I looked at her rather surprised.</p><p>“I don’t know Laur, I would be seeing him like…for <em>real</em> this time.” I grimaced.</p><p>“Was he not real before?” She teased.</p><p>“You know what I mean…with the whole…<em>girlfriend</em> sitch.” I flailed my arms around, feeling my heart burn at the word girlfriend. </p><p>“Oh please, you fixed his car he loves you already.” She scoffed, taking a bite of my cookie.</p><p>“I’ll have to check my schedule.” I offered and she nodded satisfied.</p><p>“So, anything I should know about Mattie?” Laura asked and finished off my cookie which I frowned at. It was a good cookie.</p><p>“Uh, she’s very…intense.” I replied wearily and she cocked her head. “She’s nice and all, but, if you haven’t grown up with her, she may come across rather abrupt.” I explained further. “Oh, and she isn’t blood related to me, she was adopted when I was younger.”</p><p>“Adopted? How come?”</p><p>“My parents wanted another child, but mother didn’t want to go through birth again, so she adopted Mattie, probably the nicest thing I have ever known mother do.” I fake laughed and Laura smiled sadly to me.</p><p>“And is Mattie important to you?” She placed her glass down and smoothed a wrinkle on my blouse.</p><p>I leaned forward and brushed some of Laura’s hair off of her forehead. “Mattie saved me. Ever since she came home, we’ve had a bond. During the period when everything went to shit, and I felt so lost, it was Mattie who kept me together.” I said and took Laura’s hand, pulling it into my lap and holding it.</p><p>“Well, she sounds great to me.” Laura cooed and it made my eyes prick with emotion.</p><p>“What about you?” I cleared my throat. “Do you have any siblings?” I “No.” She chuckled. “I’m an only child.”</p><p>“So I take it you were rather spoilt when growing up?” I teased and she flashed a wavering smile.</p><p>“I didn’t have the time to be spoiled.” She sighed and I mentally slapped myself.</p><p>“Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t-”</p><p>“-You don’t have to apologise, Carm.” She shook her head and squeezed my hand. “I can’t change the past, and I wouldn’t want to. I grew up very fast and I feel like it has shaped me into the woman I am today.” She said rather proudly, and I couldn’t help but admire her.</p><p>“You know, your confidence is one of your most attractive qualities.” I placed my glass down and pulled on her hand, making her lean into me. She yelped in surprise and quickly placed her glass down before she spilled it.</p><p>“Confidence?” She scoffed.</p><p>I hummed and traced my thumb down her jaw.</p><p>“It’s pretty sexy too.” I purred and she blinked slowly.</p><p>“Good to know.” She sighed before closing the distance between us and locking our lips together. It caught me by surprise but flushed my body none the less.</p><p>The hand that was squeezing mine dropped and landed on my thigh, helping her keep her balance.</p><p>Kissing Laura is just…<em>magical</em>. It’s perfect and everything I could ever dream of. Her tongue pried my lips open and I happily obliged her entrance, melting into the sensation of the quick flicks and moves she was doing inside my mouth. The way she tasted, smelt, felt…it was blissful, surging my veins and coursing energy throughout my body.</p><p>Impulsively, I stood up slowly, never parting lips and pulled her off her stool, pushing her softly against the bar with my hands on her waist. She hummed in my mouth and tangled her fingers in my hair, jumping onto the counter and pulling me into her with her legs.</p><p>The kiss was passionate, hot, everything and more. She swirled her tongue around my mouth once more before detaching herself off me and kissing the corner of my mouth, all whilst her nimble fingers popped the first three of my buttons open on my top, opening the fabric and trailing her kisses from my mouth to my jaw.</p><p>I leaned forward and placed a hand at either side of her thighs, closing my eyes and biting my lip at the glorious sensation. She brushed my hair back and latched herself to my collar bone at the grove of my neck, sucking and biting, my breath catching and gasping. I’ve thought about kissing Laura many of times, but never did I think it would be as amazing as this.</p><p>Her hand dropped from my hair and snaked its way around my front, scrunching into my blouse and pressing into my skin oh so heavenly. I pulled back and waited as she caught her breath, brushing her hair out of her face and clasping her jaw gently, pulling her into me and leaning her back, keeping her upright with a strong hand pressed against her back.</p><p>She whimpered into my mouth as I rocked into her in pace with the kiss. My hand on her back could feel her bra protruding out of her top, so I pulled away from her and subtly asked permission to take her top off. She chuckled rather hazily and took it off, shaking her head to fix her hair behind her.</p><p>God, I couldn’t help but ogle at her body, how her abs flexed with every heavy breath she took, how her shoulder blades and collarbones glistened as she leant back with her hands behind her. I marvelled her body with my hands and kissed her jaw, neck and shoulder, dipping carefully to the top of her bra clad breast. She moaned quietly and held a hand to the back of my head, keeping me in place as I kissed down her sternum.</p><p>I smoothed a hand down her front and ended at her jeans zip, looking up to her half-lidded eyes.</p><p>“Can I?” I asked.</p><p>“Please.” She nodded frantically, breath lost and face heated.</p><p>I kissed my way down and crouched in front of her, unzipping her jeans and pulling them down to her ankles. I spread her legs and kissed my way up her leg, pausing at her thigh and looking up at her. She panted and begged me with her eyes. I complied, growing rather impatient myself, and tugged at the lingering-lacy-fabric, sliding it down and pulling it over her ankles to join her jeans.</p><p>Wasting no time, I ran my tongue down her length, only to find her dripping wet. I looked up and saw the angelic view of Laura’s head tilted back, her back arched and her hair smothering her shoulders. One of her hands flew to my head and grabbed at my hair, keeping me in place as my tongue dove its way fully into her.</p><p>“Oh fuck.” She mewled at the action, her legs wrapping around my shoulders.</p><p>I continued my mouth actions, bringing a hand up when she was wet enough to slide a finger in. She moaned a high pitched ‘<em>Carm</em>’ whilst I slid her legs off me and stood up, leaning down and kissing her with urgency. She tried to keep up with the kissing but gave up after a minute as she couldn’t contain her shrills and yelps with every curl and thrust of my finger.</p><p>“Oh god, Carm, more.” She moaned in my ear and gasped as I complied, gripping my forearm with a death grip, digging her head in the grove of my neck. “Yes, don’t stop.” She bit down, hard, on my neck to silence herself and I groaned in arousal at the feeling of her teeth imprinting my skin. I won’t think about the mark that’s going to leave tomorrow.</p><p>She suddenly brought a hand down and ripped off the remaining closed buttons on my top, sending them flying in all directions as she pulled the sleeves down my arms, causing it to bunch up at my wrist. But there is no way I’m pulling my hand out of her right now. She sucked down from my neck and panted her way down to my breast, tugging down my bra and taking a stiff nipple into her mouth.</p><p>I hummed huskily and planted a hand behind her to keep myself stable. Her body jolted and she unintentionally bit down on my sensitive skin, causing me to let out a full moan and flex my hand inside of her.  </p><p>She let go of my nipple with a pop and her mouth gaped open as she held my shoulder to keep herself grounded, her eyes shut tightly as she shook and curled beneath me, her walls tightening around my fingers tightly. As soon as I felt her leaking down my wrist and her own thighs, I pulled my fingers out of her and crouched back down, licking up her juices and cleaning her up.</p><p>I didn’t stop until she was pushing at my head, telling me to stop between breathless laughs. I leaned back up and captured her lips in a feverous kiss, she was still whimpering in my mouth, her body randomly jolting in pleasure. She pulled back and rested her forehead as we panted together, the throbbing between my legs only intensifying as her hands rubbed my shoulders back and forth.</p><p>“If I’m not in your bed in three minutes, I’m taking you on the floor.” She said, catching her breath.</p><p>“You can take me wherever you want.” I nipped her ear and she hummed, pushing me off her and hopping around to get her jeans back on. She picked up her shirt and underwear, pulling on my arm as she headed to the door.</p><p>I quickly slipped my arms through my blouse and pulled my bra up, however Laura either didn’t notice or didn’t care that her jeans were unbuttoned and the only thing she was wearing upfront was her bra.</p><p>As soon as she opened the door a few members of staff looked up rather flushed and then straight back down. Laura laughed and ran up the stairs, dragging me along with her. As soon as we reached my room, she opened the door and made a come-hither sign, winking at me as I laughed at her gestures. She closed my door and pushed me back on the bed, jumping onto me and beginning the first round of many.</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You know, smut is much more awks to post now that I actually have people reading my story lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Halloween Hollis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was weird, like…really fucking weird. Dad insisted on me bringing as many people over as I wanted for his big Halloween lunch party. He has a rather big house with a huge back yard and says he wants to fill it all with people…so practically all of my family will be there.</p><p>“Hey, don’t be so nervous.” I placed a hand on Carm’s knee and rubbed it soothingly.</p><p>“I’m more worried about that man-child in the back spilling water on my leather.” She spat and glared at Kirsch through the rear-view mirror.</p><p>I was driving me, Carm, Danny and Kirsch over to my dad’s in Carmilla’s car which she wasn’t too impressed with. Kirsch had originally brought a milkshake in the car with him but that was quickly slapped to the concrete path and a bottle of water was placed in his hand instead. Everyone was also pretty angsty because of the speed I was driving at, but this car is worth more than everything I own, including my life, put together and I really don’t feel like pushing my luck and going anything above 40mph.</p><p>“Come on boss! Lighten up, we’re not at work.” He leaned forward from the back and beamed at Carm. I laughed to myself at the whole situation. Kirsch was gobsmacked to see Carm’s car, absolutely bewildered that he would be sitting in it.</p><p>“I don’t care. I’m still your boss.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and held my hand. I saw Danny glance at our interlocked hands and throw me a <em>look</em> through the mirror.</p><p>“Come on Kirsch, stop being annoying.” Danny huffed as she pulled him back by his shoulders. He frowned and Danny kissed his cheek, cheering him up.</p><p>“Okay, we’re here.” I cut the engine, and everyone looked out of the car to the house. But I was more focused on how his driveway and the street was packed with cars, presumably all from Hollis members.</p><p>I then looked at the house and rolled my eyes at the Halloween decorations, dad never cared for holidays when I was younger, so I have no idea what’s causing his newfound joy for festivities now.</p><p>“Come on.” I kissed Carm’s cheek as we all stumbled out of the car and flooded into the house. It was fucking packed, there were children running around in face paint and costumes, uncles and aunties gathered together with glasses of wine and pints of beer, it’s like every single family member were cooped up together.</p><p>“Jesus Christ.” Carmilla mumbled next to me as the four of us all stood at the door in shock.</p><p>“Your family is uh…<em>big</em>.” Danny said from behind me and Kirsch hummed in approval.</p><p>“There she is!” Dad suddenly boomed and Carm immediately dropped my hand. He walked over and engulfed me in a rib crushing hug. “How was the drive kiddo?” He asked and held my shoulders.</p><p>“It was-”</p><p>“-Who are you friends?” He suddenly cut me off and beamed behind me, I gritted my teeth and Carm chuckled next to me.</p><p>“I’m Danny, nice to meet you, Mr Hollis.” Danny introduced herself and hugged him kindly.</p><p>“And I’m Kirsch.” Kirsch beamed and held his hand out proudly for my dad to take.</p><p>“Nice to meet you both, I take it you are both from Silas?” He asked.</p><p>“That we are, sir.” Danny answered and Kirsch nodded proudly with an arm over Danny’s shoulders.</p><p>“Please, just call me Sherman.” He waved his hand and turned to Carmilla. “Ah, Carmilla! Great to see you again!” He chirped and hugged Carmilla who looked the most awkward I have ever seen her be before.</p><p>“You too, Mr Hollis.” She patted his back and glared at me whilst I laughed.</p><p>“So formal, call me Sherman.” He reiterated and Carm nodded, however I know Carmilla will continue to call him <em>‘sir’</em> and ‘<em>Mr Hollis’</em> because she believes in silly formalities like that. “Come on in.” He ushered and we followed in, closing the door behind us.</p><p>A child zoomed past us and Carmilla almost tripped over him, wobbling on her knees and holding my arm to keep herself upright.</p><p>“What was that about you wanting kids?” She huffed and never let go of my arm.</p><p>“Hey Frosh!” LaF called over and wiggled their way throughout the crowd.</p><p>“Hey LaF, where’s Perry?” I looked around.</p><p>“She’s helping your dad. Hey guys.” LaF turned to Danny and Kirsch. Whenever LaF and Perry come to visit Silas I always invite Danny and Kirsch over for a movie night or something, we’ve kinda all formed into a friend group over the past couple of years. LaF and Perry agreed to let Kirsch and Danny stay in their spare room for the night whilst me and Carm would stay here.</p><p>The four of them soon flew into conversation whilst family members greeted me and kissed my cheeks, leaving me with lipstick marks all over my face. A few of them acknowledged Carmilla’s presence but…well let’s just say Carm is rather formal more than friendly.</p><p>“Cousin Laura!” A large group of children ran over and swarmed me, hugging my legs and waist, almost dragging me down to the floor.</p><p>I looked at Carm for help, but she was stood there laughing. I crouched down and talked to them all, listening to their stories and joking around with them, but thankfully, my dad came over and shooed them all away and handed me a drink.</p><p>“Gee dad, you weren’t exaggerating when you said you invited the whole family.” I said rather exasperated as I took a sip from the bottle as Carmilla took her bottle my dad had offered to her.</p><p>“Yeah well.” He looked around rather proud. “I needed to be with my family for a day.” He smiled.</p><p>“Uncle Sherman, come and play with us!” A child tugged on his sleeve and tried to drag him away.</p><p>“Lunch is in ten, and Carmilla. Some of my brothers and other family members want to see what you did to my car; would you meet us in the driveway after lunch?” He asked rather hurried as he was being pulled away.</p><p>“Of course, sir.” Carm nodded politely and he beamed, letting the child pull him away. “You owe me big time, cupcake.” She mumbled in my ear and slid a hand around my waist when the coast was clear.</p><p>“Oh please, I know you secretly love it.” I teased. She looked down at me rather exasperated and rolled her eyes playfully. “I’ll be sure to make it up to you.” I drawled and she perked up a bit.</p><p>“Hello dear!” Perry strolled over and hugged me, causing Carm to drop her arm and sip her drink rather awkwardly.</p><p>“Hey Perr, how are you?” I smiled as she pulled away.</p><p>“A little tired of the kids spilling face paint everywhere, but apart from that I’m good.” She chirped. “Hello Carmilla.” She smiled and looked towards to Carm who nodded and cleared her throat.</p><p>Perry looked rather disappointed at the lack of enthusiasm Carm was giving off but smiled none the less.</p><p>“I’m starving, is lunch ready?” LaF groaned to Perry who’s eye twitched.</p><p>“Yes, lunch is ready.” Perry said through gritted teeth and me and Danny gave each other a knowing look. “Come on.” She said and led us all outside to a long table which was filled to the brim with family members and kids everywhere.</p><p>“Over here!” Dad called to us all and pointed at the spare chairs around him.</p><p>We all sat down and grabbed food from the numerous bowels and dishes spread around us, filling up our plate, well, most of us. Carm and Danny didn’t have much on their plates. There was also a toddler sat next to Carm who was shovelling food in his mouth and slobbering everywhere which I could just tell Carm was disgusted by.</p><p>I chuckled to myself and engaged in conversation around me whilst Carm stayed relatively silent next to me.</p><p>“Is that your car in front of the gate out there?” I heard a boy the same age as we ask. I’ve seen him before, he’s a family friend and always makes appearances. “The black Maserati.” He reiterated and I pretended not to listen to the interaction.</p><p>“Uh yes, that’s my car.” Carmilla cleared her throat.</p><p>“It’s a Granturismo, right?” He smirked in front of her as she nodded. “It’s beautiful, though I’ve never seen one look like that before.” He said rather curiously.</p><p>“It’s been modded.” She explained and picked at her food.</p><p>“Could you give me a closer look later?” He asked rather seductively, and I forced down a bubble of laughter inside me.</p><p>“I’ll uh, I’ll see if I have time.” She replied and pulled herself into my side.</p><p>“You making friends?” I chuckled quietly and wrapped my arm around hers.</p><p>“Don’t.” She groaned, grimacing at the toddler next to her who was taking food from her plate. “Gross.” She grimaced, pushing her plate closer to the toddler.</p><p>“He’s not gross, Carm. He’s a toddler.” I shook my head rather amused and she lent her head on my shoulder, playing with my finger underneath us.</p><p>“Did you not see his grubby little hands covered in who knows what, picking at my food?” She said and I scoffed.</p><p>“You probably had grubby little hands when you were his age.” I countered and she looked up at me.</p><p>“I’ll have you know my hands were always clean, thank you.” She replied pointedly and I rolled my eyes in amusement. “If I ever have a child, they will not be like that.” She grimaced next to her and edged further away.</p><p>The toddler found Carmilla’s shirt and palmed at it. She immediately sat up and ripped the clothing away from the child, practically sitting on my lap at this point.</p><p>“Damnit!” She hissed, wiping whatever food the toddler left on her clothes away with a napkin.</p><p>“Damnit!” The toddler suddenly sprouted and both mine and Carm’s eyes widened. “Damnit damnit damnit!” He sang and the people around us stopped what they were eating and scolded him for the vulgar language.</p><p>“Shi-”</p><p>I slapped a hand over her mouth and glared at her.</p><p>“Have you not just learned your lesson?” I whispered and she nodded. I removed my hands and we watched each other, the two of us erupting out in laughter at the scene.</p><p>“So, Carmilla.” Dad spoke up and we let go of each other. “How’s work?” He asked and I wanted him to just stop talking all together. It didn’t occur to me that he would start interrogating Carm.</p><p>“It’s going fine, sir, thank you.” She smiled and took a cracker from my plate and ate it.</p><p>“You know, you never really did tell me what you work as, other than the fact you are in business.” He pondered, catching a few others attention.</p><p>“I-uh, it’s nothing special.” She laughed nervously and I just hoped no one would push her-</p><p>“Pft, nothing special. Have you never heard of Karnstein industry?” Kirsch scoffed and in unison me and Danny slapped our foreheads. Carmilla closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Was I not supposed to say that?” Kirsch winced as Danny scolded him.</p><p>“Wait wait, <em>you</em>, are Carmilla <em>Karnstein</em>?” Dad furrowed his brows and it seemed like all attention was on Carm.</p><p>She looked around rather apprehensively and held herself, sitting up straight and putting on that serious face which I knew all too well what it means; fun and relaxed Carm was gone, and here serious businesswoman Carm was.</p><p>“Um, yes. I am the CEO of Karnstein Industries.” She nodded as proudly as she could, but her eyes were tired.</p><p>“Holy crap.” Dad said in shock whilst others murmured around us.</p><p>“It’s really not that big of a deal.” She said and glanced around, clearly nervous at all of the attention. I felt awful for her, I know she doesn’t want people to know.</p><p>“Are you kidding?!” Dad beamed excitedly. “Carmilla Karnstein is at <em>my</em> house eating <em>my</em> food.” He beamed as people started getting their phones out.</p><p>She needs a distraction. I thought fast and spilt my beer all down my front, drenching my top and jeans. Carmilla jumped back as it splashed her slightly too.</p><p>“Shit.” I fake screeched and stood up, making it evident to people what had just happened. Carmilla looked up at me rather stunned. “I’m so sorry Carmilla. Come with me and I’ll get you some clean clothes.” I said and glared at her to follow my excuse.</p><p>“Excuse me, sir.” Carmilla stood up and followed me quickly inside the house.</p><p>“I’m sorry Carm, I should have known he would pry.” I sighed whilst I led us up the stairs, pulling her into my room and closing the door behind us.</p><p>“It’s fine, cupcake. Nice distraction.” She snickered whilst I took my top off and rummaged through my clothes drawer.</p><p>“It was either the beer or the trifle.” I scoffed and slipped on a clean top, shuffling out of my jeans and changing into a pair of shorts.</p><p>Carmilla chuffed behind me and rifled through her bag she had brought, pulling out a tank top. I love seeing Carmilla wearing casual clothes. Obviously, it’s a sight-seeing her in pant suites and blazers, but it’s rather refreshing seeing her wear <em>normal</em> clothes.</p><p>I flopped down into my old bed and groaned into the pillow, why do people have to make a  fuss over nothing?</p><p>“You okay?” Carm asked and she joined me in the bed, stroking down my shoulder blade.</p><p>“Why is everyone so nosy.” I grumbled and felt around for her, laying my hand on her tummy as she lay on her back.</p><p>“Says you, little miss journalist.” She teased and I looked up with a glare, hitting her stomach lightly which she jerked at.</p><p>“I’m not a journalist, well, not really. I could be with my qualifications.” I mumbled more to myself than her.</p><p>“So why don’t you go for it?” She asked and I thought about her question.</p><p>“It’s just too much right now, maybe in the future.” I replied and played with the hem of her top.</p><p>“It’s pretty ironic actually, I thought you were some sort of news reporter or journalist before I even got to know you.” She scoffed and a raised a brow at her.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Mhm.” She hummed, turning on her side to face me. “The only time you caught me off guard was when you slapped me.” She smirked and I rolled my eyes.</p><p>“Will you ever stop bringing that up?” I huffed and she chuckled.</p><p>“No.” She grinned and leaned in, kissing my lips softly.</p><p>I shook my head but kissed her back gently, loving the softness and feel of her lips. She scooted forward and wrapped an arm around me, flushing our bodies together and fastening the pace of the kiss.</p><p>“How long do you think we have before people realise we’ve gone?” She mumbled and I bit my lip in fake thought.</p><p>“I locked the door.” I replied and she nodded, rolling over and laying on top of me with her front slotted between my legs.</p><p>She wasted no time in deepening the kiss, sliding her hand under my top to massage my skin. But of course, it didn’t last very long as someone was banging on my door.</p><p>“What?!” I spat out as Carmilla moved her kisses to my jaw, her fingers dancing under my bra. “Stop.” I chuckled rather breathlessly.</p><p>“We’re gonna go to LaF and Perry’s for drinks, you two wanna come or are you…<em>busy</em>?” Danny called through the door.</p><p>Carm looked up at me and pouted.</p><p>“We’ll be there in the next hour.” I called back and her face turned from a pout to a smile, reaching back over to my jaw as her groin rocked into mine. I bit back a moan and listened as the footsteps grew silent.</p><p>“That was cruel.” I sighed and she smirked into my skin, finally reaching underneath my bra. She kissed her way down my front and lifted up my top so it scrunched at my neck, pulling my bra down and sucking on the sensitive skin. I hummed in content and grasped her hair, keeping eye contact as she licked, sucked and bit her way down to my shorts…sliding them off slo-</p><p>“Laura?!” Dad boomed from the other side of the door, trying to open it. “Why is your door locked?!” He asked baffled and Carmilla sprawled rather defeated on top of me.</p><p>“I’m getting changed!” I called and caught my breath, using my top to wipe the gloss from Carm’s kissing on my neck and sorting out my bra. Carmilla made no effort to move off of me.</p><p>“Okay well, if you’re with Carmilla ask her if she will still show us the car.” He said and finally, <em>finally</em>, walked away and thudded down the stairs.</p><p>“My dad said-”</p><p>“-I know.” She mumbled on my tummy.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” I winced and played with her hair.</p><p>“It’s fine.” She kissed my belly button and rolled off of me, slouching as she clambered off the bed. “Apart from now I’m all hot and bothered.” She mumbled and crouched down, ruffling through her bag.</p><p>“You?” I scoffed. “Think about <em>my</em> pain.” I whined and she chuckled.</p><p>“At least you will be ready for tonight.” She smirked and slid on a leather jacket which made my whole…<em>situation</em>, even worse.</p><p>“I’m not doing anything whilst my dad is on the other side of the wall.” I said as though it was obvious, and she raised a perfect brow.</p><p>“Looks like you’re just gonna have to be quiet, cupcake.” She winked at me and I rolled my eyes, rolling out of bed and sorting out my top and shorts.</p><p>“Let’s get this over and done with.” She groaned and held a hand out to me. I snickered and kissed her cheek, taking her hand and letting her lead me down the stairs.</p><p>***</p><p>Standing with Carmilla and a large bubble of car fanatics for an hour was definitely up there with the most boring things to do in the world. Like, extremely boring. But Carmilla was genuinely having a good time showing off her car, and people were actually passionate about it all too. She looked to be in her element, and the small smile on her lips throughout the whole interaction was all I needed reassurance wise.</p><p>She’s rather sensitive and very fragile right now, so of course I worry about her. Seeing her like this…free…it’s just wonderful.</p><p>But seeing her like this, was even funnier.</p><p>It’s just gone ten at night and we were at LaF and Perry’s, all of us pretty tipsy. Of course, at first, I was worried about Carm drinking so soon, but she assured me she would be fine because she’s in good hands. Needles to say my whole heart warmed up at her comment. We were currently sitting on the living room floor playing truth or forfeit like the grown-ups we all are. I mean hey, I have four years until I’m thirty so I can’t be <em>that</em> old right?</p><p>I was slotted between Carm’s front when the bottle landed on me.</p><p>“This isn’t going to work; how do we know if it landed on you or Carmilla?” Danny said rather slurred.</p><p>“Just say which one of us you want to answer the question.” Carmilla answered from behind me.</p><p>Everyone nodded and Carmilla spun the bottle instead, it landed directly at Danny.</p><p>She thought for a moment and I felt her grin from behind me.</p><p>“When I gave you the money that one night, what did you do with it?” Carmilla asked rather smugly. Danny glanced around rather embarrassed.</p><p>“What would be the forfeit?” Danny asked.</p><p>“Uhhh.” Carmilla hummed in thought. “You have to kiss Laura.” She said and everyone’s jaw dropped, I whipped my head around and glared at her.</p><p>“What?!” I hissed and she chuckled.</p><p>“She has no choice but to answer the question now.” She shrugged and looked back to Danny who was subtly glaring at Carm. Well, she’s very good at manipulating.</p><p>“Fine.” Danny clenched her teeth. “I bought a new pair of trainers. Happy?” She huffed.</p><p>“Fair enough.” Carmilla said simply and wrapped her arms around my waist more securely.</p><p>Danny shook her head and span the bottle. It landed on Kirsch who was beaming with excitement.</p><p>“Where did my toothbrush really go?” She asked pointedly and his smile quickly faded. “Your forfeit is to answer the question.” She added on and he chewed his lip.</p><p>“I-” He glanced around nervously and Carmilla chuckled under her breath. “When you were at work I was in the bathroom cleaning my hands and my elbow knocked your toothbrush in the toilet so I got really nervous and flushed it.” He said in one quick breath and Danny pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry D bear.” He pouted. Everyone snickered at the nickname.</p><p>“Whatever.” Danny mumbled and slid the bottle over to Kirsch who spun it rather scared.</p><p>After a few rounds of ridiculous forfeits and funny questions, Kirsch spun the bottle again and it landed on me and Carm.</p><p>“Since we’re not at work right now.” He started and Carmilla groaned into my neck. “Have you ever had sex in your office?” He smirked and everyone looked rather intrigued.</p><p>“That’s highly confidential.” She spat and narrowed her eyes at him.</p><p>“If you don’t answer, you have to let me drive your car.” He stated proudly. Carmilla’s hands flexed around me whilst I looked down rather sheepishly. Do I really want to know the answer to this? Because there is no way in hell Carm is letting Kirsch drive her pride and joy.</p><p>She took a deep breath and clenched her jaw.</p><p>“I may have done so…a while ago.” She answered begrudgingly and he fist bumped the air whereas many of us just peered at her in shock. “It will probably happen again soon.” She whispered in my ear and rubbed my sides under my top.</p><p>“Okayyy I think it’s getting late-”</p><p>“-Wait.” LaF cut me off and I glared at them. “I have a question for Carmilla.” They stated and Carm chuffed in my ear.</p><p>“That’s not how the game works.” Carmilla deadpanned.</p><p>“Fine, I’ll spin the bottle.” They shrugged and Carmilla groaned a ‘<em>yeah right’</em> in my ear.</p><p>And sure enough, it spun and stopped right on Carmilla’s foot.</p><p>“How did you-”</p><p>“-I figured out how much pressure to use for it to stop at you.” LaF explained before Carm could finish. I looked at them sceptically. “How much money have you earned in the last year? Because your car looks to be worth more than my house <em>and </em>Sherman’s combined.” They asked and Carmilla was still behind me. “Your forfeit is to let Kirsch drive your car.”</p><p>Kirsch smiled and I huffed. Why do they treat Carm as if she was some supper rich snob instead of a normal girl? I can see why Carm has severe lack of judgement now.</p><p>“I’m not answering that question, nor is Kirsch driving my car.” Carmilla stated rather formally and everyone went quiet. “My life doesn’t revolve around money.” She huffed and stood up rather shakily, sliding me off of her and helping me up.</p><p>Everyone stayed silent and looked to be rather ashamed of their behaviour and I couldn’t help but feel rather guilty at putting Carm through the situation.</p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you-”</p><p>“-No no, it’s okay. Thank you for the drinks but it’s getting late and I need to drive tomorrow.” Carm said whilst sliding her jacket back on.</p><p>“Uh, night, guys.” I waved rather awkwardly, and they all nodded.</p><p>Carmilla took my hand and led us out of the house.</p><p>“Carm, I didn’t know they were gonna be like that.” I sighed as we made our way across the road and back to my dad’s.</p><p>“Cupcake, you really don’t have to apologi-”</p><p>Whatever words which were about to fall out of Carm’s mouth were quickly stopped as soon as we stepped into the house.</p><p>Playing on the large TV was a video from a gossip channel. There were pictures after pictures of me and Carm hugging, kissing, in her car and just walking. There was also a headline about her brother’s death and people discussing Carmilla’s life. The title of the video was ‘<em>Who really is the woman behind Karnstein Industries?</em>’</p><p>Oh boy.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Autumn walks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Dad! What the hell are you watching?” Laura hissed as she stomped forward and turned the Tv off manually whilst I just stood there rather bewildered.</p>
<p>“Well, I was doing some…<em>research</em> on Carmilla to understand who she really is. And what do I find? Picture after picture of you kissing. Who took those pictures, Laura? What if they are creeps huh?” He glared at Laura.</p>
<p>Laura just eyed her dad and I barely breathed, feeling awful right now.</p>
<p>“They aren’t creeps, they’re just…paparazzi.” She looked at me for help but all I could do was watch the scene unfold rather embarrassed. I should have warned Laura, why didn’t I?</p>
<p>“And that justifies the fact that I had to learn about your relationship over the Tv, does it?” He crossed his arms and Laura blinked at him.</p>
<p>“I-I, no.” She glanced around with a blush.</p>
<p>“How long have you been together for?” He asked pointedly.</p>
<p>“Like, three days. We haven’t told anyone for the exact reason with what happened at lunch. Even <em>you</em> started snooping.” She justified and he looked down rather sheepishly.</p>
<p>It was awfully silent until he looked at me, causing me to shuffle rather uncomfortably behind Laura.</p>
<p>“Is it safe for her? To be in the public eye?” He asked me.</p>
<p>I glanced between Laura and her father.</p>
<p>“I…I have a bodyguard I can ask to stay with her if it would make you feel better?” I offered and Laura gaped.</p>
<p>“Oh absolutely not.” She scoffed as if the very idea of it was absolutely diabolical. She then looked to her father who seemed to be thinking about the idea. “Dad. No.” She spat, and I winced.</p>
<p>“Laura, what if someone jumped you or…or followed you home?” He exclaimed. He’s right, that could very well happen. The press these days are crazy.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe this is even a discussion.” She chuffed in fake humour. “Why would you even say that?” She turned to glare at me and my heart dropped.</p>
<p>“I…” I spluttered and her eyes narrowed, causing my mouth to shut.</p>
<p>“Pumpkin, just think about it.” Sherman sighed and Laura’s face flashed with fury.</p>
<p>“It’s not as though I have a choice in this, do I?” She asked rhetorically.</p>
<p>“I just think it would be the safe thing to do.” He sighed exaggerated.</p>
<p>“You <em>think</em>. Well I <em>know</em> I’m capably fine with defending for myself, that’s if anything actually happens, which I doubt it <em>ever</em> will.” She stood her ground and it was silent again.</p>
<p>“I’ll leave it up to Carmilla, seen as though she knows best and has experience.” He nodded at me and I sucked it a breath. <em>God damnit</em>. “I’m going to bed, goodnight.” He sighed and made no eye contact with either of us as he made is way up the stairs, leaving me and Laura alone in the living room.</p>
<p>She looked at me rather angrily and I fiddled with the hem of my jacket, not having a clue what to do or say.</p>
<p>“Well?” She planted her hands on her hips and looked at me expectantly.</p>
<p>“I-I think…maybe it would be wise to-”</p>
<p>“-Don’t even finish that sentence unless you want to sleep on the sofa.” She cut me off blatantly and I swallowed my words down. “And if you still think you’re getting anything but a goodnight you can also sleep on the couch.” She added on and raised her brows at me.</p>
<p>“It’s up to you if you want one or not, I’m just saying,” Her eyes narrowed again, and I carried on carefully. “I’m just saying, that I have one, you rarely see them, and it is a good idea in case anything <em>does</em> happen.” I winced and hoped that all came across the right way, remembering what happened, or could have, with her boss the other night.</p>
<p>She didn’t move for a while and my heart ached as though I had fucked it all up. But then her features softened.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I didn’t warn you much about the challenges of dating me, I fully understand if you don’t want to keep seei-”</p>
<p>“-Don’t finish that sentence either. Because if you really think the media could stop me from seeing you then you are completely wrong.” She cut me off, but not harshly. My body did a huge breath of relief and I couldn’t help but pout. The last thing I ever want to do is make Laura feel bad or put her in any kind of danger.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry Laur.” I sighed and looked down at my shoes.</p>
<p>Why am I so bad at this stuff?</p>
<p>“Hey.” Laura said and neared me, rubbing my forearm soothingly and tilting my chin up with her other hand. “It’s not your fault.” She cooed and brushed my hair out of my face. “I’m a little drunk and kinda mad at my dad, don’t take me seriously right now.” She chuckled and I smiled shyly.</p>
<p>“Okay?” She cooed, cupping my jaw.</p>
<p>I nodded and hummed as she pecked my lips gently. Sinking into the kiss warmly. She makes me feel so happy, so cared for.</p>
<p>“And I’m sorry for today, I guess I’m so used to you that I sometimes forget who you really are other than my wonderful girlfriend.” She sighed and stroked my jaw with her thumb.</p>
<p>I looked at her, truly dove deep into her beautiful eyes. No one has ever made me feel like this before, and I don’t think they can. She truly believes in me, something I find rather unbelievable with all of the baggage I carry. But she does. How could I ever make her second guess her worth? Make her feel as though she doesn’t have control over her own life? That can never happen again.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to apologise. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me other than you.” I said quietly and she smiled warmly, kissing my lips a little longer this time.</p>
<p>“Come on.” She held my hand and we both trudged our shoes off. She led me upstairs and into her room where we both got ready for bed.</p>
<p>“Was you serious about the ‘just a goodnight’ thing?” I asked as she backed into my front, my arms wrapping around her.</p>
<p>“Go to sleep you horn dog.” She chuckled sleepily and held my arms.</p>
<p>I smirked and kissed her neck, nuzzling my head into the pillow and thanking the stars Laura was brought into my life.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>I woke up rather cold on my own accord, the sun shining through Laura’s blinds and lighting up the room. I looked down and saw that the covers had been ripped off of me…and the culprit? Ask the girl next to me who is cocooned in the duvet. The cupcakes arm was thrown over my stomach and her leg over my hip, clearly oblivious to the fact that she was a blanket hog.</p>
<p>With a yawn and a careful stretch, I turned my head fully to admire her peaceful face, running my hand through her hair.</p>
<p>“Mmm, don’t stop.” She mumbled sleepily, not even opening her eyes.</p>
<p>I chuckled and shuffled closer to her, almost touching her nose with mine. She began stroking my hip under my top and her brows furrowed.</p>
<p>“Why are you cold?” She asked, her eyes still closed, and voice laced with sleep.</p>
<p>“Because someone, stole the blanket.” I chuckled and her eyes opened slowly, looking down at my blanket-less body.</p>
<p>“That wasn’t me.” She said and threw the blanket over me.</p>
<p>“Must have been the other cupcake I share the bed with.” I teased and she shook her head in amusement.</p>
<p>“You better be joking.” She mused whilst shuffling closer to me, resting her head under my chin and clinging to me like a vine bound a tree.</p>
<p>It’s so strange yet….refreshing, to be sleeping in a bed with someone, having someone to cuddle and touch. After a lifetime of being touch starved it just seems surreal that it’s actually happening.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, you’re the only cupcake in my life.” I kissed the top of her head and she smiled into my chest.</p>
<p>We laid in silence for a while, neither of us saying anything but just enjoying the company.</p>
<p>“I never wanna leave this bed.” She mumbled and tightened her grip around my waist.</p>
<p>I smiled contently and stroked her hair, smelling the coconut shampoo circulating my nose. I’ve never felt so peaceful before, like, this is where I am meant to be; with Laura. It wasn’t until I felt Laura’s leg slide between mine, did I realise where her hands have roamed to.</p>
<p>“I thought<em> I</em> was the horn dog?” I chuffed and she grinned into my chest.</p>
<p>“I’m just trying to wake you up.” She mumbled.</p>
<p>“I think you’re the one who needs to wake up, cutie.” I shook my head adoringly.</p>
<p>She nuzzled into me as close as possible and sucked all of the warmth out of me, but that’s fine, I’d give up my warmth for her any day. After today things would go back to normal; Elsie was back and so was I, spirits were high with the NYC deal and then there was the party next week. Laura’s boiler was fixed so she’d go back to her apartment and I wouldn’t wake up with my arms full of beauty and head filled with warmth. I’d be busy all the time and go back to getting stuck in my mind again.</p>
<p>“I think this is the nicest I have ever felt before.” Laura whispered in my arms.</p>
<p>I’d go back to being stuck in my Laura filled mind again and again, because my mind was clouded with cupcakes and brilliance.</p>
<p>“Can I take you somewhere tonight?” I asked and played with her hair.</p>
<p>“But then I have to leave the bed.” She teased sleepily.</p>
<p>“How else do you expect to get home?” I chuckled.</p>
<p>“I dunno, maybe you can push me in the bed.” She grinned into my chest.</p>
<p>I rolled my eyes playfully and pushed her back. She looked over me with the most adorable smile/pout.</p>
<p>“I promise you won’t miss your bed.” I exasperated.</p>
<p>“Fiiine.” She fake drawled and I laughed, finally reaching over and kissing her lips.</p>
<p> “Come on, we need to actually get there.” I said and stretched, about to leave the bed for a shower, but her small smirk and gleam in her eye caught me. I leant forward and neared her ear. “Do you think you could keep quiet still? Because I think we should take a shower together.” I nibbled her lobe and revelled in the hitch of her breath.</p>
<p>Well, that definitely woke her up.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Me, Laura and all her friends were sat at the dining table eating a packed breakfast from Mr Hollis. Tensions were still high and we were all suffering from a hangover, but now that they all know who I am, I can’t act petty or awkward, so I held myself and stayed grounded. And I definitely didn’t act like I just fucked his daughter in the shower thirty minutes ago. However, the mark poking out of Laura’s top might be a give-away.</p>
<p>“So, Danny and Kirsch. How did the two of you meet Laura?” Mr Hollis asked as we all ate.</p>
<p>I was in the middle of eating a pancake when I caught the subtle glance from both of Laura and Danny, I paused my fork midway and watched rather confused at their interaction.</p>
<p>“I-”</p>
<p>“-D-bear and lil nerd used to date.” Kirsch said as though it was easy and both Danny and Laura flushed bright red, I dropped my fork and watched in disbelief. “But then they broke up and I met Danny at the track team.” He finished and glugged his carton of orange juice down.</p>
<p>Everyone was pretty much silent, LaF clearing their throat next to me, probably evident on my face that this is the first I’m hearing of this. Wait, why the hell <em>didn’t</em> I know about this?</p>
<p>“That was um, that was two years ago.” Laura said into the silence, glancing around the table and never looking at me once. “Things have obviously…changed.” She swallowed and blinked at me. I couldn’t help but feel very awkward and very small.</p>
<p>“Thank you for the breakfast sir.” I smiled and sorted out the cutlery on the plate below me. “I should pack the car and get ready to go home.” I said whilst getting up, almost stumbling on my chair.</p>
<p>Before anyone could reply, I rushed out of the house and into the cold air and took a deep breath, cold fog leaving my mouth as I grabbed all the bags from the porch and shifted my way to my car; the damp leaves making me almost slip occasionally.</p>
<p>Autumn is the hardest season. The leaves are all falling, and they’re falling like they’re falling in love with the ground. But then they either freeze on the ground or turn to sludge, and they always make me fall.</p>
<p>“Carm?” A soft voice called from behind me and the sound of trudging footsteps neared me. I ignored the call and unlocked my car. “Carm.” The voice said again, right behind me.</p>
<p>“Cupcake, shouldn’t you be socialising?” I huffed as I threw the luggage in the boot.</p>
<p>“Don’t be like that, it was two years ago.” She sighed and lent on the car in front of me.</p>
<p>“I’m not being like anything.” I protested and shovelled another bag into the heap. Okay, maybe denying my feelings isn’t the best thing to do right now.</p>
<p>“Sure.” Laura scoffed and I looked at her for a split second before getting on with a bag which seemed to be filled with bricks.</p>
<p>“I honestly don’t care that you dated amazon.” I took a deep breath and launched the final bag away, slamming the boot shut.</p>
<p>“Amazon? That’s a new one.” She folded her arms and looked at me rather sternly. “You really shouldn’t be jealous of a three-month relationship.” She shook her head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why would I be jealous? The last time I checked, I was the one who just gave you two orgasms whilst your dad was in the next room.” I shrugged and Laura’s eyes narrowed.</p>
<p>“As much as I love your dirty talk, it doesn’t change the fact you’re clearly mad at me.”</p>
<p>I held her eye contact and entered her personal space, grabbing her waist rather viciously.</p>
<p>“Maybe I just don’t like the way she looks at my girl.” My voice practically came as a whisper, easily cutting through the small space between us.</p>
<p>She gnawed on her lip, clearly caught off guard and flustered, debating whether or not she was going to kiss or hit me. So I made the option easy for her, pulling on her waist and grounding my lips to hers, prying her lips open with my tongue and caressing hers with my own. She whimpered and quickly pulled back.</p>
<p>“Don’t.” She licked her lips and I smirked.</p>
<p>“Sorry, am I turning you on, cupcake?” I teased and she glared up at me.</p>
<p>“Right. Well j-just don’t be worried about Danny.” She stumbled and her nostrils flared at her own wavering voice.</p>
<p>“Worried? Oh cutie, I’m not worried.” I scoffed.</p>
<p>“You’re so full of yourself.” She shook her head and folded her arms.</p>
<p>“I’d rather be full of you.” I wiggled my brows and she rolled her eyes so far back they disappeared for a good two seconds.</p>
<p>She looked back up at me with a glare. I raised a brow at her.</p>
<p>“Ugh, you are so insufferable.” She groaned whilst reaching her arms around me and pulling me into a hug, nuzzling her head under my chin.</p>
<p>“Yet you’re hugging me?” I chuffed into her hair and she slapped my butt.</p>
<p>“Just shut up.” She grumbled into my chest.</p>
<p>I chuckled and hugged her back, my phone buzzing in my pocket. I knew who is was, what it was about, but what I didn’t know…was what to do. So, I hugged her tighter, because it seemed like the only thing I knew what to do.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Really, hockey skates?” I pointed to her feet and she glared at me.</p>
<p>“They are great for thick ice, unlike those which are as thin as paper.” She bit back and kicked my skates with hers.</p>
<p>“These are figure skates, cupcake. I’ll be skating circles around you.” I grinned, but then taken aback when she padded over to me.</p>
<p>“Race you.” She whispered in my ear. Stunning me for a moment before I got my bearings and raced after her.</p>
<p>I had taken us to the frozen lake which runs through Silas. With the water frozen, it was a popular attraction with stalls dotted around the edge of the lake, families and friends skating around with lovers and children. It was a cliché move but what can I say? I’m a hopeless romantic, especially with Laura. Speaking of:</p>
<p>I quickly glided to Laura’s side, laughing to myself at the large strides she was making with those hunks of boots.</p>
<p>“Come on cupcake, I thought you had great stamina.” I called through the bitter wind. She narrowed her eyes to slits and sped off again, ducking under couples’ arms and dodging children.</p>
<p>And of course, I followed her. I could easily catch up to her, win her little race. But why would I do that? How could I ever take that away from her? So I trailed behind and apologised to the skaters I bumped into, slowed down when I was about to pass her, purposefully slipped and rolled my eyes at her laughing. I don’t think I have ever felt like this before, so carefree and…light.</p>
<p>She held her hands in victory and skidded to a holt. Causing me to crash into her and falling into a heap of limbs on the ice below us. We laughed and shuffled away from other people who could easily slice our sprawled legs off with their skates.</p>
<p>When the laughter died down, we were just holding each other, peering into soles and breathing in the same air. But then I realised, this isn’t fair, I need to tell her.</p>
<p>“Cupcake.” I started and she giggled at me, her bright smile and full eyes accumulating me in warmth and safety. Maybe there is still a way to change my actions, maybe I don’t have to ruin this atmosphere.</p>
<p>“You okay?” She asked, brushing my hair from my face.</p>
<p>I blinked at her and shook my head.</p>
<p>“Of course I am.” I scoffed and she smiled, sliding into me.</p>
<p>“Loser.” She teased whilst leaning on my knees.</p>
<p>I fake pouted and she giggled.</p>
<p>“<em>My</em>, loser.” She reiterated and I beamed.</p>
<p>Laura was so stunning, all soft lines and smooth skin. Her eyes were speckled with love, glinting and gorgeous, deep and blazingly bright. I just want to touch her forever, run my fingers through her thick hair, press my lips against her throat and hear the vibrations of her laughter. I swear I could pick strawberries to the sound of her voice all day.</p>
<p>I wrapped my hands around her waist and kissed her lips softly, ever so soft, maybe the softest kiss I have ever given or received. It wasn’t until a child came stumbling over and fell into our heap did we part.</p>
<p>“Oh my goodness! Are you okay?” Laura shrieked and stood up, grabbing the boy under his arms and picking him up with her. I sat on the floor rather stunned and watched the whole interaction.</p>
<p>The boy sobbed and wiggled in Laura’s arms. But when Laura ushered and cooed, he settled down and cuddled into Laura. She scanned around for any indication of his parents or anyone looking for a lost child, but there was no one.</p>
<p>“Who are you with?” She asked and looked down at me, holding out her spare hand for me. I blinked and looked up at her hand, she wasn’t looking at me anymore, but her hand was shaking for me to take it.</p>
<p>It was like a gravitational force that pulled us together when I took her hand, the way she just reached out for me, the way I just took her hand, the way she helped me up and steadied me with a grip on my waist.</p>
<p>A frenzied woman skated over, tears in her eyes and arms open wide.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.” She panted and took the child from Laura’s arms. “I left him out of my sight for one second and he managed to skate to the other side of the river.” She wiped her eyes and kissed his rosy cheeks.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, don’t worry.” Laura smiled reassuringly and rubbed my waist soothingly.</p>
<p>“Thank you so much.” The lady said and then glanced at me. “Well, it’s not often my child runs into Carmilla Karnstein.” She said rather agape.</p>
<p>I forced a smile and prayed she wasn’t going to ask for a pic-</p>
<p>“Could I get a picture? My sister wouldn’t believe me without proof.” She asked, already pulling her phone out of her pocket.</p>
<p>“Of course.” I mustered up a polite tone. She shoved the child into my arms and I barely caught him, Laura sliding away and standing behind the woman, nodding at me reassuringly.</p>
<p>I smiled and held the boy’s cold hand, sticky gross hand, and tried not to wince at the flash.</p>
<p>“Thank you so much, and again, I’m sorry.” She took the boy back from my grasp and I quickly skated over to Laura.</p>
<p>“No worries.” Laura answered for me and whisked me away with her. “Come on, there’s a hot chocolate stall over there.” She said and kissed my cheek, calming me down.</p>
<p>And I let her pull me into her side, skating down the ice in the starry night. It didn’t matter whatever the situation, she could always warm me up on the coldest of nights.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. My place</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Okay okay, what about: ‘I have majors in all cases of journalism and sociology, my dream is to be world known correspondent and spread news all across the world.’” I asked whilst typing my resume.</p><p>“Sounds good, cupcake.” Carmilla said from across the room as she packed her suitcase.</p><p>“Maybe I could change correspondent to columnist, which sounds better?” I asked.</p><p>“Yes, the first.” She answered vaguely, clearly in her own world.</p><p>“I’m leaving.” I deadpanned.</p><p>“Sounds good.” She said and then paused. “Wait what?” She spun her head quickly with a bra in her hands.</p><p>“Carm, why are you being so…jumpy?” I sighed, patting the space next to me on her bed.</p><p>“I’m not being jumpy.” She scoffed and flopped next to me.</p><p>I rolled my eyes and closed my laptop, sliding it across the bed somewhere and allowing Carm to slot into my front.</p><p>“So, what’s up then? I thought you’ve done these loads of times?” I asked as she played with my jeans.</p><p>“I have, it’s just…” She paused. “This meeting is with Vordenburg, the biggest catch my company has ever dealt with, and.” She swivelled her head and held my cheek. “I actually have someone to miss this time.”</p><p>I rolled my eyes as she threw me a bashful smile, pulling on my chin to plant a kiss to my lips.</p><p>“It’s only one night, I’ll still be here when you come back.” I chuckled down at her pout.</p><p>“Yeah but I’d rather have <em>you</em> for the night instead of drawling men and cigars.” She drawled.</p><p>“It’ll be over before you know it, and when you come back, we can catch up on missed time.”</p><p>Well, that definitely got rid of her pout. She grumbled something and turned around fully, smothering my front on the mattress.</p><p>“Why do you have to torture me?” She huffed in my chest, her hair tickling my nose. Her head rose and she narrowed her eyes at me.</p><p>“What?” I stifled a laugh at her furrowed facial expression. So friggen’ cute.</p><p>“You smell different, new perfume?” She asked rather confused.</p><p>“Carm, I’ve been sleeping in your bed practically for a whole week. Your scent is rubbing off on me.” I teased and kissed the tip of her bunched nose.</p><p>There was a flutter in my chest, equivalent to the one when she asked me to be her girlfriend. The simple fact that she knows what I smell like is just so warming, to me, Carm smells of a lot of things…but mainly home, home and safety.</p><p>“I have to go; my plane is in two hours.” She sighed, attempting to clamber off me, but I quickly wrapped my arms around her and pulled her back on me. “Lawraaa.” She laughed in my neck.</p><p>“Okay okay.” I chuckled, letting go of her. She smiled and kissed my lips ever so soft before packing again. “Hold on, is that my pillow?” I asked rather confused as I sat up.</p><p>“Uh.” She glanced around rather sheepishly.</p><p>“You are such a softy.” I smirked and she bunched her face up.</p><p>“I am no such thing, cupcake.” She chuffed and pried her suitcase closed. “Come on, we need to go before I change my mind.” She held her hand out to me.</p><p>I took her hand and stuffed my laptop in my bag, throwing it over my shoulder as she led us out of the mansion.</p><p>A man took Carm’s suitcase and placed it in the boot of a car I have never seen before, the driver at the front jumping out and opening the door for Carm as another man wheeled my bike to me. Carmilla looked nervous, very nervous, as though something was eating her up. I’ve seen her at her lowest, and the way her chest was dipping and rising rather frantically was not a good sign.</p><p>“Hey, calm down.” I cooed, stroking her hair back. “It’s okay, I’ll see you in a couple of days.” I whispered and she nodded, a sad smile plastered on her lips. “Okay?” I cradled her face.</p><p>“Okay.” She nodded.</p><p>I sighed and kissed her lips steadily, feeling her relax in my arms.</p><p>“I’ll call you when I get there.” She said with her nose brushing against mine.</p><p>“You’re going to be okay; I know you will.” I said reassuringly.</p><p>She held my shoulders and kissed my lips again, waving timidly as she slid into the car, the man closing the door behind her. I sat on my bike and watched as the car sped off into the distance, out of my sight. A funny feeling sat in my chest from the way she was acting, but I brushed it off and cycled to work.</p><p>“Wow Hollis, ten minutes early.” Danny teased as I walked past her to the staff room, tying my hair up and slipping my apron on. “Woah, what’s up with you?” She asked as I slouched on the counter. It just started raining and today seems to be rather quiet.</p><p>“Carm has just gone to NYC, and, I need to finish my resume.” I replied rather sombre.</p><p>“Oh, how long’s she gone for?”</p><p>“Only a couple days, but something seems rather off.” I said, trying not to dwell on it.</p><p>“Well, she’s Carmilla Karnstein, I’m sure these business deals go deeper than our eyes seem to see.” She shrugged.</p><p>“Thanks. I feel so much better now.” I deadpanned.</p><p>“Relax Hollis.” She smiled and wiped down the counter next to me. “How’s your resume going, journalist extraordinaire.” She nudged my shoulder and I rolled my eyes playfully.</p><p>“Not too great, I keep getting stuck.” I groaned.</p><p>“I’ll help you out with it after work, it’s Kirsch’s first day at Karnstein industries today.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, how’s he doing?” I asked, frowning at the empty tip jar.</p><p>“He’s having too much fun; he’s fixing something about a copywrite issue or something.” She scoffed.</p><p>“Well, at least he’s having a good day.” I sighed and hopped off the counter at Elsie’s entrance.</p><p>“Hey guys, just one tray of coffee today please.” She asked and fumbled at her purse.</p><p>“You okay?” I asked as I placed her money in the till, Danny making the drinks behind me.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s just, my boss is in NYC and tensions are really high at the office. I’m starting to regret ever complaining about my boss, their sister is like, ten times worse.” She sighed and blinked rather tiredly.</p><p>“I thought there was a fun party this week?” I babbled out before I could catch myself.</p><p>“There is…how did you know?” Her brows furrowed.</p><p>“I-I just…heard about it in the press or something.” I laughed nervously and just hoped she’d believe me, I’m not too good at lying.</p><p>“There yah go.” Danny saved me and shoved the tray in Elsie’s arms. She stumbled and caught them.</p><p>“Thanks guys.” She smiled tiredly and was about to walk away.</p><p>“Wait, Elsie.” I called after her and she swivelled around. “Is your boss…okay? Like, is this thing in NYC a really big thing?” I asked.</p><p>“Yeah, Vordenburg is notorious for his dealerships and empire in the business and market world. If I was my boss, I’d be crapping myself.” She said and walked out of the café, leaving me in a pit of worry.</p><p>“Something isn’t right.” I mumbled to myself.</p><p>What even is this deal, Carm has made with this man? And why is it so important?</p><p>“Your girlfriend is the CEO of Karnstein industries, Hollis, obviously she lands big deals and crap. Don’t stress yourself out about it.” She rubbed my shoulder and I nodded.</p><p>Danny is right, of course Carm is nervous, she is in charge of a multi-million-dollar industry, she’s bound to be worried about landing this deal.</p><p>“Tonight, we will order pizza and send off your resume, get your mind off it all.” Danny smiled and I smiled too, thankful for my friends.</p><p>***</p><p>“There yah go! Sent.” Danny flopped back on my couch after hours of writing and emailing. My resume has been sent to many newspaper brands and press companies, now I play the waiting game.</p><p>“Crap.” I fumbled around the pizza boxes and papers and reached for the laptop, which was ringing, accepting the skype call immediately. “Hey!” I beamed, Carmilla’s beautiful face covering my screen. She looked to be in her hotel, hair a little raged and her business suit un kept.</p><p>“Hey cupcake.” She sighed with a relieved smile, but then she looked to my side where Danny was awkwardly sat and frowned a little.</p><p>“Hey you, how are you doing? All okay?” I quickly said, trying to keep Carm’s attention.</p><p>“Yeah it’s uh…it’s very stressful.” She nodded slowly, clearly keeping things to herself knowing we had an audience. “It’s so busy and-”</p><p>There was a voice coming from somewhere in the background, catching Carm’s attention. And the next thing I saw, was a beautiful woman walking past the frame, the body of a damn model, placing a mug next to Carm who smiled in return.</p><p>“Sorry, cupcake. What were you saying?” She asked and sipped her beverage.</p><p>I blinked a couple of times and forced my jaw to close.</p><p>“N-nothing, nothing.” I shook my head and cleared my throat. “I just, I sent off my resume.” I forced a smile. The girl was probably nothing, nope, she meant nothing to Carm.</p><p>“Oh yeah? Who did you send it to?” She asked and I glued my eyes to Carm instead of the other girl behind her who was waltzing around and flaunting her body off.</p><p>“Numerous people, you there on your own?” I asked, trying to be blasé but the scoff from Danny next to me told me maybe I wasn’t living up to my own expectations.</p><p>“No, I’m with Ell. Vordenburg had her be my assistant for the NYC planning.” Carm replied and sipped her mug rather unphased.</p><p><em>Ell</em>, crouched down into frame, her hair curtaining down Carm’s shoulder as she waved her nimble fingers rather seductively.</p><p>“Is this your friend from Silas, Ms Karnstein?” Ell asked <em>very</em> close to Carm’s neck.</p><p>“No.” Carm chuckled, either ignoring Ell’s proximity or not caring at all. “This is my girlfriend, Laura Hollis.” She said and smiled at me.</p><p>“Nice to meet you, Ms Hollis.” Ell said with a pry to her tone, a hand now on Carm’s shoulder. I forced my nostrils not to flare and my smile not to fault. She’s Carm’s assistant, nothing more and nothing else.</p><p>“Shame we’re not on our own cupcake, hm?” Carm smirked and I blushed, glancing to Danny who was staring at the ceiling.</p><p>Ell said something which I couldn’t quite hear and Carm nodded.</p><p>“I have to go, I’m sorry.” Carm winced apologetically, reaching over and sliding a blazer on.</p><p>“It’s fine, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I smiled, trying my hardest not to glare at Ell who was grinning into the screen.</p><p>“Fuck, I completely forgot to tell you.” Carm smacked her forehead. “I’ll be a little late tomorrow, I’ll text you when I’m nearly home.” She said apologetically whilst putting her watch on her wrist.</p><p>“I-its’s okay, I’ll be fine.” I tried to nod reassuringly but I’m pretty sure it may have looked frighteningly forced.</p><p>“Don’t worry, Ms Hollis, I’ll make sure Ms Karnstein stays relaxed.” Ell purred and Carm smiled, taking the tie off of Ell who was holding it out for her.</p><p>“Goodnight, cutie.” Carm waved and the call ended, leaving me alone on the screen.</p><p>“Well, she was a bitch.” Danny blinked and closed the laptop.</p><p>“Pft, no she wasn’t.” I scoffed, fixing a cushion behind me.</p><p>Danny side eyed me in disbelief.</p><p>“It’s fine! She’s just helping Carm, after tomorrow, she will be irrelevant.” I reassured more of myself than Danny.</p><p>“Hm…sure.” Danny nodded sceptically and flashed me an awkward smile.</p><p>I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.</p><p>“She’s just a beautiful, sexy personal assistant with my beautiful sexy girlfriend, what’s wrong about that?” I clenched my jaw.</p><p>I’m not the jealous type…surely not. I just miss Carm, yeah! That’s it, just missing my girlfriend; nothing more than that.</p><p>“I’m gonna head back to Kirsch’s, try not to flip out and break anything whilst I’m gone.”</p><p>“I’ll try not to.” I rolled my eyes.</p><p>“See yah tomorrow.” Danny said whilst heading to the door.</p><p>I huffed and flopped back down on my sofa, Norris jumping on my stomach. I’ll see her tomorrow, and everything will be all back to normal, I just need to calm down.</p><p>***</p><p>I was half asleep when the door knocked, quickly leaping up and bounding over to the door.</p><p>“Hey cupcake.” Carm smiled and I beamed, jumping into her arms and revelling in the smell of her hair and perfume. She was rather stiff, and it was only when I pulled away from her did I see the tired bags and lack of sleep under her eyes.</p><p>There was a rather crumpled bouquet of flowers clasped in her pale hands.</p><p>I smiled sadly at her, knowing how hard all of this work must be for her, how stress endorsing it must all be.</p><p>“Come on.” I held her hand and led her inside, sleeping her to pause and place the flowers in the coffee table.</p><p>She practically collapsed on my sofa, completely unfazed by Norris next to her and kicked her shoes off, letting them thud to the floor in a heap. I sighed and brought a mug of fresh hot chocolate with me, passing her it as I sat next to her.</p><p>“Did it all go okay?” I asked carefully, waiting for her to shuffle around and lay her head on my lap, her pale hands wrapped around the luke-warm mug.</p><p>She looked at me for a split second, her eyes flashing; but then they closed, and her eyelids were smudged with lazy makeup which is not Carm like at all.</p><p>“How did your resume go, any replies?” She dismissed my question completely and her voice sounded so chipped.</p><p>“No.” I cleared my throat. “Still waiting.”</p><p>“Cupcake.” She said, placing her mug on the coffee table next to her and then sitting up. “Promise me, you will never give your life away to work, that you will never glue yourself in a cubicle and lose yourself.” She stoked my jaw and my heart leapt in my throat.</p><p>“N-no, I wouldn’t ever.” I shook my head and gazed at her deep eyes.</p><p>She smiled; it didn’t reach her eyes.</p><p>“You are worth much more than what you think the world offers you.” She breathed, cradling my face ever so delicately.</p><p>“I just… I feel like I need to find the meaning of my life, what place I hold here.” I replied and she winced slightly.</p><p>“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life, never find a place.”</p><p>Her voice was barely a whisper, yet she was so loud.</p><p>“And you hold everything together, you are the place.”</p><p>She sounded so tired, so done. Carmilla doesn’t deserve the feeling of doubt and hurt, she deserves so much more.</p><p>“I know, don’t worry about me.” I held her hand that was on my cheek, softly.</p><p>“I’ll always worry about you.” She said so, so sincerely.</p><p>I nodded and mustered a smile with teary eyes. She was holding something back, I don’t know what it is, but it’s there. And it’s eating her up right in front of me.</p><p>“Can we go to bed? I haven’t slept for days.” She asked shakily.</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>We stripped of our clothes and she padded over to her section of my dresser, pulling out her sleepwear and slipping them on as I did the same. As we crawled into bed and held each other, my stomach was fluttering, and my chest was hurting as Carm held me tighter than ever.</p><p>
  <em>‘Well, she’s Carmilla Karnstein, I’m sure these business deals go deeper than our eyes seem to see.’</em>
</p><p>Danny’s voice ran laps around my head, succumbing me endlessly in tied up mishaps and quarries. This whole situation is more than a <em>deal</em>, I don’t know what it is, but whatever it is, it doesn’t sit with me well.</p><p>Carm took a deep breath through her nose as she nuzzled into my neck, humming contently on my skin.</p><p>“Good night, love.” She cooed and kissed my shoulder.</p><p>“Night, Carm.”</p><p>I didn’t sleep that night.</p><p>***</p><p>“She looks...” Danny narrowed her eyes as we studied Carm sitting alone in a booth. “Uh.” Danny grimaced and I huffed.</p><p>“Like crap.” I finished off her sentence.</p><p>“You said it, not me.” Danny held her hands up and I rolled my eyes. “Is this because of what happened at your dad’s?” She asked begrudgingly.</p><p>“No, far from that.” I scoffed, continuing to bag up a lunch for waiting customers. “I don’t really know what’s up with her and it’s really stressing me out.” I said whilst forcing a smile at a customer as I handed them their takeaway.</p><p>“I mean, wouldn’t you feel the same if your brother died and you were being traded back and forth from one place to another?” Danny whispered.</p><p>“It’s not that, I know how she acts in different situations, but I’ve never seen her like this before.” I sighed, leaning on the counter and observing my wallowing girlfriend hidden behind a laptop.</p><p>“Weird subject change, but do you love her?” She asked and my gaze never faulted from Carm.</p><p>“Of course I do, she is my world.” I said with ease, never having to think about it.</p><p>“Does she know that? It looks like she needs to hear it.”</p><p>The truth is, I haven’t told her because I still feel like there is a tiny piece of something missing. It’s evident we both love each other, no doubt about it. But there is a tiny line that’s dividing us, the words are there, feelings blooming; but the line is cold and sharp, and it’s there.</p><p>I didn’t reply and followed my feet, sliding in the booth next to her.</p><p>“Hey, cupcake.” Carm said without looking at me, typing email after email as if she was a robot, her phone was dinging all the same time too, it was hectic.</p><p>I wrapped my arms around her waist and nuzzled into the grove of her neck. She quickly brought a hand up and squeezed my shoulder, quickly placing it back down to keep on typing.</p><p>“Can you take a break?” I asked.</p><p>“No can do, cutie. Everything is so busy right now.” She replied so dull it bored me to hear her speak, which is definitely something that has never happened before.</p><p>“Promise me you will go home tonight and not stay at the office.” I sighed and she chuckled lightly.</p><p>“I promise.” She said and turned her head to kiss me, well, more of a quick peck than a kiss.</p><p>“Are you excited for the party tomorrow?” I asked, hoping to lighten the mood.</p><p>“Not really, I’d rather be at home with you.” She shrugged.</p><p>As bad as this may sound, I love seeing how Carm pretty much hates the world outside of us. She gets annoyed at everything so easily, gets grumpy when she’s not around me, she’s pretty much an ass hole to most people but as soon as we get caught in a gaze, or just a simple glimpse at one and other, I see the shift in her mood. It’s comforting to know the effect I have on her.</p><p>“Oh come onnnnn.” I nudged her shoulder and her lips curled to a hidden smile. “You deserve to have a quick break for the night, you really deserve it.”</p><p>“I don’t deserve anything, this all of Mattie’s doing.” She chuckled.</p><p>“Carm.” I said sternly and she finally, finally, turned to look at me. “You, deserve it, stop being difficult.” I fake scolded and she shook her head in amusement.</p><p>“Well, if you say so, then I guess it’s true.” She said sarcastically and brushed her nose with mine.</p><p>God, I miss this sarcastic, silly side of Carm. It didn’t last long because her phone started to ring, but the small little glimpse of it was enough confirmation that she hasn’t completely lost herself.</p><p>As she picked up the phone, the name which was flashing up put a hole in my chest. Ell.</p><p>“That’s impossible, the payment was made through the correct account, I signed the check yesterday myself.” She scolded into the phone and I sighed. I knew what this meant, Carm was getting hauled back to work and I’d spend the day worrying and missing her. “Okay, I’m on my way.” She sighed and ended the call, staring down at her screen for an awful second before closing her laptop and shoving it into a bag.</p><p>“Sorry, cutie. Work calls.” She huffed and smiled at me apologetically.</p><p>I nodded and mustered out a, hopefully, believable smile, sliding out of the booth and allowing her access to slide out too.</p><p>“I’ll pick you up tomorrow at seven, I can’t wait to see what you wear.” She purred and nipped my ear lobe.</p><p>“Carm.” I pulled her back as she began walking away. “Take it easy.” I said. She nodded and squeezed my hand, walking out of the door and waving at me through the window.</p><p>I hope that meant a yes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Chapter 20...six left o-o</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. The party</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My room was flooded with clothing, literally flooded. It was a struggle with even moving to the full-length mirror, but alas I made it. With a full twirl and an almost deathly fall, I smiled at my reflection, admiring the red dress I had gotten for a christening a few years ago. It was a light red which stuck to my body at the waist, trailing down my lower half elegantly; not too much, not too less.</p><p>Just right.</p><p>I tapped my phone screen and my eyes almost bulged out of their sockets. Ten minutes until Carm arrives. Crap. I don’t even want to look at the state of my room, but no one’s going to get my shoes for me. I ploughed through what looks like to be the aftermath of a hurricane in my room and hauled out my matching heals.</p><p>There was a knock on my apartment door and my head whipped up. I looked over myself one last time in the mirror, satisfied with the outcome and grabbed my purse and phone, sprinting to the door. I took a calming breath and opened the door.</p><p>“Hey-”</p><p>What ever was about to come out of my mouth was abandoned at the sight of my girlfriend. She was wearing a black dress, skin-tight and flawless. Her short hair wavy and makeup dark and smoky with diamond earrings and a dazzling necklace.</p><p>I met her gaze and we both looked rather flustered at one another.</p><p>“You look…” I stammered unable to finish my sentence.</p><p>It didn’t matter anyway, because as soon as my words were left hanging her lips were planted to mine, nice and soft, loving and warm.</p><p>“You look stunning, cupcake.” She sighed in the kiss and held my face, pulling back to look down at me.</p><p>She dropped her hand and trailed it down my arm, stopping at my hip. With her lip bit between her teeth, she hitched the base of my dress up and palmed at my bare thigh.</p><p>“Carm.” I squealed, very aware of the open place we were.</p><p>“Right, sorry.” She shook her head rather dazed, dropping my dress and looking at me rather sheepishly. “After days with no contact, it’s hard to keep my hands to myself when you look like this, cupcake.” She smirked and trailed her finger down my arm.</p><p>“You act as though you don’t look like sex herself right now.” I shivered at the contact of her nails scraping down my skin, her deep eyes and lustful ways. “I’ve never seen you in a dress before.” I cleared my throat, taking in a good look at her.</p><p>“Well, take a good look because you will be taking it off tonight.” She purred and gave me a harsh kiss, her darker lipstick shading mine. She chuckled at my blushed cheeks and closed my door behind me. “Come on, cupcake.” She held my hand.</p><p>I collected myself and locked the door, clasping her hand as she led us outside of the apartment to a car I have never seen before. It was of course, a black sports car, windows fully blacked out and a rather buff looking woman stood next to the car.</p><p>“We <em>are</em> going to a party and not a secret spy meeting, aren’t we?” I whispered to Carm as she held the back door open for me. She leant down and smiled.</p><p>“Correct, agent Hollis.” She winked and closed the door, appearing next to me as the other woman climbed into the driver’s seat in front of us. “It’s a big event tonight, there will the reporters and press everywhere, it’s safer to have someone to drive us there.” She explained and buckled in her seat belt as the driver set off.</p><p>“Are you gonna be okay? Do you want a signal or something in case it gets too much for you?” I asked and held her hand. She smiled and squeezed my palm.</p><p>“As long as you are by my side, I will be fine.” She said whilst tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear carefully.</p><p>“Oh crap.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, suddenly remembering a slight mishap I had completely forgot about.</p><p>“You okay, cupcake?”</p><p>“Me and Elsie are kinda friends, I just don’t want her finding out I’ve been lying about not knowing who she was working for.” I sighed.</p><p>“Cutie, you realise she’s going to see you tonight?”</p><p>“I’m well aware.” I rolled my eyes at her. “And Carm, I don’t think the whole business thing is in my element.” I sighed again, realisation kicking in that none of this is my scene at all.</p><p>“It’s not a business meeting, it’s a celebration for Mattie’s win.” She corrected me and I bit the inside of my cheek.</p><p>“I’m a bit awkward.” I mumbled and she snickered next to me.</p><p>“Cupcake, I am the literal epitome of social awkwardness.” She chuckled. “Come on.” She rested her hand on my knee which immediately set my skin ablaze. “It’ll be fun, and, need I remind you that you owe me this?” She teased.</p><p>When it comes to Carmilla, I feel like all of my defences fall and crumble to smithereens. I literally could <em>never</em>say no to her.</p><p>“I recall.” I huffed and she snickered next to me. “But I’m only going for you, so you better not galivant away and leave me at the food table.” I warned her playfully.</p><p>“Oh don’t worry about that.” She purred and leaned over as far as her seat belt would allow her to. “You’re not slipping out of my sight once, babe.” She purred, her hand trailing up and sliding into my dress, squeezing my thigh.</p><p>“Carm.” I mumbled with a bit lip, looking up to the driver who seemed to be staring at the road in front.</p><p>“Sorry.” She cleared her throat and removed her hand, smoothing my dress neatly. “You’re just so irresistible.” She took a deep breath and held my jaw, giving me a kiss to remember, or not to remember, it’s left me kind of dazzled.</p><p>“We’re here, Ms Karnstein.” The driver announced as we smiled at each other after the kiss.</p><p>“Okay, just hold my hand and go straight for the door, ignore any shouting or any questions.” She ordered quickly as we hurried out of our seat belts.</p><p>“Carm, wait-” My door was opened, and I was immediately blinded by flashes. But like out of a movie scene, there was a hand, piercing through the flashes. I sighed in relief and took the hand, hugging myself into the body.</p><p>“Uh, Laura?” Carmilla’s voice said from the other direction. I looked at the hand and realised it was a large manly hand, definitely not Carm’s.</p><p>“Oh, sorry.” I smiled sheepishly and the bodyguard just nodded whilst I rushed back to Carm’s side.</p><p>“Cheating on me already, cupcake?” She laughed and I couldn’t help but giggle too whilst we walked into the large building and away from the flashing lights. “I’d be offended but there’s a hickey on your inner thigh with my teeth markings on them.” She cooed and my whole body flushed, remembering the night before she left so vividly.</p><p>“Sis! There you are!” Another voice called and in walked a majestic woman, wearing a blood red dress who just screamed authority. Seriously, is all of Carmilla’s family literally models?</p><p>“Everything okay?” Carmilla cleared her throat, ripping her gaze from me and on to her sister as I looked at the floor, smoothing out the bottom of my skin-tight dress.</p><p>I spent hours digging through my house to find this dress. It was the fanciest thing I owned, well, the only fancy thing I own. But it’s very evident now that it’s nothing to the light of Mattie or Carm’s outfits.</p><p>“Your faces are redder than my heels.” Mattie snickered, and just as I looked up, she caught my sight and my heart dropped just from the intensity of her stare, just like Carmilla’s but much harsher. “Well hello there.” She looked at Carmilla pointedly who was trying to look as innocent as possible. “Matska Belmonde.” She held her hand out and I shook it, caught off guard by the crushing grip.</p><p>“Uh, Haura Lollis.” I smiled, and then it had occurred to me what had come out of my mouth and I just wanted to run away, my face turning as red as a tomato. “No, I meant Laura Hollis.” I reiterated and Carmilla was holding in a laugh. “My name is Laura Hollis, and congratulations.” I sighed with a cringing smile.</p><p>“Nice to meet you, Laura, and thank you.” Mattie also held in a snicker and let go of my hand. “Please, join us.” She smiled, turning her back to me and scoffing to Carm who just chuckled.</p><p>“Okay, maybe you are awkward.” Carmilla teased as we followed behind her sister.</p><p>I glared at her and pouted. Great, not even a minute and I already look like an utter fool.</p><p>“I’m kidding, cupcake.” She nudged my shoulder and I couldn’t help but laugh at the situation a little.</p><p>I didn’t even realise we were at the main event until a woman offered me a glass of champagne. I took it and smiled. The woman then offered one to Carm who declined, and I suddenly felt guilty that I had taken one.</p><p>“Oh come on sis, have a drink!” Mattie pushed, taking a glass off the dish and dangling it in front of Carmilla who shook her head reluctantly. “I know you’re still on edge but let yourself go for a night.” Mattie sighed and I could see Carmilla’s temptation and uneasiness, the subtle clench of her jaw and the fiddling of her fingers in my palm.</p><p>“Okay.” She whispered and took the glass from Mattie who smiled in victory, grabbing her own glass from the platter. Someone came over and tapped Mattie’s shoulder. “I’ll leave you two to it.” Mattie said and kissed Carmilla’s cheek, sauntering away.</p><p>It was clear to see how important Carmilla is here, everyone was glancing at Carm, never getting too close or lingering for too long.</p><p>She looked at her glass uneasily, grimacing as she brought it up to her lips, so, I did the best thing I could think off and snatched it out of her hand, downing the contents in three large gulps.</p><p>“Laura!” She hissed, looking at me as if I was crazy.</p><p>“I wasn’t gonna let you.” <em>Hiccup</em>. “Drink it.” I grimaced at the tight feeling in my throat, wiping my lips with the back of my hand.</p><p>“You didn’t have to do that.” She sighed, but she looked rather amused as she took the glass back off me.</p><p>“Ms Karnstein!” A familiar voice called. Oh crap. “It’s lovely to see you agai-” She quickly stopped in her tracks after seeing me. “Laura?” She said in disbelief.</p><p>“Uh, hey, Elsie.” I smiled awkwardly and she just glanced at the two of us.</p><p>“Lovely to see you again too, Elsie.” Carmilla cut the silence. “Laura is my plus one for the night.” She smiled, standing at my side, her powerful domineer glowing from her tall posture.</p><p>Elsie glanced at the two of us and then to our linked hands, looking monumentally perplexed. But then she looked as though she had solved a riddle, a small <em>oh</em> escaping her lips. She cleared her throat and smiled rather forcibly.</p><p>“Of course, nice to see you, Laura.” Through her smile I could see how baffled she was. “And congrats, Ms Karnstein on the biggest pitch we have ever done.” She genuinely smiled this time and as did Carmilla.</p><p>“I owe you my full gratitude for your work over the past few days, I’ll think of a way to repay you.” Carmilla said sincerely and the chuffed face Elsie displayed was heart-warming. This kind side Carm shows will never fail to make me warm inside…that and the alcohol I had just downed.</p><p>“You don’t have to do that.” Elsie chuckled. “And I love the new hair, it really suites you.” Elsie complimented and Carm looked like a smitten kitten getting praised.</p><p>“Thank you, I have a good stylist.” Carmilla said, side glancing me, and I pursed my lips together.</p><p>“Of course.” Elsie looked from me to Carm rather suspiciously. “Ms Belmonde asked me to check the wine supply, congrats again, Ms Karnstein, and it was nice seeing you Laura.” She hugged me politely and I reciprocated, Carmilla nodded to Elsie timidly and we watched her leave.</p><p>“Are you two like, best friends or something?” Carmilla teased and I rolled my eyes playfully.</p><p>“No, we’re just friends. I’ve been making your drinks for two years and see her practically every day.” I shrugged, sipping my own drink.</p><p>“Does she talk about me?” Carmilla asked.</p><p>I blinked at her, rather taken aback.</p><p>“I mean I-…not really.” I replied, not wanting to cause Elsie any problems. I’m sure there is a legal contract somewhere where she is detained from spilling any information</p><p>“Not really? Seems suspicious, cupcake.” She smirked, tracing her thumb along my knuckles.</p><p>“She doesn’t talk about you, and when she does, it’s usually how harsh you are.” I scoffed and she furrowed her eyebrows at me. Shit, the alcohol is starting to talk. “No, that…that came out wrong.” I back tracked, shaking my head.</p><p>“Well, she isn’t wrong.” Carm mumbled and I mentally slapped myself.</p><p>“Carm I-”</p><p>“-Relax, cutie, it’s fine.” She smiled reassuringly and I huffed at my big mouth.</p><p>A group of people wearing smart attire came over and huddled around Carmilla, shaking her hand and congratulating her. I watched Carm in her element, speaking big words I have never heard of in my life and the air of confidence floating her persona.</p><p>I sipped my champagne, keeping to myself as this was definitely not my scene in the slightest. No one even looked at me twice, never mind acknowledged my presence. But that was fine, the second someone here was to speak to me it would go straight over my head and send me into oblivion.</p><p>But what did catch my attention, was a small gathering of wealthy men huddled in the corner, scoffing at the very idea of women being able to pull this off without a mans help. And it boiled my blood. Just as I was about to stomp over and give them one of my feminist rants, Carmilla pulled my arm and turned me around to face her.</p><p>“Leave them, cupcake. They were my fathers old workers.” Carm dismissed them, watching them for an angry second, and then back to me, her features softening. “What was you going to do? Beat them up with your cute fists?” She smirked.</p><p>“No…” I mumbled. “Maybe.”</p><p>She laughed, smiling wide with her pearly teeth on display. It made me laugh too. Whilst we were caught up within each other, I noticed a woman walking in, she looked distantly familiar. Carm must have noticed my confusion as she dropped her hand from my arm and looked over her shoulder to the woman coming closer into view.</p><p>“No fucking way.” Carmilla uttered in disbelief.</p><p>“Lovely to see you too, Carmilla.”</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>On one hand, this is my favourite chapter; on the other hand, buckle up creampuffs</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Who I am</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What are you doing here?” My voice cracked unintendedly, and I hate that it did so.</p>
<p>“Why else would I be here?” She scoffed as though it was obvious. “I’m here to congratulate my two children on their win.” She said simply, standing there with subtle ease.</p>
<p>Something cracked inside me. My ribs are collapsing, piercing my lungs. The cold woman in front of me unveiled every knife that is stuck inside me, every cut that keeps bleeding and she unravelled it all in just three simple words: ‘<em>My two children.’ </em></p>
<p> There was a hand on my back, and it made me jump.</p>
<p>“Hello, mother.” Mattie said coolly, her hand still behind me.</p>
<p>“Matska, dear.” Mother smiled, brushing past me to hug Mattie.</p>
<p>But all I could do was stand there, not able to move.  It’s like I was stuck in barbed wire, and if I tried to fight it, I would simply trap myself further.</p>
<p>“Carm?” A familiar voice whispered, another hand on my lower back, but it didn’t make me jump.</p>
<p>Breathe, Carmilla.</p>
<p>
  <em>Breathe.</em>
</p>
<p>I straightened my posture and turned around. Laura’s hand slid away.</p>
<p>“Nice to see you, mother.” I said smoothly.</p>
<p>The both of us knew we weren’t going to embrace one and other, so we smiled at each other, bitten tongues behind clenched teeth.</p>
<p>“You.” Mother halted Elsie who was passing by with a clipboard. “Hang my coat up.” She ordered, sliding it off her body and into the arms of my baffled assistant.</p>
<p>Elsie knows who my mother is, she knows what she is like and all of the cruel things she has done. She knows my discomfort.</p>
<p>“Of course, Ms Morgan.” She put on her best smile, but I saw her gulp, and I saw the brief look she gave me whilst she walked away with mother’s coat.</p>
<p>“You got your haircut.” Mother forced a smile, and for the first time she had walked in, I felt in power. I was never allowed my hair cut short, <em>never</em>.</p>
<p>“I did.” I nodded and chewed my smirk. “Do you like it, mother?” I asked smugly, watching her predatory.</p>
<p>“You look like a man.” She simply said and my nostrils flared. And in just a second, she was the predator, and I was the pray.</p>
<p>“Why don’t I show you around? It’s been a while since you have last seen this place.” Mattie cut through the tension, but mother never batted an eye at me.</p>
<p>“I suppose so, is everything so…bright?” She grimaced, pealing her eyes from me and looking around the white marble. I changed everything after father died, I didn’t want to be reminded of him.</p>
<p>“Sorry, mother. You’re cooped up in the dark all the time, you should have been warned about the light.” I shrugged and she cocked her head at me.</p>
<p>“White symbolises purity, my darling. So, as you can imagine I wasn’t expecting all of this.” She said as a breeze and my heart stung.</p>
<p>I don’t want her here; I don’t want to be near her.</p>
<p>“But I suppose so.” She sighed, linking her arm with Mattie’s offering one.</p>
<p>Mattie looked at me apologetically and whisked away with mother.</p>
<p>All I could do was stand there and watch the silhouette of mother’s figure ease away, but it wasn’t easy, it was bruising, a kick in the damn stomach.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m not ready.</em>
</p>
<p>“Carmilla.” Laura tapped my side and I looked to my side, bearing my eyes into hers. “Are you okay?” She asked, such a simple question, yet so miscalculated.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m not okay.</em>
</p>
<p>“Yes.” I cleared my throat, fixing my attire and standing up fully, grabbing a glass of champagne from a passing butler, placing the empty glass on the dish and took a sip from my full one. “Of course, I am.” I nodded firmly, the familiar bubbling liquid traveling down my throat.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t drink-”</p>
<p>“-Cupcake, I said I’m fine.” I reiterated, silencing her worry with a sharp intake of alcohol.</p>
<p>She didn’t believe me. I didn’t even believe myself. This shouldn’t be happening, not like this, not ever.</p>
<p>“Come on.” I grabbed her hand, leading us over to a reserved table with the members who I sent to New York scattered around, smiling and buzzing off alcohol.</p>
<p>I pulled out the seat next to mine for Laura and she sat down quietly, tucking herself in as I sat down on my chair also. It went rather quiet as soon as I sat down, but that’s what always happened whenever I was around anyone, especially at work. And I hate it, because it reminds me of my mother.</p>
<p>I fiddled with the napkin in front of me, just wishing I was home. Honestly, anywhere far away from work will do. Laura was right, I wasn’t ready.</p>
<p>Mattie came back with mother, the two of them joining at the table. I saw the look mother gave Laura, disapproving, but Laura smiled and for the first time in what feels like forever, I smiled too, because of Laura.</p>
<p>Once everyone was settled, Mattie tapped her glass with a spoon and caught everyone’s attention. She delivered her speech very fluently, this is her element, she deserves this so much more than me. Mother looked up at Mattie, all smiles and clear jealousy, she wants to be talking.</p>
<p>Mattie’s speech was long, I was growing idle and I couldn’t bring myself to drink. So, I looked to my side and watched Laura; she was gripping onto Mattie’s every last word, but I could see her boredom deep within her blinking lashes.</p>
<p><em>God</em>, Laura was gorgeous, all soft lines and smooth skin. The apple of her cheeks blossomed pink and her eyes were blazingly bright. I wanted to touch her, run my fingers through her golden hair…press my lips against her throat.</p>
<p>She laughed, following everyone’s lead. I could pick fruit to her voice forever. It’s absolutely ridiculous, laughable, really. To be thinking these thoughts. She’s way too good for me, such a cliché play, but so fucking true. How could someone so wonderful as Laura ever love someone like me back?</p>
<p>“Do I have something on my face?” Laura asked, and I snapped out of whatever the hell that was.</p>
<p>“I want to go home.” I whispered to her and her eyes widened, slowly kicking in what I had said.</p>
<p>“O-okay, okay, we can go.” She nodded, and I nodded too.</p>
<p>Another second and I don’t think I could get through the night.</p>
<p>“We uh, we’re gonna head off, it’s getting pretty late.” I said to Mattie, not even looking at mother in fear of breaking down in front of her.</p>
<p>“What? Its nine at night?” Mattie furrowed her brows at me and I threw her a subtle pleading look. She caught on and stood up. “Very well, ring me when you get home.” She hugged me warmly. “It was lovely meeting you, Haura Lollis.” Mattie teased Laura and she chuckled, getting flustered.</p>
<p>We were about to leave, until mothers silence stopped me.</p>
<p>“But Carmilla, dear, we haven’t even discussed your two-year deal yet.” Mother spoke up with an evil gleam in her eye.</p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
<p>I turned around and narrowed my eyes at mother, Mattie staring down at her glass whilst Laura pulled a face of confusion behind me.</p>
<p>“It’s still in the works, mother, nothing has been set in stone yet.” I said, trying to sound composed and gripped Laura’s hand tighter.</p>
<p>“That’s not what your signature on the form says, or the board who are already moving over legislations.” Mother sipped her champagne in the silence. “You move in a few days don’t yo-”</p>
<p>“-Mother.” I snapped, a snarl to my voice as she sat there rather smugly. “We are leaving now, good night.” I said firmly and practically dragged me and Laura out of the building.</p>
<p>Security escorted us out of the glass doors and soon enough, a swarm of paparazzi swarmed the way, shouting questions and what not. Pulling Laura along with me was like dragging a dead corpse, she was cold and barely moving her legs. Why did mother have to go and say that? She knew what she was doing, and I fell right for it…again.</p>
<p>We slipped into the car and sat there rather flustered by the blinding lights and flashes, neither of us saying a word.</p>
<p>“What did your mother mean about moving in a few days?” Laura asked quietly whilst the car began to move.</p>
<p>I looked at her and clenched my jaw, pulling at the thread in my dress anxiously, she wasn’t meant to find out like this. I should have told her sooner.</p>
<p>“I-” I gulped and looked down to my lap. “I made a stupid deal in the heat of a moment and…” I looked back up at Laura’s narrowed eyes. “I signed a moving contract to NYC for a couple of years whilst Vordenburg opens the new estate.”</p>
<p>Silence.</p>
<p>I couldn’t even bring myself to look at Laura, so I glanced from my reflection in the window behind her to her eyes. I didn’t know which hurt more to look at.</p>
<p>“When did you make the deal?” She asked, hurt laced in her tone and brows furrowed.</p>
<p>“It was a few weeks ago when I saw your friend enter your apartment, I…I got jealous and angry that she wasn’t me, so I emailed Vordenburg and accepted his transfer.” I sighed, so embarrassed and ashamed.</p>
<p>“When were you going to tell me this little piece of information?” She almost hissed, gripping her hands together.</p>
<p>My throat tightened.</p>
<p>“I wanted to tell you Laur, but every time I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.”</p>
<p>Her cheeks turned red; she didn’t believe me.</p>
<p>“Cupcake I tried everything in my power to cancel the deal, but it’s too late, I signed the fucking paper and I’m such a fool.” I gritted my teeth, eyes tearing up in frustrations.</p>
<p> I looked up to Laura, she wiped her eyes and looked away from me.</p>
<p>“Laura, I’m so sorry.” My hand reached out to hers, but she swatted it away.</p>
<p>It hurt me so damn much, I just want to go back to normal, hold her and make her laugh instead of cry. Why do I always fuck up?</p>
<p>“So you’re leaving for two years soon?” She asked and licked her dry lips.</p>
<p>I blinked slowly and felt my hands begin to shake.</p>
<p>“Yes, but Laura I can come over every weekend and see you. You can even come over to mine and we can make it all work.” I said frantically, pulling her hand into mine and cringing when the feeling was all wrong.</p>
<p>“That won’t work, Carmilla.” She shook her head and slipped her hands from mine, my skin cold again. “I can’t believe I trusted your answer.” She mumbled to herself.</p>
<p>“My answer?” I asked quietly.</p>
<p>“I asked you if you were ready for a relationship and I asked you if work wouldn’t get in our way.” She replied rather loudly, the verge of a shout with small vulnerable cracks in her voice.</p>
<p>It took me back slightly; she’s never talked to me like this before; but damn do I deserve it.</p>
<p>“You lied to me.” She sniffed and my heart cracked. “You knew you were leaving before we were even dating, Carmilla!” She really shouted this time and there’s no doubt the driver heard us now.</p>
<p>“I thought I could fix it, I really did.”</p>
<p>I let the tear fall down my cheek and drop onto my lap.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, Laura. I am so in love with you, I don’t want to go, I don’t want to leave you.”</p>
<p>“No, don’t do that.” She glared at me. “Don’t tell me you love me and then leave my life, that’s not fair, Carmilla.”</p>
<p>“I know it’s not; life isn’t usually fair.” I swallowed a thick layer of cries and wallows.</p>
<p>“Well, reality is often disappointing.” She said and I looked back up to her sorrowed eyes…the sorrowed eyes that I caused.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to go.” I whispered, reaching out a final time for her hand.</p>
<p>She glanced down to my hand and focused on it whilst she asked me the question of a lifetime. “Are you going to New York for two years?”</p>
<p>I looked up and chewed my bottom lip, the answer in my eyes.</p>
<p>“I don’t have a choice, but I really want to be with you, Laura.” I pleaded with Laura as she continued looking at my wavering hand.</p>
<p>“If you have to choose between me and NYC, chose NYC, because if you really did love me, there wouldn’t be a choice.” She looked back up and I broke, my brain just stopping, and my heart cracked. My hand dropped, jaw clenched, throat sore.</p>
<p>And I thought I’ve felt real pain before.</p>
<p>The car stopped outside of Laura’s apartment and for once, I wish the car never stopped.</p>
<p>“Don’t leave me.” I begged quietly as Laura unbuckled her seat belt.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry Carmilla. But I can’t be with someone who won’t be there for me.” She spoke gentle yet burning, her words breaking me apart one by one. She shed a tear and quickly wiped it away, pushing to open the door next to her.</p>
<p>This can’t be happening.</p>
<p>“Good luck in New York, Carm.” Her voice was clipped, final.</p>
<p>She closed the door and I watched for the last time Laura walking into the apartment, her figure fading into the distance. The car started again and we were soon back to the empty mansion.</p>
<p>It felt like a walk of shame when I walked past the workers, trudging down the dark halls with the clicking of my heels following me. I could barely move let alone walk, so as soon as I entered my room and closed the door, I collapsed into the bed and just lay there. No thoughts and no words.</p>
<p>I’ve always kept everything to myself because it’s difficult to find people who understand, Laura understood, she was the only one. So who can I talk to about this? No one, I can’t talk to anyone now. I truly am alone again.</p>
<p>She bathed me at my weakest and cut my food up, she kissed me with happiness and held my hand. I’ll miss holding her hands the most, because when you finally find someone to hold, you can never let go; and it’s ironic, because she let go of me.</p>
<p>My bed sheets smell of her, my pillow my clothes fucking everything she has ever touched. It’s all I have left of her now and I can’t believe how utterly stupid I have been. It hurts me the most knowing she is alone right now, because I know I mean something to her, and for me to leave, after everything? It makes me feel nauseous.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Nice to see you again, Ell.” I greeted my new assistant for the next two years as my luggage was being placed in my new apartment behind me.</p>
<p>“You too, Ms Karnstein.” She shook my hand and looked at me bashfully.</p>
<p>I should smile, I should be trying harder, but I’m completely dead inside. I haven’t heard from Laura, only some work colleagues, Elsie and Mattie. But it wasn’t special, their messages meant nothing to light of a single text from Laura would be.  </p>
<p>“I already made your spread sheet for the week and made you a few dinner reservations, you have your first one tonight with Vordenburg and his team.” She stated proudly.</p>
<p>It wasn’t right, she was too forward with me. Elsie would have either forgotten or not thought that far ahead yet, she was an intern when she started and still learning. Ell was experienced, too professional.</p>
<p>There was a lump to my throat. I gulped and felt my lungs tighten, my body heat. Just wait until you’re alone, Carmilla. There is no one here who can calm me down or help me, I’m truly on my own here.</p>
<p>“Are you okay, Ms Karnstein?” Ell asked and placed a scorching hand on my forearm.</p>
<p>I flinched and looked at her face, a vision of Laura popping into mind.</p>
<p>“I’m fine, thank you.” I cleared my throat and subtly shrugged my shoulder, feeling calmer now that her arm was off me. “I’ll see you tonight at dinner. I need to unpack.” I forced a smile and opened the door for her and the moving company.</p>
<p>“Looking forward.” Ell purred and sauntered away, followed by the staff.</p>
<p>As soon as the door closed, I collapsed to my knees, looking around the huge and expensive apartment in front of me. So big, yet so small. How did I even end up here? In this predicament? I had everything back in Silas, Mattie, espresso, <em>Laura</em>. How could I let that all go.</p>
<p>I looked around and shook my head. This my life now…</p>
<p>This is who I am.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. One question</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I sat on my bed and looked at the newspaper in my hand Danny had given me the other day. It was a picture of me and Carm holding hands, smiling after when I had mistaken Carmilla for a seven-foot man. The photo underneath was of Carmilla’s mother, posing for the camera’s whilst the headlines and bios wondered if they were joining forces and to of why Morgan inc and KI were together.</p><p>I still can’t believe she is gone, really gone, literally a flight away. The distance was evident, and the providence was clear. Carmilla isn’t mine anymore, nor am I hers. I have an interview for a newspaper company in a few hours which couldn’t have come at such a worse time. I’m still in utter bewilderment at what had happened two days ago; I really thought I meant more to her than that.</p><p>I guess I was wrong.</p><p>My phone rang and I groaned, picking it up and rolling my eyes at the number.</p><p>“Hey, dad.” I sighed, taking one last glance at the paper before kicking it off the bed and flopping down onto the mattress.</p><p>“Hey honey, think you could make it over to your pops today?” He asked.</p><p>“I can’t today, I have an interview and…” I clenched my jaw. “I’d have to get a taxi, I have no one to take me there.”</p><p>“What about Carmilla? I’d love to see her; I added some things to old Betty which I think she’d like.” He said excited.</p><p>“She’s in New York…we, we’re not together anymore, actually.” I closed my eyes and fought back the tears and tried to ignore the foreign words coming out of my mouth.</p><p>“What? I saw the papers this morning!” He proposed and I pinched the bridge of my nose.</p><p>“Yeah well things change.”</p><p>“But that doesn’t make sense.” He muttered.</p><p>“What doesn’t make sense, dad?”</p><p>“Well on her way back from her trip she called over and-” He quickly gasped and shut his mouth.</p><p>“She what?” I sat up, worried now.</p><p>“Well, she told me not to tell you and for it to be a surprise, but…I don’t know if that means anything now.”</p><p>“Dad, just tell me, what did she do?” I asked rather frustrated now.</p><p>“I don’t know, honey. I really think you should just see it for yourself.”</p><p>My nostrils flared and I gritted my teeth. Why can’t I just let it go and move on with my life? She’s gone, I don’t need to know what she did for me when we were together. But I know for a fact my mind won’t be eased until I see.</p><p>“I’m on my way.” I grumbled and ended the call, sending an email to my interviewer.</p><p>I wonder how long it will take for me to forget about Carm.</p><p>***</p><p>After a long taxi ride and a greeting from Perry and LaF I finally made it to my father’s.</p><p>“So, care to tell your old man what happened?” He asked whilst passing me a hot chocolate next to me on the couch.</p><p>“Her work got in the way, nothing dramatic.” I replied vaguely, sipping my hot chocolate, wincing as it burnt my tongue.</p><p>“I don’t believe that, she was head over heels for you.” He said and I had to stop my eyes from rolling.</p><p>“Well, clearly we were both misinterpreted.” I said and he scoffed.</p><p>“That’s not true.” He chuckled and sipped his coffee. “You know, when she came over she said to me that she couldn’t wait to see you.” He started and my chest started to burn. “She showed me the bouquet of flowers she had made for you with your favourite colours and showed me a picture on her phone of the two of you ice skating. She was very proud and excited to see-”</p><p>“-I know, dad, I don’t need to hear it.” I gulped and hid my face with the mug.</p><p>He studied me and I felt the intensity of his gaze deeply.</p><p>“I saw the paper with the two of you laughing and holding hands.” He said again.</p><p>“Dad, can we just not do this?” I sighed. “Just…just show me the reason why I’m here.”</p><p>His gaze never faulted as he nodded his head. I placed my mug down and I followed him out of the house and to the garage.</p><p>“Did you seriously call me over to see your car?” I huffed.</p><p>“Not my car.” He pulled the garage door open and my jaw dropped. “Your car.” He beamed.</p><p>My heart fell in my mouth at the view in front of me. It was my car, fully cleaned and looking like new. It was polished and had new parts added to it. Even when the car wasn’t mine, it has never looked this good.</p><p>“Look inside.” He ushered me into the garage and I looked at the cleaned interior blankly.</p><p>She was late because she was fixing my car.</p><p>Carmilla fixed my car.</p><p>There was a note on the drivers seat, the same neat cursive writing I have seen before scribbled on the letter. I leaned over and opened it carefully.</p><p> </p><p>Cupcake, I hope you like what I have done. I’ll probably be with you when you read this, you will most likely be making fun of the blush on my cheeks and how soppy I have become. So I’m going to kiss that smug smile off of your lips right now, and if I’m not with you for whatever reason, just know I did this all for you, because everything I do is always for you.</p><p> </p><p>Carmilla.</p><p>I stared down at the paper, a tear drop bleeding with the ink and dampening the paper. How could she leave when she talks to me like this?</p><p>“Here are the keys.” Dad said quietly and passed me said object.</p><p>There was a cupcake key chain dangling on the end, knocking my wrist and scorching my skin.</p><p>“Well, try it out!” He beamed and practically shoved me inside.</p><p>With a shaky hand, I ignited the engine and for the first time in my life, I felt like the car was mine. Mom should be here; she would be so happy.</p><p>“Pumpkin, why are you crying?” Dad sat in the passenger seat and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.</p><p>“This is all wrong, Carmilla should be sat next to me.” I sobbed, never looking up.</p><p>“Aw honey, come here.” He ushered, pulling me into his side over the gear stick.</p><p>“She left me, after everything. I really thought I meant more to her than a stupid deal.” I shook my head and closed my eyes so tightly, my eye lids burning.</p><p>“Laura.” He pulled me up and wiped at my eyes. “I’m certain you mean the world to her. The things she said to me and the way she…the way she looks at you! I’m not blind, Laura, that girl loves you. She made a mistake and I highly doubt she wanted to leave you.” He exclaimed. “Sometimes people do rational things because they don’t have a choice, I don’t think Carmilla had a choice.”</p><p>She did have a choice; she could have stayed.</p><p>“Whatever.” I rubbed my eyes viciously. “She’s gone, it didn’t work.” I sat back up and wiped my face.</p><p>“I really hope you don’t mean that.” Dad narrowed his eyes at me.</p><p>We looked at each other and I hated the feeling of sorrow. There is no love, therefore there is no sorrow. What ever there was before has gone now…so why do I still feel it so vividly?</p><p>***</p><p>“Ms Karnstein.” Ell called from the other side of the door.</p><p>I shot up and gripped my head, the pulsating of a pretty bad hangover pounding my brain.</p><p>“Are you ready to go?” She asked.</p><p>Oh fuck. </p><p>“Yes just…” I scrambled out of bed and rushed into the bathroom. “Give me a few minutes!” I called back, brushing my teeth and vigorously trying to make myself look as fresh as possible.</p><p>I stared at myself in the mirror. No eyes, no mouth and no emotion…just a slim nothing.</p><p>I ran back into the bedroom and trudged into my work suit, spraying a little too much perfume to try and mask the smell of alcohol. With a quick glance of the mirror and a deep breath, I grabbed my phone and walked out, practically crashing into Ell on my way.</p><p>“Sorry, Ms Karnstein, but I don’t want you to be running late.” She smiled apologetically.</p><p>“No worries.” I nodded and took a few calming breaths, sensing myself getting too worked up. “Is Vordenburg there already?” I asked as we made our way to the elevator.</p><p>“He’s on his way, Ms Karnstein.” Ell answered and I let out a sigh of relief.</p><p>We both walked into the elevator and I pulled out my phone to check my messages.</p><p>“You and Ms Hollis look lovely in that picture.” Ell smiled rather close to me.</p><p>I looked at my wallpaper screen and closed my eyes, counting to ten in my head. I should really change my wallpaper; it hurts too much to be reminded what I had let go. God, I’m such a fool.</p><p>“Thank you.” I mustered a smile and turned my phone off, shoving it back in my pocket.</p><p>Things were very different in NYC, I couldn’t drive anywhere without a driver and security, the press were just insufferable and followed my every move. Sometimes they would just wait for me to come out of the building, bombarding me with questions.</p><p>I was on my way to the car when a journalist with honey hair and wide eyes jumped in front of me with a mic.</p><p>“Ms Karnstein, can you confirm your relations with Laura Hollis? Where is she now that you are in New York?” She asked and shoved a mic in my face whilst a few by standers started filming.</p><p>I completely disregarded the reporter and carried on walking, letting my security deal with her. As soon as I sat in the car I bent over and lent my face in my hands, ignoring Ell next to me informing me of things I should say.</p><p>The leather from my father’s watch pressed into my skin, the memories of Laura burned my heart and the constant sound of Ell’s voice was too happy for my ears.</p><p>It just all needed to stop.</p><p>“Stop the car.” I demanded and we immediately stopped.</p><p>“Ms Karnstein, are you okay?” Ell asked with a hand on my back.</p><p>I looked at her and jumped out of the car, pulling out my phone and out of impulse, rang Laura. I waited and waited, waited for her.</p><p>She didn’t answer, of course she didn’t.</p><p>I looked in front of me blankly at the side of the road, there was a robin, it was just sat there, watching me.</p><p>“Ms Karnstein-”</p><p>“-Don’t touch me!” I snapped and swatted her hand away as soon as it landed on my arm, the robin flying away out of fear.</p><p>She looked shocked and rather angry at my outburst.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Ms Sheridan, but I need to go back to my apartment.” I wiped my eyes and swivelled around.</p><p>“You can’t just leave; you have a meeting and it’s not safe for you to be out on your own.” She said as though I was being preposterous.</p><p>I ignored her and carried on walking, hearing her calls getting more and more distant. I don’t know how I ever thought I’d be fine in New York, I barely manage in Silas, how could I ever make it out here?</p><p>“Ms Karnstein!”  I looked in front of me and saw the same reporter sprinting over me.</p><p>I looked down back at the floor and ducked my head, walking quicker.</p><p>“I just got this job; you are my first assignment.” She said out of breath, trying to keep up with my long strides. “If you could just answer one of my questions, I would be forever grateful, I’ve wanted this job for so long.” She begged, yelping when she nearly tripped over her feet.</p><p>I couldn’t help but imagine Laura in the same situation, and I’d hate for Laura to be completely blown off and risk her job.</p><p>“One question.” I huffed, never looking at her.</p><p>“Oh okay…just give me a minute.” She stumbled with her mic and notepad, still trying to keep up with me. “How does it feel to be one of the leading advocates for the LGBTQ+ community, and what troubles do you face?” She asked and it caught me off guard. I’ve never been questioned about my sexuality.</p><p>For the first time, I looked up at her and saw the pansexual badge pinned on her coat and the excitement on her face.</p><p>“Your boss told you to ask me that?” I asked.</p><p>“No, he didn’t. But I don’t think I’ll ever get this opportunity again.” She replied rather sheepishly and I slowed down to a steady pace which she looked rather grateful for.</p><p>I thought for a moment, rather thankful to have my mind taken off of Laura for a little while.</p><p>“Well, most of Europe and the US is relatively accepting of the queer community; the issues that gay and trans people face here are minor in comparison to countries where displays of homosexuality can lead to prison, torture and death.” I started, slowing down even more as I started to get rather into the question.</p><p>“Be it in my own office or in a board meeting; evading questions about family life can be like dodging bullets if you think that revealing your sexuality will make work relations difficult. LGBTQ+ people like myself are very aware of the fact that we live in a heteronormative society.”</p><p>“Have you ever experienced homophobia in your own company?” She asked, her mic lowering as she just gazed up at me. I ignored the fact she had already used up her first question.</p><p>“Where do I begin.” I scoffed. “Sometimes some of my clients or potential employers think they can sweet talk their way through me because I’m a lesbian, they think I need a good man in my life. Being a woman in the competitive business industry is also rather difficult. I get many odd looks and comments about why I’m in a suit and not a little dress or short skirt.”</p><p>“Did your father know you were queer before passing Karnstein Industries over to you, and if so, were there any changes reinforced?”</p><p>“Yes, both of my parents and family know I am a lesbian; I was very fortunate with my accepting household. In with regards of my father, before he passed away, he always told me once KI is in my name, it’s mine and no one else can touch it. That doesn’t mean others agree with it though. Seen as though most of my employers were employed by my father, they didn’t expect to be working for a queer woman. But I always love a challenge and it brings me great satisfaction when I prove those people wrong and excel at my work.”</p><p>I glanced down at the reporter and she looked at me rather star struck. My tangent suddenly struck me; did I go too far? Could any of that be taken out of context?</p><p>“Well, Ms Karnstein, you seem very passionate for the community.” She beamed and the worries before slowly left after seeing the impact of my words. “I was really excited to be assigned with you, when I saw the paper the other day of you and your girlfriend it made me feel so proud that the community has someone so important and popular like you in it. Just those simple photos of you and Ms Hollis holding hands made me feel very proud of my sexuality.” She spoke rather fast, catching her breath at the end.</p><p>I never knew I had such an impact to people. I’ve always been hidden away and kept to myself. Do people really care and look up to me?</p><p>“How are you and Ms Hollis dealing with a long-distanced relationship?” She asked and my mouth went dry.</p><p>I felt alone again.</p><p>“I’m sorry, but I should really get going.” I flashed a quick smile and picked up my pace.</p><p>“Wait!” She called from behind me and I just stopped, realising I wasn’t going to lose her. “I have a blog which is unrelated to work.” She started, catching her breath. “It’s not very popular but I think people would really appreciate this.” She looked up at me and adjusted the mic in her hands. She was young, probably just came out of college and looking for some work.</p><p>“Sure.” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose whilst she cheered and flipped to the back of her notepad.</p><p>“Okay okay.” She mumbled to herself. “How did you and Ms Hollis meet?” She asked.</p><p>Why did I agree to this? I couldn’t help but smile at the memory of Laura falling over her suitcase the first time we had met at the bus stop and the warmth of her silly cupcake hoody.</p><p>“How many people will read this?” I asked.</p><p>“Like…ten to fifteen people?” She replied rather embarrassed and I nodded.</p><p>“Me and Laura met at a bus stop, I had just had one of the worst meetings in my life and decided to take a detour, little did I know I would have company.” My shoulders relaxed and I didn’t even realise the blushing of my cheeks until I felt my face heat up.</p><p>“Did you exchange numbers?” She asked intrigued.</p><p>“No.” I chuckled for the first time in days. “Far from that. We happened to be working close to each other and crossed paths again, let’s just say we had a hit of reality moment.”</p><p>“Okay, one more question.”</p><p>I nodded my approval.</p><p>“In three words, how would you describe Ms Hollis?”</p><p>“That’s an impossible question the answer. Laura can’t be described in three words, she’s…she’s…” I felt my eyes prick with tears and I quickly wiped at them, shaking my head.</p><p>I have no right to cry over Laura. It’s my fault I’m over here and not with her right now.</p><p>“Well it’s evident you miss her, Ms Karnstein. Sorry for prying.” She glanced around as I wiped my eyes again.</p><p>“Don’t apologise.” I sniffed and tried to smile, but it probably came out more as a grimace than a smile. “Anymore questions?” I asked.</p><p>“No that’s all.” She switched off her mic and fumbled around as she shoved them into her bag. “Thank you so much Ms Karnstein, you have made a small group of people very happy.” She beamed and that genuinely made me cheer up.</p><p>“No problem, have a nice day.” I nodded and turned around to walk back to the apartment. But then I stopped, sensing she had something else to say.</p><p>“I know this is a lot to ask, but the next time you and Ms Hollis are together, could you send me a picture so I can post it to the blog?” She asked with clasped hands.</p><p>I don’t think that will be possible.</p><p> “Of course, what’s your email?” I pulled out my phone and opened notes. She typed in her email and the blog name.</p><p>“Again, thank you for talking to me, it means so much to me, and just know, you are an icon for the community.” She exclaimed gratefully.</p><p>It was like something clicked for me, something snapped…a hit of reality.</p><p>“It was a pleasure.” I held my hand out and she shook it rather excitedly and vigorously. “I really do have to get going though, I have a plane to catch.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’m actually so nervous to post the next couple of chapters</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. What now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The plane journey was torturous, slow and painful. But walking across the apartment hallway I have walked down so many times was the worst part. What was once so familiar, now so foreign. When I spotted the door I was looking for, all motivation for coming here vanished. It’s past midnight and I’m coming unannounced. Will she even want to see me? To look at me knowing I left her.</p><p>I’m being selfish, I know I am. But I just need the clarification, I need to know if we truly are well and done with one and other.</p><p>I took a deep breath, ran my hand through my messy hair, and knocked.</p><p>I nervously scanned the hallway for signs of Laura’s neighbours coming out of their apartment. I know it practically bordered on paranoia, but I really don’t want to be seen by anyone. The total lack of sounds coming from Laura’s apartment was starting to make me feel rather uneasy.</p><p>Shit, what if I did come all this way just to stare at a door? I should have called, texted or sent a career pigeon for Christ sake. I knocked on the door again, my fist weak and shoulders slouching.</p><p>Still nothing, and now I’m starting to panic. The same sinking feeling in my stomach, the same laboured pants trying to escape my lungs. And it was not frustration about coming all this way for nothing, no, it was disappointment and guilt. Pure sadness, it felt a lot like despair.</p><p>I turned around, completely distraught. I really did underestimate what Laura does to me. My feet carried me again, my stupid heals clicking behind me and my throat dry…hands clenching into tight fists. There was a pained pressure building behind my eyes, the same one from every night spent without Laura.</p><p>I have a lot to think about, I have to-</p><p>The sound of a door opening made me stop dead in my tracks. I closed my eyes and waited, could it be…? Finding my courage, I turned on my heals.</p><p>The relief of seeing Laura again after everything, blew me away in a completely unexpected and unprecedent way. I stood still and just stared. My gaze fell on her outfit; I clamped my lips together, trying to stop myself from smiling.</p><p>I shouldn’t smile, but it’s just what she does to me.</p><p>The pink pants Laura was wearing had Dr Who all over it, and it was adorable. But then I focused on the pale blue shirt, and the skin it failed to cover. My pulse was racing, mind completely blank and emotions overwhelmed.</p><p>My surroundings turned into a blur whilst I walked over to Laura, mumbling something about being sorry to show up at her door like this. But in all honesty, I wasn’t sorry, no, I was relived to finally see her again. Even if it was unrequited.</p><p>Our eyes locked, brown meeting gold, and her mouth was rather agape. I stood in the cold hallway, staring back at her. Laura’s hair was damp, she had probably just had a shower and getting ready for bed.</p><p>“I…I see this isn’t a good time.” Fell out of my mouth like a fool.</p><p>Laura’s arms wrapped around her body instinctively, clearly feeling rather exposed and uncomfortable. I hate that I make her feel that way. She blinked a couple of times, still not grasping what was happening. </p><p>“No, it’s…it’s fine.” She said, voice barely a whisper.</p><p>I still stood in the same spot, mind blank, words lost, breath shallow.</p><p>“You, you flew here?” She asked rather baffled.</p><p>What was hindering as a smile on my face quickly disappeared. She doesn’t want to see me, of course she doesn’t want to see me.</p><p>“Yes I-” My words cut off as soon as I made eye contact with her. I bravely took a step forward and neared her door. I stood in front of Laura now, but never meeting her gaze, unable to meet her eyes.</p><p>My mind reeled with what to do or say next.</p><p>“Do you want to come in?” She asked, never taking her eyes away from my lost ones.</p><p>I took a deep breath and mustered out a ‘<em>yes, thank you’</em>.</p><p>Laura’s eyes scanned me whilst I walked past her and into the place I once classed as home. Norris brushed past my feet and hissed at me like usual, I decided not to dwell on it. The door closed behind me, and a small lamp was switched on, glowing the cosy apartment. Nostalgia flooded through my mind, remembering the time Norris swatted the lamp off of the little stand and picking up the shards of glass in case either of them stood on it.</p><p>I looked up and met Laura’s eyes, my mind going into complete over drive. I could hear the familiar cars driving outside, I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and most of all, I could smell her perfume and was reminded of the sweet whiff of fruit I had caught upon passing her through the door. The scent completely engulfed me.</p><p>Laura cleared her throat and I quickly refocused, finding her eyes. I was making even more of a fool of myself. I need to say something, anything. But instead, I pointed at the couch, not trusting my voice not to waver or crack.</p><p>Laura slowly turned her head at the direction I was pointing at. She said: ‘<em>The couch</em>?’ almost unbelievably.</p><p>“Yeah, let’s…sit.” I offered, but Laura didn’t take a single step, instead, she faced me again, and I saw that her eyes were no longer downcast; they were dark and intense now.</p><p>The room around me started spinning and I reached for stability, anything, to help my balance. My hand fell behind me on the cold wall, but the intensity of the moment still managed to take my breath away. It was like I was watching a movie, slowly realising how it would all plan out.</p><p>She mumbled something, but it was lost in thought. I was thinking of Laura’s damp, musky hair; it was a bit darker than what I had seen it before, I wanted to run my hands through it, I also want to so desperately burry my face into her neck and lose myself in the warm fresh scent of her shampoo like all those weeks ago.</p><p>My body pulsed as she stepped towards me, she was so close now, her eyes locked with mine. At first I thought she was going to slap me again, but instead…she did the exact opposite.</p><p>She leaned in and closed the distance; her lips were silky and warm. My hormones were raging, but my heart demanded the satisfaction of the simple, sweet kiss. Our lips barely touching.</p><p>After a couple of spell binding seconds, I pulled back, finding Laura’s eyes, looking for any signs of regret…but I saw the exact opposite. So I kissed her again. More insistent this time. The kiss was bounding, new, clean, fresh and wanting. It was evident we were longing for this, desperate to ignite the spark again.</p><p>I could feel Laura leaning back, allowing me to step in and pin her against the wall opposite me, my thigh nestled between her legs. The sound of Laura sucking in a deep breath urged me to continue, the last of any rational thoughts disappearing into a fog. Just to be hearing these sounds and feeling these motions again were just too much, how could I make what I want so deeply end?</p><p>I couldn’t, so I let my tongue trail over her lips whilst my hand found the bare skin of Laura’s side. She whimpered softly and parted her lips. I felt my knees go weak at the invitation. With no second thoughts I deepened the kiss, soft moans and pants traveling down desperate throats.</p><p>The next noise was a mere hit of reality: The sound of my pants being unzipped and the pads of those familiar fingertips palming at my skin. Soon those fingers were lowering, and I forced myself to grasp back to reality.</p><p>“Laura, Laura wait.” I sighed and she leant against the wall.</p><p>“Don’t ruin this.” She shook her head and pulled her hand out of my pants, grasping my wrist and pulling us into her bedroom, pushing me onto the mattress.</p><p>I was still bouncing from the force of the push when she crawled over me and crashed her lips back to mine, the scent of her pillows and duvet smothering me whilst her tongue lapped inside of my mouth so viciously and longingly.</p><p>My mind was so focused on the kiss, the shove of her hand down my underwear caught me completely off guard, the grunt and hollow moan slipping down her throat forced out of my lungs.</p><p>Fingers entering, fingers pumping and lips hungry were the only things running through my thoughts. My head pinned back and my back arched, jaw hanging ajar and nails scraping down familiar skin was sending me soon into oblivion.</p><p>“Oh god, Laura!” I shrieked; my own voice so distant. I don’t think I’ve ever heard my voice like this before.</p><p>Her spare hand flew to my throat and the domination in her grip was so unfamiliar yet so, <em>so</em> welcomed. With all of the force I could muster, I managed to open my eyes and look up to the face in front of me. She pumped harder and faster and dug herself into my neck, biting hard and sucking lavishly.</p><p>I stared up at the white ceiling, legs trembling and body spluttering. And before the holt of my system, the feeling of fireworks, the world fell still for a second…and the fear of this being the end wavered my body.</p><p>“Fuck.” I whimpered as I released all over Laura’s wrist and bed sheets. My eyes closed tightly and my hands gripped her shoulders, pulling her as close as I could as a long flood of guttural moans and whimpers coursed out of my lips.</p><p>But it didn’t end there, no, the grip around my neck tightened and the finger inside me soon turned into a couple, pounding relentlessly. It was too much, yet not enough. I soon realised she was taking weeks of frustration and anger out on me all at once. The heavy pants in my ear and the slapping of her wrist were echoing around the room.</p><p>But I wasn’t able to focus on anything else than the want in Laura’s eyes as she looked down at me, her own brows furrowed and mouth agape. It was too intense, too soon to be looking at her dead in the eyes with no explanation and no words. So I closed my eyes and fell into the burning sensation inside of me, letting her do whatever the hell she wants with me.</p><p>“Look at me.” She demanded and my eyes flashed open, our bodies rocking in unison with the heavy thrusts she was bringing upon me. There was a look I had never seen in her eyes before; it was hurt and lust combined into one and I really, really didn’t want to see it.</p><p>I forced myself to maintain the burning gaze, I created it…I need to look at what I have done.</p><p>“Oh fuck, I-I’m gonna-” A literal scream caught my words as my body exploded, shattering into her hold and sending me into cascade again, so powerfully I lost my vision and senses for a second.</p><p>She didn’t stop and her hand didn’t leave my throat. I couldn’t carry on, mentally and physically.</p><p>I closed my thighs and trapped her wrist in my clench, making her unable to move as I was completely and utterly spent under her. The grip around my neck faltered and rather stroked than held, lowering to the base of my neck as she leant down to my shoulder, catching her own breath.</p><p>“I’m sorry, are you okay?” She asked out of breath, wiggling her hand out of me and I whimpered at the emptiness.</p><p>“Yeah, just…just give me a sec.” I panted, my hands sprawling across the span of skin on her shoulders, legs sliding down and shaking from the intensity of the explosion.</p><p>We laid there, our chests dipping and rising to the steady plod of racing hearts, her body sprawled on top of mine as I held her close.</p><p>Once my breathing calmed down enough, I lolled my head back, making Laura move to look down at me. I slithered my hand up from her shoulders to the sides of her head and pulled her down into a slow kiss. After a few minutes of steady kissing, I trailed a hand down from her face down to her Dr Who pants, snaking myself through the thin fabric of thongs and being met with a pool of arousal.</p><p>She gasped at my touch and levered herself to make it an easier access.</p><p>It was calm and gentle, juxtaposed to only a few moments ago. I made sure to fill her with love and passion only, caress her body carefully and kiss her skin delicately whilst my fingers worked her up steadily from the inside.</p><p>“<em>Carm</em>.” She breathed in my ear, so hot and sensual. A complete contrast to every other time my name had been called out in our intimate moments all those times ago.</p><p>Her coos seemed to fuel my desire and in replacement, my gentle nature was soon vanishing. In its place was a primitive, primal constitution. I no longer wanted to be slow and moving with the girl on top of me, I suddenly wanted this to be more than just a display of tender infatuation and passion. I want her screaming out to me, clawing at my back, biting my shoulder to keep quiet, hips writhing and grinding uncontrollably.</p><p>I want her to crave me again after we are done, just like how I crave her.</p><p>“Be gentle.” She gasped in my ear and my hand slowed to a calm place.</p><p>I brushed back her messy hair and swiped it over her back, sitting up and bringing her with me so she slid down into my lap, her arms hanging around my neck. And almost immediately, the vulnerable look in her eyes cancelled anything else but gentleness inside of me.</p><p>With steady pumps and slow grinding, she fell over the edge with a long surge of whimpers and heavy shrills, falling into my arms and wrapping around my sat body. It’s hard building trust from a distance, and in all honesty, I thought she had lost it all when I left; but having her in my arms and trusting me to hold her makes me hope my conscious is lying…and that she really does want me here.</p><p>She leant back, and just as I was about to speak, she shook her head and kissed me gently, lowering us back to the bed.</p><p>***</p><p>I woke up, a wonderful warmth ingulfed me. I smiled in response with my eyes still closed; god, I love this bed and it felt even more wonderful than usual last night. I wiggled my hips a bit, only when I heard a murmur behind me did I feel the shift of air close to my ear did I consciously remember that I was not alone.</p><p>A jolt coursed through my body. I opened my eyes and took in the dark room, sunlight bleeding through the gaps from cheap curtains. I barely surprised a gasp when I felt the legs intwined with my own.</p><p><em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>I focused on the arm wrapped around the middle of my stomach; warm, soft as velvet skin pressed against my own. Last night was- wait, was it last night? How long have I slept? It couldn’t have been that long because the sunlight was dark and amber. There was no way of checking the time without freeing myself from the arms and legs draped over me, and I wouldn’t give up this moment for the world.</p><p>All familiar, yet so distant.</p><p>So I stayed still and closed my eyes and concentrated on the warmth around me. I want to remember this in case it may be the last time. I want to soak up every second of it. My chest seemed to expand, my skin tingling and body sore from previous activities. My stomach clenched; I want Laura again, but I doubt that’s going to be a possibility.</p><p>I was so tempted to turn around and start placing kisses everywhere, I would start with her smooth stomach, it was a very sensitive place for Laura, but I didn’t move, starting to feel anxious and incredibly insecure. It was like I was floating above this warm, comfortable moment, only to look down and face reality.</p><p>I was lying in bed with someone so delicate yet broken, because of me. I stopped stroking Laura’s arm, which I had been doing unconsciously, and tensed my body.</p><p>“No, don’t stop.” Laura mumbled in a sleepy voice.</p><p>Soon after, there was a hand sliding over my stomach, to my side and down to my hip.</p><p>When Laura whispered: ‘<em>You feel so good</em>,’ I discarded my doubts and was brought back to this stunning moment of being in bed with the woman I love.</p><p>I reflectively pushed my body into Laura’s a little more and was rewarded with a soft groan. The feeling of lust overtook me again.</p><p>It’s just what she does to me.</p><p>Our fingers intertwined and I guided the hand to where I wanted it, never wanting to leave this bed and Laura’s hold.</p><p>Her breath caught behind me and it made my heart drop for a second. Did she suddenly realise where she was, who she was with?...What we aren’t anymore. I swallowed hard as Laura’s hand finally rested between my legs.</p><p>I never want to leave this bed; I never want to leave this life again, was all I could think about when her fingers started to tease me.</p><p>But I quickly stiffened and despite the almost painful arousal, the doubting stumbled into my mind again.</p><p>“Carm? You okay?” Laura asked. She pulled back her hand and I mentally punched my face, shaking my head.</p><p>This was going from wonderful to degrading rather fast. Why couldn’t I just enjoy the time we are having together. Why did I have to go all ‘<em>what now</em>?’</p><p>But I have to find a way to create some distance, to be able to talk to Laura and figure out what the hell now.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*hides in corner*</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. A breath of silence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As soon as her body stiffened in mine did I know what ever dream I was living in was over. She turned around in my grasp and motioned for me to talk, to do something. I didn’t want to seem like a stubborn child and refuse, so I slowly moved but avoided meeting her eyes.</p>
<p>Because then it’s real again, and I don’t want this to be over yet.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, did I assume too much? Do you want me to go?” The words fell a ramble out of my mouth. <em>Real smooth, Laura</em>.</p>
<p>“No.” Carm quickly replied, her gaze flickering to one eye to the other. “I mean, this is <em>your</em> apartment.” She tested the waters with a hint of a sad smile. “I really, <em>really</em>, don’t want you to go.” Carm said more desperately now, her thumb stroking my knuckle which was still laying on her thigh.</p>
<p>I studied her full lips as they curved and formed that perfect confident grin I knew all too well. But the more I looked, the more it fell and wavered…and soon it was a flat line.</p>
<p>“I really don’t want to leave yet.” Her voice was a mere whisper.</p>
<p>
  <em>Yet.</em>
</p>
<p>So she <em>was</em> planning to leave, well duh, of course she was planning on leaving, she has to go at some point. But the memory of Carm leaving for what I thought was for good is all still fresh in my memory after weeks of reliving the scene.</p>
<p>God, I’m getting obsessed knowing when she will leave again. But the truth wasn’t hard to find, I truly fear that this might and truly well be the only time I will see Carmilla like this…in my arms with my marking across her neck and body.</p>
<p>I might never see her again in general.</p>
<p>I have to find a way to create some distance, to act like a self-preserved normal person.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong, Laura?” Carmilla asked, worried, as if she already knew the answer.</p>
<p>
  <em>Laura.</em>
</p>
<p>Her deep eyes found mine and I saw nothing but concern and fear in them, so vulnerable.</p>
<p>I thought about ways to go around this; do I act as though we are okay? Back to normal and beat it around the bush? Or do I go full on Louis Lane and pry it out of her, to answer honestly? So I decided to answer truthfully…sort of.</p>
<p>“I was just…wondering,” I hesitated, this was hard, and it shouldn’t be. “I don’t know what to think.” I blurted out, sitting up a little bit and covering my naked chest with the shared covers.</p>
<p>Carmilla’s brow furrowed into what looked like defeat and her eyes searched mine frantically yet worried.</p>
<p>“I think we need to talk.” Carm said and my heart dropped to my bruised stomach. “Maybe it’s best if we get out of bed, put on some clothes and have some hot chocolate.”</p>
<p>My throat went dry in an instant; this was not the conversation I was hoping for. I had wanted Carm to calm me down and comfort me, and then maybe pull up the sheets for another round of teasing and kissing and exploring old maps.</p>
<p>But Carmilla was already getting out of the bed and slipping on her tousled blouse and crumpled pants, kicking her blazer out of the way and looking over at me expectantly. There was the faintest glimpse of a familiar grin on her face when she decided to only button up her blouse midway, leaving the curves of her creamy breasts on full display and the perk of her nipples to poke through the thin fabric.</p>
<p>“Y-yes, talking would be good.” I nodded, completely disregarding the fact my answer was way over delayed.</p>
<p>She wants to talk and have hot chocolate, <em>not sex</em>. I kept repeating to myself as I stumbled out of bed and hurried into my stupid Dr Who pants and small shirt, following her into my apartment living room.</p>
<p>Well, looks like it’s just talking and no hot chocolate.</p>
<p>I was afraid to sit on the couch where she had just landed, afraid of what’s to come and how much of a mistake it was for her to be here. I was actually terrified.</p>
<p>She looked at me and contemplated what I was doing standing in the corner. I smiled sheepishly and joined her on the couch, a safe distance away, hoping my despair wasn’t too evident.</p>
<p>Being near her would only make this harder.</p>
<p>Carm just looked at me, seemingly surprised at the distance I had chosen to keep. It annoyed me, I wanted this to be over with. No more games and catch the mouse. I want stability, a real answer.</p>
<p>Because that is what had always been missing.</p>
<p>“You wanted to talk?” I said, rather accusingly.</p>
<p>Carmilla nodded slowly and looked around rather uncomfortably, setting her gaze on Norris who was sleeping on the arm rest behind me. She grabbed the white blanket which was bunched up to her sides and placed it over her legs and after a second, pulled it up a little higher, reminding myself of my own discomfort.</p>
<p>She seemed to have lost her confidence, and the rare vulnerable look only I got to whiteness pried her lips apart. At least she felt this to be a hard thing to do then.</p>
<p>I was now completely certain this would be a very painful conversation.</p>
<p>“I honestly have no idea where to start.” She sighed on a shaky breath, clutching at the blanket and never looking away from Norris. “I thought I didn’t have a choice, I really didn’t.” Her eyes watered but were focused. My chest tightened at the restraint I was holding to myself to not bound over and wrap her in my arms.</p>
<p>A breath of silence.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe how stupid I was to think any choice other than you would be the answer. Because it’s not.” She finally, <em>finally</em>, looked at me. “And I have no right to come here and burden you with my callous decisions and fucked up life, but I needed you to know how sorry I am and how much of a fucking idiot I was to leave you after everything you have done for me.” A tear rolled down her cheek and her breath hitched with forced back sobs.</p>
<p>It took a lot for me not to cry myself and lunge over and wrap her in my arms.</p>
<p>“So why did you leave?” I asked.</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes to herself and looked up to the ceiling. “Because I thought I could prove myself to mother and Mattie.” A hiccup and she looked over to myself. “I missed you so much and I know you don’t want to see me but-”</p>
<p>“-Of course I want to see you.” I furrowed my brows and couldn’t help the smile on my lips.</p>
<p>“But I was such a dumb ass, why would you want to see me?” She scoffed sadly and wiped her eyes with the blanket.</p>
<p>“Carm, I just had sex with you.” I deadpanned.</p>
<p>“Yeah but that’s just what people do, right? Have sex and say bye.” She grumbled into her hands and set her eyes downcast.</p>
<p>“Well that was not my mindset with you.”</p>
<p>She looked up and a tiny smile plastered her vulnerable face.</p>
<p>“You know I’d do anything for you, right?” My voice was hoarse, but true.</p>
<p>She nodded and I scooted over, stroking her hair out of her face. It was when her body tensed did I suddenly remember her issue with being touched when feeling suffocated, so I removed my hand and just stayed with her, waiting for her to settle.</p>
<p>The early morning sun shone through the room rather brightly, flaunting off Carm’s features with a golden glow, shading her jaw and painting her cheeks. God, I missed her so much.</p>
<p>“So what happens now that you came back?” I asked when her sobs had stopped and her breathing was on the verge of being normal.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, and honestly? I don’t care. I just couldn’t bare it over there.” She shivered and reached out for my hand which I gave to here immediately. “Because you weren’t there with me.”</p>
<p>Her spare hand cradling my face gently, foreheads pressed together and noses brushing.</p>
<p>“Did you miss me?” Carm asked painfully.</p>
<p>“Like someone cut a hole in me.” I replied and squeezed her hand, leaning in and smiling against her lips.</p>
<p>After a few tender kisses, she leaned back and played with my hair.</p>
<p>“Are we okay?” She whispered.</p>
<p>What an adorable idiot.</p>
<p>“Of course we are.” I chuckled and the sigh of relief she released blew my hair back, both of us laughing into the sun light. “Are you going back to New York?” I asked once we had calmed down.</p>
<p>“No, I’m staying here; I have a few things to take care of first and then…” She smirked and her finger trailed around my jaw. “I’m all yours.” She finished and booped my nose, causing my face to scrunch up and a beautiful laugh to bubble from her throat.</p>
<p>I shook my head and rolled my eyes playfully.</p>
<p>“I really, <em>really</em>, want us to work. I’m never leaving you again.” She sighed. “And I know I was an idiot to say it before, but I meant it; I love you, more than you could ever know.” A sweet kiss to my lips and a patch sealed in my heart.</p>
<p>“I know.” I smiled into the kiss.</p>
<p>She yawned and kissed my neck tiredly, her perfume coaxing my senses and warming my system.</p>
<p>It was when she fell asleep in my arms did I truly realise why I could never not forgive her. Because I want to keep her happy like this, I want her to truly find herself. And as much as she needs me, I need her too.</p>
<p>Because that is what you do for the people you love.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>For the first time in my life I drove to work today, parking in the small car park behind the café and twirled the cupcake keychain between my fingers.</p>
<p>“You’re strangely happy today.” Danny raised a brow as I passed her and joined her in the staff room. There were left over Halloween decorations scattered around and boxes filled with Christmas supplies dotted around. It was freezing today, meaning no one wandered to venture out and come into the café.</p>
<p>“Am I not allowed to be happy?” I teased whilst hanging my coat and scarf on my designated peg, slipping on my apron and tying my hair up.</p>
<p>“Either you really are over Carmilla or you’re holding her captive in your tiny apartment.” Danny scoffed and peered down at my neck. “Seriously, did you run into a gang of vampires or something?” She grimaced at my neck and I immediately flushed, letting my hair fall down my shoulders again.</p>
<p>“No, I did not get attacked by vampires and yes, I am holding Carmilla captive in my tiny apartment.” I rolled my eyes and swatted her hand away.</p>
<p>“Well, you two hold the record for the most inseparable couple.” She smirked as we made our way back to the till.</p>
<p>“Pft sure.” I scoffed, frowning at the usual empty tip jar.</p>
<p>“I bet she was all: ‘<em>Cupcake, sweety honey bunch I am so sorry, let’s have great sex in my snazzy sports car and</em>-‘”</p>
<p>“-Okay okay.” I held and hand up and she chuckled. “That’s not what happened, and she doesn’t talk like that.” I said with pursed lips.</p>
<p>“Yeah well she sounds more delightful than what Maddie or whoever sounds like.” She grimaced whilst leaning back on the counter.</p>
<p>“You’ve never even met Mattie.” I quirked a brow.</p>
<p>“No but Kirsch has.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah! I completely forgot about Kirsch working at KI. How’s he finding it?”</p>
<p>“Well the pay is amazing and he seems to love it there, but on the rare occasions he crosses Mattie it’s never usually good.” She sighed. “There was an apparent bust up with a copywrite issue before he joined and Mattie made him work overtime to fix it all by himself, he got home at like three.”</p>
<p>“Yeah it’s…it’s pretty hard core over there, but at least he’s enjoying himself?” I winced.</p>
<p>“Oh he is, I swear he’s never been more happy.” She rolled her eyes playfully and we both laughed. “Am I missing something or did you finally get a new bike?” She asked.</p>
<p>“No.” I fake glared at her. “Carm fixed up my old car.” I replied with an uncontrollable smile.</p>
<p>“How chivalrous of her.” She winked at me and nudged my shoulder.</p>
<p>“Yeah well…she’s a softy.” I looked down and tried to control the blush I could feel blooming.</p>
<p>“Are we talking about the same Carmilla here or…”</p>
<p>I punched her shoulder and she laughed, the bell ringing in front of us.</p>
<p>It was great seeing Elsie stroll in again, everything was back to normal and the week of wallowing and Dr Who binging was finally over.</p>
<p>“Well don’t you look happy.” Danny teased as Elsie walked over all smiles and happiness.</p>
<p>“Hey guys. Yeah it’s nice that Ms Karnstein is back. I forgot how lucky I was to not be Ms Belmonde’s assistant.” Elsie chuckled light heartedly.</p>
<p>“How has she been today?” I asked whilst preparing the usual order of espresso.</p>
<p>“I’ve never seen her so happy in my whole two years of working for her. It’s pretty busy right now with builders, she’s redecorating her office.” She smiled and I looked at her over my shoulder.</p>
<p>
  <em>She’s redecorating her office?</em>
</p>
<p>“But is she like…<em>okay</em>.” I subtly implied to Elsie.</p>
<p>“Yes, very much so.” She nodded reassuringly.</p>
<p>I smiled and finished the two trays of drink, passing them over to Elsie who took them happily.</p>
<p>“See yah guys.” Elsie smiled and we waved goodbye.</p>
<p>“Damn, you’ve really done a number on Carmilla.” Danny said whilst cleaning the coffee machine.</p>
<p>I leant back on the counter and smiled proudly to myself.</p>
<p>Yeah, I really have.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“You’re gonna love it cupcake, it’s getting painted tomorrow.” Carmilla said very excitedly through the phone as I fed Norris. “Ugh, fuck.” She grumbled.</p>
<p>“You okay?” I asked, trying not to let my phone slide out of my shoulder whilst I bent over to feed Norris.</p>
<p>“I have a cat hair in my mouth.” I heard the grimace from the other side of the phone and chuckled.</p>
<p>“She’s just marking her territory.” I teased and flopped down to the couch.</p>
<p>“Just like you did to me last night, I had to flick my collar up whenever anyone came too close to me.”</p>
<p>“Oh because you were no worse than me.” I scoffed.</p>
<p>“Not to your extent, there is a bite mark on my shoulder.”</p>
<p>We were both silent for a second before erupting in laughter.</p>
<p>“I missed your laugh so much.” She sighed after calming down.</p>
<p>I chewed on my bottom lip and bit back a huge smile.</p>
<p>“That’s all you missed about me?” I smirked to myself.</p>
<p>“Why Miss Hollis, are you insinuating phone sex?” I could hear her classic smirk.</p>
<p>“Who, me? Noooo.”</p>
<p>“Are you wearing your Dr Who pyjamas? They really turn me on.” She teased and I looked down. How did she know?</p>
<p>“Carm, stop.” I scoffed and she snickered through the speakers.</p>
<p>“Leaving me high and dry, cupcake?” She said through a yawn.</p>
<p>“I’m sure you will be anything but dry when I come over tomorrow, but for now, you need to sleep.” I ordered playfully.</p>
<p>“You really expect me to sleep after that?” She almost squeaked and I couldn’t help but laugh.</p>
<p>“Okay that was a little mean, but yes, Carm. You sound tired.”</p>
<p>“I have a shit ton of paperwork to do because I pulled out of the NYC deal, I doubt I’ll be sleeping tonight.” She sighed and I could hear the rustling of paper.</p>
<p>“But you need to take care of yourself.” I frowned.</p>
<p>“I am, cupcake, don’t worry about me.” Another yawn.</p>
<p>“I always worry about you.”</p>
<p>“I know you do, but the sooner I do it the sooner I can start to relax a little.” She said in the most calming voice she could muster up. “You know, I got an Email from a blogger who wanted an interview with me the other day. The way she talked reminded me of you.” Her voice was a mere chuckle, so soft and sweet.</p>
<p>“You better have not blown her off.” I said sternly, knowing what she can be like.</p>
<p>“No, I defiantly did not blow her off.” She teased and I rolled my eyes. “She asked me some really good questions actually.” Her voice cracked ever so slightly, and she quickly coughed to hide it. “Yeah, she asked me some questions which I really needed to hear.”</p>
<p>There was silence for a moment.</p>
<p>“I’ll let you go, cupcake. I really need to finish these.”</p>
<p>“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Can’t wait, love.”</p>
<p>The line went dead and I sighed with a small frown. She works too hard bless her, all alone in that towering building in the most depressing office. Norris jumped on my tummy and curled up at my abdomen, purring lightly on my skin.</p>
<p>Sometimes Carmilla purrs. I often tease her about curling up in sunbeams, like a cat. And when she stretches she mewls like a cat would.</p>
<p>I think I’d do anything for Carmilla, she makes me want to risk it all.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>After a long talk with security and numerous photographic evidence that I was not a burglar and I was in fact Carmilla’s girlfriend, I was finally inside of the dark building. It’s terrifying to say the least, so dark and empty, and there is no way in hell I am using the elevators because I have seen too many films to know what happens when entering an elevator alone in the dead of night. So after countless breaks and heaving gasps I finally made my way to floor fifty, standing at the door with a large ‘<em>Carmilla Karnstein’</em> plaque screwed on the wood.</p>
<p>I took a deep breath and knocked three times.</p>
<p>“Come in.” A tired Carmilla shouted from the other side.</p>
<p>I opened the door slowly and had to adjust to the darkness of the room, narrowing my eyes on the girl underneath the rays of a computer screen.</p>
<p>“Laura?” Carmilla asked confused as I closed the door behind me.</p>
<p>“Hey.” I smiled quietly, but a sad smile plastered my face when I took in the sight of my tired girlfriend, pen in hand and surrounded by stacks upon stacks of paper.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here? It’s late.” She said and looked at me rather shocked.</p>
<p>“I just thought you could use with some company.” I replied and walked over, peering over her shoulder at the cheques with large numbers on with her signature scribbled in cursive below.</p>
<p>She started rambling surprisingly. I honestly had no idea what she was talking about, and I’m pretty sure she had no idea either.</p>
<p>“Carm.” I said quietly and held her face in my hands, running my thumbs down her perfect structure. She looked up at me, mentally and physically tired. “Please just come home, this can all wait.” I kissed her lips gently and she dropped her pen, clasping her hands around mine.</p>
<p>“I want to, I really do but-”</p>
<p>“-Then let’s go, come on.” I cooed and pulled at her arms.</p>
<p>She nodded with a glisten in her eye, weather is was tears brimming or the glow from the dull screen, I don’t know, but whatever it was, it was beautiful and vulnerable.</p>
<p>I watched quietly as she packed up and got ready to leave, and just as she grabbed her coat and my hand, I pulled her back into me and stroked her hair back; the smell of fresh paint and familiar perfume sending a nostalgic bliss through my body.</p>
<p>We watched each other in the dark.</p>
<p>“I missed you so much when you were gone.” I sighed and her face fell.</p>
<p>“I know, Laur. I’m still so <em>so</em> sorry that I lef-”</p>
<p>I kissed her lips and stopped her from finishing her sentence.</p>
<p>Before Carm left, there was a slim line of dread, no, maybe not dread. It was a fleeting feeling, a feeling that could not be named. But something had clicked when seeing her again, really seeing her; and I’ve seen many sides of Carm. The long-haired rigid girl, the weak girl naked in my bath and the girl who I didn’t see at all. But this side of Carm? This was the side I had missed, the side I was not meant to see, yet it’s the side I love the most, the side which sealed it all together.</p>
<p>The ending of a slim nothing.</p>
<p>“Carm, I’d support you through the good times and the bad. No matter what, I know I’ll always love you, and I loved you when you were a flight away, because I think you make everything feel so possible.”</p>
<p>She looked down at me, body relaxing and cheeks rosy with…well…love. Just pure love.</p>
<p>“You are the one for me, you and no one else.” I smiled up at her and she smiled back, her breath hitching and eyes brimming with joy.</p>
<p>We both met each other in the middle, pouring out our love to one another, so delicate yet so knowing.  It was our smiles that brought the kiss to an end, and a kiss under the covers when we got home that started it again.</p>
<p>Just two lovers and a home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>My worst worry for this chapter is that it looks rushed and it all happened too soon. It’s canon that Hollstein just can’t stay mad at each other and always gravitate back. </p>
<p>And also the fact that I just think they are so in love how could you not want the person back? Like, how could you let them go whilst they are so vulnerable and are trying their best to change for you. In my mind, my story, that’s what it’s all about. Watching someone change and seeing it all pan out in their mind, watching someone’s mental growth form so beautifully that you want nothing more than to love them how they deserve to be loved. </p>
<p>Sorry for the tangent lol, I just didn’t want the final chapter of the main story to seem forced and rushed for the sake of things. Epilogue up on Friday &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carmilla held my hand firmly as we weaved through the large groups of paparazzi and interviewers, even though they were behind the two stretches of rope either side of us, it was still very much bombarding.</p><p>We followed the stretch of red carpet into the large building, finding our reserved seats and sitting down with a huff.</p><p>“You okay, cupcake?” She asked with a vast expression, eyes adjusting to the dim light after the flashes of cameras.</p><p>“A little nervous.” I replied and she scoffed.</p><p>“<em>You’re</em> nervous? You aren’t the one who might have to make a speech in front of millions.” She chuffed and I rolled my eyes playfully.</p><p>“Yeah but if you mess up, I’ll have to deal with the second-hand embarrassment.” I teased.</p><p>“Ugh, don’t remind me.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and slumped in her seat.</p><p>“Hey,” I stroked the knuckle of her hand. “You aren’t gonna mess up.” I reassured her with a soothing voice.</p><p>“We’re talking as though I’m gonna win this.” She lolled her head at my direction and stroked a strand of hair out of my face.</p><p>“I’m fairly certain you’re gonna win the award Carm, I hear some stuff other people don’t being a reporter you know.”</p><p>“Is that so?” She purred and leant a little closer. “Does that mean my little journalist also has something up her sleeve in celebration if I win tonight?” Her voice husked and I felt my cheeks blush, clearing my throat and glancing around for any near by listeners.</p><p>“Maybe.” I squeaked, causing Carm to chuckle and peck my lips.</p><p>The lights dimmed completely and the beverages we ordered beforehand were served to us, people with camera’s and recording devices zooming around to get prepared for the long-awaited ceremony.</p><p>***</p><p>Two hours into the night and next up was the best CEO and investment category. It was amazing to be in the same room with all the A list celebrities I used to fan girl over…well, I still do for most of them; but it’s even more mind blowing knowing Carmilla is also classed in the same group as these people.</p><p>After the whole NYC trouble four years ago, we didn’t know if Carmilla would be able to bounce back from the complications, dropping out of a major deal whilst it was in the works doesn’t look good for anyone. But she managed to overcome it, working her ass of for years and building a new and improved workspace for herself and the colleagues.</p><p>She deserves this more than anyone, with what she had been through, still growing and learning. Managing a whole corporation and successful franchise that she does is just absolutely mind blowing, there’s so much that happens behind the scenes.</p><p>The camera’s panned to the six nominees, two of which who were all too familiar, Baron Vordenburg and her own mother. Obviously Vordenburg and Lolita had partnered up after Carmilla left the deal, and Carmilla chose then on out to have nothing to do with either of them, or it didn’t seem to faze Carm at all about her mother’s presence. Which is amazing of her to do so, she really has grown up both mentally and physically in the best way.</p><p>“Oh fuck.” She muttered under her breath, voice laced with nerves and anxiety.</p><p>“It’s okay, just breathe.” I whispered and her fingers fiddled with mine, a nervous habit she was never able to brake.</p><p>She visibly seemed to relax as she focused on her breathing, her face on the huge screen projecting at the front, visible to millions at home. I could already hear my dad shouting at the TV with LaF and Perry.</p><p>It was an awful build up, describing the nominees in detail with awkward camera zooms and weird descriptions. But I brushed that off, my heart in my throat as I waited for the host to pull the name out of the envelope.</p><p>“And the winner is…” They said, creating suspense to the point I was crushing Carm’s hand.” “Carmilla Karnstein! Representing Karnstein Industries!” They announced and everyone cheered in joy, clearly wanting for her name to be called out.</p><p>Her face dropped pale in shock, and I sprung forward, wrapping my arms around her waist. She held me back just as tight and even though the two of us were well aware of the time limit one had to have to collect their reward, it’s as though for just this once, the world could wait for us..</p><p>Just this once.</p><p>We parted the same time and laughed to each other, her cheeks bright red and utterly surprised.</p><p>“Your award!” I called over the intense shouts of joy and clapping.</p><p>She nodded and stood up, flattening her polished suite and walking down the aisle, up the marble steps to accept the award. The host shook her hand and she thanked him, accepting the golden trophy and clearing her throat at the mic.</p><p>And just before the cameras turned off of the other nominees, I caught the beautiful frown on her mother’s face, the obvious façade of a woman catching up to her own karma in the most wonderful way.</p><p>Carm’s speech started off with the basics, thanking her team and for everyone who supported her, a special part for her sister, her brother and father. And just as I thought she had finished, she spoke again.</p><p>“And of course, I would definitely not be in this position right now if it was not for my beautiful wife of four years today. So, first of all, happy anniversary.” She said and looked into the large crowd, finding my eyes straight away. “And secondly…I just…” She chocked up and I soon grew nervous.</p><p>Come on Carm.</p><p>“She…she always responds with empathy. She meets anger with kindness and hate with love. She will take the time to imagine what happened to a person when they were at their lowest and take all of that into consideration. And she’s made me a more empathetic person. I had a rather fractured relationship with my father, and even after all of these years, she makes me remember things I don’t want to remember. She makes me remember the good times.”</p><p>The room was rather silent in respect and aw at her words, my eyes burning with tears of love and adoration.</p><p>“My plan wasn’t to turn this into a lovefest and embarrass my wife.” She smirked and wiped the corner of her eye which elicited a laugh from the audience. “But she deserves everything and more, she is honestly the best thing to ever happen to me, and this award is definitely not mine, it’s hers. Thank you.” She nodded and walked off the stage, everyone rising and cheering.</p><p>As soon as she neared me, I stood up and hugged the living hell out of her, telling her in her ear how proud of her everyone was, and also that I’d have to get her back for making me blush for the world to see like that.</p><p>***</p><p>“Do you mind if we skip on the celebrating for tonight?” I yawned as we walked into our home, trophy fresh in Carm’s hands, the large clock in our living room showing 2AM.</p><p>“I was hoping you’d say that.” She chuckled rather breathlessly, placing the gold onto the marble counter whilst I closed the door, trudging my coat and shoes off. “Is there anything you want to eat before I sleep for weeks?” She asked and placed her hands on my waist.</p><p>“I think I’m good.” I replied and her eyebrow raised unconvinced.</p><p>“Okay.” She said slowly. “You better not wake me up in the middle of the night and make me go out again, I’m not having another picture of me spreading Nutella on a pickle in the parking lot at 3AM all over the press again.” She drawled sarcastically.</p><p>“I’ll try to refrain.” I rolled my eyes playfully and yelped in surprise when she pulled my waist so our bodies were flushed.</p><p>I could barely see her face in the dark of the night, but I knew she was looking at me like she always looks at me; warm, albeit with a hint of pain and regret, but most of all, full of love. Although her fingertips were massaging my waist wonderfully, sometimes eyes touch you more than hands ever could, and Carmilla’s eyes always made me feel looked after.</p><p>“Love yah cupcake.” She murmured whilst bringing our lips together.</p><p>My smile cut the kiss and caused Carm’s head to drop to my shoulder in exasperation. I rather liked it when she has no choice but to stop kissing me due to my smiling. She always ends up chuffing into my neck and has the most adorable pout/dazed grin on her face.</p><p>“You can’t expect me not to smile after you say that.” I chuckled and she leant back, clearly exhausted from the busy night.</p><p>“I thought you’d get used to it after me telling you the same thing for years.” She said and took my hand, leading us up the stairs.</p><p>“I don’t think that’s possible.” I replied and she looked over her shoulder at me with a sheepish grin.</p><p>And as usual, she stopped us and opened the door to the room down the hallway, the smell of fresh paint hitting me beautifully. Even though we were completely sleep deprived, she never broke her new tradition to gaze into the nursery.</p><p>She kissed my temple and her hand stroked my tummy, fingers grazing over a small bump.</p><p>“We love you too, Carm.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Well, there’s my shitty attempt of an epilogue, I never have been too good at these BUT I knew I wanted Carm to still be at KI because she’s a bad ass woman who rules the business world. </p><p>Anyways, that’s it! Thank you to everyone who supported the story and for the ones who commented on almost every chapter...you know who you are you amazing peeps. </p><p>In regards for anything new...I don’t want to get any hopes up. I was half way through a story and hated it and deleted like three months worth of work lol. And then I started a new story. It’s very much fresh and still in the works and I don’t know it I will ever post it or not because I have like, a huge ass writers block and I don’t  know if I could ever get back into the swing of writing again sadly. (I do have another long fic posted before this one, so if you haven’t checked it out you can read that with a cute vamp Carm.)</p><p>But that’s not a no, it’s a 20% chance it will ever get posted. It’s an end of the world typa story...kinda, it’s very strange but also very cool.  </p><p>So if that ever gets posted...I’ll see you next time creampuffs, and if not, I love yah lots and stay safe &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>